You wondered if I would judge you, so you quickly made your way to the door trying to hide the shaved side of your head and hoping I wouldn’t see that you had bound your breast. But I couldn’t let you leave without letting you know I saw you, I cared, and judging you isn’t my job. Loving you is.
So, there in the hallway, we made small talk.
You, hoping the conversation would end. Me, hoping you’d want it to last longer.
I have so much I want to share with you. But nobody wants to talk about it. They want to pretend like it’s not happening and just keep moving forward.
But it is happening. It’s happening to you. It’s happening in your heart. And it’s a battle I don’t want you to lose!
I see your struggle. I see you. You may feel like no one sees you, like no one cares, but you’re not invisible to me and you’re definitely not invisible to God.
I’m older than you. Much older. But I was your age once. Not in some distant-kind-of way that can’t touch your trials, but in a I-get-what-you’re-going-through kind of way that can relate on so many levels. Not with the gender thing, but with the identity thing. And that’s really what the war going on in your heart is all about. Identity.
It has been said that given the right (or wrong) circumstances, anyone can be persuaded, pressured, or influenced to become a homosexual or a transgender, especially if they are in their teens and early 20’s. Those are the years when people are trying to figure out who they are. Kind of like trying on hats to see which one fits best.
We all have done that. Tried on different roles and relationships and identities to see which on fits best…which one gives us what every heart has longed for from the dawn of history…love and acceptance. And even a bit of attention.
Something that makes us feel like we belong.
We all want that. We all need that. God created us to have that longing in our heart. But it’s a longing that only He can fill.
Until we figure that out, we just keep searching.
Some, binding their breasts. Others, hiding behind their insecurities. Some, seeking love through sex. Others drinking, drugging, and doing just about anything to seek acceptance.
And the voices that keep filling your head with lies and fear are keeping you from becoming all God created you to be. I don’t want to see you miss that. I don’t want to see you miss the YOU that God created you to be.
You’re beautiful. Significant. And the plan God has for you won’t leave you confused – it will ground you with a such a powerful confidence in who you are, that you will not be shaken.
God’s Word says that you are, “fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)
Nothing about you is a mistake. Not one X chromosome is a mistake.
So, maybe you’re wondering why you are struggling and how to overcome those struggles you’re having.
Here are a few reasons you may be struggling:
You may have been abused and that caused heartache and confusion you don’t know how to get past – the truth is, that many who struggle with sexual attraction and identity have been sexually abused at some point. You’re not alone. Abuse tends to either cause you to clam up or start living out what you learned. Many women struggle because they were raped and they can’t get past their fear of men. Others were abused by women and that experience has left them feeling like that’s the way things are supposed to be. But don’t let someone who has violated you continue to wreak havoc on your heart and your life. Jesus can bring healing to your heart and mend the broken pieces of your life. I know. I suffered through a decade of sexual abuse and, while sexual identity wasn’t my scar – promiscuity was. Jesus has truly made beauty out of ashes. Give Him a chance to do that for you too.
You may feel like because you’re a tomboy, there’s something wrong with you – the truth is, many girls like sports, don’t like lace or ruffles, would rather play football with the guys than cheer with the girls, and would rather build a doll house with her bare hands than play with dolls in one. That’s not a struggle with your sexual identity. That’s a struggle with doing things you tend to enjoy more than others. Don’t let it confuse you. You don’t have to be a girly, girl to be a girl. I’m definitely not a girly, girl. But I’m a girl through and through. And so are you!
You may feel lost, insignificant, ugly or have no confidence – the truth is, you’re created in God’s image and your value is not in what others think of you, but of what God thinks of you. And He thinks you’re so amazing that He sent His Son to die for you so that He could have an eternal relationship with you. Don’t let others make you lose who God created you to be in your search for attention and acceptance. Attention from the wrong person is not a substitute for the real love God has for you.
You may have been attracted to the same sex – the truth is, during your teen years, your body is going through a lot of changes. Hormones rage, sex becomes more than a talk about the birds and the bees, your body experiences feelings you never had before, and your emotions seem to be on an uncontrollable roller coaster ride that you can’t get off of. Many teenagers struggle with processing all that is going on. Some try to experiment. Others embrace a friendship with someone of the same sex and, because of various reasons, they allow it to morph into something unhealthy, unwholesome, and ungodly. Same sex attraction during the teen years can be overcome by reminding yourself who you are and who God created you to be and getting yourself focused on the life God has for you.
Your brain still growing – the truth is, that scientifically speaking, our brains don’t start processing life clearly until they are about 25. (It’s true! Look it up!) That might even explain the TV show Jacka**. So, please remember the struggles you have today will be mere memories tomorrow. It won’t be long before you get past your fears and insecurities and you’ll look back and wonder why it was so hard. It’s definitely hard – the whole teenager thing. But when you get to the other side, your struggles won’t look anything like they do right now.
I know these are only a few reasons why you might be struggling, but I want you to know I care. Someone cares that you’re heart is hurting and while you’re trying to figure it all out, the cultures is crying out that you should embrace a lifestyle that will leave you feeling empty and will never be what God created it to be.
And I’m not sure if anyone has told you this, but being a girl rocks! It really rocks!
So be strong. Be brave. Be bold. Be courageous. Be tough. Be cool. Be powerful. Be intelligent. Be wise. Be beautiful. But be a girl. God made you that way for a reason. And it’s not only okay… God called it good. Very good! (Genesis 1:31)
“He created them male and female, and he blessed them and called them “human.””Genesis 5:2
Oh…and this is not to try to shame you but to arm you with the tools you need if someone tries to tell you that Christians are homophobes and that the Bible doesn’t teach that homosexuality is a sin. Just remember, God isn’t keeping you from something, He’s keeping you FOR something.
“And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.” Romans 1:27
“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”” Mark 10:6-9
But also know that Jesus died for that sin… and for all sin…and every person who has ever lived is in the same boat. We are all sinners in need of a Savior.
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
That what we deserve for our sin is death.
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
That God’s love for us is so relentless and so amazing that He made a way for our ultimate forgiveness.
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
That all we have to do is be willing to trust Him with our souls… to surrender all we are to all He is.
“9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. 11 For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” Romans 10:9-11
What are your thoughts? What are your struggles? How can I pray for you today?
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