See the BOID!

May 8, 2013 By

“My sister was carrying my daughter, Kim, down the hall of a hospital. Little Kim was looking back and saying, “See the boid!” (bird – she couldn’t yet say her Rs). Gail turned to see what bird could possibly be in the hospital, and there stood three nuns. Kim thought they were penguins.”* PenguinMy friend, Sandra Chapman, shared this story in the “Laugh Out Loud” section of  The Plan A MOM in a Plan B World.  

 

IT’S GOOD TO LAUGH, DON’T YOU THINK?

I remember the day when my children, Taylor and Lauren, were little and the milk spilled for the upteenth time.  I finally decided to laugh. Not cry. Not scream. Not get mad. Instead, realize that accidents were going to happen when you’re raising little ones.

If God is In Control, Why Am I a Basket Case?

But sometimes a mom can feel like a BASKET CASE!

What drives you almost INSANE?

Are there some things we CAN DO to have a MORE SANE home and family life? Yes! As a matter of fact, I listed 75 pointers in The Plan A MOM in a Plan B World.

Which might help you?

75  7 POINTERS for a SANE FAMILY** You don’t have time to read all 75 right now. :)  

1. Be in the moment with the one you’re with.

If you’ve set aside 15 minutes to play with the kids, then make it play time. Put your phone in your purse and don’t text, call, or answer it.

2. Laugh together.

Telling old stories keeps them alive in your mind and your child’s mind. “Do you remember when you were three and you asked me how God got dinosaurs to heaven?”

3. Pray immediately, not later.

If Carson is worried he won’t make the soccer team, instead of saying, “We’ll pray you do,” pray that moment. “Carson, I know you want to make the team, and you’re so good! Let’s pray that if it is God’s will, that you will. Heavenly Father, thank You for making Carson with feet and legs that can run and with a good strong body that can play soccer. We pray that if it is Your will for Him to make the team that He will. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Now, Carson, go out and do your best. We’ll trust God with what happens. I love you.”

4. Listen to Christian music.

Studies prove that music has a powerful effect on us. When you or your kids are down or they’re trying your nerves, play Christian music. It’s good for your soul and your kids.

5. Say, “Good morning!” and greet each family member with a smile in the mornings.

It sets the tone and mood for the day. Trust me on this.

6. Read at least one verse from your Bible every morning.

“I gotta have it!” we say about our coffee. “Caffeine gets me through the day,” we explain. Sure, it may physically get you through the day. But what about emotionally? A great addiction is a verse a day. It WILL impact you and affect whether or not you are sane and raise sane kids.

7. Last but not least. Say, “I love you,” in the morning when you hug little ones and often throughout the day.

Say, “I love you” to that tween and teen and let them hear you say it to others. God is LOVE. If we want our children to grow in God and be loving adults, we must pray for God to fill us with His love. We must speak loving words. We must articulate our love.

I guess I really gave you 8 POINTERS. The last is really the first. Before you get out of bed, if you want to be sane and more than sane and raise sane kids, PRAY for God to FILL YOU WITH HIS SPIRIT.  You can’t do the mommy thing well nor God’s way without CHRIST INFUSING YOUR MIND, EMOTIONS, & SPIRIT.

HAPPY SANE MOTHER’S DAY!

 ”The fruit of the SPIRIT is LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, GENTLENESS, FAITHFULNESS, SELF-CONTROL,”                        Galatians 5:22-23.

Love, Debbie

The Plan A MOM in a Plan B World

The Plan A MOM in a Plan B World: How to Raise Faithful Kids in a Flawed World

**75 POINTERS for a SANE FAMILY, pages 215-217.

DEBBIE TAYLOR WILLIAMS, Spreading the Word and Love of God.

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Filed Under: Childhood, Debbie Taylor Williams, Kid's Stuff, M.O.M. Devos, MOM Stuff, MOMs at Heart, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment

How to Help Infertile Women

March 13, 2013 By

Infertility.

About one in six women are dealing with infertility. It is isolating, confusing, painful, and can rock the faith of its sufferer.

And those on the outside looking in, well they want to help, but don’t know how. Awkward silences and taboo topics strain relationships.

How do you mentor or be a friend to someone dealing with infertility?

  • Be there for them. One of the best things a friend said to me was, “I don’t understand what you are going through, but I am here for you.” And she was. She went to doctors appointments with me, prayed with me, and let me have bad days.
  • Be honest, but don’t avoid them. It is ok to say “I don’t know what to say.” However it is not ok to avoid all mention of their struggle or to avoid their friendship.
  • Be aware of what you are saying. It is ok to say, “Can I tell you about my kids?” Just don’t get hurt if she needs to say no at that point. Infertile women want to have relationships with people who have kids or are pregnant. They understand you want to tell them about your kids, but some days it may be too difficult for them. Give your friend the opportunity to hear about your kids or not.
  • Listen. Before I struggled with infertility I had all kinds of opinions about how I would handle infertility if I had to deal with it. If I had the chance I would have spewed that wonderful advice to any one else too. Unless you are asked directly please keep your opinions to yourself.
  • Pray for and with her. This is a dark difficult time for the woman dealing with infertility. So pray for her and if she is open to pray with her. Pray for God to give her wisdom, to open her womb, for peace in the struggle, and for God’s glory in the midst of the darkness.
  • Please do not say: “You just need to relax.” “Maybe if you adopt you will get pregnant. That happened to my cousin…” “Don’t worry so much.” “Maybe God is punishing you for past sin.” “Be happy with the kids you do have.” All these things are meant to encourage or help, but just don’t.

Mentoring or being a friend to someone dealing with infertility is not rocket science, but it does take grace on both sides. Also consider looking at Janet Thompson‘s book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have A Baby. This is a great resource for both those suffering with infertility and mentors/friends wanting to understand how to help them.

As a mentor what questions do you have about supporting women facing infertility?

As a woman dealing with infertility what do you want others to know?

by Angela Mackey

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By His Spirit

January 15, 2013 By

Lately my days have been spent mostly rocking a feverish baby, wiping snotty noses and trying to grab a few moments of sleep when I can. The winter colds have hit our house pretty hard and this Momma is tired.

Even with sick kids, it is hard for me to just sit during the day.  My mind begins to go over all that I need to be doing but can’t. While I’m rocking the baby I think about the laundry that still needs to be washed or the emails I haven’t answered yet. When the baby  finally goes to sleep I hope to get as much done as I can, but then I see one of my other kids making their selves comfy on the couch, grabbing a box of tissues and asking me to make them hot tea or something else to make them feel better.

I have to remember the time I invest in my children now will have lasting affects later on.  My kids are not a distraction or a burden as the world often portrays them to be. They are precious and well worth my time and energy-even when I have no energy.  All the time I spend wiping noses, rocking sick babies or just listening to a troubled teenager, it’s all worth it.  I’m not looking for rewards or recognition. I just want to be the mom my kids need and deserve.

But I have to admit; lately I have not felt that I have measured up at all.  I am running on empty.  I’m exhausted.  My temper is short. I just want to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time at night. How can I still be the mom my kids need?

zech4.6

Even in the midst of sick kids & crazy schedules, I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit walking with me, guiding me, carrying me through my days. I can’t make it on my own.  I must lean on the Lord & ask him for help, strength and clarity of mind.  How amazingly faithful he is to provide that to me.  Even on days when I can’t sit down and read my Bible, I can simply call on the Lord and know he is there.

I encourage you mom, know where your strength comes from. All that you do is important, even wiping noses and scrubbing dirty floors. It all ministers to the heart of God and to the hearts of your children.

I’m off to go wipe another runny nose.

 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 

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Mom’s Day of Prayer – Blanketing Our Nation in Prayer

December 13, 2012 By

After reading an article in a local Christian periodical Kathy Coleman knew she had to do something about it. It was November of 1997 and with a healthy dose of fear Kathy approached her new pastor with the idea – a day set aside  for the moms, aunts, neighbors, and grandmothers of her church to join together to pray for the children in their lives.

Kathy’s pastor not only told her she could have this event, but he had some ideas for her. First he gave her a name for this special day – Mom’s Day of Prayer. Then he broadened her scope. This day was not to be only for the ladies of her church, that wasn’t big enough. This Mom’s Day of Prayer was to be for the whole community.

Although Kathy was scared no one would come she agreed to invite the community. Two months later (January of 1998) the very first official Mom’s Day of Prayer took place at East Side Baptist Church in Fort Smith, Arkansas. Women did come.

In 2003 Mom’s Day of Prayer started their web presence and God extended it’s reach. In 2004 Mom’s Day of Prayer went world wide with groups meeting in Bermuda and Jamaica.

Fast forward nine years and Kathy knew God was calling her outside of her comfort zone again. The day after the election as she watched the news she told her husband, “God is calling me to do Mom’s Day of Prayer on the Capitol grounds in Washington DC.” Her husband agreed.

So she went about the business of getting approval to have moms pray on the Capitol grounds. She called around, faxed information, waited, and prayed. God confirmed her steps. She started seeing Washington DC calendars in odd places and red, white, and blue every where. On December 10th she got her approval.

So Kathy is going to DC to pray for our children. Check out this short video about how you can get involved.

Did you hear that? Kathy wants us all to be involved. You have three choices:

1. Go to Washington DC on January 19th and meet Kathy on the Capitol Grounds from 10 AM- 12PM to pray for the kids of this nation.

2. Host a Mom’s Day of Prayer event in your home, church, community center. If you decide you want to host such an event, contact the Mom’s Day of Prayer so they know you are joining in. Currently Kathy knows of only 8 states (New York, West Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida) and 2 foreign countries hosting events.

3. Find a Mom’s Day of Prayer event in your area and attend.

 

Let’s join together with mom’s across the country and across the world to pray for our children. May we blanket our nation and the world in prayer.

Kathy Coleman was raised in Paragould, AR where she learned to pick cotton, work in her grandparent’s community garden, and campaign for her dad as he ran for state office. She and her husband Rod founded “Real Marriages…Real Lives” a ministry dedicated to teaching couples how to have the best marriage possible. She is a cancer survivor, mom to two, and nana to three precious grandkids. Kathy is a gifted speaker who brings honesty, humor, and real life into her presentations.

By Angela Mackey

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Silencing the Inner “You Stink”

November 8, 2012 By

Have you met her? She can be a quiet whisper, or an irritating shriek. She loves it when you’re sad, thrives when you’re mad, and wants nothing more than to see you miserable.

She tells you you’re not good enough. She compares you constantly with your friends, other mothers, and all those pretty pictures on Pinterest.

What kind of mother ARE you?
You ALWAYS get it wrong, don’t you?
Nobody else feels like this. Just YOU.
Ketchup doesn’t count as a vegetable. It never has.
You’ll never be good ENOUGH.

She’s had a lot of names, but me? I think this suits her best; Lois Shea in her essay Big House, Little House, Back House, Barn from Leslie Morgan Steiner’s The Mommy Wars, hits the nail on the head.

We have an awful tendency to see our own failings as mothers – real or imagined – in one another’s strengths. [My friend] calls this phenomenon, only half-jokingly, the inner “you stink” voice.

You stink! You stink!

At a mother’s group recently, my friend Susan admired my homemade banana-bread, scoffing at the store-bought muffins she brought. I’m sure that in HER head, what she was telling herself was: “She’s a working mother and SHE managed to make something from scratch. But you, what have you done? You ran to Safeway! You stink! You stink!”

The irony is that Susan is an amazing cook. She plans well-thought-out and healthy meals for her family 7 days a week and when she mentions offhand the snow peas and tofu dish she’s in the middle of preparing, I look at the chicken nuggets in my oven and think: “What kind of mother are you? You are feeding your children prepared foods! You stink! You stink!”

It could go on and on. Shea cites here own examples – here are mine:

Christine is raising her children to be bi-lingual. She has put a huge emphasis on giving them educational opportunities to learn both Chinese and English at the same time. Her best friend, Liz, sews beautifully. But when Liz looks at her charmingly-dressed, but soley English-speaking daughters, she internally chides herself for depriving them of bi-lingual opportunities. You stink. You stink.

Christine looks at Liz’s remarkable handiwork, which she photographs and blogs about regularly, and tells herself that she should be doing so much more. Her children’s baby-books lay unfinished in a drawer; crafting just isn’t her forte. You stink. You stink.

Keri invents wonderful and amazing stories for her children and helps them build forts under the dining room table. Her neighbor, Beth, has obseerved their play and wistfully thinks of her middle-school aged children and the inevitable missed opportunities she had when they were small for such types of indoor play. You stink. You stink. But Beth keeps a kitchen garden in the summer that produces an abundance of unique heirloom tomatoes and other organic delights that she cans in the fall and shares with all her friends. Last time Keri was given a jar of her amazing summer tomatoes, all she could think was: “You are useless. You don’t have a garden. You buy all your produce at the grocery store.”

You stink.

You stink.

I hear her when I’m worn out, spread too thin…she’s loudest when my load is heavy and my resources few. Every Facebook entry when someone else is making a better dinner for their family than I am. Every homemade costume, every organic meal, no matter how hard I try there is always someone, somewhere doing it better than I am. Whatever IT is.

I will never measure up to the Pinterest-perfect ideal.

And neither will you. But here’s the thing…

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10, (NASB)

While our lives may not be Pinterest-perfect, we ourselves are the workmanship of God! Not something assembly-line- made, but carefully thought-out, planned, and hand-crafted. This same word, “workmanship,” was also used to describe the creation of a work of art, or poem.

You are the poetry of God. Exactly as you are. Not what you do, but who you are. 

Whether we serve organic or fast-food, whether we get it right today or get it wrong, whether our garments are hand-made, or store-bought, whether we missed the mark or saved the day…we are, without question, the handiwork, the finely-crafted, the carefully-planned poetry of God.

If that doesn’t make us Pinterest-worthy, I don’t know what would.

By Adelle Gabrielson
Trying to live life with grace, humor, and great shoes.

Follow Adelle on Facebook, and yes, Pinterest, or subscribe at www.AdelleGabrielson.com.

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Our Family Creed

September 19, 2012 By

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Several years ago, one of the pastors at our church spoke about the importance of creating a sense of team and vision within your own family.

One of the ways he’d done this in his family was by creating a Family Creed - a list of principals to live by, sort of a mission statement to help define what your family is all about.

As he shared his Family Creed, I feverishly took notes. Our daughter was about six at the time, our son was about four, and there were days during those years I felt like I spent half my time repeating myself, trying to teach the kids values or behaviors, and discipline them.

The creed sounded like a great way to focus and get everyone on the same page.

As soon as we got home that day, I copied the list our pastor had shared and created our own Heikka Family Creed…

I know it’s not the best photo, so here’s what it says:

The Heikka Family Creed

Heikkas share.
Heikkas keep their word.
Heikkas obey.
Heikkas let others go first.
Heikkas don’t whine.
Heikkas respect others.
Heikkas leave no one behind.
Heikkas act like gentlemen and ladies.
Heikkas don’t quit.
Heikkas don’t boast.
Heikkas do everything as if unto the Lord.

Mike and I eagerly shared the creed with our kids and it gave us a new framework to talk about the importance of things like letting others go first, not leaving anyone behind, never quitting, and always respecting others.

We made copies and taped it to each of their bedroom doors.

Sometimes the tape would lose its stick and the creeds would fall to the floor, but we’d always put them back up. And after a while, our kids even had the creed memorized. They could proudly recite it on their own.

It was helpful as a parent to be able to refer to it over the years, reminding the kids as they’d fight over a toy…

“Heikkas share,” or as they’d tell us about someone at school who was getting left out…”Heikkas don’t leave anyone behind,”

or if they weren’t putting their full effort into something…”Heikkas don’t quit.”

As the kids have gotten older,  they have needed less reminding. And, I admit, we haven’t read or even talked about our Family Creed in a while. In fact, one time when the copy on my son’s door fell off, instead of taping it back up right away, I set it on his dresser and made a mental note to get to it later.

I didn’t think he had noticed that it had fallen.

Until I walked into his room and saw this…

He had taken it off his dresser and tacked it to his wall, all on his own.

I might’ve thought, since my kids are older, it wasn’t needed as much anymore. But the fact that he put it on his wall made me take a fresh look at the principals and vision we share as a family.

And those aren’t something any of us should outgrow.  :)

Today, we’re linked up with Women Living Well

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It’s Not Often We’re Missed

July 16, 2012 By

hugAwhile back Facebook, in its infinite wisdom, recommended I reconnect with a friend I hadn’t heard from in quite some time. It turned out my friend’s family had experienced some tough times. When she thanked me for my prayers, her comment caught me off guard. She said, “It’s not often we’re missed.”

My heart broke for my friend, not just because of her difficult circumstances, but because she seemed alone in her struggles. I was reminded of Philippians 2:4, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.” How important that message is to remember!

In my experience I have noticed sometimes when a friend or a loved one goes through a difficult circumstance, like a prolonged illness or a death in the family, we don’t hesitate to reach out to their immediate needs, but then as time goes on we get uncomfortable and we no longer know the right thing to say or the right thing to do. I think that’s natural, because we know that nothing we say or do will make that particular heartache go away. In an odd conundrum, we’re afraid both to bring up happy memories and to speculate about the future, because we’re afraid either position could upset the person. And so what happens all too often is that we say nothing at all.

Don’t let anyone fall through the cracks. Don’t leave it to Facebook to nudge you to minister to those in need. In truth, looking to the interests of others is really quite simple to do.

First and foremost, pray. Pray that God would reveal to you who has a wounded spirit. Ask Him to show you to whom you can be His hands and feet and how to go about the task.

Pray some more. Pray God’s guidance over the situation, that He would give you words to speak and help you know exactly how to minister to those in need.

Keep praying. Pray that the other person be receptive to your offering. Sometimes people are so hurt they trust no one, even those with sincere intentions, or they are so angry with God they reject help of any kind.

Once when I went through a loss, my brother told me, “I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet. I just didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. But I’m here and I love you.” Sometimes words fail us. My brother didn’t have words to make it all better, but he did let me know he was at my side. Simple little acts of compassion can lift someone from the gutter. Smile when you greet him or her. Text a word of encouragement. Call out of the blue. Drop off a sweet treat.

Remember others. Be receptive to God’s whispers and hear broken hearts crying out. Let those who are struggling know they are loved. Don’t let them feel that it’s not often they are missed.

By: Jodi Whisenhunt. Come think outside the textbook with me! Expand your home classroom and learn while you play when Disney IS school at Magical Mouse Schoolhouse!

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How to Mother When You Long for More

January 18, 2012 By

Sun filtered through the blinds as I blinked my eyes open. A new day loomed before me. Another day I knew I was not pregnant and I likely would never be again. My empty womb seemed to mock me and though it was empty it felt heavy with despair and longing. My soul felt heavy too. Burdened with a longing that would not be met, saddled with questions of why, and the pain of apparent injustice.

As I shook my head to clear it, voices began to call to me from down the hall. Although I desperately wanted to stay in bed and brood over the pain and longing, I had children to tend. I often wondered and still do if having to tend children while dealing with infertility was easier or harder.

Yes I have children and I know I am incredibly blessed by their smiling faces and sweet hugs. I get to celebrate on Mother’s Day and I am already called, “mommy.” But the longing, grief, and wrestling is hard to deal with while wiping bottoms and keeping the peace. How do you mother while you grieve children who are not and may never be?

1. Know the truth about your heart. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Your heart, my heart – all our hearts – will tell us lies. They will convince us we will never be happy until we get pregnant or we have another child. Since joy is a fruit of the Spirit that is simply not true. Let us be aware that our hearts will lie and they can’t be trusted.

2. Tell your heart the truth. When your emotions threaten to take you down the road marked despair, remind your emotions who God is. He is your comforter, He is faithful, He is able, and He has good plans for you.

What is truth? Jesus says in John 17:17, “…Your [God's] word is truth.” Use the sword of the Spirit to confront the lies your heart is telling you. Cling to the truth despite what your emotions are telling you. It may not “feel” true at first, but your mind can lead your emotions if you allow it.

3. Stay connected to God. The truth is difficult to remember if we are not in God’s word, involved in a community of believers, in prayer, and if we do not remember what God has done for us in our past and present.

During infertility struggles it is difficult to want to be connected to a God who is able, but may not fill the longings of our hearts. I encourage you to:

  • Start by reading the Psalms. David wrestles over difficult things in the Psalms and he comes out knowing God is good.
  • Find a church or Bible Study that will help keep you in God’s word.
  • Pray. Ask close friends and family to pray or seek out infertility support online.
  • Ask God to give you eyes to see His work in your life. This will help you see God keeps His promises and you can trust Him with your infertility.

4. Give thanks to choose joy. Thank God for the children you have, find joy in the little things. Ann Voskamp wrote, “The practice of giving thanks … is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to his presence, and it is always a practice of the eyes. We don’t have to change what we see. Only the way we see” (1,000 Gifts page 135). Oh that we would practice using our eyes to really see the joy that is before us even in the hard dark difficult times. May God give us eyes to see the joy and blessings surrounding us even as we long for new life to grow inside us.

5. Be present. Don’t let your longing and dreams keep you from engaging in what is now. Play with your children, laugh with them, tickle them, listen to their stories. Be available for your kids. Do something different to keep yourself aware. Go on a walk, play a game, sing a song, read a book, schedule a play-date or two. If your child realizes you are sad agree with them. If you feel led tell them on their terms what is causing your sadness. I told my children that I loved them so much I wanted more babies, but that God wasn’t allowing that to happen yet. I was surprised at both their empathy and their ability to not carry my grief once I explained it.

Mothering is a process not a destination. Infertility is a long journey that changes and challenges you. As you mother on the road marked infertility God is near. He is refining you, comforting you, and encouraging you. Some days will be bright and sunny, other days will be more difficult. Seek God despite the hurt and pain. It is through Him that you while you long for more children you can mother well.

by Angela Mackey  www.rethinkingmythinking.com

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