The day my husband’s struggle with porn came to light, a new, unwanted battle twisted to life inside me.
The wicked pictures that once held my husband hostage now try to shove me under their suffocating wake.
Each moment of the day painful reminders of my husband’s unfaithfulness surface through:
- Billboards along the roads flaunting airbrushed bodies causing my heart and stomach to sink.
- Living room- turned harsh environment- as I tensely wait for the next perfect body flashed at just the right angle (over and over) on our family TV making my skin crawl.
- Church services… I learned years ago to dread Easter Sunday. The live bodies with skin-tight dresses, not enough fabric, sitting all around my husband and teenage son make worship difficult at best.
- Newspaper ads…the list goes on and on….
Faster than my eyes capture these forms, my mind goes to where it should not.
Thoughts flood my mind comparing myself to the pictures, then I imagine my husband’s lustful thoughts…then remember his actions… Bitterness, hate and fear towards my repentant husband, who is now whole-heartedly following the Lord, overtake my mind…then come out in my ugly, nasty, hate-filled responses.
This is no longer my husband’s sin issue attacking our marriage, but mine.
Each of my condemning thoughts hand the devil a new, powerful opportunity to overthrow the hard-won healing of our marriage.
So now what?
- First, I go to God’s word daily to seek His help and realize this is a spiritual battle within me:
“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-4
“Come to your senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:26
- Second, I realize this is my own personal sin issue. I choose to embrace negative thoughts instead of destroying them:
I need to, “destroy speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:5
- Lastly, I resolve (stick-in-my-heels determination) to make all my thoughts obedient to Christ through Philippians 4:8
What ever is true about my husband, whatever is honorable about my husband, whatever is right about my husband, whatever is pure about my husband, whatever is lovely about my husband, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (It might be a short list of things at first, but dwell on them!)
“Act resolutely (with firmness and determination), and the Lord will be with the upright.” 2 Cronicles 19:11b
What supernaturally flows out of obedience to these verses?
“The peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
And this Peace enables me to walk along side my husband and encourage him to become all God desires him to be. My obedience to Christ empowers my husband to heal. (OH Yeah! This is where we see the fruit of our obedience!)
Is this journey we are on together easy? No.
But, have I experienced God’s faithfulness to, “do far more abundantly beyond all that I ask or think,” due to diligent (stick-in-those-heels!) obedience to His word? Yes!
Lord, there is no one besides You to help me in this battle. I have no strength; so help me, O Lord my God, for I trust in You, and in Your name have come against this overwhelming situation. O Lord, You are my God; let not anything prevail against you. -2 Chron 14:11.
Sweet mom, I know how hard this battle is, along with the everyday stresses of mommyhood. We are here to pray with you and for you. Tell us, how is your battle today?
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