Trying Again: Exchanging Bad Communication Patterns for Good Ones

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Parenting is tough. And I can easily fall into terribly patterns with my kids.

Times when just the mention of a topic causes my blood to boil and I can barely speak a civil word because I am annoyed.

Annoyed at poor attitudes.

Frustrated that I cannot communicate clearly with them.

Irritated that they don’t just take my word for it.

And those sensitive topics like math can send both my child’s and my hearts pounding and blood boiling.

So how do we try again? How can we remove the bad habit of frustration over difficult topics?

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” James 1:19b (ESV)

First we have to acknowledge the past and often ask for forgiveness. As parents we need to admit our part of the problem. Ask for forgiveness for not handling that problem or topic well in the past.

Then we need to make a plan to handle that issue better the next time. Include your child in this process. Ask about how you can help make the issue of math or whatever not cause angst before you even start working together. Discuss tones of voice, body language, or even phrases that exacerbate the situation. Use I statements such as, “When we talk about math I feel frustrated when you roll your eyes.” Then listen patiently for what irritates your child as well. Be prepared to change what can be changed.

Finally, we must ask for grace and offer grace. Bad communication patterns are just like bad habits they take time and effort to break. When you don’t stick to your plan admit your mistake, ask for forgiveness, and move on. When you child doesn’t stick to the plan offer him or her chances to get it right and give him grace too. We all need it.

 

Do you have bad communications patterns with your kids? What have you done to correct them?

Stephanie Shott
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