Moms

Are You a YES Mom or a NO Mom? 6 Tips to Help You Find Out

May 17, 2013 By themomin

When my sons were young, I caught myself doing it over and over again. Saying NO without really thinking about what they were asking.

NO just seemed to slip from my lips before I thought it through.

I knew I needed to listen, think and then respond, but I just kept saying NO.

I had become a NO Mom.

Giving a knee-jerk NO to whatever they asked for was definitely not on the “Good Mom” list and I knew it was time to carefully consider my comebacks to their questions.

It’s not that NO is always a bad thing. It’s definitely a necessary part of parenting well.

“NO, you can’t eat another candy bar.”

“NO, you can’t take the television apart so you can see how it works.” (That really was a question my son asked!)

“NO, you can’t stay over night at your friend’s house when his parents aren’t home.“

But some NO’s are definitely a NO-NO.

NO’s like…

“NO, Momma doesn’t have time.”

“NO, we can’t go out and play.”

“NO, you can’t help momma cook, I’m in a hurry.”

NO Mom meant Grumpy Mom, Stick-in-the-Mud Mom, Uninterested Mom, Uncaring Mom.

That’s not the kind of mom I wanted to be.

So I became one NO Mom who was bound to turn over a new leaf.

Things started to change around the Shott house and momma began to think before she spoke. For years, I was determined to parent with a purpose and to carefully consider what my kids were asking, so I could say what I meant, mean what I said, and have good reason for it.

But somewhere along the way the pendulum started swinging the opposite way. Perhaps it’s because the teen years have a way of changing everything. Or maybe because it was easier to say YES. But I caught myself saying YES far too often.

I had to rethink what I had learned oh-so-many years before and begin implementing some of those early parenting principles and decided that I was going to become a YES Mom who said NO when necessary.

Life is hard and parenting isn’t easy and a mother’s role is ever-evolving. Mommas can find themselves feeling weary, worn out and overwhelmed and YES may be easier to say than NO because there is no conflict – no battle – no consequences to follow up with…just YES.

But YES isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, YES also has the power to bring fun into the life of your family. Yes often means you’re engaged with your kids and involved in their lives.

“YES, Mommy will play with you!”

“YES, we can go to the beach!”

“YES, we can make a birdhouse together!”

Saying YES and NO prayerfully, carefully and wisely is the key to parenting on purpose.

So, how do you know if you’re a YES Mom or a No Mom?

1. You know you’re a NO Mom when you say NO before even thinking about what your child asked.

2. You know you’re a NO Mom when your children tell you that you never have any fun with them or never let them do anything.

3. You know you’re a NO Mom when you think you can make them become wise adults by just doing what you say.

4. You know you’re a YES Mom when you’re willing to play in the rain, make a tent in your living room and make Mickey Mouse pancakes with your kids.

5. You know you’re a YES Mom when you want your children to learn to not just do what you say, but think things through for themselves.

6. You know you’re a YES Mom when you’re willing to explain why you have to say NO so your children can understand that your purpose for saying NO is because you love them and is for their good.

Parenting can be very messy. There are no pat answers to every situation. But a momma can’t go wrong when she determines to be a YES Mom who says NO when it’s necessary and is willing to help her children understand why.

So, how about you? Are you a YES Mom or a NO Mom? Have you caught yourself saying NO without really considering why? Do you say YES too much because you don’t want to deal with the conflict of NO?

Filed Under: MOM Stuff, Stephanie Shott, Uncategorized Tagged With: Moms, No Mom, Parenting, Parenting with a Purpose, Successful Parenting, The M.O.M. Initiative, Yes Mom 6 Comments

Mean Girls Come From Mean Mamas

March 28, 2013 By Lynn Cowell

Standing in line for the concert gave my family plenty of people-watching time. As girls and guys made their way to the back of the line, I pointed out all the immodest clothing. “Why would she wear those in public?” “Oh my! I can’t believe she feels comfortable dressed like that!” I commented as one-by-one they passed us.

I must have shared quite a few of these statements because my oldest teenaged daughter finally said, “Mom, you are being mean!”

I felt so small. I hadn’t thought I was being mean. I was simply pointing out to my girls how not to dress. But my daughter was right.

The truth is, my girls already know how not to dress; I have been teaching them since they were five. And now I was teaching them how to judge another woman. I was teaching them to be mean.

Since that night at the concert I’ve come to the conclusion that mean girls often come from mean mamas. When we point out other’s flaws, we are modeling for our kids a judgmental heart. Instead, what we mamas need to demonstrate is compassion.

Our key verse today says we are to rid ourselves of slander, which means a scandalous remark. In fact, in the verses before and the verses that follow, it doesn’t mention of any time when it is okay to slander others.

One way we are overcoming a mean spirit in our family is through accountability. When my girls are gossiping or putting another girl down, I gently point it out and my girls do the same for me.

At first, having my child call me out was a bit uncomfortable. But making this a family issue, rather than just me correcting my kids, is bringing us to a deeper level of kindness.

Like me, you may be surprised to discover just how often you say unkind things . If you watch each other’s words, both you and your child will become more compassionate, less judgmental and a whole lot more careful about the words you say! It’s working for me; I know it will work for you too!

Dear Lord, I want to rid myself of slander and in turn teach my children to do the same. Please cleanse my heart of judgment and help me to set a guard over my mouth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Looking for a way you can connect to your girl and learn about friendships together?His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You by Lynn Cowell is for girls ages 13-18. It is a great study for moms and daughters to bond over! There is a free leadership guide for it on her website!

Visit Lynn’s website for a free family purity guide. Together you can honor God with your hearts, words and bodies!

SUBSCRIBE to receive your FREE copy of Overwhelmed today!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Being a mom, Character, How do I parent, immodesty, Mean Girls, mommy guilt, Moms, Parenting, parenting advice, parenting teens, Teenagers, Teens, teens' dress 5 Comments

Ending the War of Words & 2 MORE Great Giveaways!

January 9, 2013 By Angela Mackey

AND THE WINNERS OF YESTERDAY’S GIVEAWAYS ARE….

21 WAYS TO CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS BY KATHI LIPP ~ Rebecca Smith
RADICAL WELL-BEING—A BIBLICAL GUIDE TO OVERCOMING PAIN, ILLNESS, AND ADDICTIONS BY DR. RITA HANCOCK ~ Darcy

AND…OVERWHELMED is NOW available for ALL subscribers! BUT YOU CAN ALSO SIGN UP TO START A M.O.M. INITIATIVE MENTOR GROUP IN YOUR AREA. CLICK HERE and let THE MENTORING BEGIN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TODAY’S GIVEAWAYS ARE…

just-too-busy-3d-200x300

Just Too Busy PLUS the Leader’s Guide

by Joanne Kraft

Making Money from Home

by Donna Partow

(LEAVE A COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE OR SHARE ON FACEBOOK OR TWITTER TO ENTER)

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TODAY’S INSPIRING POST ABOUT THE POWER OF OUR WORDS by ANGELA MACKEY:

“They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows.” Psalm 64:3

Words can bring life and death. When angry, parents as well as children know which arrows will hit their marks. Words become weapons and leave deep wounds. The war can become a familiar pattern, the way our families communicate. As mothers we must stop the cycle. We cannot engage in the war.

Yet our emotions roll and anger boils under the surface. When faced with a child’s unruly emotions it is difficult to not join their angst. One well-aimed arrow draws us into the fray. Suddenly acid spews from our mouths wounding all within hearing.

How do we as moms not engage in the war of words?

Take a deep breath. Not an exasperated sigh rolling our eyes, but a deep breath to calm ourselves down. Often the few seconds we take to breathe deeply gives our minds a chance to catch up with our emotions.

Pray. Often this is a desperate short prayer like, “God help me,” or “Jesus I need You.” I often whisper this aloud so my children know I am asking God for help before I respond.

Think before we speak. Ask ourselves: Am I treating my child how I would want to be treated? Are my words going to bring life or death? What am I trying to accomplish? Do I need to cool off before I continue this discussion?

Speak in a quieter tone than we want to use. This forces our children to focus their attention in order to hear us. It also helps us remember to keep our tone serious, but as free from frustration and anger as possible.

Be an example to our children of how to handle anger. How we handle frustration or anger will be how our children learn to handle those emotions too.

Ask for forgiveness if we mess-up. When we mess-up – and we all make mistakes – we need to own our mistakes and ask our child to forgive us for our mistake. Then we can discuss whatever needs to be discussed with our child.

Ask our children if they are making wise choices. Asking our children to think about their choices helps them take ownership for their choices. Ask them if they would want to be treated the way they are treating us. Get their brains working so they can act on what they know rather than on what they feel.

As moms we can break the cycle of angry words and deadly arrows flying in our homes.

Father God, help us to make wise choices as moms. May we not react in anger, but speak words of life and love into our children’s lives. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What do you do when your children attempt to draw you into an argument? What tools do you use to prevent engaging in the war of words?

by Angela Mackey

WE ARE LINKED UP AT:

Filed Under: Angela Mackey, MOM Stuff, Parenting Tagged With: how to be an example worth following, Moms, Power of Our Words, Speak Life, The Words We Say, When Mom Is Angry 12 Comments

Where are the Continuing Education Credits for Motherhood?

December 6, 2012 By themomin

Don’t you wish there were Continuing Education credits for motherhood?

Back in college there were classes for just about everything: Music Appreciation, English 1101, Calculus, Religion, you name it and it was there. Unfortunately, I have yet to see a college level class on Motherhood. Sure, there are classes you can take while you are pregnant, and even some awesome mommy and me type classes, but where are the classes for: bandaging up boo-boo’s, pre-pubescent anxiety, peer pressure, broken hearts, and helping your child find their identity in Christ.

Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still;
teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

Proverbs 9:9 NIV

As moms, we learn from those around us, don’t we? I can not count the number of times I would pick up the phone and call my mom, my mother in love, my friends and ask, “how do you…”, “how can I…”, “does it ever get easier?”.

I read as many books as I could get my hands on, but sometimes you have to dive in, head first, with only faith that it will all work out. That’s when I wished there were those continuing education credit classes so I could figure out what the next step is for whatever the problem of the day was for the kids.

My boys, are not little kids anymore, they are sixteen and eighteen years old…young men really. Even today, though, I am still learning how to be the mom they need me to be. Yeah sure, I have a general idea, who knows our kids better than we do…but it was not easy to get to this point. Wanting to be the best mom I could be I set out to be, I decided early on that I would be a student of my kids, not in that they were in charge and I did whatever they said, but I would watch them, learn from them and not try to be a “one size fits all” type mom.

I learned quickly that each of my children is uniquely different and needed different things from me. By reading great books on parenting, I put myself in a place where I was constantly learning and growing. One of my favorites was “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. It opened my eyes to see how each of my children gives and receives love, which opened the door to a better understanding of who they were and how I could be a better mom to them.

My husband and I decided that there were specific things we would pray for over our boys. There wasn’t a formal meeting when we decided our purpose as their parents, but over time, through lots of prayer and discussion it became clear to both of us. Our job, as their parents, was to raise good, godly young men who know and fear the Lord, that will lead their families well and be the Spiritual leader that God created them to be. It is not a one day it just happens type of focus, but through much prayer and dedication to that purpose that builds us as they grow.

Day after day is a new adventure. Just as soon as you think you have some issue figured out there comes another one requiring you to put your knees to the ground and prayers up to heaven. I am sure that we may never have our kids completely figured out, but the great adventure of motherhood is making a difference every day…in the little things as well as the big things. Some days we can stand on the mountaintop and celebrate a good day, then other days we barely crawl out of the mess that we are in with the kids.

Continuing to read great parenting books, websites and talking to other moms who are passionate about being the mom God created them to be is how we grow and learn. Each season has been a journey of discovery…of who I am as a woman of God, as a wife to my husband and even as a mom to my boys. It’s a choice I made long ago and I still make every day.

What about you…

Where do you go to grow and learn how to continue your education as a mom?

What challenges have you had in finding resources where you can meet, connect and be encouraged by other moms?

What are things you wish you could ask another mom who is a little further down the road on her parenting journey?

I am so thankful for the chance to get to know each of you; I cannot wait to hear from you!

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

~ Melissa Mashburn

Filed Under: Melissa Mashburn, MOM Stuff, Uncategorized Tagged With: Being a mom, How do I parent, Mentors, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, parenting advice, Successful Parenting 4 Comments

The window of a mother’s influence

November 6, 2012 By Julie Sanders

As the 16th President of the United States, he brought a broken nation together and freed a persecuted people, yet he said that, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother” ~ President Abraham Lincoln. A mother has the potential to influence her child to become all God planned, despite the obstacles of life, to nurture greatness from a once-swaddled helplessness depending on her for life itself.

The window of opportunity was wide open for so long. From her bassinet, her eyes locked on mine as if she studied my every word and expression. When she clomped around the house in my black pumps, I was the greatest influence in her life. When we picked out school clothes, I was still number one. As her features looked more like mine, others were beginning to edge in on her opinions and thought, and she started to question my “O Mom” ways. With keys in hand, now she borrows my scarves and earrings, imagining her look is “all her own,” but she heads out to a world where other people have the compelling power to change who she is. There are seasons when the window of a mother’s influence is wide open and others when there’s just enough room for the corner of a curtain to dance out.

A mom may start out to be the greatest influence in a child’s life, but other forces gradually vie for space and significance in the hearts and minds of our kids. They may resemble us physically, but do we want them to act like us? The Apostle Paul followed Jesus so closely that he was able to say, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). When they’re older we’ll ask ourselves if we used our window of opportunity well.

As my kids have grown up I’ve learned …

Any time spent in turning them to God’s truth was well spent

Any mistakes I made were covered by God’s grace, but left a trace

Any issues I created are in God’s care and can be used for good

Any times I asked forgiveness of God or my child were victories

Any times I listened to my child share thoughts was good use of time

Any prayers with or for my child were heard by God

Any places where I was inadequate, God was sufficient

Any reminders of my mom-failures pointed to God’s redemption

Any words of encouragement spoken were seeds of greatness

Any touches of comfort made my child more gentle and loving

Any gifts we gave together grew generosity in my child’s heart

Any examples of my obedience to God meant more than lectures

Any decisions to be thankful nurtured a grateful perspective

Any times I refused judging taught my child unconditional love

Any ways I served my children showed them what Jesus is like

Mothers will always have an influence in the life of her children, but there are seasons when the window is wide open. In those seasons, may we thrust aside the shutters of distraction and self-satisfaction and let the wind of a mother’s loving influence flow unhindered into their hearts and minds.

What challenges have you faced in influencing your children?

How are you being intentional about influencing them in this season?

By Julie Sanders at Come Have a Peace

Filed Under: Julie Sanders, Parenting Tagged With: Being a mom, How do I parent, influence, Moms, parenting advice, Teens 8 Comments

You Are Not Alone: The Chocolate Kiss Awards

October 12, 2012 By themomin

When my children were very small I had this nasty habit of withdrawing into myself when things really got tough. I was convinced I was alone in my struggles – my inner voice telling me just what a terrible mom I was (a.k.a. my “inner ‘You Stink’ voice.”

I am alone when my almost-four-year-old is wetting his pants. On purpose.

I am alone as I daily carry a screaming child across the preschool parking lot in front of hundreds of other calm, well-behaved and quiet children and their parents.

I am alone when my kids are prancing around the house naked, and we were supposed to be pulling out of the driveway 10 minutes ago.

I am alone with the tantrums, and the battles of wills, and the sheer madness of it all.

The thing is…I was never really alone. I know you are out there. You all have your own stories – of boys and girls alike – strong-willed, stubborn little beings who are making us ask ourselves “shouldn’t we have just gotten a dog?!”

You are super moms. We are super moms. My friend Chandra keeps reminding me…it was no accident that I became their mother.

God does not make mistakes.

We can do this. We were chosen. We were chosen to be the mothers of these hoooligans, and mother them we will, come hell or high water or pee on the floor.

We can do this. We must.

Because we’re in this together.

When my kids really perform outside the box, I reward them with a gummy bear. I think mommies should get a reward from time to time, don’t you? For those nine times in a row that we did NOT lose our cool as we were sassed by our kids, or for remaining dispassionate in the face of their fury, or for doing four loads of laundry in one night. We need a reward system, too! Gummies don’t do anything for me though - I vote for chocolate…chocolate kisses!

Now’s your chance! Shout it out, friends. Tell us how you withstood the test today, mothered and loved and overcame obstacles and tuna fish in the hair, peanut butter on the dining room chairs, or water fights in the bathroom. Let’s show each other that we are not alone.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Jeremiah 29:11 The Message

No matter how bad your day has been, God knows just how much you can handle. When it seems too big, step away for a moment and let God remind you that He has everything you need. His plans for you – and for your kids – are bigger and greater than anything you can possibly imagine. But most importantly, remember this: You are not alone!

Now, let’s prove it. Share your triumphs today, let us celebrate each other, and go give yourself a chocolate kiss! We’re all in this together.

by Adelle Gabrielson
Trying to live life with a little peace,
a little humor, and great shoes!

Filed Under: Adelle Gabrielson, MOM Stuff Tagged With: Adelle Gabrielson, encouragement, Mom Motivation, Moms, The Inner You Stink 10 Comments

Misunderstood Momma

October 3, 2012 By Tara Dovenbarger

A flask of gunpowder and a bag of bullets were absent from this quick-draw-duel with my four-year-old son.

One child stood alongside me in the elevator nice and happy. The other stood determined on the outside not about to get in. His glare along with his high-pitched voice screamed his defiance as he stood his ground. He had been testing my authority all morning and saw this as yet another opportunity.

Time stopped as the showdown began.

Who would win this battle of the wills? As my mouth told him to get in, my brain cried out a prayer that this time he would listen to my voice, submit and obey.

He did not budge.

I calmly moved towards the “open door” button as the heavy, grey door started to close.

Well, maybe due to my reflexes at 40 getting a bit rusty or a broken button the door mistakenly closed. The elevator went down.

I could hear his shrieking above me as the elevator kept going down despite my wild attempts to stop it. My trembling fingers raced frantically across the elevator keys. Attempting to rejoin my screaming, terrified boy one story above me had me delirious. Finally, the elevator started going back up.

Ages seemed to go by as I waited for the door to reopen.

Finally, the door opened. And there was a second pair of eyes.

I can tell you with confidence; I have never met an angrier gaze than the one that flowed out of the stranger that held my crying son. As my son and I reached for each other with our shaking arms, she slowly let go. Spoken words were not needed for me to interpret her revulsion towards my apparent lack of parenting abilities.

How many times in our lives while simply trying to do the right thing (teaching my son obedience in an elevator gone bad) are we misunderstood by those around us? My son’s rescuer saw one piece of the whole ugly picture (I would never dream of leaving my child anywhere) and misinterpreted my intentions. Now my pounding heart began to hurt because of the stranger’s apparent disgust.

What does God have to say about mommy moments like these?

“Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts.” Prov.21:2 –God knows my heart and my intentions.

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? To do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8 –Be God focused, not people focused.

“But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” Psalm 86:15 –Thank goodness!!

“Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, The God who is our salvation.” Psalm 68:19 –He, the God of this universe, DAILY bears our burdens!

In this world family, friends and even the stranger outside the elevator will misunderstand us. I am thankful that God looks at my heart, is gracious, slow to anger, and abounds in love and faithfulness.

Of course, I am also thankful that my son is always the first to jump aboard every elevator now with a smile

✿Misunderstood. Do you ever feel this way? What comes to your mind when you first hear the word?✿

By Tara Dovenbarger

*picture by freedigitalphotos.net

We’re linked up at Women Living Well:

Filed Under: Childhood, Toddler & Preschooler, Uncategorized Tagged With: Being a mom, Children, Discipline, encouragement, Fear, How do I parent, mommy guilt, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Successful Parenting, trusting God 2 Comments

The Life of a Single Mom

September 21, 2012 By themomin

Subscribe today for your FREE copy of…

FACING YOUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.

By Guest: Jennifer Maggio

She walks in the church and cautiously looks around with her four-year-old daughter in tow. She hesitantly makes her way to the back of the church and sits quietly, thumbing through her Bible, avoiding eye contact at all costs. She has contemplated this day for months. She wonders if she should be here. Does she really belong? A warm, friendly woman sits beside her and begins to make conversation with the four-year-old. The young mom is certain the woman notices her empty ring finger and hangs her head in shame.

This story repeats itself several times over in churches across our country every Sunday. The single mom is one of the fastest-growing sects of our population, so why does it seem that the body of Christ has ignored them for so long? There are approximately 15 million single moms in the country and approximately 67% of them do not actively attend church. Yet, less than 1% of all Christian churches have any specific ministry for single mothers. And whether they are divorced, never married, or widowed, they all have a story and none of them deserve to walk alone.

Of course, churches offer them food when they are hungry. Some may occasionally perform a home repair or provide toys at Christmas. And those things are great, but why do most churches stop there? Dare we open a Sunday school class exclusively for single moms? Single mothers need more than food, clothes, and toys. They need long-term discipleship, friendship, and mentorship.

As a young adult, Jennifer Maggio had already endured a lifetime of pain. She had suffered through the death of her parents, homelessness, severe sexual and physical abuse, and multiple teen pregnancies, just to name a few. Although raised in church, her life’s course led her to fall away for many years, hanging her head in shame, always feeling she wasn’t good enough to return. Maggio eventually did make that difficult transition back into church. Through time, she became a successful executive in Corporate America who became a happily married mother of three…..but she never forgot those dark moments, alone in her apartment, wondering if anyone cared.

She decided to do something about it. She started by launching a small Bible study in her local church, which later became one of the nation’s largest single moms ministries. Through the success of the local ministry, she launched The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. TLSM is one of the nation’s fastest-growing nonprofits dedicated to equipping the church on how to best meet the needs of single parents in their community and church – from one-time outreaches to long-term discipleship. The Life of a Single Mom provides resources and training to churches on how to launch single moms programs, as well as host single mom events. To date, TLSM has helped more than 456 churches in 19 countries start an effective single moms program.

In addition to founding The Life of a Single Mom, Maggio is also an award-winning author of three books: her autobiography, Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom, The Church and the Single Mom, and her latest release – Kids and the Single Mom: A Real-World Guide to Effective Parenting. She is founder of Overwhelmed: The Single Moms Magazine and has been featured in countless media venues, including The 700 Club, Daystar Television, Focus on the Family, Moody Radio, Power Women, and many others. For more information, visit http://www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.

Filed Under: MOM Stuff, Single Moms Tagged With: Moms, Single Moms 2 Comments

Making “Taking Care of Mom” a Top Priority

July 18, 2012 By Cheri Gregory

If we were sitting at my kitchen table enjoying cups of tea together, while passing fresh banana bread I’d say, “Repeat after me: I am the only mother my child has!”

You’d probably look at me like I’m nuts and quickly set down your tea, wondering if you should even take a bite of my banana bread–who knows what I put in it?

Normally, I try not to be overly pushy. I like to listen and ask questions. But not today.

Today, I’d turn bossy.

Here’s why:

I have a naturally chaotic personality. We’ve paid vast late fees because “staying on top of” the bills was beyond me until the invention of online banking. Before my husband stepped in, our cars never had oil changes, and engine lights stayed on for weeks (or until the car stopped!)

But the one thing I always stayed on top of was my kids’ appointments: dental, doctor, orthodontist, vaccinations, TB tests. You name it, it was on the calendar and done on time. I never wanted my children to suffer ill effects of my neglect, so I was hyper-vigilant.

Before you name me Responsible Mom of the Year, guess who…

…wore her final pair of 2 week contact lenses for 2 months (until they tore!) because she had “no time” to see the ophthalmologist?

…used emergency wax to stick a crown back on a tooth for so long she ended up needing a root canal?

…kept taking Prilosec, thinking she had an ulcer, instead of seeing a doctor for what turned out to be gal stones? (While sitting with her in the ER, her father reminded her that “she who self-diagnoses has a fool for a doctor and a fool for a patient!”)

…went five years with debilitating cramps and out-of-control bleeding because she didn’t want the “hassle” finding a new doctor? (Not ‘til she had to wash her jeans in a public restroom did it dawn on her, “Finding a new doctor has got to be easier than this!”)

…I routinely ignore when it comes to medical and dental care?

You guessed it. The only mother my children have.

Common Obstacles to “Taking Care of Mom”

Cost. Medical care–even “just” preventative (and even with insurance)–costs money. But many untreated conditions get worse over time and eventually cost far more than they would have if they’d been treated earlier. One mom of ten I knew is dead now because she never sought medical care for herself. Her children no longer have their one and only mother, and her grandchildren will never know their grandma. This is the ultimate cost.

Time. We lavish time on everyone else but fret over the 30 minutes it takes to shower and do our hair, or the 2 hours it takes for a doctor appointment. Somehow, we have this false notion that it’s a waste to spend time on ourselves. We need to see this time as an investment, not a waste!

Fear. When we have symptoms we don’t understand, it’s normal to start worrying. All sorts of “what if?”s crop up: What if it can’t be treated? What if it’s incurable, and I just have to learn to live with it? We need to ask the opposite questions, too: What if it can be treated? What if I don’t have to live with it? Turns out, there was a name for my condition (menorrhagia) and a treatment (endometrial ablation) that worked! Oh, how I wish I hadn’t waited five long miserable years.

Inconvenience. As moms, we try not to “make waves” with family members. (There are usually enough family waves to make everyone seasick without us adding to the nausea!) Coming home with a numb mouth or dilated pupils (requiring someone to drive for us!) or orders for medical testing will inconvenience various family members, and we don’t want to “put them through all that.” So, we become masters of “minimizing,” telling ourselves, “Oh, it’s no big deal.”

Resources. Money is a major issue. So is insurance. Often, we worry that we don’t have “enough” and rationalize that since we don’t have “enough” there’s no use even making the appointment in the first place. Or perhaps we don’t even have a primary care physician (or dentist or OB/Gyn), and the task of finding a new one – one as good as our last one (or one we don’t hate as much as the last one!) – feels overwhelming.

Sometimes the first step is to simply explore our options:

How much will the visit cost?
Can we make payments?
What does our insurance cover?
What free or low-cost services are available to us?
Who can we ask for referrals to service providers they’ve liked?

Instead of doing nothing, do something – just one thing – to start getting you over, under, and around these obstacles!

Quick “Taking Care of Mom” Questions:

___ Do I need to see my OB/Gyn? When was my last pap smear? Are there any “issues” I need to bite the bullet and talk about? How about a mammogram?

___ Is it time for me to see my dentist? When was my last full set of x-rays? How are my “watched” teeth doing? Am I still wearing any “temps” that should be permanent crowns by now?

___ How long since my last teeth cleaning? Do I have a new toothbrush? Plenty of floss? Am I brushing and flossing thoroughly several times a day? How healthy are my gums?

___ When did I last see the ophthalmologist? Have my eyes dilated? Do I have a good pair of glasses or is it time for a new prescription? Do I have plenty of contacts on hand so that I’m tossing them when I’m supposed to? How’s my supply of lens solution?

___ Is it time for me to see a chiropractor, massage therapist, or physical therapist to deal with an injury that’s causing persistent pain? Do I need a new set of stretches? Strengthening exercises? a Theraband routine? Pilates? Yoga?

___ Do I need a routine physical to have all systems checked out? How about blood work; do I have baseline values so I know what “normal” is for me?

___ What symptoms have I been ignoring for a while, hoping they’d go away on their own?

What appointment needs to be made TODAY?

Take the “Taking Care of Mom” Pledge for Your Children

Step 1: Stand in front of a mirror.

Step 2: Say aloud, “I will take care of ____’s mother. She’s the only mother (s)he’s got.”

Step 3: Repeat for each of your children.

Now: Make the call(s)!

By: Cheri Gregory

Filed Under: Cheri Gregory, Health, Safety & Nutrition, Uncategorized Tagged With: Moms, Taking Care of Moms, Taking Care of Myself 3 Comments

Move, You’re In The Way

June 28, 2012 By Heather Riggleman

How many times have you been forced something to happen in your own strength?

This past Sunday, as the Pastor touched on the Lord’s Prayer. He described a story of a little boy who wanted to help his Daddy move a desk across the room. The father began pushing and the little boy braced his shoulder against the desk, and told his father, “Move Dad, you’re in the way.” Daddy of course chuckled and obliged his son’s request.The four year old little boy, pushed with all his might, but the desk would not move. Have you been there?

Maybe you’re a mom who has just come to Christ and there are so many things you want to see changed, fixed, or healed. Maybe you’re working on a project with God, you know He’s got your back, but the timing is moving too slow.

Maybe it’s not moving in the direction you wanted. You’ve told God, “Move out of the way, buddy, I got it,” only to realize that when God steps back and says, “Have it your way,” you find that life isn’t moving anywhere?I’ve been there, in more ways that one. I was there for seven years trying to get pregnant. I was there trying to make a career in management work. I was there when I was trying to avoid all charges of a felony offense. I was there when I was trying to make my marriage work.I was there when I was trying to kick an addiction on my own. And I was there when I was trying to remove all the guilt and shame of past choices.

In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to be a stubborn learner, with an education through the school of hard knocks, I’ve learned that unless I’m walking side by side with God, life doesn’t move. If I run ahead of God, I’m pushing that desk all by myself. It’s not until we invite God into our lives, that His strength begins being poured into us, when we say, “God, Your will be done, not mine. Walk with me Lord through this journey, show me Your way, and help me. I surrender. Yeah, I know what you’re saying, “Surrender, that’s a big word and huge effort.” Surrendering doesn’t mean we become powerless, it means we become filled with His power. It flows out of His spirit into ours, making the impossible happen. Whatever ‘desk’ you happen to be moving, invite God into your struggle, ask Him for help. You’ll be amazed how quickly He moves. It reminds me of one of my favorite scripture verses:

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]. Philippians 4:13, Amplified Bible.

Filed Under: Heather Riggleman, M.O.M. Devos, MOM Stuff Tagged With: depending on god, devotions, encouragement, Faith, God, jesus, life, Moms, Motherhood, Prayer, trusting God Leave a Comment