Over the years I have observed and interviewed numerous moms whose children have grown into godly adults, all of who serve the Lord, whether as a stay-at-home mom, in full time ministry or in a secular vocation. While this is not a scientifically based observation, I was able to narrow their success down to twenty common traits. Here are the first five of those twenty.
#1 She gets into her child’s WORLD
“You will always be your child’s favorite toy.” — Vicki Lansky
One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is your time. For your little ones, get down on their level, in their world. Your little girl wants you to play house with her. Your little man wants to use the curves on your body as his racetrack. As your children grow older the games grow more complex, but they want you to be interested in their world.
Do you know ALL of your child’s favorites? If not, find out and use it! What is your child’s favorite: Meal … Dessert … Toy … Snack … Movie … TV show … Restaurant … Candy … Holiday … Sport? Your child will feel loved through your thoughtful gestures.
Ask your child what she wants to be when she grows up. Ask her what you can do to help her fulfill that dream. When you take time to spend with your child and get into their world they will feel secure and deeply loved.
#2 She is involved in her children’s FRIENDSHIPS
“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” — Unknown
It is a law of nature. Your child will become whomever they spend most of their time.
The best point of defense is to be on the offense. You can do this by knowing whom your child is spending time with. Be on the look out for warning signs.
If you notice a sudden (or even gradual) change in your child’s behavior or attitude, it is time to begin prying into their friendship.
If you lay down the law about friendships when your children are young, it will be much easier for them to accept your guidelines at age 11, 13 or 15 when you say, “enough… I don’t want you to hang around with the boy or girl that you are hanging around with.”
Be willing and prepared to be lovingly firm to protect your child from friends that are not a good influence. DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THIS ISSUE. This is a battle worth fighting!
# 3 – She HUGS her children often
“Sometimes its better to put love into hugs than to put it into words.” — Unknown
Even if your child is not the physical type, or if she feels that she or he is too old to be hugged, make sure you give pure, physical touch to your child on a daily basis. Hugs are always best, but a tousle of the hair, or a tender pat on the back, or even a tender brush of their hand will keep them in touch with you.
Be sure that you touch them on a daily basis. It is a biological fact that humans needs frequent touch. A baby’s growth can actually be stunted due to lack of touch. A child’s emotional well-being is often proportionate to the amount of touch they receive. Be very careful to not deprive your child of your gentle, pure touch.
#4 – She chooses her BATTLES wisely
“Parents should never harshly discipline for childish behavior or mistakes.” — Unknown
There will come a time when you will need to ask yourself some very important questions:
Is the way he wears his hair really worth the daily struggle? Does it really matter that he is wearing cowboy boots with his shorts? Does her room really have to be in perfect order at all times?
Certainly, the role of a parent is to train their children, preparing them for adult-hood. But, if something continues to be a struggle and you find yourself nagging A LOT over certain issues, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the battle. Here’s a good way to begin the evaluation. Ask yourself these questions:
“Is his/her action deliberate?”
“Is his/her action accidental?”
“Is his/her action or lack of action a heart matter?”
If you determine that there is a deliberate defiance, then you certainly must pursue that battle and with loving firmness continue training your child in that area.
If you determine that the action was accidental, or not a defiant heart matter, then it is time to back off and allow some tolerance and grace.
If you consistently battle with your child you are at risk of losing and risk him or her shutting down on you and pulling away. Children by design will gradually pull away as they get older. It is important that the pulling away happens naturally and is not a byproduct of conflict in their home.
# 5 – She says “NO” from time to time
“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.” – Richard L. Evans
It is okay to say “no” to your child, even if you can afford what they want. It is very important that your children learn early on that they must handle the word “no” in an amenable manner. Whether your children are in the toddler stage, adolescent or teen years, if they throw a fit or take on an inappropriate attitude when you say “no” it is time to pull back the reigns a bit and say, “no” until they can handle it in an agreeable manner.
Almost anyone can afford a .69-cent matchbox car. Saying “no” has little to do with whether you can afford the item or not. Saying “no” keeps your children’s wants and needs in perspective.
If they rarely or never hear the word “NO” when they are younger, they suffer a tremendous risk of running into great difficulty when they start dating and with the unending knocks of peer pressure.
And by the way … don’t ever fall for the “but everybody’s doing it” argument. It’s okay to tell your child “no, everybody isn’t doing it, because you aren’t doing it.”
“The thing that impresses me the most about America, is the way parents obey their children.” – King Edward VIII (1894-1972).
What are some other things successful mothers do?
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- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
