10 Summertime Safety Tips

I’ve always loved the fun in the sun that defines summer. But it’s also a time when children experience more injuries and make more visits to the emergency room than any other time of year.

Before the last bell of the 2011-2012 school year ushers in the approaching summer season and before a momma starts filling her days with a plethora of plans for the kiddos, it’s wise to consider safety first.

The M.O.M. Initiative wants to help your summertime be filled with fun and accident free, so we’re offering 10 summertime safety tips to help you have the best summer ever!

1. Moderation is key to fun in the sun. Remember, your little ones can become overheated and dehydrated much faster than you. So, when you make outdoor plans be sure to either include some shade or keep the time they spend in direct sunlight to a minimum.

2. Keep the sunscreen on the kids. Sunburns are not only painful but can be dangerous as well as a big cancer causing culprit. Fifteen minutes in direct sunlight is all it takes for tender skin to begin to burn. When it comes to sunscreen a good rule to remember is, if they’re in the sun it’s on their skin. (Make sure the SPF is 15 or more)

3. Don’t be bugged by insects. Avoid scented soaps, scented lotions and perfumes. Avoid garbage cans, standing water, leaves and woodpiles where yellow jackets, mosquitos, ticks and spiders love to dwell.

4. Get ‘em geared up. Most outside activities require some type of gear. Bicycle riding requires helmets; skateboarding requires helmets, elbow & knee pads; soccer requires shin guards and boating requires life vests. Be sure that you get your children properly geared up for whatever activity they’re involved in.

5. Take lessons first. Whether it’s swimming, horseback riding, water skiing or some other sport, be sure to have your child take lessons prior to participating in those activities. Those who teach these lessons also provide safety instructions and help prepare your children to play it safe.

6. Be aware of the weather. Check the weather before you head out. If a lightning storm approaches, avoid open spaces, standing in water and standing under a tree. Find shelter inside if possible. If not, make your way back to your car. The same is true for wind and hail storms.

7. Teach them to stick to the rules. Whatever activity you choose to do, be sure your children are taught the rules. Teach them to take precautions and make sure they stick to the rules. If they do something you’ve told them is outside of the realm of safety, be a good mom and make them sit it out for a little while. While children are often fearless and aren’t mature enough to consider the significance of safety, the consequences of not being able to participate may make them choose to stay safe.

8. Keep it age appropriate. Children are often injured trying to do things they aren’t old enough to do. Their dexterity isn’t always as developed as it needs to be for certain activities. Don’t allow your children to venture into the world of trying to be too big for their britches.

9. Be cool by the pool. Be extremely careful when your are near water. Observe the 2 foot rule when with your small children in the pool. That means don’t allow yourself to be more than 2 foot away from a child even if they’re wearing floaties. Inflatable rings, wings and rafts can easily be deflated and are often too slippery for children to hold on to. No running by the pool. No wrestling in the pool. And most importantly, NO children near the pool without supervision by an adult who can swim.

10. Be prepared. Know CPR and keep a “Summertime Fun Kit” packed and with you at all times. Include a camera, snacks, boxed drinks, a first aid kit, sunscreen, bug repellent, anti-sting lotion, calamine lotion, bandaids, antibiotic ointment, an ace bandage, tweezers, scissors, alcohol or peroxide, Visine, a spare set of clothes, an extra pair of shoes, a comb or brush, a toothbrush and tooth paste, a couple of books, a couple of games.

Summer is such a fun time of the year. Don’t let an injury or accident ruin a moment of it! Keep the kiddos safe and make memories you and your family will never forget.

What would you add to this list?

By Stephanie Shott

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Mommy Guilt

I am not the perfect mom.

I love my husband and my kids, but I mess-up–often. Some days I make lots of mistakes–other days I do better. However I will never be perfect–not this side of heaven.

Sometimes I pick-up every mistake I make, but my burden is heavy. It whispers to my heart. You will never do this right. You are messing up your children. You are a bad mother. You will never be enough.

My heart convulses as I lose myself in the lies my burden feeds me. I lose my joy in fear. My strength evaporates in the face of guilt. A dark chasm threatens to swallow me whole. “I will never be enough,” I say to myself. “I will never…..”

The truth hits me square in the face. No, I will never be enough. Helping make a man or woman out of a helpless baby is more than I can do. Building character and encouraging faith is beyond me. No I will never be enough, but Christ in me is enough. “I can do everything through [Christ] who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) Jesus even said, “…apart from Me, you can do nothing.” (John 15:5b) It is the Holy Spirit that empowers me to mother well.

When I remember Christ enables me my mistakes do not condemn me, instead they remind me of the truth. No I am not the perfect mother, but Christ is in me and He can do all kinds of things through me and despite me.

More than that God “gently leads those that have young.” (Isaiah 40:11) He knows mothering is beyond us and He gently guides us so we can make wise choices for our kids. Moms let us remember God’s “yoke is easy and His burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

He never intended us to carry our mistakes and guilt around. He tells us “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) We only need to lay our mommy guilt down at the foot of the cross, accept Jesus’ offer of forgiveness and give Him authority over our lives. Then His Spirit can empower us to mother with wisdom, compassion, and grace.

We cannot be perfect, but He strengthens us, gently leads us, and forgives us. Since God who is perfect offers us forgiveness, don’t you think it is time we forgive ourselves?

This week when you make mistakes instead of picking them up would you lay them down at the cross? Then ask God to forgive you and empower you to be the mom He created you to be.

If this mommy guilt or fear of failure speaks to you, you may also be interested in what Ann Voskamp shared this week for mothers who fear failure.

By Angela Mackey

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How Parents Support (and Sabotage) Student Success (Part I)

As parents, we want to help our children succeed in school.

In my twenty-two years as a classroom teacher (twenty-one as a parent), I’ve seen parent strategies that pay big dividends.

I’ve also seen well-intentioned efforts that actually cost the kids.

Today, I’m going to start a series in which we explore one support strategy and one form of sabotage.

Support 1:  Help your child learn their multiplication tables. 

Through the 20s. As soon as possible. I’m not suggesting “super baby” tactics. But do take advantage of edutainment software programs that will drill your child over and over again. Make your mantra, “We’re gonna keep on trying ‘til we get ‘em all right!”

A parent once accused me of giving “way too much” math homework. It was unreasonable for me to expect her 7th grader to spend 2 hours a night on math! I agreed and asked if we could go through a few math problems together with the student.

As we walked through the problems together on the white board, the mother was dismayed to hear her daughter struggling with basic multiplication facts: “4×6…21? 27? 22?”  She soon realized that I wasn’t giving 2 hours of homework each night. The problem was her daughter’s lack of basic math skills, which caused 20 minutes worth of homework to stretch on forever.

Once this student’s multiplication skills were up to speed, her homework time decreased, while her confidence–and enjoyment of math–rose.

Sabotage 1:  Talk negatively about the teacher to your child. 

The mother in the example above had been blaming me to her daughter for several months before she talked directly to me. This gave her daughter license to get mouthy with me in class, “forget” her homework, and “lose” her notes.

After we met, the mother started telling her daughter that I was a caring capable teacher. She instructed her to sit in the front row, listen, and take notes. She called and e-mailed me often to make sure her daughter was turning in homework and paying attention in class.

At first, the student resented me for bringing her mother “over to the dark side.” But as her math grades improved, she soon considered me a “favorite” teacher not because of anything I was doing differently but because of the changes in her mother’s–and her own–attitude toward me.

I’ve always remembered, and tried to emulate, one parent who spoke with utmost respect about all teachers while within her child’s hearing. When she needed to express a concern or disagreement during a parent-teacher conference, she excused her child, “talked turkey” with the teacher, and then moved back into your-teacher-and-I-are-in-this-together mode when the child returned.

How do you support your child’s school success? How might you be engaging in well-intentioned sabotage?

By Cheri Gregory

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10 Ways to Win the Whining War

It has a way of grating on your nerves. Whining can drive a momma up the proverbial wall. How do you stop a two year old from whining when it’s time for bed, when you take her favorite toy away or when she doesn’t get her way?

What do you do when your 5 year old whines about what you feed him for lunch, when you make him play outside or when you make him take a nap?

Somehow, whining is a universal language for children between 1 and 18… and if it’s not dealt with before they become adults, their spouses have the displeasure of dealing with their whining.

Since we all know there are no cookie cutter kids, we also know there are no cookie cutter answers. What works for one will not work for another. However, there are some things moms can do to help win the whining war! :-)

Here are 10 ways to win the whining war:

1. Identify your child’s triggers. What initiates the whining? Begin the process of taking note of what it is that seems to trigger the whining. You may notice a pattern and be able to distinguish between legitimate fears and overdramatized frustrations.

2. Define whining. You’re children need to understand what whining is and why it’s not acceptable. I know you’ve probably figured it out already, but telling them to stop whining doesn’t really help. Be sure to explain to your children what whining is and why it won’t be allowed.

3. Don’t give in. When children whine they have to know you won’t let them have their way… not because of whatever it is they are whining about but BECAUSE THEY ARE WHINING. It you reward whining by giving in to whatever it is they are whining about, you reinforce to them that whining works and you will lose the whining war before the battle ever begins.

4. Establish realistic consequences. Sometimes it’s not enough to not give in because they are whining, other times there has to be comparable consequences. If you have to take away a toy or a privilege for a day to wage war with whiny behavior, then you might have to do that.

5. Re-adjust their focus. Children have a short attention span. Use that to your advantage as a parent. When the whining begins, it’s very important to deal with it, but after you have done so, divert your little one’s attention in a new direction.

6. Don’t have a meltdown moment in front of them. Whining has a way of wearing a mommy out. Don’t let them know that. For some reason, those sweet little bundles of joy have a way of knowing what buttons to push and how long to push them before they get their way. If they see you wearing down, they’ll think they can wear you out and you’ll give in. You’re the parent. Remember, you don’t have to get upset. You just have to parent them well.

7. Be consistent. Probably the most important aspect of parenting overall is to be a consistent parent. If you corrected them for whining about something yesterday, it can’t be okay today. If they had a toy taken away from them from whining last week, it has to be taken away if they refuse to quit whining today. Don’t allow yourself to be so tired you become a wishy-washy mom. Remember, consistency is key and wishy-washy moms never win the whining war.

8. Show the love even when they whine. Being frustrated with a whining child is normal, but children have a way of being like a sponge and absorbing whatever attitude you display. Correcting your children must always be done in love. If it’s not, it’s just an overflow of your frustration and anger and there’s nothing good that can come from that.

9. Explain and reward proper behavior. Let your children know what you expect and how it is best to deal with something. Explain different ways they can deal with being frustrated and reward them with they behave well. Children like to please their parents… so tell them how to do so by giving them a good understanding of various ways they can respond instead of whining.

10. Don’t be a whiner. Behavior is much more caught than taught. What you do in moderation, your children will do in excess. That includes whining. You may want to pay attention to your responses to be sure your child isn’t just mimicking you. If you don’t want your child to be a whiner, then don’t allow your own behavior to teach them how to be one.

Whining is such a difficult behavior to deal with. Many a mom has crumbled under the weight of a whining child. But if you deal with it now… deal with it consistently… deal with it wisely and deal with it in love, you will win the whining war and before you know it, your home will be a ‘whine-free zone’ and you will be a less stressed momma.

What do you do to win the whining war with your children? 

By Stephanie Shott

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Breaking Out Of The Mundane

Shivering through goosebumps as I laid in my window seat–God had gotten my attention. The flashback to when Wade & Bea had prayed over me was suddenly loud and audible, instead of staying in the past. It sept forth into the present and mixed with the word, Eucharisteo–  jarring another memory from reading the book 1000 gifts.

Heather, I can barely put it into words, but God wants you to know he is here; he is always there for you. It’s like that feeling of being watched and when you look over your shoulder, you won’t see anyone, but trust  me God is with you.”

I’ve been struggling with being so busy and was ashamed to admit, I didn’t want to take the time to read the Bible, do my prayer time, or devotions. Something I used to love, had lost its passion and joy–turning it into a mundane task. Yet, the more I ran through my week without trying, the thirster and more restless I became.

There were many nights in the last two months that I begged God to renew my passion, to create a heart just for him again. Each day I tried to sit at the table and go through the motions, the more I ached to just be done with it. But I wanted his presence so badly. Then I read the meaning of the words Eucharisteo–meaning thanksgiving, grace, joy in the constant. The word meant a way to a fuller life, instead of being a tired and weary mama.

As I sat up from the window seal, these two seemingly unconnected events–weaved together around the words from Ezekiel 36:25-27:

I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take our your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you, so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations. 

Do you see the picture yet? Do you see the connections? My dear little mama, God doesn’t want us to be obligated to spend time  with him in a moment of structure. He wants to spend every waking moment with us. He wants to commune with us. As I walked through those dry and empty days, God was trying to get my attention.

 I bet you feel the same way sometimes. You want to be a good christian, to be a devoted woman of God; yet when you turn the pages of your Bible, you’re spirit is restless and the pages feel dry. It’s time to change your relationship with God. What I discovered laying on my window seat is this: God doesn’t want our time with him to be slotted into a specific time, and rigid in reading his word. He wants to walk with us, commune with us, talk to us. He wants to share the days with us. 

He knows we are busy caring for our little ones, and he isn’t asking for a time of commitment. He is asking that we give thanks in the moments around us, to talk to him, find the joy in the weary, find the thanksgiving in the mundane.  He is asking to join us when we are picking up socks, referreeing the 18th sibling squabble, and breathe in his goodness as we drift off to sleep.

He doesn’t want us to be stuck in devotional time and Bible time; both of these have significance– but God wants an ongoing dialogue. And if you’re feeling dry, disconnected; ask him to renew your heart. In Ezekiel he says he will, he will give us the passion if we have the ‘want to.’

If you’ve been feeling tired, restless, and thirsty try these tips:

1. Keep a list for one week of things you are thankful for (from the book 1000 Gifts). Here’s my list:

  • band-aids with angels.
  • coffee wafting before I wake
  • husband’s broad shoulders
  • the faith of my son
  • Tori’s strong fighting spirit
  • baking bread
  • my daughter’s smile
  • the soft light glowing in the middle of the night
  • shrimp
  • fluffy white clouds
  • robin’s eggs in our back yard
  • a good book
  • silence
  • brother saying sorry to sister

2. Ask God to renew your passion, it doesn’t have to be fancy. Tell him you are tired and thirsty.

3. Pray that he opens your eyes to the world he created around you.

4. As you go about your day of carpool, diaper changing, instructing, and laundry; tell God what is on your mind, your thoughts, feelings, frustrations and all.

5. Ask God to help start a running conversation through out each day.

6. Wake up each day and ask him, “God who do you want me to bless today? And will you be present as I start out today?”

What tips can you offer than helps bring God into the present?

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I Am A Controlling Woman

By Special Guest: Gina Smith

We’ve all heard the phrase, “SHE wears the PANTS in THAT family!” We shake our heads and think about how controlling other women can be. But did you know that every time I complain or am discontent with my husband, correct or criticize him, tell him what to do, or interrupt him…I am controlling!?

I see it so clearly in others but the truth of the matter is that I am a controller. I wear the pants in my family. It’s a part of who I am. It’s a part of EVERY woman. The Word of God tells us that ALL women want to “wear the pants” in the family! All of us want to be in control! The truth is that we, as women, are ALL controllers!

Genesis 3:16 tells us of the consequences of the fall of man. It tells us that because the woman usurped her authority that she would “want to control her husband, but he will dominate you.”

“Sin produces a conflict or power struggle between the man and the woman. In her sin, Eve took the lead. She acted independently. She spurned her husband’s authority. She led the man into sin, usurping his role, acting independently of him in the temptation, overturning the divine order. She should have submitted to him, sought his counsel, let him be the leader. By taking control, she lost it permanently; just as by seeking the delight of the forbidden fruit, she lost delight. She wanted to take the lead and she lost it for good. And the legacy of this is conflict with her husband.” ~John MacArther

If it is a part of who we are! So what can we do about it?

When I see other women acting in a controlling manner, it motivates me to work harder at NOT being that way! When I see the ugliness of it–it causes me to cry out to God and confess my own rebellion and pride! Only as I cry out to the Lord in repentance and depend on Him and His strength am I able to CHOOSE to not be an overbearing and controlling wife. But…

  • I must see my need.
  • I must be able to acknowledge that I am a controller and that I need help.
  • I must crucify that part of me that is controlling!

Romans 12:1 “Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.”

I must choose to WORSHIP GOD by choosing NOT to be controlling. 

And when I do that…

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Peter 4:11 “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

HE is seen and HE is glorified! AMEN!

Gina Smith has served along side her husband at a small Christian college, right outside of DC for almost 20 years. She met her husband, Brian, while she was in college and he was in seminary. They married in 1988. After graduating, they served with “Youth for Christ” for 2 years until Brian was offered a job at the college Gina attended. Brian is a faculty member and the dean of students, and Gina is the dean of women. She has a degree in Bible and when she is not spending time with her family or students, she writes for MomLife Today and Internet Cafe Devotions. You can visit her at her personal website: www.keepinitreal-gina.com

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A Mother’s Heart…Unmet Needs


Harried from too many tasks on her day’s schedule, she stumbled into bed, falling asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

Rising in the morning, she had a strange feeling something wasn’t right, but she could not put her finger on it. Dismissing it, she hurriedly dressed and mumbled a few quick prayers.

With four kids, one husband, a slew of pets, and a busy calendar, she had plenty to do each day.

Throughout her day, thoughts of her weaknesses filled her head:

I wish I could handle my time better.
I wish I had more strength to meet all the challenges that pop up every day.
Why can’t I forgive my best friend?
I wish I had more patience with the children.
I wish I had more joy and love.
Why can’t I ever be at peace?
I wish I knew how to handle my in-laws.
I don’t understand why I’m so agitated with my husband.
I wish I knew what to do about…

The thoughts hounded her all day. As she trudged through each hour mumbling her wish list, the uncomfortable feeling that something was wrong hung over her head like a black shroud.

Late that afternoon, she died. Upon entering heaven, she stood before Jesus Who greeted her with open arms. After falling at His feet, she felt His loving hand on her shoulder.

Helping her up, He took her hand and said, “Come with Me.”

“Where are we going?”

“I want to show you something.”

He led her to a beautiful building. Entering, they strolled down a long, endless hallway with innumerable doors on each side. Each door had a wooden plaque on it engraved with someone’s name. Jesus stopped at the door with her name on it and opened the door.

To her amazement, she saw row after row of stacked boxes, piled higher than she could see. Each box was stamped with a date of her life. She noticed that a few dates were missing.

“What…”

Jesus interrupted her. Knowing her unspoken questions, He answered, “Each box contains the necessities you needed for each day of your life, but you rarely claimed them. All you needed – strength, power, love, joy, patience, guidance – they were here all along.

“My Father and I would have given you everything that was missing, but you did not believe you could receive from Us. All was planned for you in advance of your need. If only you would have believed, you would have received and your days would have gone much smoother.

“A mother has many needs throughout her day. Most of all, she needs someone who knows her struggles, her frustrations, her weaknesses, and her tears. And that one is Me. I would be all to a wanting mother’s heart, filling her every need and every desire.

“If mothers would only call on Me more often, I would soothe their hearts and gladly fill them with My love, joy, peace, and patience. But they must come to Me and claim My help, otherwise the answers sit on the shelf, just as you see here.

“Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe and rely on Me, you would see the glory of God?”*

She awoke. Dazed, she shook her head as if that would help to clear it. I’ve been dreaming. It was all a dream! But it was so real.

In the early hours of the morning while still dark and the family slept, she went straight to her Bible and spent time with the Lord. As the sun birthed the day, the family arose and the daily schedule rolled on.

She went about all her chores with the Scripture echoing in her heart and mind, “Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe…”* She praised the Lord, claiming all He had for her every need.

“For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it].” (Mark 11:24 Amp)

*John 11:40 Amplified

Lynn Mosher
Heading Home

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The Irony of the Empty Nest

How painfully hard it is to watch as the momma bird nudge her little babies out of the nest. They desperately try to cling to the wiry branches that had once been meticulously placed there by their parents. It was their home… all they ever knew. They were carefully cared for while they nestled in the twig-lined tree house yet a whole wide world awaited them beyond their little bungalow suspended between two limbs.

But it’s time for her babies to soar. It was what they were created for.

It’s ironic, you know? You raise them up to let them go. I know it’s how it’s supposed to be but the silence can be deafening.

I loved every minute of having my children at home. Even the difficult times. They were safe in our little bungalow made with cinderblock walls and ceramic tile floor. It was a place where laughter echoed through each room and joy was in the air. It was where we did our best to instill faith for the uncertain days they were certain to face. It was in our home where we challenged them to stand strong, taught them right from wrong and held them in our laps as we gathered to watch our favorite family television show.

But things were changing.

I had been a homeschool mom.  Eleven years of book fairs, planning curriculum, organizing field trips, teaching at our local homeschool co-op and best of all…treasured time with my boys.  It all came to a screeching halt and I was hurled like a discus into a new season of life.

It’s ironic but the empty nest was the goal. Why did I not realize that? What would I have done differently if I did?

  • I would have worked harder at parenting the adult they would become and not just the child they were.
  • I would have searched more diligently for a mentor to help me in my journey as a mom.
  • I would have looked for more ways to strengthen their talents and feed their dreams.
  • I would have definitely bought that camcorder we couldn’t afford and captured those Kodak moments for generations to come.
  • I think I would have taken Midol so my children wouldn’t have to experience my monthly hormonal meltdowns.
  • I would have taken more trips to the park and spent more days at the beach.
  • I would have basked in the beauty of a midnight sky as we counted the stars and conversed about the Creator.
  • I would have spent less time cleaning the grout in my tile, scrubbing the baseboards and organizing the linen closet.
  • I would have never told them to quit laughing.

I’m not sure how the years flew by so fast or when my boys became men but I know I miss them like crazy every day.

The empty nest is so ironic. It’s really the goal and yet, when our children are home all snug in their beds and life revolves around baseball practice and guitar lessons, we don’t even realize it.

One day, sweet mom, it will by your children’s turn to soar. It’s what they were created for. Your job is to prepare them to trust God for their journey, to fly above their circumstances, to keep their wings strong and their hearts clean and to find shelter from the storm under the Shadow of the Almighty when the winds begin to batter their soul and weaken their resolve.

My friend, Gina Smith writes her blog at www.keepingitreal.com. Last week I read a beautifully written expression that echoed my own thoughts and brought tears to my heart. It’s called, I Blink. Click on the link and take a few minutes to read through it and I think your own heart might shed a tear or two too.

Oh…by the way, your heart may hurt when your nest is empty, but your children have a way of filling it back up again with grandchildren! Yeah… did I mention how sweet it is to be a grandma?! :-)

Donald, Steph, Karl (my oldest), Kristina (his wife), Kaitlyn (my grandgirl)

DJ (my youngest)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Stephanie Shott

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Recipes from M.O.M.

Pizza Made Healthy

Pizza is an all-time favorite for kids and adults, but it doesn’t have to be an artery-clogger to be good. Just change your ingredients a bit and you’ll enjoy the flavor without all the fat.

INGREDIENTS: (Add your favorite veggies – here’s what we like)

2 Whole wheat pre-made crust

1 Jar Pizza Sauce (16 oz.)

2 Tablespoons Pesto Sauce

1 Medium Size Tomato – Sliced

1 Medium Onion

1 Can Large Olives

1/2 Cup Sliced Mushrooms (The taste better if you cut them yourself instead of buying them already sliced)

1 Cup Spinach (Rinsed & Dried)

2 Cups Low Fat Mozzarella Cheese

1/2 Cup Low Fat Parmesan Cheese (Optional)

1/2 Cup Feta Cheese (Optional)

2 Teaspoons Garlic (Optional)

Preheat oven to 350°. Spread 1 tablespoon of Pesto Sauce on each of the Whole Wheat pre-baked crusts. Bake in oven for 10 minutes. Remove crust from oven and spread Pizza Sauce evenly. Add vegetables to the top of pizza and then cover with Low Fat Mozzarella Cheese and 1/4 cup Low Fat Parmesan Cheese. Sprinkle top with a teaspoon of Garlic. Bake at 350° for 20 to 25 minutes or until cheese melts.

Makes 2 Pizzas

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Transform Discipline with Debriefing

I sighed and prayed as I walked to her bedroom. She wailed, fearful of her punishment. Earlier she spoke out of anger and frustration. Her disrespectful words hit their mark. Anger flashed in my eyes, my tone betrayed my wrath, but by God’s grace I did not yell – a sign of His fruit in my life.

I opened the door and encouraged her to calm down. She took heaving breaths as tears soaked her bed. When she quieted we talked. It was a humbling time for both of us. We admitted our faults and failures. Then talked about how we can do better next time.

I don’t know which parenting book I read that spoke of this kind of debriefing, but mamas let me tell you it is wonderfully painful. A debriefing is a time of discussion that occurs before and sometimes after a punishment. During this discussion you make sure your child knows what he or she did and you clearly state the punishment. Then after the punishment is over we talk again about why he or she received the punishment and how to avoid it in the future. Here is an example.

Bobby yelled and screamed when he was told to clean his room. Since he is out of control, his mom sends him to time out to settle down. If he can hear her over his tantrum his mom might say, “I am sending you to time out because you are yelling at mommy instead of cleaning your room.” Sometimes there is no way to have a conversation at this point, if that happens she just waits for Bobby to calm down.

Once Bobby calms, his mom says, “Bobby, throwing a fit when I ask you to do something is not honoring me. The Bible says, “Honor your father and mother…,” (Deuteronomy 5:16). I know it can be hard to obey and honor your mommy all the time, but you must have self-control. When you get angry what are some ways you can calm down?”

Bobby’s mom listens to him and then offers suggestions he can try next time he gets angry. She suggests Bobby asks Jesus for help, takes a deep breath, or talks about his feelings.

After Bobby and his mom discuss tools to help Bobby control his anger, Bobby’s mom discusses his punishment. “Your punishment for throwing a tantrum when I asked you to clean your room is ___________________________ (an age appropriate punishment).” Then Bobby’s mom follows through with the assigned punishment.

After Bobby’s punishment his mom may talk to him again. “You know Bobby I am sorry you had to {insert punishment} because you threw a fit. I hope you remember this punishment so you won’t throw a fit next time you get angry.”

The primary goal of a debriefing session is to make sure your child knows what he or she did wrong and clearly state the consequences of those actions. The secondary goal is to offer tools to help your child avoid the wrong behavior in the future. These debriefing times also give you a chance to calm down before administering the punishment.

It is helpful during these sessions to let your child know you understand their emotions. Perhaps tell a story about how you felt when your parents punished you. Share about times you lost your temper or even ask your child what you do when you lose your temper. You may be surprised how much they notice your whispered prayers, deep breaths, or loud voice.

Debriefing takes time. It is humbling and sometimes tiring, but it is worth it. Remember to enter each session with prayer for the right words to say and for your own self-control and patience. Debriefing transforms punishments into relationship building times. Some of the sweetest and deepest conversations I have with my children come from great debriefing times.

Remember moms, we will never be perfect at this mom thing and so we will never be perfect at debriefing. Sometimes those conversations are wonderful, other times they are painful and frustrating. Don’t give-up. It is worth the time invested.

By Angela Mackey

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