5 Ways Twins Can Change Your Life

Some people call me a superhero, doubly blessed. Others say I have my hands full, double trouble.

Hi, my name is Christen, and I’m a mother of twins.

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Before I had children, I had heard rumors that motherhood was the most challenging and rewarding job on the face of the planet. I was the newlywed that thought I could handle the challenge of being a mom; that it couldn’t be that hard. I had illusions that the reward part of motherhood would be more often than the challenge and my children would be well behaved, athletic, musically-talented, smart, and successful from a very early age.

Now, I can imagine God and his chorus of angels laughing at my naivety.  “Just you wait,” is what they were saying to each other.

Having twins has changed my life in so many ways. Here are just five ways twins can change your life:

1. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned so far from being a mother of multiples is expect the unexpected.  I’m naturally a Type-A girl that likes for things to be done my way.  I plan, I organize. It’s just part of my DNA.  When life doesn’t go according to my plans, I usually freak out in a not so nice manner (it usually involves tears, chocolate, and a reality t.v. show…not always in that exact order). But, the twins have been God’s way of teaching me to trust in his plans, his times, his ways.

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And, you know what? His plans might come as a surprise to me but he sure knows how to throw one amazing surprise party.

Like, when we found out we were having twins.  It was a shock, yet he also answered a desire of my heart.

Or, how the twins came three months early weighing only two pounds each.  God used those 83 days in the NICU to change my perspective on faith in a radical way.

2. The best advice I have for any mother expecting twins is to embrace the journey.  You will be different from your friends with singleton births.  Your family will not always have answers to your questions.  You pediatrician visits will take an extremely long time. The little old ladies at the grocery store will always ask you if they are twins.  Your stroller will be bigger, you will go through more diapers, and if you have to use formula, you will cherish your $5 off coupons.

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3. After my twins were home from the hospital, I wanted so desperately for life to be normal.  But, I had to adapt to a new version of normal.  It was really hard not to compare my children to others, especially since they were born premature.  My twins were three months behind developmentally. They were still in newborn clothes at six months old and could barely crawl by the time they turned one.  Their first year was so very challenging and God taught me humility; how the high expectations I set for my children before they were born were false forms of pride.  Yet through the challenge of their developmentally-delayed first year, we reaped bountiful amounts of reward.  Each day was truly a gift that we weren’t sure we would receive when they were born premature.  Each milestone met was an abundant accomplishment; comparisons were discarded and expectations became less exaggerated. We found our normal and I was so happy it looked completely different from everyone else.

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4. Another way twins have changed me for the better is I’ve realized that I need help.  Bad. Before, I was much too prideful to admit that I couldn’t do this motherhood thing on my own.  Asking for help has not only changed my perspective on pride, but it has also strengthened my relationship with Jesus, my husband, my family, and my friends.  Daily, Jesus and my husband help me get through the day as a mom of twins.  Without Jesus, I would have no peace.  Without my husband, I would have no clean clothes (among other things :) ) This past year, we moved back to our hometown to raise our children closer to family. I have no shame in dropping the twins off at their grandparents house so I can run errands, write, or have a date with my husband. It’s fabulous. Before I had the girls, I was very private, even with my friends.  It wasn’t that I was trying to be secretive, but I didn’t always like to talk about the tough stuff.  Now, I’m much more vulnerable, authentic, and open in my friendships, online and in real life.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  It’s actually a form of strength.

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5. And, mothers of twins need some strength. Especially in the toddler years.  Twin toddlers has caught me completely off-balance.  One goes this way, while the other goes that way. I know now where the term double trouble comes from. Keeping up with twin toddlers has been the most challenging part of motherhood for me so far.  I’m emotionally and physically exhausted after our days filled with tantrums, potty-training, and fierce independence.  My house is always a wreck and food always gets stolen off my plate.  Naps are {almost} a thing of the past and bedtime couldn’t come any sooner.  I wonder daily how I’m going to make it raising twin toddlers.

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But, then my twin toddlers say how much they love me.  Or, they will twirl around in their princess dress exclaiming, “I’m so happy!”  They aren’t my babies anymore but they still love to cuddle in the early and late hours of the day.  Watching them run, use their manners, and hug each other is the reward during this challenging stage of life.

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Twins are always a double blessing and sometimes double trouble.  God gives some moms twins because he believes we are up for the challenge. Or, maybe its because we need a challenge.  Whatever the reason may be for the challenge, I urge you to rest in the reward; the double portion of God’s grace.

Question: If you are a mother of twins, what has been your hardest challenge and what has brought you the most reward?

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Strategies for Shopping with Youngsters

The little one rounded the corner, alone, crying, carrying her pink, velcroed, tennis shoes. She was maybe three years of age, at the most.

“Are you looking for your, Mommy?” I asked. I looked around,  expecting to see a frantic mama in search of her child. No one matched that description.

Then out popped a young mom from behind the shelves of shoes. I suppose she was fearful of me, a stranger, talking to her child.

“Oh, look! There’s your mom. See she won’t leave you. She’s right here.” 

The woman gave me an icy stare and said, “I was hiding to teach her a lesson.” Oh boy…My stomach tightened. This had ugly potential.

She picked up her child and plopped the little gal on the bench. She grabbed the mini-psychedelic -shoes and held them in her daughter’s face.

“If you don’t put on your shoes, I’m calling the monsters.” 

The Pippi Longstocking pigtails bobbed up and down with each hiccup sob. This poor little one was being terrorized right before my eyes. The mom thought she was doing it right.

I said nothing. I had no idea how to say what I wanted to say. This mom needed help. I could help her. I’m ashamed to say I sat by and did nothing. I’m praying she will read this post.

So here are a couple of tips, when shopping with a young child:
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1. Have the youngster in a stroller, contained. Keep her there.

2. If the child is not in the buggy and wanders off , runs away, or doesn’t come when you call, DO NOT hide or threaten to leave. Go after that kid. Tell the child, “I will never leave you. I will always protect you.” Then pick up the screaming and kicking stinker (positioning the legs away from you, of course) and put him or her back in the cart.

3. In the case above, the mother wanted the child to put on her shoes. She could have said this, “You have a choice, you can put the shoes on yourself or I will help you.”  Most preschool or toddler children want to do things, “By self.” 

Shopping with the littles can be tough. Especially if you have more than one child. When my  kids were young I would load up one cart with all four and pull a second one.

Prevention is also helpful:

1. State, “When we go shopping you must stay in the stroller or hold my hand for safety. “

2. Avoid shopping during the bewitching hours of mealtime or nap time. A hungry tired child is not a good little shopper.

3. Engage you child in the “event”. Help me find….. Do you see……? 

Most of all…stay calm. Stay in control. And keep the errand short.

By,

Lori Wildenberg


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Some Thoughts for Young Moms

I have the privilege of being around quite a few young moms. I will never forget one particular visit. We invited a family with  5 children to come for dinner.The ages of the children  range  from just a few months old to ten years old.The baby hung out and was happy watching all the activity. The one year old ran around from one person to the other melting all our hearts! She especially liked my son and kept plopping down in his lap! The two year old boy was constantly moving!  I personally have a soft spot in my heart for him because he reminds me so much of my son at that age.Two year old boys have one way of talking–LOUD! He absolutely cracked me up!The two older girls were such a help to their mom and have such sweet personalities. They brought me flowers and we ate ice cream cones on the porch. We really did enjoy them, but I must admit that when they left I was exhausted! It’s not that they are “bad” kids or that the parents aren’t taking the time to train them, but there is so much that goes in to caring for, teaching, and training little children! It’s a HUGE job! It is exhausting PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY!The reality of being a parent of small children is that they are in the beginning stages of learning.  Because of this,  it is not always a perfect little picture. It is a process of teaching things over and over again! (“Say thank you!” “hold my hand!” “Wait for mommy!” “Don’t touch!”) As I watched these parents go from one child to the other I was reminded of what a hard job it is–whether you have one toddler or three–IT IS HARD!

For those of us with older children, it is easy to forget how challenging the season of having small children can be. Being a mom of adult children has a whole new set of challenges, but I really don’t think that anything compares to being a mom of little children. It is wonderful and exhausting at the same time.

Let me encourage you moms of small children to hang in there! To seek God and rely on Him for the strength you need. To pray over each child regularly. To remember the impact you are having on these little ones, even when it seems you are doing the same thing every day…and nobody but GOD actually sees all the little things you are doing!

In his book entitled “HUMILITY–True Greatness“, C.J. MaHaney shares the following:

“Serving others for the glory of God. This is the genuine expression of humility; this is true greatness as the Savior defined it.”

When God sees a mom with small children daily serving in her home, for HIS glory, He calls that TRUE GREATNESS! Isn’t that encouraging?

Galations 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Do not grow weary!

And, if I can be of any help please…call my kids…I mean…will be happy to help if I can!!!

By Gina Smith

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Raising Kids to be Independent Adults: How to LET. THEM. GO. & The M.O.M. Initiative Monday Link Up!

with Karen Ehman

My friend Sheila Wray Gregoire asked a great question last week: “When Does Childhood End?”  I agree with her premise that one of my duties, as a mom, is to help my kids find their route to independence, maturity, and purpose.

So it’s been hard to admit that I was a “smother mother” when my daughter was in high school. I ran interference with my daughter’s teachers so often, she did not learn how to advocate for herself.

She didn’t know how to ask, “When can I come make up the quiz I missed yesterday?” or “Why did I get 25/50 on this essay?” or “What can I do to improve my grade in this class?”

My well-meaning “help” (read: meddling) resulted in unintended developmental delays. My daughter’s freshman year was a tailspin of ditched classes, failed tests, social media overload, anxiety attacks, and depression.

And she’s not unique. I read daily on Facebook of the pain and confusion that blind-side many of my former students their first year of college, when they are expected to behave as adults but lack the skills and practice to do so.

Karen Ehman on “Turning Over the Reins”

Today, I’m thrilled that Karen Ehman, Director of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaking team and featured speaker for Hearts at Home conferences for moms, is here to share her strategies for preventing such unnecessary challenges!

When They’re Little

Cheri:  Many of our readers aren’t even thinking about sending their babies and toddlers off to college. They’re just trying to get a decent night’s sleep! Should they even be worrying about letting them go this early?

Karen:  Absolutely!  In the toddler years, it’s important to allow your kids to get the feel for making choices. Offer them options that don’t really matter, like the clothes they wear or style of their hair. (Yes, you’ll survive it when they pair stripes with plaids!)

When They’re in Elementary School

Cheri:  In your new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith, you emphasize setting boundaries during the elementary years. Does this just mean spelling out the family rules?

Karen:  No, it goes way beyond “laying down the law.” It’s vital to also explain the consequences and tell them why. When possible, use a story, a video clip, or a real-life tale to show them, not just tell them.

When They’re in Middle School

Cheri:  You recommend involving our children in setting boundaries and consequences in middle school. Why?

Karen:  First, they’ll feel a sense of ownership and will be less likely to balk at the consequences, since they helped invent them. Second, you’re inviting your children to discover how society works, on a microcosmic level. The real world has laws and rules; bad behavior has consequences.

When They’re in High School

Cheri:  I can attest to the wisdom of your advice for parenting high schoolers. Instead of treating them “like young adults, not babies” I stepped in and rescued mine far too often. I thought I was “helping.” I now see that I needed to walk alongside them through the normal pain of growth.

Karen: This is so hard! When your fist is almost unclenched and your baby birds are test-driving their frail, underdeveloped wings, it will tear your heart right in two, and it will toy with your emotions daily. But you have to fight the urge to step in and overcontrol.

And don’t beat yourself up for their bad choices. They aren’t your fault. Yes, equip them as best you can, but don’t glean your identity from their decisions. It’s God’s job to be their God and your job to be their mom.

When They’re in College

Cheri:  You’re so right in saying that where others may see our college-aged child as “a young, independent man taking his place in society..but you may still see a little boy.”  My son was born prematurely, and even though he stands six feet tall and sports an impressive beard, I still see a little blue bundle in an incubator when I think about him!

Karen:  It’s hard, but necessary, to remember that while your adult children will always be your children, they are now also full-fledged adults. You may want to intervene when you see your children making choices that will lead to heartache or trouble. However, sometimes you need to keep quiet and let them take a path that might temporarily sting but, in the end, will steer them in the direction of spiritual maturity and success in life.

Fight the urge to step in and intervene when God is trying to teach your adult children a life lesson. Back off. Hit your knees, not the phone.  Know your role as a praying parent, not a meddling mother.

Always: To God

Cheri:  You emphasize that during all stages, we are pointing our children to our faith. What might this look like?

Karen:  Make applying biblical principles around your house as natural as breathing.

  • Show your children — by your attitudes and actions — that God is your plumb line for living life and that you long for every decision you make to glorify Him.
  • Knit Scripture into your conversations, not as a weapon, but as a way of showing your children that God is right and good and knows what He’s doing.
  • Steer, cheer, and encourage instead of control.
  • And don’t forget to ask for forgiveness when you blow it.
Many thanks to Karen for sharing her time-tested strategies for “Turning Over the Reins” slowly and intentionally so that our children are ready to go when the time comes!

Karen’s new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith releases tomorrow! A Participant’s Guide and 6-week study DVD are also available.

You can read an excerpt from LET. IT. GO. and sign up for the 5-day From Chaos to Calm: The LET. IT. GO. Christmas Challenge (I just got my 5th e-mail today and have LOVED the whole series!)

AND, you can enter to win a copy of LET. IT. GO!

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 So, now it’s time to LINK UP & join the fun, meet new friends & make your message more available to others!

 

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Red Flag

When we see a red flag we know to – BEWARE. We are alerted to a hidden danger near-by.

Recently I wanted to wave a red flag in front of a mom at the grocery store. Her child knew the line that would get his mom every time, “Dad lets me.”

When he spouted his claim, I could almost see the mother raising her white flag…surrendering to her preschooler’s whims. She had wanted him to walk alongside the grocery cart, holding on to her or the buggy. (Reasonable in my opinion, just saying.) Apparently this was too restrictive for the little guy who wanted more freedom.

“Dad lets me walk by myself.”

I could see her mind racing. I knew what she was thinking. (I’m not a mind reader- I’ve just been in this position.) She was pondering, “Hmmmm, I want to support my husband but I’m not comfortable with this. Well, I guess I better stay consistent.”

She gave in to his declaration of independence. And as predicted, he took off like a race horse out of the gate.

Kids want things to go their way. (Well..I guess we all prefer that.) And…sometimes they do a little manipulating to get it. They may attempt to divide and conquer. “Dad said I could.”

When the divide and conquer game comes to play at your home do this:

 1. Say, “You’re with me now. Follow what I say. When your dad gets home we’ll discuss this and get back to you.”

2. Then be certain to discuss the situation and get back to the child.

Don’t allow your child to take charge. Be supportive of your spouse by telling your youngster you will discuss the situation with dad. By doing this, the manipulation will be lessened and your child will have an opportunity to see you and your husband work as a team.

How do you and your spouse parent as a team? What red flags have you ignored?

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace

and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19

 By,

Lori Wildenberg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Misunderstood Momma

freedigitalphotos.net*

A flask of gunpowder and a bag of bullets were absent from this quick-draw-duel with my four-year-old son.

One child stood alongside me in the elevator nice and happy. The other stood determined on the outside not about to get in. His glare along with his high-pitched voice screamed his defiance as he stood his ground. He had been testing my authority all morning and saw this as yet another opportunity.

Time stopped as the showdown began.

Who would win this battle of the wills?  As my mouth told him to get in, my brain cried out a prayer that this time he would listen to my voice, submit and obey.

He did not budge.

I calmly moved towards the “open door” button as the heavy, grey door started to close.

Well,  maybe due to my reflexes at 40 getting a bit rusty or a broken button the door mistakenly closed.  The elevator went down.

I could hear his shrieking above me as the elevator kept going down despite my wild attempts to stop it.  My trembling fingers raced frantically across the elevator keys.  Attempting to rejoin my screaming, terrified boy one story above me had me delirious. Finally, the elevator started going back up.

Ages seemed to go by as I waited for the door to reopen.

Finally, the door opened. And there was a second pair of eyes.

I can tell you with confidence; I have never met an angrier gaze than the one that flowed out of the stranger that held my crying son.  As my son and I reached for each other with our shaking arms, she slowly let go.  Spoken words were not needed for me to interpret her revulsion towards my apparent lack of parenting abilities.

How many times in our lives while simply trying to do the right thing (teaching my son obedience in an elevator gone bad) are we misunderstood by those around us?  My son’s rescuer saw one piece of the whole ugly picture (I would never dream of leaving my child anywhere) and misinterpreted my intentions. Now my pounding heart began to hurt because of the stranger’s apparent disgust.

What does God have to say about mommy moments like these?

  • “Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts.” Prov.21:2  –God knows my heart and my intentions.
  • “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? To do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8 Be God focused, not people focused.
  • “But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” Psalm 86:15  –Thank goodness!!
  • “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, The God who is our salvation.” Psalm 68:19  He, the God of this universe, DAILY bears our burdens! 

In this world family, friends and even the stranger outside the elevator will misunderstand us.  I am thankful that  God looks at my heart, is gracious, slow to anger, and abounds in love and faithfulness.
 Of course, I am also thankful that my son is always the first to jump aboard every elevator now with a smile :) !

✿Misunderstood.  Do you ever feel this way? What comes to your mind when you first hear the word?✿

By Tara Dovenbarger 

*picture by freedigitalphotos.net

We’re linked up at Women Living Well:

 

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHEN and HOW

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FACING YOUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.

 

eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHEN and HOW

 

Re-Viewing WHY

Before we discuss the WHEN and HOW, though, I want to touch on one WHY that we didn’t discuss last time:  emergencies. Many parents give their children cell phones so they can communicate in the event of a crisis.

A few examples of how such proactive planning may not always succeed:

  • When we still lived in southern California, we experienced a strong earthquake. At the time, our early teen-aged children were at home together while Daniel and I ran errands. I immediately dialed home, only to hear an annoyingly cheerful recorded voice tell me, “We’re sorry, but all circuits are busy now!” I redialed for the entire twenty minute drive home but never reached our children. So much for communication in the event of a crisis!
  • In some school districts, teachers are actually trained to confiscate cell phones–or at least direct students to turn them completely off–during some emergency situations.  Some school shooters listen for voices to find their next targets, so students making panicked calls home actually increase their danger. Alerted parents who rush to the school can not help and may actually hinder the special forces responding to the emergency.
  • I suspect I’m not the only mother (and wife) who wonders why she bothers to pay a the monthly bill when her children (and husband!) never seem to (a) have their cell phone with them, (b) keep their cell phone charged, (c) have their cell phone turned on, (d) answer when she calls or respond when she texts!

WHEN and HOW

Two weeks ago, I illustrated an especially poor WHY with the story of my daughter’s first cell phone; this story also happens to illustrated a poor WHEN and HOW, as well!

Questions I wish I’d asked about WHEN:

  • Are we waiting for a certain age? If so, what age?  Why this age?
  • Are we waiting for specific signs of maturity? If so, what are they?  Are we communicating this to our child(ren)? Why or why not?
  • If we have more than one child, do we believe that what we do for the first child we must do the same way for the other(s)?  If so, how will this influence our choice of when to provide a cell phone for our first child?  If not, how will we communicate our “different-children, different-choices” belief to our children?

Questions I wish I’d asked about HOW:

  • Where will we give the phone to our child? At the cell phone store? At home? Elsewhere? Why are we choosing this particular location?
  • To whom will the cell phone belong?  How will we express this?  Reinforce this?
  • How will we lay out our expectations regarding our expectations, conditions, and responsibilities for continued use of the cell phone?  Verbally?  In writing?  Will we draw up and sign a contract?  How will we follow-up?  (Here’s a downloadable Cell Phone Contract and Another Cell Phone Contract)

Some WHEN and HOW Shared Wisdom:

Their first phone will not be a data phone. Allowing kids to have unlimited access to the internet, pictures, etc is not wise. I would want to make sure my children were being responsible with other media first and then have specific ground rules and/or filters on their phones.  By the age of 17 I would allow a data phone so his or her first taste of freedom will be while I am still available to monitor it.  Angela Mackey (www.RethinkingMyThinking.com)

We had our daughter sign a cell phone usage contract which outlined our rules and conduct expectations….violations of the contract result in the phone being taken away.  Erin Bishop (TheWhateverGirls.com)

I’m concerned about the entitlement that parents bestow on their children and the children, in turn, develop that appetite. With cell phones being used for so much more than just texting and holding a conversation (and who does that anymore!?), I think that they too easily become an obsession.The age that our children are allowed to purchase their own phone is 15. There is a little more maturity there than with, say, a 9-13 year old.  Kela Fountain Nellums (www.KelaNellums.com)

Much depends on the child and the circumstances. At times an 8 year old might need a phone because of safety issues or if he’s in a single parent family and needs a phone to keep in touch with his mom or dad. In other circumstances it might be good to wait until they cross that ‘right of passage’ age of 12. Give as needed when they are younger. Spend time teaching them what is and what is not permitted usage.  Stephanie Shott (www.StephanieShott.com)

 

The video clip below illustrates the role-reversal that can happen if parents aren’t intentional about making sure it doesn’t. Because my daughter was so much more cell phone savvy than I was, I mistook her technological sophistication for actual maturity. I backed away in insecurity at a time I should have been stepping forward to offer much-needed wisdom and guidance.

 

We’ve barely scratching the surface!  I’d love to continue the conversation and hear your thoughts, ideas, answers, reactions, and further questions in the comments!

by Cheri Gregory

Today we’re linked up with The Better Mom: 

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHY

         Subscribe today for your FREE copy of…

FACING YOUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.

 

eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHY

I couldn’t wait to see Annemarie’s face as she opened her final 8th grade graduation gift. The video camera was rolling and my husband was strategically positioned to catch close up photos.

“You have to guess what it is before you can open it!” I said, handing Annemarie a simple gift bag. When the bag began ringing and vibrating, she almost dropped it in surprise.

Shock and comprehension registered simultaneously as she shouted, “No WAY!”, dug into the bag, and pulled out her very own cell phone.

Daniel and I practically broke our arms patting ourselves on the back for the rest of the day for having pulled off such an excellent surprise.

But in the weeks, months, and years to follow, we congratulated ourselves less and less and found ourselves saying, “No WAY!” far more often than we could have possibly imagined.

The First Bill

I said far more than “No WAY!” when the first cell phone bill arrived with $102.97 worth of text message charges. Although I’d told the store manager that I was giving the phone to a 14-year-old, he had not recommended or even discussed texting plans with me. “All my friends told me texting was free!” Annemarie sobbed when I confronted her. I couldn’t blame her; I’d given her the phone without reading any of the “fine print” myself, let alone going through it with her.

A Quiet Car

I began noticing that when I drove Annemarie and her friends, the car was deathly silent…except for the tappity-tap of their cell phone keys. I missed all the talking and laughter that I was used to and finally asked her, “Why are you so busy texting when you’ve got friends in the car with you?”  Her reply was another “No WAY!” moment: “Oh, we’re texting each other stuff we don’t want you to hear.”

Multi-Tasking Mania

But the biggest “No WAY!” was the role that texting played in incessant multi-tasking. I once watched in disbelief as Annemarie and a friend sat knees-to-knees on our living room couch, “talking” to each other while simultaneously texting other people. At one point, one of them said, “Hang on; let me finish this. I want to really listen to what you’re saying.”  I wasn’t sure whether I was more amused or appalled!  But they were totally nonplaused; this was their “normal.”

Kids and Cell Phones

In the next few eBabies + iTeens + YouToo blog posts, we’re going to look at five specific questions:

  • WHY we’re providing a cell phone to a child
  • WHEN we provide a cell phone to a child
  • HOW we give a cell phone to a child and orient them to its use
  • WHAT conditions and responsibilities we lay out for a child’s use of a cell phone
  • WHERE we allow (and don’t allow) cell phone use

This week, we’ll kick off our discussion of “WHY?” with some shared wisdom:

Our children will be able to own a cell phone when 1) they can purchase it themselves and 2) they can pay the monthly bill.   If the need for an emergency phone is THAT pressing, purchase one of those “limited access” phones. No need for the “latest and greatest” in the phone.   Kela Fountain Nellums (www.KelaNellums.com)

We provided our daughter with a cell phone in 4th grade because both my husband and I worked and she would let herself in the house after school and was alone until 5:00 PM when someone got home.  The phone was for emergencies and she would call me when she got home.  Erin Bishop (TheWhateverGirls.com)

We got a “kids phone” for our daughter when we had a nasty incident at school. She was left at school and tried to reach us on the office phone. Finally, the secretary said, “I’m going home. Call one more time, and then stand outside the building.” NOT GOOD for so many reasons. She used that last call to call our friends, who called me, and I raced over to get her. We realized then that there are times in today’s world where our kids may need a way to contact us and not have it; the older they get, the more they’re away from us and need a way to contact us.  Julie Titus Sanders (www.juliesanders.org)

As for me, if I could do it all over again, I would not give a cell phone as a gift. My “WHY?” was simplistic and irresponsible: I wanted to give Annemarie something special but had little money to spend. I wanted to “wow” her so badly, I was thrilled when I happened by the cell phone kiosk and discovered I could get one for free. I had no idea what I was really handing over to her in that little gift bag.

We’ve barely scratching the surface!  I’d love to continue the conversation and hear your thoughts, ideas, answers, reactions, and further questions in the comments!

by Cheri Gregory

Today we’re linked up with The Better Mom: 

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: See Mommy Text & Day 6 Giveaways

 Today’s Great Giveaways!

3 CD Set, Let’s Get PURSE-onal!, Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers, and Raising a Reader By: Cheri Gregory

In these 3 power-packed CDs, Cheri not only helps moms be better moms by understanding themselves but she also shares the primary goal and two major needs of each Personality type so moms can understand and relate to their children better. She also presents 2 parenting DOs and 2 parenting DON’Ts for each one personality type. And in Raising a Reader, Cheri helps moms develop a love for reading in their children.

Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On By: Stormie Omartian

“Learning to walk with God is a journey. The questions and directions in this prayer and study guide will help you to examine your walk with God and do what is necessary to strengthen, deepen, and enhance it. As you walk in faith through difficult times, this prayerful workbook will help you see how faithfully God’s light attends each step and moment of your life.” ~ Stormie Omartian

And Then I Had Kids (Audio Book – CD) By: Susan Alexander Yates

Enjoy these years, they go by fast,” says the older moms to the younger ones. Ludicrous advice! You’d give anything just to live through them. Blending humor and wisdom, Yates-mother of five- offers frazzled moms tips for maintaining a postive self-image, nurturing their marriage, disciplining effectively and shaping a creative Christian home.

 HOW TO ENTER: SUBSCRIBE TO WEBSITE, COMMENT ON BLOG, SHARE FB POSTS, TWEET, RETWEET & COMMENT ON BLOG (NEW SUBSCRIBERS WILL RECEIVE OUR NEW BOOK, FACING OUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.)

 

eBabies + iTeens + YouToo:  See Mommy Text

 

My original plan for this blog post was to tackle the topic of kids and cell phones head-on. Expose the issues. Wrestle with some rules.

But as I got input from other moms, I realized that before talking about kids and texting, we we need ask some key questions about moms and cell phones!

So I’m going to share a personal story, raise a bunch of questions, offer a few practical answers from some wonderful women, and invite you to continue this conversation in the comments!

 

True Confession: My Missing Phone Panic

A couple of years ago, my college-aged daughter and I were headed to San Francisco for a mom-and-daughter day. We got half an hour away from home before I realized the awful truth:

I’d left my cell phone at home.

How would I ever get to San Francisco?  Check my e-mail? Find Ghirardelli Square?  Communicate with Daniel? Get back home safely?

I’m ashamed to admit it now, but at the time, it seemed perfectly rational to shed a few tears.

“Mom,” Annemarie assured me, “we can find a mall with an Apple store and go use MapQuest.”

Fortunately, I moved my purse and found my cell phone right where I’d put it, safely charging in the console.

Flooded with the sweet relief of reunion, I felt a twinge of embarrassment at my panic.

Was I really that attached to my cell phone? To technology in general?

Why hadn’t I thought of stopping at a local gas station and (hello!) buying a map?

 

Questions to Ask the Mom in the Mirror

The purpose of the eBabies + iTeens + YouToo series is to raise questions that adults need to be asking about kids and technology. This week’s questions center on our own relationships with our cell phones.

  • How often do I reach for my cell phone when my children are with me?  Why?
  • Am I using my cell phone for a definite purpose each time I reach for it or “just checking” for something new?
  • When & where have I chosen not to text: while eating? at the park? in the checkout line? in the car? while playing games? while reading with the kids?
  • What limits do my children see me setting with my cell use? What conversations am I having with them about my personal choices?
  • What reactions do my children witness to my texting? happiness? upset? laughter? anger? frustration?
  • How do I help them understand that my reactions are not “about them”? How do I keep my reactions from spilling over into my interactions with them?
  • How much do I text when I’m with people face-to-face? Why?

Some Shared Wisdom

“The examples we give [our children] will either validate what we say or give them an excuse not to obey.” Stephanie Shott 

“My kids are little (6, 4, and 2), but I do my best to not have my phone around while playing with them, meals or when we are homeschooling. I also want to set a good example now about not texting or using the phone while driving. I don’t want them to get conditioned seeing me do it and think that it is okay.”  Heather Metzger Ablondi

“I tell [my 13-year-old] not to text anything emotional – only informational. Because texts (and even emails) do not support authentic communication of our emotions and can often be misinterpreted.”  Kelli Williams Wommack

“One of my friend’s make their kids keep their phone and waller or purse in the trunk while they drive. Since texting and talking on the phone both are distractions she asks them to put the phone in the trunk to prevent the temptation.” Angela Mackey

“I try to keep my phone either in my purse or connected via bluetooth to my car. That way I can control everything via voice….It helps to have some hard and fast rules. We have a ‘no phones’ at the dinner table or in the bedroom rule. We also have a ‘don’t be texting/on your phone when you’re with REAL people’ rule. We’ve had teen friends over who spend time texting OTHER people than those they’re with.” Julie Titus Sanders

 

Dealing With “Awkward”

Several years ago, I invited a bunch of my senior girls over to my house, fed them pizza, and asked them questions about teens and technology. Here’s a very telling clip about how they use their cell phones as barriers in face-to-face interactions:

(Can’t see video? Click here to view via YouTube!)

Might we as moms be using our cell phones this way, intentionally or accidentally?  If so, what are we modeling for our children?

We’ve barely scratching the surface!  I’d love to continue the conversation and hear your thoughts, ideas, answers, reactions, and further questions in the comments!

 

We “Linked Up” over at The Better Mom today:

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Questions About Kids and Technology

I first heard the term “Generation M” while reading the 2006 Time magazine article “The Multitasking Generation.”

The explosion in technology, I soon discovered, brought with it dozens–even hundreds!–of new questions I needed to be asking as a parent.

It’s easy to mistake kids’ technological sophistication for maturity.  Parents and teachers often back way off because they feel like kids are so far ahead of them. But kids have no idea the kind of firepower they’re playing around with. Adult guidance and wisdom are not obsolete. Kids need us now more than ever.

As part of an ongoing series called “eBabies + iTeens + YouToo,” I’ll be raising key questions regarding kids and technology that we need to be asking, exploring, and answering for our families. Think of it as the 411 and the 911 for adults playing catch-up with Generation M.

Here’s a sample of the kinds of questions we’ll be tackling in the weeks to come:

Some Questions I Wish I’d Known to Ask

  • How did our 2 1/2 -year-old figure out Reader Rabbit 5x faster than her father & I did?
  • What questions should we have asked and what guidelines should we have set before we put computers in our kids’ bedrooms?
  • How did our daughter manage to have her own MySpace account for two years before I knew about it?
  • How many other parents across America get stuck with unexpected cell phone charges? (In our case, it was $100+ because our daughter’s friends told her, “Don’t worry! Texting is FREE!” back when it wasn’t!)
  • What should I do when kids are taking photos of my son with their cell phones, without his permission?
  • When we had Japanese exchange students stay with us for Christmas, what should we have said / done about their laptop computers and Internet access?
  • Should I be interested in and/or concerned about what’s on the iPod my daughter borrowed from her friend…considering that the friend is a male 4 years older than she is?
  • When my friend’s 10-year-old lost her purse containing over $750 worth of technology, whose fault was it? What was an appropriate response? What were appropriate consequences?
  • When my daughter launders a jacket she’s borrowed from a friend and discovers the $200 iPod in an inner pocket after the spin cycle is complete, who pays for the replacement?
  • How did my daughter’s phone get a $9.95 monthly subscription service even though I told the cell phone rep, “No surprises. I want NO SURPRISES!” ($80+ by the time I caught it — SURPRISE!)

Some Questions I Am Still Asking

  • When I invite my students over for brunch, should I let them text throughout the meal or should I ask them to put their phones away?
  • Why do kids text each other about tonight’s homework and wait 2 hours for a reply rather than calling and saying, “So, what’s tonight’s homework?”
  • Since when have “to,” “too,” and “two” all been replaced by “2″?
  • Is all the time they spend tweeting and tumbling and texting real communication? Or is it a waste of time?
  • When I tell my students about the “good old days,” when “Cut and Paste” meant that I cut up the rough draftS of  papers and pasted them back together as part of the expected multiple revision process, why do they roll their eyes (and go back to texting under their desks)?
  • How will today’s kids, whose lives are largely virtual, form honest f-2-f bonds when they’ve grown up online, perfecting the art of ‘identity management’?

Your Turn!

  • What questions regarding kids and technology have you asked and answered for your family?
  • What questions are you wrestling with?

By: Cheri Gregory

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