5 Ways Twins Can Change Your Life

Some people call me a superhero, doubly blessed. Others say I have my hands full, double trouble.

Hi, my name is Christen, and I’m a mother of twins.

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Before I had children, I had heard rumors that motherhood was the most challenging and rewarding job on the face of the planet. I was the newlywed that thought I could handle the challenge of being a mom; that it couldn’t be that hard. I had illusions that the reward part of motherhood would be more often than the challenge and my children would be well behaved, athletic, musically-talented, smart, and successful from a very early age.

Now, I can imagine God and his chorus of angels laughing at my naivety.  “Just you wait,” is what they were saying to each other.

Having twins has changed my life in so many ways. Here are just five ways twins can change your life:

1. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned so far from being a mother of multiples is expect the unexpected.  I’m naturally a Type-A girl that likes for things to be done my way.  I plan, I organize. It’s just part of my DNA.  When life doesn’t go according to my plans, I usually freak out in a not so nice manner (it usually involves tears, chocolate, and a reality t.v. show…not always in that exact order). But, the twins have been God’s way of teaching me to trust in his plans, his times, his ways.

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And, you know what? His plans might come as a surprise to me but he sure knows how to throw one amazing surprise party.

Like, when we found out we were having twins.  It was a shock, yet he also answered a desire of my heart.

Or, how the twins came three months early weighing only two pounds each.  God used those 83 days in the NICU to change my perspective on faith in a radical way.

2. The best advice I have for any mother expecting twins is to embrace the journey.  You will be different from your friends with singleton births.  Your family will not always have answers to your questions.  You pediatrician visits will take an extremely long time. The little old ladies at the grocery store will always ask you if they are twins.  Your stroller will be bigger, you will go through more diapers, and if you have to use formula, you will cherish your $5 off coupons.

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3. After my twins were home from the hospital, I wanted so desperately for life to be normal.  But, I had to adapt to a new version of normal.  It was really hard not to compare my children to others, especially since they were born premature.  My twins were three months behind developmentally. They were still in newborn clothes at six months old and could barely crawl by the time they turned one.  Their first year was so very challenging and God taught me humility; how the high expectations I set for my children before they were born were false forms of pride.  Yet through the challenge of their developmentally-delayed first year, we reaped bountiful amounts of reward.  Each day was truly a gift that we weren’t sure we would receive when they were born premature.  Each milestone met was an abundant accomplishment; comparisons were discarded and expectations became less exaggerated. We found our normal and I was so happy it looked completely different from everyone else.

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4. Another way twins have changed me for the better is I’ve realized that I need help.  Bad. Before, I was much too prideful to admit that I couldn’t do this motherhood thing on my own.  Asking for help has not only changed my perspective on pride, but it has also strengthened my relationship with Jesus, my husband, my family, and my friends.  Daily, Jesus and my husband help me get through the day as a mom of twins.  Without Jesus, I would have no peace.  Without my husband, I would have no clean clothes (among other things :) ) This past year, we moved back to our hometown to raise our children closer to family. I have no shame in dropping the twins off at their grandparents house so I can run errands, write, or have a date with my husband. It’s fabulous. Before I had the girls, I was very private, even with my friends.  It wasn’t that I was trying to be secretive, but I didn’t always like to talk about the tough stuff.  Now, I’m much more vulnerable, authentic, and open in my friendships, online and in real life.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  It’s actually a form of strength.

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5. And, mothers of twins need some strength. Especially in the toddler years.  Twin toddlers has caught me completely off-balance.  One goes this way, while the other goes that way. I know now where the term double trouble comes from. Keeping up with twin toddlers has been the most challenging part of motherhood for me so far.  I’m emotionally and physically exhausted after our days filled with tantrums, potty-training, and fierce independence.  My house is always a wreck and food always gets stolen off my plate.  Naps are {almost} a thing of the past and bedtime couldn’t come any sooner.  I wonder daily how I’m going to make it raising twin toddlers.

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But, then my twin toddlers say how much they love me.  Or, they will twirl around in their princess dress exclaiming, “I’m so happy!”  They aren’t my babies anymore but they still love to cuddle in the early and late hours of the day.  Watching them run, use their manners, and hug each other is the reward during this challenging stage of life.

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Twins are always a double blessing and sometimes double trouble.  God gives some moms twins because he believes we are up for the challenge. Or, maybe its because we need a challenge.  Whatever the reason may be for the challenge, I urge you to rest in the reward; the double portion of God’s grace.

Question: If you are a mother of twins, what has been your hardest challenge and what has brought you the most reward?

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Heightened Awareness: Living Life in the Midst of the Unknown

Heightened Awareness Graphic 4-2013

© Angela Farley | Dreamstime Stock Photos RF-LL

Most of my life is lived in a constant state of heightened awareness. At any given moment I am painfully aware that I could have to drop everything and be in the middle of a medical crisis. Truth be told, that is pretty much true for any of us, especially moms.

Our kids are in a state of constant movement and yes, at any given time, they could get hurt. For me, it is the same, except that I have also experienced this medical crisis too many times.

In 2005 my oldest son woke up that morning for school and he just didn’t seem “right?”. I thought he might have been having a stomach ache, or maybe it could have been from the fall he had the night before from running in the house with his socks on, either way I was not prepared for how dramatically life would change in that one instant.

He went from just not “right” to full blown grand mal seizures and continued seizing for forty five minutes. He was eleven years old at the time and in the middle of that my then nine year old walked in and witnessed every single minute of it. The ambulance came and next thing I knew my boy was on a helicopter headed to the children’s hospital…without me.

We had no idea what was going on or that from that moment on our lives would be in a constant state of heightened awareness. He spent fifty one days in the PICU of the children’s hospital and after several procedures, infections, complications, and more he walked out of the hospital with a new side effect of the trauma his body went through, he would be forever insulin dependent and was now diabetic. We had the best doctors, training and more and had walked the road of juvenile diabetes for almost four years when he started having seizures again.

Just when things started to fall into a new normal the walls of our lives were rattled and here we were in a new state of heightened awareness.

Never knowing what was going on in his world, every phone call, text, or communication with our son started with “are you ok?” and then we could process whatever he was talking about and move on.

Years of doctors appointments, tests, blood work, referrals and more added to the stress, anxiety and worry. Living in this constant state of awareness and always being ready to jump into action is exhausting–not just mentally, but physically and emotionally as well.

We are eight years on this journey now and we have learned a lot of lessons through this, but something keeps banging up against my heart whenever I start to feel the anxiousness of the heightened awareness and that is this — what if we were to “shift” (my one word for 2013) our thoughts and awareness from the issue and put it squarely where it belongs…on God.

Moving the focus from the stuff going on in our lives (and let’s face it, we all have stuff) and resting it on the only One that can do anything about it. To have His peace, comfort and rest would be a blessed reprieve for most of us right now.

Hang with me here, if we lived in a state of heightened awareness of God, then imagine with me how you might feel emotionally? physically? emotionally?

For I am always aware of your unfailing love,

   and I have lived according to your truth.

Psalm 26:3 NLT

Sweet friends, I know it isn’t always easy to make that shift, believe me, it is still something that I wrestle with almost daily, but this I know — He is in control (Hebrews 2:8). He has a perfect plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11), for your family and He wants nothing more than to shower you with His love (Romans 5:5).

What does living in a state of heightened awareness of God look like?

It can be anything as simple as;

  1. starting your day with a “Good Morning God”,

  2. to stopping in the middle of a busy day to say “thank you” for the sunshine, the children in your life, or for any of the blessings you’ve been given that day.

  3. or even listening to worship music and being fully present in that moment to enjoy it.

I don’t know what it looks like for you, but I do know this, the peace from shifting my heightened awareness from the health issues to God and who He is, has brought me so much more comfort in living life in the midst of the unknown.

Yes, like any mama bear that has a child (well, he’s an adult now, but he’s still my boy) with health issues I am painfully aware that things can change in an instant, but I have peace that no matter what happens my God will carry me through and that is more than enough for me right this very moment.

What about you?

When living in the state of heightened awareness which are you looking for that peace and comfort in the most — physically, mentally or emotionally?

How would living in your day to day world change if you made that shift and were in a state of heightened awareness to the presence of God?

I look forward to hearing from you…

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

Melissa Mashburn

www.MelissaMashburn.net

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Connecting with their Learning Styles

A few years ago, during one of my more challenging homeschooling days with my kids, the Lord showed me a scripture verse that has stuck with me.

“Then the Lord looked over all he had made and he saw that it was excellent in every way.” Genesis 1:31 

I wondered, does this mean that my kids are excellent?  I have to be honest here, I really had not thought of my kids as excellent.  After all, they were making my day very difficult.  I looked at the scripture again and knew it was true, my kids were excellent.  I just wasn’t looking for their excellence; I was focusing on their faults.  I soon realized that seeing my kids as excellent also meant accepting their differences, strengths and weaknesses.  A big part of my frustration during school was that I was not teaching to their learning styles.  I was teaching to my learning style.  I taught them the way I learn and since God gave me such unique children that meant that they didn’t all learn the same way, especially not like me.  We were all a mess!  In her book, Cherishing and Challenging your Children, Jodi Capehart said this,

“We are able to cherish our children more when we can embrace these differences and acknowledge our Creator’s sovereign purpose in making our child the way he did.” 

When I took a step back and saw my kids as God’s creation in which he has a specific plan and purpose, I better appreciated their differences.           

            I soon began digging into books written about learning styles to see if I could find the perfect formula to help me teach my children.  The books have become great tools, but I soon realized that there is no perfect formula.  How disappointing!  I did find some helpful suggestions that helped ease some of the frustration.  Here are some suggestions by Cynthia Tobias from her book, The Way They Learn, that I hope will help you know your child’s learning style better.

  1. Observe patterns of behavior.  What excites your child, what frustrates them?
  2. Listen to the way your child communicates.  Listening carefully can teach you how you need to talk to them.
  3. Experiment  with what works and what doesn’t.  Remember that even if an approach to learning doesn’t make sense to you it may work for your children.
  4. Focus on natural strengths, not weaknesses.  You can’t build much on weaknesses, but strengths provide a much better foundation.
  5. Learn  more about learning styles in general.  Find out what your own style is and how you can relate to your child’s learning style.

 

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So many times we think our kids either have learning disabilities or they are being trouble makers.  By discovering and teaching to their learning style we are able to resolve much of our own frustration and theirs too.  We discover that there may be no disability or delay at all, only a difference in learning.  Even if a disability is there, knowing their learning style can only bring ease to the learning process.

Our children are excellent in every way, even in those ways that we don’t understand at times.  Knowing our child will only strengthen the relationship that we all desire to have.  God knows what your child needs and he has chosen you as their parent for a very important reason.  He knows that you have what you child needs.  The hard part is relying on God for the wisdom we need to supply our children’s needs.  Seek him for the answers you need & he will supply.

Cherish your child

                 Know your child

                                 Enjoy your child.

  

Sources:

Cherishing and Challenging your Children,Jodi Capehart, Copyright 1991.  Page 10

The Way They Learn, Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, Copyright 1994, page 7 & 8

 

Helpful resources:

Different Children, Different Needs, Charles F. Boyd

Learning Styles test:  http://www.ldpride.net/

 

By:Dana Bailey

You can find Dana at her new website Joy Moms or on her personal blog, www.danabailey.blogspot.com


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Special Siblings

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FACING OUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.

 

“He gets mad at the smallest things.  I’m embarrassed to be seen with him.  I wish I had a normal brother like everyone else.  I feel ignored and resent how much time he demands from my parents.  As much as I can’t stand to be around my brother, I worry about if he is OK without me.  It hurts when people are rude to him and I feel guilty because I am the rudest to him of all.” 

“Who will take care of her if something happens to my parents? Who will stick up for her when I am not around? Why are all my friend’s sisters growing up fine, but mine still acts so young?” 

“All the other kids who have pregnant moms eventually bring home their baby.  Why did my baby brother never come home from the hospital and have to die?”

“My mom is on edge all the time.  If I need something I keep quiet because I know it will make her even more upset.  If it weren’t for my brother her life would be easier and she would notice and be nice to me.”

Parenting a child with special needs is challenging, and if your like me you have “typical” children to raise too.   In our family I have watched my children’s reactions and seen first hand the struggles that come by being a special sibling. My children have wrestled with all the emotions mentioned above, plus many more.    As their mom it is my responsibility to navigate them through these emotions, so where can I start?

 

  •     Talk and talk some more.  Ask your children about their feelings. Tell them it is OK to be honest and that this is hard. As adults we have questions about our special needs child and our  children have questions as well.

 

  • Give them permission to grieve.  It is true that they do not have a brother or sister as other families.  Sometimes we need to let the hurt out with a hug, then go on. Give permission for the hurt and point to the positive.

 

  • Let your child know they are not alone.  I was thrilled to find some great books my children can relate to!   Views from our Shoes, edited by Donald Meyer, is a book of essays written by children with special needs siblings.  Living with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs, by Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy, is a great book that talks about specific disabilities and the emotions that come with being a special sibling. Both of these books are wonderful!

 

  • It is good to laugh.  Sometimes the most stressful times can be the funniest times.  Try and find humor throughout your day.

 

  • Show your kids what God is doing in and through them because of their siblings disability.  I know each of my children is gifted in unique ways because their lives have been harder.  I point out these awesome character traits and let them know how proud I am of them. The blessings of having a special needs sibling far outweigh the negative when you look at what God is doing!

 

  • Take your typical kids on dates.  Spend time making them feel like the “special” child, giving them the time they need. This is great for both mom and child!
  • Pray for your children.  Pray the Lord will use  these special circumstances to further His kingdom and bless our children with compassion.

 Are you the sibling of a special needs brother or sister? What have you learned? We are eager to hear your story! 

❀Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9❀

By Tara Dovenbarger

Today, we’re linked up with The Better Mom:

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How In the World?

Whenever I meet someone new and they discover I have seven children, often there is a gasp and “How in the world do you do that?”   And then when they further discover, if time permits, that one of my children has a life-threatening illness, the question comes: “How do you cope with that?”

I suppose I should first make the disclaimer that this was, and is,  a growing process for me. (Oh, and the photo above was on a very busy day serving at church. ;) )  I didn’t have seven children all at once (Whew! Go septuplet Moms!) My oldest daughter, now 21, became mine through marriage and was 8 years old when I became her stepmom.   And though Taylor, my special needs daughter, was my first child by birth, we didn’t receive her terminal diagnosis until age 4. While the average life span for MPS, her disease, is 10-15 years, I’m very blessed to tell you that while she has many problems, they could be much worse.  We are privileged to be celebrating her sweet sixteenth birthday in a few weeks, as God would have it.  He is so gracious.  My “younger” children are ages 10, 8, 7, 3, and 16 months.  Needless to say, we have a hoppin’ house. ;)

When others ask me “How do I do it?” several topics come to mind.  Essentially, I believe this question is generalizing a load of questions.

Today I’m sharing a quick three answers, both practical and spiritual, to caring for large families and meeting individual needs.  Please believe me when I say that I have not arrived, by any means.  But after 16 years of rearing children and caring for a special needs child, and 12 years of being a stepparent, here are just three highlights that I believe will help you tremendously as a Christian mom.

1. Rely on God’s Word to feed you daily.

I cannot emphasize this point enough.  God took me to the point of being on my own completely with my sweet special needs girlie and I learned to rely solely on Him.  Not a church, not my parents’ faith, not what someone told me to do. My faith and trust for eternal life was in Him from the time I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was six years of age.  But trusting God to meet all of your needs- physical, spiritual, emotional, etc. has to occur on a DAILY basis.  Without time in the living Word, I find myself unwilling and too weak to be the mom He has called me to be.

2. Accept help.

This was tough for me! I love being able to do everything myself. I want to be the need-meeter.  My tendency is to want that “S” on my shirt to stand for Supermom. No missing library books, no toilets left behind, no dirty couches (that’s the big thing that needs attention right now. ;0) ) The truth is: I can’t do it all.  So I have to decide what is important enough for me to do and what can be passed on to others.

3. Focus on the positive.

My husband will vouch for this fact: One negative thought can send my mind into a swirl of negativity.  When I allow Satan to get a foothold in my thought life, even with one “little” thought, then my husband and family are affected, not to mention making myself miserable. When facing heavy obstacles of life, weigh the circumstances and then purposely decide to look at the positive points of the situation.  Once you see the positive, remain focused on it.

I would love to hear from our readers today!

What is one method you’ve found as a mom to persevere through either handling large family logistics or meeting individual needs?

Rachel- RachelWojo.com

Linked with TheBetterMom today

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Unsung Heroes of Motherhood Series

Today’s Great Giveaways!

Prime Time Together With Kids & More Prime Time Together With Kids by Donna Erickson

A wonderful collection of suggestions for creative family time. It includes chapters on outdoor activities, environmental and recycling projects, and many other fun things to do for a variety of ages. Best of all, the projects use simple and inexpensive materials and are easy and fun to do

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Bestselling author Stormie Omartian inspires women to develop a deeper relationship with their husbands by praying for them.The Power of a Praying Wife—now with a fresh new cover design— is packed with practical advice on praying for specific areas of a husband’s life including his decision-making, fears, spiritual strength, role as father and leader, and his faith and future. Every woman who desires a closer relationship with her husband will appreciate the life illustrations, select Scripture verses, and the assurances of God’s promises and power for their marriage.

And Then I Had Kids (Audio Book – CD) By: Susan Alexander Yates

Enjoy these years, they go by fast,” says the older moms to the younger ones. Ludicrous advice! You’d give anything just to live through them. Blending humor and wisdom, Yates-mother of five- offers frazzled moms tips for maintaining a postive self-image, nurturing their marriage, disciplining effectively and shaping a creative Christian home.

 

HOW TO ENTER: SUBSCRIBE TO WEBSITE, COMMENT ON BLOG, SHARE FB POSTS, TWEET, RETWEET & COMMENT ON BLOG (NEW SUBSCRIBERS WILL RECEIVE OUR NEW BOOK, “FACING OUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.”)

 

UNSUNG HEROES OF MOTHERHOOD SERIES

 

Have you ever met an extraordinary mom?  One that catches your attention, and whose story amazes you?  In this series I’m looking forward to introducing you to a few unique moms.  Each one is just like you and I, but have met unexpected challenges.  Have these challenges strengthened their faith or crushed it? How does God’s calling on their lives look different from ours?

Terra Holcomb Smith and I turned into instant friends back in high school.  We shared the same name (she spelled hers the pretty way, I spelled mine the right way), and I remember always wanting to spend time with her, and looked up to her as my role model.  We had a blast throughout our high school years, and during our college summers we set off to Santa Cruz, California, to work as counselors at Camp Hammer.  While we enjoyed our carefree days at camp I noticed that she walked with a slight limp.

As the years flew by, Terra married a wonderful man named Rick, and soon became pregnant with her daughter.  During this pregnancy she decided to inquire about her limp.  Molly was born and shortly after the doctors delivered her a shocking diagnosis.  Terra had Muscular Dystrophy.

All the muscles slowly waste away with Muscular Dystrophy.  There is no cure.  As the disease  slowly progresses it eats away at each movement, wiping out every muscle in its relentless path.  MD leaves its innocent victim completely paralyzed.

A new wife, a new mom, and now this new, lifelong debilitating disease. Terra’s world was changed forever.

The years unmercifully ushered in leg braces, before long a walker, and now a wheelchair.

Although Muscular Dystrophy has stolen nearly all Terra’s movement, it  has not touched an inch of her amazing ability to parent, squelched  her sweet spirit, or overcome her faith.

  • Even with all these challenges Terra has been an amazing mom.  Molly is now 17 years old and she is a hardworking, beautiful young woman.  Terra home schooled Molly throughout most of her education, and is now preparing her to go to college.  Molly is a Godly young woman who loves the Lord and will impart a blessing to the next generation.
  • The fact that this awful disease has not been able to extinguish Terra’s sweet spirit continually amazes me.  Terra lives in Wilcox, Arizona, so we spend our time together on the phone.  As she talks about her husband, daughter and daily life her voice is upbeat and cheerful.  Even when she shares with me her latest obstacles (and they are difficult at best), her spirit remains positive, thankful and full of hope.
  • When I asked Terra how she has endured all these years of hardship, she explained to me each day is only possible due to her faith in God.  Her spirit lives in this world with the ones she dearly loves, and equally deeply longs for the day she will be with the Lord she adores.  This hope for her future helps keep her going.

I also asked Terra if she has a favorite verse.  She remembers God speaking to her while having her devotions out in the Camp Hammer forest.  Through these verses God spoke to her and the words have been a comfort to her ever since.

“Though the fig tree should not blossom

And there be no fruit on the vines,

Though the yield of the olive should fail

And the fields produce no food,

Though the flock should be cut off from the fold

And there be no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will exult in the LORD,

I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

The Lord GOD is my strength,

And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,

And makes me walk on my high places.” –Habakkuk 3:17-19


What an exceptional mom, with such an amazing testimony. I’m so thankful that God is her daily strength, and look forward again to walking arm in arm with her through the “high places” in heaven.  Thank you, Terra, for being such an extraordinary mom and woman of God!  What an inspiration you are to the rest of us.

❀Are you an extraordinary mom living life with physical challenges?  What has God taught you through your journey? We would LOVE to hear from you!❀

❥ By Tara Dovenbarger

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It Can Be A Lonely World

Motherhood can be lonely. Can’t it?  I mean, who counts the places that they’ve nursed a baby? (raising a sheepish hand.)  Who cheers for their toddler going potty and makes a phone call to Daddy while he’s working just to brag on it? (the other hand…)

While we know other people travel these roads, it can seem like not another soul is on the same journey that we are as parents.

Parenting came seem to be a lonely job. 

But can I interject that being the mother of a special needs child is even more lonely? 

Those feelings of

“Our family can’t do those activities because there is no wheelchair access.”

Or “Have you noticed the Jones’ are not comfortable around our child’s difficult behavior?”

Even “There is no place for ‘Johnny’ to enjoy church worship so one of us will have to stay home.”

Today I’ve outlined five easy ways to help a special needs family feel less lonely and more a part of your community, society, and especially, church.

1. Observe the number of people attending who need handicapped parking and have enough accommodating parking spaces for those attending.

2. Be sure your building has wheelchair accessibility. Consider ramps or touch mechanics in order to assist those who need an extra helping hand.

2. Make a room available for special needs children and their parents to watch the services/ activities on screens so that they can still physically be in attendance. Many churches use a “family worship” room for this.

3. Have wheelchair seating in your auditorium to accommodate families.  Take out half a row of chairs or half a pew, whatever you need to do to make seating appropriate for a family to sit with their handicapped loved one.  To have the opportunity to sit together in church as other families is priceless.

4. Pray for those families.  Know their names and enter them in your prayer journal. “I’m praying for you” goes a long ways.

5. Simply ask them about their needs.  In order to minister to them, the needs have to be known.  In short: “Is there anything the church can do to help your family with your child’s special needs?”

The body of Christ need never feel lonely; we are all the hands and feet of Jesus.  While He is with us every step in this world, He uses each of us to minister to one another.

I would love to see your answers to this question:

What is your organization doing to reach out to families with special needs children?

Rachel- RachelWojo.com

 

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I Have Hope

“My soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,  for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:21-23

It was quiet, too quiet.  All the rush of people in and out of the room the days before had all come to an end. The darkness, even the newborn bed that was made specifically to be lit up and warm was completely dark and still.

My eyes went back to the unlit lamp over my son’s newborn warming bed as a new rush of pain and despair of what would be happening soon rolled through me. My beautiful newborn son, Isaac, whom I was so proud of, was delivered stillborn just hours before. 

This was the day that I would have to let my son go, force myself to walk out of this room, never to be able to hold his tiny two pound body or see his beautiful face in this life again.

My husband and I were not surprised or in shock; in fact we had been planning on this day for three months.  Doctors said our son had Trisomy 18, and we needed to abort and go on with life.  We said no, we would let God decide the number of our son’s days and carry him safe in my womb as long as we could.

During the long months of waiting you can bet I had a lot of questions for the Lord.  One of the biggest was, “Lord, this is my son, my child. You are asking me to let him go.  Will you be there to give me strength to walk away? To say goodbye?  To open my arms and physically let him go?” My Lord had proven Himself to be faithful in hard trials before, but what about this time?  I desperately wanted to know-Would He give me the strength I needed to leave the  hospital without my son?

And here I was, waking up to that dreaded, much anticipated day.

After twelve hours of labor, our family savored each minute we had holding Isaac.  We were able to rock him, take wonderful pictures of him, dress him.  I tried to memorize every detail about him.  I remember washing his face with my tears. He was so perfect. He had lots of black hair like his big brother David, long eyelashes, fuzzy eyebrows, the cutest little lips, fisted Trisomy hands, chubby cheeks, long Thompson feet!

Then it was time. I had to leave the hospital. And yes, God was there.

God’s mercy and peace flowed through the room as a sweet nurse I had never seen before walked in.  Before I handed her my precious tiny bundle, she naturally turned around and respectfully washed her hands.  I handed her my son and she smiled gently down at him.  She settled down in the rocking chair and rocked him slowly.  She assured us she would care for him and not leave him until the funeral home came.  

The love and protection that poured out of this stranger gave us the strength to walk away in peace. I will forever carry the sweet memory of my Isaac being held, respected, loved, cared for. I know this stranger was a gift to me from God, given to me at just the right time and moment. What a perfect picture of Christ’s love for each of us.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet God’s unfailing love for you will not be shaken or His covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

In this life we WILL have sorrow and troubles, but His compassion for each of his children will never fail.  Great is Your faithfulness!

Dear mom, “May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your heart and strengthen you ” today! 2 Thess.2:16-17

✿How has God shown up in a tangible way to meet your greatest need? Are you daily asking to be used by God in mighty ways?✿

✘To read more about our journey, please visit   http://isaacalmon.blogspot.com

Tara Dovenbarger

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Is it Autism?

“She does not like to be held or rocked at all.  She won’t look at what I am pointing at, and never points at things herself.  The softest touch sends her wailing, but being bitten by ants at the playground did not cause a stir.  She still is not talking, but all my friends have had late talkers.  She seems to look everywhere but in my eyes. So many things don’t seem right. Could this be autism?”

Autism. Just the sound of the word makes the strongest of moms weak in the knees.

So what is autism? 

According to the Mayo Clinic and my own experience with my child with autistic like tendencies:

  • Autism is a disorder of brain development that causes developmental problems and appears in early childhood.
  • Each child with autism is unique and affected differently than others, but all have problems with communication and interacting with others.

There is no cure for autism.

What are some symptoms?

  • The symptoms usually show up between 2 and 3 years.
  • The child will fail to respond to his/her name.  My daughter at 8 years old will still not respond when I call her name.  This makes it very difficult to find her inside or out.   When I call out to her, I have to ask her, “Say Something!” And if I’m lucky, I will hear a faint noise from her and be able to then find her.”
  • Poor eye contact.
  • Does not like to be held or cuddled. This is a real area of guilt as a mom. I tried for years to read to her and rock her like my other children. She would scream and claw her way out of my lap. It was very hard to bond and feel connected.”
  • Talking starts later than age two or loses ability to say previously acquired words.  My daughter is 8, and praise God, she just started putting 5 words together! For the first time she is able to tell me if she is not feeling well, what she wants to eat, and small bits about her day at school!”
  • Can’t start or keep conversation going.
  • Likes repetitive movements (hand-flapping, rocking back and forth)  ”Our daughter loves to hold one leg, rock back and forth with humming/mumbling the same sounds over and over and over and over:)”
  • Children with autism look “normal”.  ”Going out in public can be very hard. I cringe every time someone comes up and asks my daughter her age. When I respond for my child, the stranger gives me a queer look, as if to say, “Why don’t you let her answer the question?” If only it were that easy.”

freedigitalphotos.net

When should I see my doctor?

  •  12 months- your child isn’t babbling or cooing, no pointing or waving gestures
  • 16 months- not saying single words
  • 24 months-not able to say two-word phrases
  • Any age-the loss of acquired language or social skills

Source: Mayo Clinic Staff, 2010, Autism. Retrieved April 16, 2012, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/autism, para. 1-11)

I think my child may have autism, now what?

  • Your doctor will evaluate your child and refer you to a specialist.
  • If your doctor isn’t listening to your concerns, contact your local school for an evaluation.

And finally, here are some excellent resources to help you or a friend today!

  • Speechless: Finding God’s Grace in My Son’s Autism by Sandra Peoples. This eBook on Amazon is a must read.  It was so encouraging to me. The book takes you with the author as she discovers her son’s autism. In her book she also gives you 10 steps to take if you suspect your child has autism, and gives a great list of resources. http://peoplesonline.blogspot.com/2011/11/buy-speechless.html
  • “The Out-of-Sync Child” by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A.
  •   www.autismspeaks.org
  •  www.firstsigns.org

Finally, my prayer for you is that the Lord will comfort you.  Isaiah 44:2, “Thus says the LORD who made you, and formed you from the womb who will help you, do not fear.” The LORD knew what he was doing when he made our children and will help us each step along the way! How has the Lord helped you or a friend on this journey?      ❥Tara Dovenbarger


 

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Abide in Me

Close up of baby's foot in mother's handWhen I am asked, “How many children do you have?” I don’t know how to respond. “Three,” I answer, while I finish the sentence in my head, “…here with me and one in Heaven.” I will never forget my daughter, Rachel Faith, even if the only life she experienced was in the womb. She is always with me. As beautiful as she was at birth and at death, those images are not what flutter through my mind. I imagine her dancing with her sister. I twirl her dark curls. I embrace her, though she’s not physically here. Rachel died at birth and age stopped counting, but to me she’s almost 10.

Rachel lived in me. Her heart beat loud and strong while she stayed with me. But she left my body, and our hearts no longer beat in harmony. She was here. Then she was gone. About a week before Rachel Faith was born, I felt a sharp pain on my lower left side. I feared its significance; I knew her birth was near. By this time, the trisomy 18 had been confirmed, and the grim outlook bore gravely down upon me. I fell to my knees and wept. Through tears, I whispered to Rachel, though she could not hear or understand, “Stay with me! Don’t come out! Don’t go!” As long as she was in me, her heart beat. In me, she was alive and strong, vital. Apart from me, her imperfect body could do nothing.

Jesus says in John 15:5 (NKJV), “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” The Greek meno (abide) means to stay in a given place, to continue, endure, or remain. Jesus tells us to stay in Him. In Him, we are alive and strong, vital. In Him, we bear much fruit. Apart from Him, we wither. Apart from Him, we perish. Now, my Rachel could not physically remain in me forever. Her departure from this world was an act of the Father pruning my husband’s and my branches. We faithfully allowed God to work His will in our lives out of obedience to Him. “By this My Father [was] glorified, that you bear much fruit” (John 15:8 NKJV).

Losing Rachel evoked desperate emotions. My thoughts echoed Job’s, “May the day of my birth perish…That day – may it turn to darkness…May darkness and deep shadow claim it once more; may a cloud settle over it; may blackness overwhelm its light. That night – may thick darkness seize it; may it not be included among the days of the year nor be entered in any of the months…for it did not shut the doors of the womb on me to hide trouble from my eyes” (Job 3:3-10 NIV). The pain was so intense; I felt it would be better never to have existed at all than to experience such heartbreak.

Though I lingered awhile in the darkness, I could not wallow forever in my misery. I emerged from the pit despair plunged me into, “And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 4:2-3, emphasis mine.) Rachel existed, but she did not live to “see the evil that is done under the sun.” I know she is truly happy, for to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

From time to time, I gaze my affection upon memories of Rachel. She was here so briefly, they are but few, so I hide those treasured trinkets away in my heart. Often in regard to writing, I tell people I know it’s a God thing when my writing goes a completely different direction than the one I had planned. The same is true in life. I had plans for Rachel. Big ones! But what God had planned for her was so much better. Better than both is he who has not yet been! All Rachel has ever known is Glory. I rejoice in God’s plan. Sure, I cry tears of sorrow from time to time, but I long for time without end when I join her in God’s presence and see what she has always seen.

Jesus wants us to produce fruit for Him. The type of fruit we produce by remaining in God’s love is what results from our example of faith, things such as reaching the lost, drawing His children closer to Him, and exemplifying His gentle mercies. We must continue in Him. We must remain attached to the vine in order to bear fruit. He tells us this 10 times from verses 4-10 of John 15!

If I abide in Christ, and He in me, I am vibrant. As Rachel was alive in me, I am alive in Jesus! Remain in Jesus, dear sisters. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11 NKJV).

By Jodi Whisenhunt

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