10 Ways to Win the Whining War

It has a way of grating on your nerves. Whining can drive a momma up the proverbial wall. How do you stop a two year old from whining when it’s time for bed, when you take her favorite toy away or when she doesn’t get her way?

What do you do when your 5 year old whines about what you feed him for lunch, when you make him play outside or when you make him take a nap?

Somehow, whining is a universal language for children between 1 and 18… and if it’s not dealt with before they become adults, their spouses have the displeasure of dealing with their whining.

Since we all know there are no cookie cutter kids, we also know there are no cookie cutter answers. What works for one will not work for another. However, there are some things moms can do to help win the whining war! :-)

Here are 10 ways to win the whining war:

1. Identify your child’s triggers. What initiates the whining? Begin the process of taking note of what it is that seems to trigger the whining. You may notice a pattern and be able to distinguish between legitimate fears and overdramatized frustrations.

2. Define whining. You’re children need to understand what whining is and why it’s not acceptable. I know you’ve probably figured it out already, but telling them to stop whining doesn’t really help. Be sure to explain to your children what whining is and why it won’t be allowed.

3. Don’t give in. When children whine they have to know you won’t let them have their way… not because of whatever it is they are whining about but BECAUSE THEY ARE WHINING. It you reward whining by giving in to whatever it is they are whining about, you reinforce to them that whining works and you will lose the whining war before the battle ever begins.

4. Establish realistic consequences. Sometimes it’s not enough to not give in because they are whining, other times there has to be comparable consequences. If you have to take away a toy or a privilege for a day to wage war with whiny behavior, then you might have to do that.

5. Re-adjust their focus. Children have a short attention span. Use that to your advantage as a parent. When the whining begins, it’s very important to deal with it, but after you have done so, divert your little one’s attention in a new direction.

6. Don’t have a meltdown moment in front of them. Whining has a way of wearing a mommy out. Don’t let them know that. For some reason, those sweet little bundles of joy have a way of knowing what buttons to push and how long to push them before they get their way. If they see you wearing down, they’ll think they can wear you out and you’ll give in. You’re the parent. Remember, you don’t have to get upset. You just have to parent them well.

7. Be consistent. Probably the most important aspect of parenting overall is to be a consistent parent. If you corrected them for whining about something yesterday, it can’t be okay today. If they had a toy taken away from them from whining last week, it has to be taken away if they refuse to quit whining today. Don’t allow yourself to be so tired you become a wishy-washy mom. Remember, consistency is key and wishy-washy moms never win the whining war.

8. Show the love even when they whine. Being frustrated with a whining child is normal, but children have a way of being like a sponge and absorbing whatever attitude you display. Correcting your children must always be done in love. If it’s not, it’s just an overflow of your frustration and anger and there’s nothing good that can come from that.

9. Explain and reward proper behavior. Let your children know what you expect and how it is best to deal with something. Explain different ways they can deal with being frustrated and reward them with they behave well. Children like to please their parents… so tell them how to do so by giving them a good understanding of various ways they can respond instead of whining.

10. Don’t be a whiner. Behavior is much more caught than taught. What you do in moderation, your children will do in excess. That includes whining. You may want to pay attention to your responses to be sure your child isn’t just mimicking you. If you don’t want your child to be a whiner, then don’t allow your own behavior to teach them how to be one.

Whining is such a difficult behavior to deal with. Many a mom has crumbled under the weight of a whining child. But if you deal with it now… deal with it consistently… deal with it wisely and deal with it in love, you will win the whining war and before you know it, your home will be a ‘whine-free zone’ and you will be a less stressed momma.

What do you do to win the whining war with your children? 

By Stephanie Shott

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Facing our Fears

What’s a mom to do when her child who never minded being passed around a room of eager relatives freaks out at the sound of a flushing toilet? Are childhood anxieties real? The day my four year old screamed from the back of our mini-van in the Hobby Lobby parking lot, I hoped everyone around me believed childhood worries are real. Fears are not because of anything moms do wrong; childhood fears are part of being a child.

Instead of finding the quickest way to squelch a panic, a wise mom knows fears are not only normal, they are the evidence of a growing awareness of a child’s world. As the nervous system develops, along with the ability to manage sensory input, children wonder at their world. For example, once they develop an understanding of object permanence between 8 to 10 months of age, they want to know where their parent went if they leave their sight.  Triggers arouse new questions and reactions for children as they move through new stages of growth:  noises, strangers, darkness, doctors, masked characters.  What’s a mom to do when a new fear trigger appears?

Fears present an opportunity to equip our children for life.

Whether clinging in panic to the rail of a crib or pleading in tears out the window, children who engage their fears are more likely to grow up to be confident adults. You don’t have to resort to trickery or sneaking out of rooms. Face those fears head on with your children! How we respond marks out the path for our children’s future; are you raising a paranoid child or a brave child? When fear grips your small one, use it to teach them:

4 Ways to Face Childhood Fears

Comfort – Let them know you love them and will be there for them. While you may be tempted to give in to a delirious demand, provide confident comfort that nurtures courage and peace in your growing child. Your comfort prepares them to understand that God is their loving Heavenly Father.

Experience – Instead of letting imagined fears dictate your boundaries, broaden your child’s experience base. They are less likely to fear what they understand. Play in the rain so they know how it feels. Listen to thunder and feel its rumble. Feel the tiny feet of a bug walking on your arm. Children follow bold parents into courageous territory.

Skills – Arm your child with skills to solve their problems and meet their needs. Independent skills prepare children to face the unexpected, knowing they are able to encounter and overcome their fears. Though they may cry for you to come turn on their light, teach them to sit up, lean over, and turn it on themselves. When the doctor asks for their name, resist the “mommy urge” to answer; let them learn to speak to the doctor themselves. Equip them to be brave.

Trust – Use crisis moments to teach children to discern the difference between what is true and false. Help them know they can talk to you about their concerns, but more importantly, help them know that they can talk to God. Mentor your child in learning to tell God their fears and ask for His help.

Everyone faces fear, but train children to say Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” Take it from a mom who has faced fears of her own and anguished over a fearful little one. Our children need more comfort than we can offer; they need the divine, lifelong guarantee of God’s presence.

Sirens will sound, doors will slam, strangers will speak, and darkness will come. Will your child be ready? Let’s be comforting moms who equip our kids with the experience, skills, and trust needed to navigate days in the nursery to the playground to the dorm room and beyond!

By Julie Sanders

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Season of Growing

A walk to my mailbox yesterday revealed a rose about to bloom. A clematis vine winds its way up the porch, hanging with purple blossoms. Even the fungus on the stump has gone from espresso cup to soup bowl size in a matter of days. If growth is the symphony of springtime, our children take center stage.

 

It’s time for mommies everywhere to set aside their ironing baskets, resist spring cleaning, and turn off technology in favor of embracing this season of growth with our children.  Including these 7 essential ingredients in your spring will help you make the most of this season of growing.

7 Springtime Ingredients for Growing Children

G – God: Psalm 19:1-6 describes how nature tells who God is and what He’s like. As all of creation awakens at once, it’s the perfect time to help children turn their thoughts to the Maker of heaven and earth, see His nature in the wonders, and praise Him for being so creative. Don’t miss God in the glory of springtime!

R – Reading: Spring gives a mom a lot to work with in motivating children to read. Visit your local library for books about seeds, weather, earth worms, life cycles, baby animals, and new life. I personally love Dr. Seuss, “O Say Can You Seed.” Use the new season to feed your child’s mind.

O – Outdoors: Fresh air and breezes invite us to step outside. Don’t let allergies or bugs stop you! Put on play clothes and sneakers and get outside with sidewalk chalk, a ball, a kite, or a blanket. Unless it’s a rainy spring day, make it your goal to get outside each day. Take your meals, your lessons, your chores, and your special occasions outdoors.

W – Walking: Couch potatoes thrive in winter. Once the weather changes, take advantage of the chance to move and be active. Moms have to model motion for children to learn healthy habits. Instead of just “sending kids out to play,” get out with them. Walk with other moms and kids, meet new friends in your neighborhood or playground, or use it to catch up with your husband.

I – Inspiration: Like plants coming to life around us, creativity blossoms in springtime. No other season has such a wide palette of colors or variety of songs as its background. Let the array inspire you and your children to be artistic. Have a basket of paints, paper, craft materials, musical instruments, and miscellaneous items on hand for inspired moments.

N – Nurturing: Take a cue from the duck at the park and use the springtime to nurture your ducklings. It’s the ideal season to let children follow you and enjoy the shelter of your wings. All too soon, they’ll lose their downy feathers and take flight, so enjoy your brood in this season reserved for motherhood.

G – Gratitude: Find a sunny spot under new leaves, and soak in the sweetness of motherhood. Images will sneak in like mounds of laundry, stains on carpet, and late night feedings … block those out! Listen to the sounds of your children, take in every detail of their faces, watch with wonder at what they’ve learned. Be amazed and grateful that you are a mother.

So many times throughout the year, we let daily things cause us to miss the wonders of mothering our growing sprouts called children. This spring … enjoy.

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The “Joy” of Parenting in the Friendly Skies

Oh no, I groan inwardly as I slide into my seat on the crowded Southwest Airlines plane. The only remaining isle seat is not just at the very back of the plane. It’s also next to a woman sitting next to her preschool son.

Her loud preschool son.

This is going to be the longest hour-and-twenty-minutes of my life, I gloomily predict.

I am wrong.

As time literally flies by, I am first amazed, then awed, and finally deeply moved by the vibrant relationship I witness beside me.

After we land, I wrack my brain for a way to tell this young mother what an amazing job she’s doing. The best I can think of is, “You’re a great mom!” which I keep to myself because it seems so cheesy. Not until I’m in the shuttle, heading to my car, does it hit me. I wish I’d said,

“Ma’am, I know you don’t know me, but on behalf of your son’s future teachers, I want to say, ‘Thank You!’ for what an amazing mother you are to him. He is so blessed to have you as his mom!”

Now I’ve spent plenty of time in airports and planes, but never before have I had such an urge to compliment a parent. Most of the time, in fact, it’s just the opposite. I sympathize but am ultimately annoyed by all the whining, demanding, and yelling (and their kids’ behavior is even worse!)

What impresses me so much about Patrick’s mom?

1. She listens to every word he says and reflects back his key concepts to demonstrate that she’s truly heard him.

“The red crabs, they hated me. But the blue crabs, they loved me!”

“So red crabs don’t like you but blue ones do.”

“Yeah.”

2. She doesn’t answer his (hundreds of!) questions immediately; rather, she encourages him to spend time thinking for himself.

“Patrick, you have to keep the tray table up. They just told us, and we have to follow the rule.”

“Why do we have to keep it up?”

“That’s a great question. Why do you think we need to keep it up?”

3. She predicts a positive outcome.

(Before the flight starts)  “I’m going to tell Daddy how cooperative and helpful you were on this flight.”

(As we land, to the woman in front of him) “My Mama is going to tell my Daddy how cooperative and helpful I was!”

What inspires me the most is how Patrick’s mom demonstrates such respect for her little guy (who, I am informed – at full volume – is a “big boy” who will turn five in July!) She so clearly enjoys him, evidenced by plenty of chuckles and outright laughter, in spite of her understandable fatigue.

How might a casual observer notice your respect for and enjoyment of your child?

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Shaping The Heart

Raising strong-willed children is like having an army of toddlers in your home. These iron-willed babes will test every boundary and challenge any directive given. Please tell me you know what I’m talking about, do you have a stubborn kiddo that you love so much but he/she makes you want to pull your hair out?  I’m hoping y’all can relate to the limit testing sessions my youngest has been devising since she entered the terrible three’s (Twos were a breeze mamas; it’s the threes we need to prepare for!)

She has decided that pottying everywhere other than the bathroom is way more fun, and no matter the direction I give her, she flat out refuses unless it’s her idea. The final straw was the stunt she pulled on Wednesday night for Rainbows class. She threw a fit because she didn’t want to sit at the table and color.

So I warned her, “Tori, if you continue your tantrum, I will take you home right now and you can go to bed, this is your last chance!”

 Tori replied with authority, “YES, take me home, I want to go to bed!” 

What parent can win when the child has figured out the logic of the game? Frustrated, I left her there screaming, while other parents gave me the, ‘Oh-you’re-that-kind-of-parent’ look.

This past Sunday my pastor opened my eyes to what I had forgotten about parenting. Because these past few months had been so trying, I had lost site of what really matters as a mother. I was focused on remedying the behavior, not shaping their hearts. If I wanted my children to trust and obey me, I need to be mold their hearts like God was molding mine. God doesn’t focus on our behaviors, He focuses on shaping our hearts.

In the midst of motherhood, appealing to our child’s hearts causes them to want to do the right thing and shapes their hearts for the future. Just as we place ourselves in God’s hands; He molds, grips, and shapes our hearts through every day trials. In the process, He appeals to our love for Him, and we want to do the absolute best we can (plus we aren’t big fans of learning a lesson over and over). Besides, who wants kids that only obey in my presence? I’d much rather be able to trust they can make good choices when I’m not around.

While I’ve been in the trenches of motherhood  for several years, I thought I knew what a good mother looked like. Instead, I came to the realization I was mothering out of fear. Fear of what others would think about my kids’ behaviors. Growing up, my mother did the best she could raising six kids on her own; she parented out of fear, concerned for our futures. But she never appealed to our hearts. I’m not blaming my mom for the choices I made,  nor is it an excuse, but I think that if I can mother the way God intended, my children will want to make the right choices.

The next time your child is challenging your authority, ask God to give you the wisdom to handle the escapade through His perspective. Ask Him to help you appeal to his/her heart. Give in to the moment and think of creative ways to handle the situation and consequences. There in the moment, God will provide the insight you need and fill your heart with joy as you seize the opportunity to shape their hearts, not just the behavior.

By Heather Riggleman

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Teamwork – Lessons from a Toddler

While learning to walk, Jonathon had clung happily to our fingers, leaning on us for support. We had held him safely between us.

Now that he could walk on his own, however, he wanted nothing to do with either parent. If I carried him, he squirmed to get “down.” Once on terra firma, he scurried away as fast as his wobbly legs would carry him.

Terrified for his safety, I dashed after him, clamping my hand around his chubby fist. Then I endured ear-splitting screams of protest as he tried to free himself from my restrictive vice grip. (Oh, and the disapproving glances and tut-tut head-shakes of passers-by who assumed I was needlessly harsh with my adorable toddler!)

Several weeks into this new routine, Jonathon tried a new tactic. We were walking through the market – me fighting to focus on my shopping list as my tiny son was fighting to get loose from me – when suddenly he stopped struggling.

Now, I normally have s.l.o.w. reflexes. I’ll drop a bottle of soda, think to myself, “When this hits my foot, it’s sure gonna hurt!” yet be unable to move my foot to avoid the pain and eventual bruise.

Yet on this particular day, my physical reaction miraculously occurred even as my brain registered, “He’s stopped struggling. Something is about to happen.”

I gripped Jonathon’s hand tighter and, with lightening speed, rotated my wrist a half turn, moving my hand away from him. Sure enough, with a strategic gleam in his eyes, Jonathon opened his mouth and chomped his rasor-sharp baby teeth…into his own pudgy hand.

Shock, confusion, and dismay replaced defiance on his face. Pain registered, and he began to cry. I comforted him, and then we walked on, hand-in-hand without resistance.

I felt grateful Jonathon had experienced the natural consequence of his biting. He had bitten, and he had experienced the pain.

And then I thought: Daniel.

Jonathon will try this on Daniel. I’ve got to tell him before Jonathon tries this on him!

That evening, before bed, I recounted the brief incident to my husband, concluding with the recommendation, “So if you feel him stop pulling to get away, don’t think; just rotate your hand away from him.”

The very next morning, Daniel took Jonathon on a quick errand. He returned with a meek toddler and a knowing wink. After settling Jonathon down for his nap, he told me,

“It happened just like you said! I was dragging him down the isle. He was fighting to get away from me the whole time, when suddenly he stopped. My brain was thinking All of these bananas are too ripe. Don’t they have any gree- when suddenly it switched to Rotate your wrist!

He chomped down SO hard! It took five minutes to stop his crying.

The whole time, what kept going through my mind was, If he had bit my hand, I wouldn’t have thought. I just would have slapped him across the face as hard as I could.”

Daniel paused, shook his head at the thought, and resumed.

“I’m really glad I was prepared.”

Jonathon turned out to be a two-bite baby. Natural consequences nipped what could have been a nightmarish habit in the bud.

I still shudder to think what could have happened if I’d not told Daniel about my near-biting incident with Jonathon.

What if Jonathon had bitten him? What if Daniel had slapped our toddler across the face? With whom would I have sided? How would that have impacted our less-than-five-year-old marriage? How would Daniel’s image of himself as a father been altered? How would Daniel’s relationship to his son been changed?

Daniel and I learned some important lessons about teamwork that day:

1) Keep each other “in the loop.”

2) Prevent situations that encourage “siding” with a child, against each other.

3) Refuse to play tug-of-war when there’s a child between us.

We also learned how vital it was for us to keep clinging together. To keep leaning on each other – and on the One who has always safely held us – for support.

By Cheri Gregory 

 

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Taming Your Toddler’s TV

It buys time to make dinner, but it can take over our toddler’s day if we aren’t careful. TV watching is an easy trap, but we can kick the habit and find meaningful ways to occupy our children. 

It seems impossible to fill a toddler’s day, but we can grow bright and busy toddlers without “plugging them in.” A 2010 University of Quebec study reported that 2 ½ yr. olds who watched TV have increased risks of health and learning issues. Additional hours of viewing directly corresponded with decreases in engagement and comprehension. The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages limits of 1 to 2 hours for children older than two, but recommends none for children under 2. Realistically, what’s a busy mom to do? With a few simple principles, we can tame the TV in our toddler’s life.

Inspiration ~ More than animation or visual effects, a mother provides inspiration for a child’s imagination and hunger for activity. While coordination blossoms in a toddler’s body, invitations to experiment and grow are exhilarating; encouragement nurtures a child’s spirit as they shape their desire for independence. Inspiration to be active feeds the mind, instead of dulling the senses. A toddler’s attention span forces moms to become masters of activity management. Variety is more important than complexity.

  • Offering age appropriate art supplies and examples stimulates creativity.
  • Household jobs like sorting laundry, wiping dishes, and washing vegetables nurtures responsibility.
  • Literature rich environments with books and expressive reading build reading readiness.

Initiation ~ Ideas move ahead of physical ability and can become overwhelming for a toddler.

  • Make simple suggestions to provide direction for discovery.
  • Be available to give guidance to overcome toddler obstacles.

Mothers open the world to little ones with permission to attempt new tasks, explore the world, and join in family life. It may mean setting aside work or turning our attention, but initiating new activities may be the step a toddler needs to engage in their own world, instead of just viewing it.

Imitate ~ When toddlers are inspired to be active and try new experiences, imitation is the resource they need to grow. Children imprint scenes of creativity, hard work, spiritual disciplines, and relationships on their hearts and minds. Watching us instead of animated characters on screen, they learn our values. We provide a framework for what days look like, along with habits and expectations related to television. We may model productivity, balance, or mastery by the tyrant of technology.

  • Provide child sized versions of adult tasks to practice.
  • Make real life objects available to try the things of life.
  • Give toddlers a front row seat to watch you in action.

You don’t have to join the circus to entertain your little one all day. You can inspire them and initiate healthy activity as they learn to imitate a life not controlled by a remote. Tame your TV and turn your toddler on to real life.

How has this helped you make wise choices about taming your toddler’s TV?

By: Julie Sanders

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Preventing Picky Eaters

 

Is it really possible to raise children who aren’t picky eaters? Are there any tips to make mealtime a healthy haven of eating pleasure? It’s a dilemma most moms deal with at some time or another.

The journey to healthy kids who eat healthy food and make mealtime more relaxing and less contentious begins before they are ever born and their propensity to prefer healthy foods over junk food is nurtured throughout their childhood.

So, how can we prevent picky eaters…

  • Begin in the womb and while you breastfeed. While your sweet little bundle of joy is developing within your womb she is being nourished through your amniotic sac. She not only receives the nutrition she needs, but flavors of the food you eat are being transmitted, as well. The same is true when you breastfeed. Studies show that what they receive from you becomes what they desire as they grow up.
  • Start Early. Toddlers are often little eating machines. They put just about everything in their mouths. Take advantage of that stage. Introduce a variety of healthy foods to them while they are still in the ‘hand-to-mouth’ phase. Avoid potentially high allergenic foods and things like honey during the first year, but other than that, expose them to a wide range of foods – especially healthy ones.
  • Limit Snacks. Keep snacks down to a minimum and determine to keep healthy snacks on hand. Cut carrots, celery and even broccoli and keep them in a “snack container” in the fridge. When your child wants something between meals, offer them one something from the snack container and let them have all the water they want. If you don’t get their taste buds accustomed to sweets or chips in between meals, then they won’t crave those things.
  • Be Fruity. Fruit is a healthy addition to your child’s breakfast, a great part of any lunch and a wonderful after dinner dessert. When you make it part of the meal or the treat they get when they eat a healthy dinner, they are more prone to eat a nutritious meal and crave fruit instead of chocolate.
  • Let Them Help. Children LOVE to help. It makes them feel valued – it makes them feel like they’re part of the process…part of your world. When you’re at the store, let them help pick out the fruits and vegetables you’ll be taking home to prepare. Let them help clean produce before you put it up; allow them to have a helping hand in picking out the recipes (When they’re small, a cookbook with pictures is very helpful).
  • Educate and Connect. Teach your children how wonderful fruits and vegetables are for them. Since blueberries are known to be high in antioxidants, you can make up fun little names to help associate their benefits…like “Big Girl(or Boy) Blueberries” or “Strong Body Building Blueberries”. It may seem silly but you are planting little seeds that will help them always relate blueberries to strength or something that helps you grow to be a big girl or boy.
  • Make Food Fun. Kids love having fun. Use cookie cutters to create fun little shapes out of their sandwiches. Make their plate a festive food delight. Make a smiley face using raisins, grapes or bananas and celery sticks or carrots.
  • Define Eating Time. Family mealtime is important. Children thrive on routine and it’s important for them to know that they eat their meals with their family and that on a normal basis they have specific times when they eat. If you don’t define their eating time, they will become ‘pickers’ as well as picky eaters.
  • Give Them a Choice. When it’s time to eat and you give them the choice to eat what you serve or not eat at all. It doesn’t have to escalate into a food war. Just give them the choice eat or not to eat. It won’t take long for them to realize if they are hungry, they need to eat what is served. There may always be one or two things they don’t really like. They also should be allowed to have one or two types of foods they don’t really like. We all have a couple of things that turn our stomachs every time we taste them…your children will too. As they grow and you find out what it is they don’t like, just either put a small dab of that specific food on their plate with the chance their taste buds may change or don’t put it on their plate at all.
  • Be Their Example. Children are natural imitators. What they see, they do. That can be a good thing, but that can also be a bad thing. It’s hard to instill how wonderful it is to eat fruits and vegetables when you’ve got chocolate dripping from the corner of your lip. They will look to you to not only tell them what is right but to show them what is right by your example. Since many of us have developed our own bad eating habits, it’s definitely not always easy, but it’s another way we put their needs before our own…and when we do we show them we love them.

Eating habits aren’t always easy to define, but picky eaters become picky because parents struggle with controlling what their children eat. It’s inconvenient. It’s frustrating and it’s even sacrificial, but it’s one of the ways we love them well.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:10-20

 

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