10 Ways to Win the Whining War

May 8, 2012 By

It has a way of grating on your nerves. Whining can drive a momma up the proverbial wall. How do you stop a two year old from whining when it’s time for bed, when you take her favorite toy away or when she doesn’t get her way?

What do you do when your 5 year old whines about what you feed him for lunch, when you make him play outside or when you make him take a nap?

Somehow, whining is a universal language for children between 1 and 18… and if it’s not dealt with before they become adults, their spouses have the displeasure of dealing with their whining.

Since we all know there are no cookie cutter kids, we also know there are no cookie cutter answers. What works for one will not work for another. However, there are some things moms can do to help win the whining war! :-)

Here are 10 ways to win the whining war:

1. Identify your child’s triggers. What initiates the whining? Begin the process of taking note of what it is that seems to trigger the whining. You may notice a pattern and be able to distinguish between legitimate fears and overdramatized frustrations.

2. Define whining. You’re children need to understand what whining is and why it’s not acceptable. I know you’ve probably figured it out already, but telling them to stop whining doesn’t really help. Be sure to explain to your children what whining is and why it won’t be allowed.

3. Don’t give in. When children whine they have to know you won’t let them have their way… not because of whatever it is they are whining about but BECAUSE THEY ARE WHINING. It you reward whining by giving in to whatever it is they are whining about, you reinforce to them that whining works and you will lose the whining war before the battle ever begins.

4. Establish realistic consequences. Sometimes it’s not enough to not give in because they are whining, other times there has to be comparable consequences. If you have to take away a toy or a privilege for a day to wage war with whiny behavior, then you might have to do that.

5. Re-adjust their focus. Children have a short attention span. Use that to your advantage as a parent. When the whining begins, it’s very important to deal with it, but after you have done so, divert your little one’s attention in a new direction.

6. Don’t have a meltdown moment in front of them. Whining has a way of wearing a mommy out. Don’t let them know that. For some reason, those sweet little bundles of joy have a way of knowing what buttons to push and how long to push them before they get their way. If they see you wearing down, they’ll think they can wear you out and you’ll give in. You’re the parent. Remember, you don’t have to get upset. You just have to parent them well.

7. Be consistent. Probably the most important aspect of parenting overall is to be a consistent parent. If you corrected them for whining about something yesterday, it can’t be okay today. If they had a toy taken away from them from whining last week, it has to be taken away if they refuse to quit whining today. Don’t allow yourself to be so tired you become a wishy-washy mom. Remember, consistency is key and wishy-washy moms never win the whining war.

8. Show the love even when they whine. Being frustrated with a whining child is normal, but children have a way of being like a sponge and absorbing whatever attitude you display. Correcting your children must always be done in love. If it’s not, it’s just an overflow of your frustration and anger and there’s nothing good that can come from that.

9. Explain and reward proper behavior. Let your children know what you expect and how it is best to deal with something. Explain different ways they can deal with being frustrated and reward them with they behave well. Children like to please their parents… so tell them how to do so by giving them a good understanding of various ways they can respond instead of whining.

10. Don’t be a whiner. Behavior is much more caught than taught. What you do in moderation, your children will do in excess. That includes whining. You may want to pay attention to your responses to be sure your child isn’t just mimicking you. If you don’t want your child to be a whiner, then don’t allow your own behavior to teach them how to be one.

Whining is such a difficult behavior to deal with. Many a mom has crumbled under the weight of a whining child. But if you deal with it now… deal with it consistently… deal with it wisely and deal with it in love, you will win the whining war and before you know it, your home will be a ‘whine-free zone’ and you will be a less stressed momma.

What do you do to win the whining war with your children? 

By Stephanie Shott

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Facing our Fears

April 25, 2012 By

What’s a mom to do when her child who never minded being passed around a room of eager relatives freaks out at the sound of a flushing toilet? Are childhood anxieties real? The day my four year old screamed from the back of our mini-van in the Hobby Lobby parking lot, I hoped everyone around me believed childhood worries are real. Fears are not because of anything moms do wrong; childhood fears are part of being a child.

Instead of finding the quickest way to squelch a panic, a wise mom knows fears are not only normal, they are the evidence of a growing awareness of a child’s world. As the nervous system develops, along with the ability to manage sensory input, children wonder at their world. For example, once they develop an understanding of object permanence between 8 to 10 months of age, they want to know where their parent went if they leave their sight.  Triggers arouse new questions and reactions for children as they move through new stages of growth:  noises, strangers, darkness, doctors, masked characters.  What’s a mom to do when a new fear trigger appears?

Fears present an opportunity to equip our children for life.

Whether clinging in panic to the rail of a crib or pleading in tears out the window, children who engage their fears are more likely to grow up to be confident adults. You don’t have to resort to trickery or sneaking out of rooms. Face those fears head on with your children! How we respond marks out the path for our children’s future; are you raising a paranoid child or a brave child? When fear grips your small one, use it to teach them:

4 Ways to Face Childhood Fears

Comfort – Let them know you love them and will be there for them. While you may be tempted to give in to a delirious demand, provide confident comfort that nurtures courage and peace in your growing child. Your comfort prepares them to understand that God is their loving Heavenly Father.

Experience – Instead of letting imagined fears dictate your boundaries, broaden your child’s experience base. They are less likely to fear what they understand. Play in the rain so they know how it feels. Listen to thunder and feel its rumble. Feel the tiny feet of a bug walking on your arm. Children follow bold parents into courageous territory.

Skills – Arm your child with skills to solve their problems and meet their needs. Independent skills prepare children to face the unexpected, knowing they are able to encounter and overcome their fears. Though they may cry for you to come turn on their light, teach them to sit up, lean over, and turn it on themselves. When the doctor asks for their name, resist the “mommy urge” to answer; let them learn to speak to the doctor themselves. Equip them to be brave.

Trust – Use crisis moments to teach children to discern the difference between what is true and false. Help them know they can talk to you about their concerns, but more importantly, help them know that they can talk to God. Mentor your child in learning to tell God their fears and ask for His help.

Everyone faces fear, but train children to say Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” Take it from a mom who has faced fears of her own and anguished over a fearful little one. Our children need more comfort than we can offer; they need the divine, lifelong guarantee of God’s presence.

Sirens will sound, doors will slam, strangers will speak, and darkness will come. Will your child be ready? Let’s be comforting moms who equip our kids with the experience, skills, and trust needed to navigate days in the nursery to the playground to the dorm room and beyond!

By Julie Sanders

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The Happiest She’s Been in 45 Years

April 23, 2012 By

a poem about mothers, daughters, and Alzheimer’s Disease

(to view as a video, click here.)

She was happy
once upon a time
long
long
ago.

Then,
all changed.

She birthed a baby girl.

She moved 3,000 miles
to an unknown land:

California,
where women wore white
after Labor Day.

And she tried.

Oh,
how hard
she tried
to make everything
just right
so I could be happy.

I didn’t care
about leveling off the measuring cup with the back of the knife
whether the salad fork went on the left or the right
if dinner was served precisely at 6:00 PM.

I just wanted her to be happy.

So I learned
the importance of measuring (and doing my math homework) perfectly.
where the salad fork always goes.
to be on time is to be late; to be early is to be on time.

I was
miserable
so that
she would be happy.

But
neither
she
nor
I
ever
were.

* * *

Now they comfort each other
saying,
“She’s the happiest she’s been in
45 years.”

But this is small comfort
for the baby girl
born
45 years
ago.

I know
her happiness
was left behind
in the move.

But I also know
she waited and prayed
for so long
for a daughter

a daughter
who failed
for 40 years to do
what Alzhiemers
has done
in less
than
5.

She is happy
once again,
now that
all is changed.

Her memories
of the past
45 years
are lost
and gone
forever.

She no longer knows
the name
she gave the daughter
she waited and prayed for
45 years
ago.

She is happy
now that she does not know
who I am

or how to follow her own recipes.
or where the salad fork goes
or that she should eat dinner tonight.

* * *

And so I move
far more than 3,000 miles away
to an unknown land:

Hope

where memories
and measuring cups
and forks
and dinner times
are left behind,

where
we can be
at peace
together,

where (at long last)
we can both be
the happiest we’ve been in
45 years.

 

Lessons God is teaching as He walks me through this new journey:

1)  Don’t wait “until…” to be happy. Choose joy. Now.

2)  Make memorable moments. Lots of them.

3)  Nobody makes anyone happy. Or unhappy.

4)  Expectations result in disappointment. Every time.

5)  Letting go of expectations + holding on to hope = experiencing God’s peace.

 

“May the God of hope
fill you with all joy and peace
as you trust in Him,
so that you may overflow with hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13

By Cheri Gregory

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Season of Growing

April 9, 2012 By

A walk to my mailbox yesterday revealed a rose about to bloom. A clematis vine winds its way up the porch, hanging with purple blossoms. Even the fungus on the stump has gone from espresso cup to soup bowl size in a matter of days. If growth is the symphony of springtime, our children take center stage.

 

It’s time for mommies everywhere to set aside their ironing baskets, resist spring cleaning, and turn off technology in favor of embracing this season of growth with our children.  Including these 7 essential ingredients in your spring will help you make the most of this season of growing.

7 Springtime Ingredients for Growing Children

G – God: Psalm 19:1-6 describes how nature tells who God is and what He’s like. As all of creation awakens at once, it’s the perfect time to help children turn their thoughts to the Maker of heaven and earth, see His nature in the wonders, and praise Him for being so creative. Don’t miss God in the glory of springtime!

R – Reading: Spring gives a mom a lot to work with in motivating children to read. Visit your local library for books about seeds, weather, earth worms, life cycles, baby animals, and new life. I personally love Dr. Seuss, “O Say Can You Seed.” Use the new season to feed your child’s mind.

O – Outdoors: Fresh air and breezes invite us to step outside. Don’t let allergies or bugs stop you! Put on play clothes and sneakers and get outside with sidewalk chalk, a ball, a kite, or a blanket. Unless it’s a rainy spring day, make it your goal to get outside each day. Take your meals, your lessons, your chores, and your special occasions outdoors.

W – Walking: Couch potatoes thrive in winter. Once the weather changes, take advantage of the chance to move and be active. Moms have to model motion for children to learn healthy habits. Instead of just “sending kids out to play,” get out with them. Walk with other moms and kids, meet new friends in your neighborhood or playground, or use it to catch up with your husband.

I – Inspiration: Like plants coming to life around us, creativity blossoms in springtime. No other season has such a wide palette of colors or variety of songs as its background. Let the array inspire you and your children to be artistic. Have a basket of paints, paper, craft materials, musical instruments, and miscellaneous items on hand for inspired moments.

N – Nurturing: Take a cue from the duck at the park and use the springtime to nurture your ducklings. It’s the ideal season to let children follow you and enjoy the shelter of your wings. All too soon, they’ll lose their downy feathers and take flight, so enjoy your brood in this season reserved for motherhood.

G – Gratitude: Find a sunny spot under new leaves, and soak in the sweetness of motherhood. Images will sneak in like mounds of laundry, stains on carpet, and late night feedings … block those out! Listen to the sounds of your children, take in every detail of their faces, watch with wonder at what they’ve learned. Be amazed and grateful that you are a mother.

So many times throughout the year, we let daily things cause us to miss the wonders of mothering our growing sprouts called children. This spring … enjoy.

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When parenting means… having a gentle answer

March 23, 2012 By

Some days, parenting is hard.

That was my exhausted thought as I drove my daughter home from swim team one night.

The whole day had been a battle.

I can’t even remember as I write this what the issues were, but it just seemed like everything was a challenge that day.

Maybe it was because we had a busy schedule and I was being impatient. Or maybe it was because she’s a pre-teen and she’s becoming more independent. Whatever the reason, I was frustrated. She was mad.

And it was one of those days.

There we were, driving along on the heels of an argument, and I was done.

I sighed.

She sighed.

I could almost hear her arms crossing in the back seat.

We were both quiet.

And in that silence, as we drove down the freeway, the sun setting in the distance, a thought came to me.

“You know what?” I said.

“What?” she answered, sulking.

“I just realized, even when we have our differences, you and I are still more the same than we are different.”

She didn’t say anything.

“And I think the fact that we disagree sometimes might be good.”

“Why?” Her voice softened.

(Was that the sound of her arms uncrossing?)

“Because I see your determination. You’ve got a strong will, and you can do a lot of great things with that in life.”

“Hmm,” was all she said.

We drove along, maybe another five minutes or so, and then…

“Mommy?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It took me by surprise.

I smiled in the darkness.

“I love you too.”

“Thank you for taking me to swim tonight.”

I got a lump in my throat.

“You’re welcome.”

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

Sometimes, as moms, it can be hard to give a gentle answer, especially when we’re in the middle of arguments with our kids. It can be hard to stay positive and calm. And it can be hard to find gentle words that encourage and build up, rather than tear down. And while there are definite times we need to be firm and resolute, there are also times when our kids’ acting out might really be a cry for attention,

a need to know they are cared about,

a deliberate test to see if they are still loved,

even when they act unlovable.

Especially during those times (like that day with my daughter in the car), a gentle answer may be all that is needed to turn things around.

What about you? How do you turn things around when parenting is hard? Here’s a prayer to help:

Dear Lord,

Please give me the wisdom to recognize the reasons behind my kids’ behaviors. Help me to see when they need extra love and attention. Help me to see when they need correction. Give me Your gentle words to say to them, words that will refresh, reset, and encourage even the most challenging situations. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to anger, and overflowing with Your amazing love.

–Amen.

by Genny Heikka

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Welcome to Holland, by Emily Perl Kingsley

March 9, 2012 By

❀❀ Here is a wonderful essay by Emily Perl Kingsley.  She has given us all a wonderful snap-shot of the experience of having a child born with a disability, and allows us to feel some of the emotions that go along with it. ❀❀

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip-to Italy.  You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.  The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It is all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?”,  you say.  ”What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there has been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It’s just a different place.

So, you must go out and buy new guide books.  And you must learn a whole new language.  You will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place.  It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But, after you’ve been there for  awhile and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they have there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go.  That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But, if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things….about Holland.

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

❀❀Have you found yourself in a completely different place than you planned?  Can you find someone today to encourage that has had a similar experience? How can I encourage you? ❀❀

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Kids and Technology: The “Guinea Pig” Generation

February 27, 2012 By

I should have seen it coming.

Almost two decades ago, Daniel and I scrutinized the ten or twelve boxes of cutting-edge “educational software” at CompUSA, finally settling on Reader Rabbit. Back home, we devoted the evening to learning the program, ourselves, so that we could help our daughter with it, during the upcoming weeks and months. We stayed up past midnight, and I’m pretty sure we high-fived each other for being such with-it, tech-savvy, forward-thinking parents.

Forty-five minutes. What had taken two college-educated adults hours to figure out together took our 3-year-old less than one hour, all on her own.

I feel like I should have seen this multi-media, social-networking, technology-addicted, Web 2.0 version of reality coming, a long long time ago. But it took Time’s March 2006 article “The Multitasking Generation” to wake me up to the truth: (a) things are changing fast and (b) things will never be the same.

And as I raise, work with, and study “Gen M”, I’m realizing (a) “those wacky kids” are changing fast and (b) “those wacky kids” will never be the same. Technology evangelist, Mark Pesce, celebrates that we’ve provided our kids with the “very best tools possible to communicate.” Almost as an aside, he admits: what we don’t know are the unintended consequences.

I certainly failed to see the “unintended consequences” coming. As a society, we have placed a vast array of life-altering communication tools into the hands of the youngest, the most vulnerable. And now we are sitting back and watching what’s happening. Our kids are guinea pigs in a giant experiment for which no official consent form has been signed.

Case in point: Call me naive, but when we put a new computer in our daughter’s room when she was 13, it never occurred to me that the computer came pre-programmed with DVD software. While I thought we were maintaining a “plug-in drug”-free home, Annemarie was spending hours watching movies in her room. I had sworn to never allow a TV or DVD player in her room. And yet, I unwittingly gave her both.

In a 2001 interview, novelist Ray Bradbury said, “When I wrote Fahrenheit 451 [published in 1953] I was worried about people being turned into morons by TV and popular culture. Now, I’m afraid of people “playing” their life away with too many “toys”, wasting their time. We can use [the Internet] as a good tool. I hope it’s an experiment that works.” (emphasis mine)

As studies on the current generation continue to accumulate–Kaiser’s Generation M (2005) and the new Generation M2 (2010), Pew’s Social Networking (2007)–I keep wondering how we let this “experiment” just happen. Did anyone see it coming? Or did an “anything that can be done” get done to us “while we were sleeping”?

We wouldn’t have taken this approach with an experimental mind-and-behavior-altering drug. We wouldn’t have said, “Hey, let’s hand it over to the kids. We’ll let them self-regulate the dosage. And then we’ll study the impact with little-to-no intervention!”

It’s easy to get excited about kids and technology being such a “native” combination. But are we, per chance, dressing up for a party when we should be responding to a revolution? As much as I want to celebrate my students’ vast potential for connection and collaboration, inspiration and empowerment, I also wonder: Am I neglecting the fact that people get hurt in revolutions? that kids, especially, get hurt in revolutions?

I’m talking about the hurt of isolation I see in my often frantically hyper-connected students. Recently, as we were reading Fahrenheit 451 and the students realized that people in Bradbury’s futuristic society spend their days with tiny earphones piping noise into their ears and minds, one of my sophomores spontaneously yelled, “This is us!” As we read about their pervasive societal loneliness, another student identified, describing how she goes on Facebook at 3:00 AM and types, “Is anyone out there? Anyone at all?”

I’m talking about the hurt of ineptitude my kids feel in the face of heightened expectations. I can’t be the only teacher discovering that the same student who can figure out my new BlackBerry–sans manual!–may melt in frustration when I expect him to transfer those “same” learn-while-doing skills to, say, creating his Works Cited using NoodleTools.com. (After all, it’s on the computer; aren’t all kids “digital natives” these days?)

And I’m talking about the hurt of children who feel disconnected from adults who matter to them, especially adults who buy into Pesce’s idea that kids today are “on a different planet.” When my sophomores do “Generation M” research projects each year, their #1 conclusion is not that they need newer gadgets, updated classrooms, or even unlimited Facebook access.

The #1 “thing” kids want, year in and year out, is more unrushed, agenda-free, face-to-face times with the key adults in their lives. 

You know, those wacky adults who are out shopping for the newest software. Those wacky adults putting computers in kids’ bedrooms without taking the time to see what’s on them. Those wacky adults building blogs and finding friends on Facebook.

Who could have seen that coming?

 By Cheri Gregory

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Five Ways to Engage Disengaged Kids

January 12, 2012 By

Mary DeMuthBy Featured Guest: Mary DeMuth

In a world of Halo, iphones, and IM, how do parents strategically engage their tuned-out kids? How can we create the kinds of homes that are irresistible to our children, enticing enough to make them tune out from games, media and texting and tune in to the rhythms of family life? Five ways.

One: Offer ‘em Something Better

The most enticing thing to a kid is community—real, authentic, God-breathed community. To create this, learn to do the following:

  • Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong and ask forgiveness.
  • Strive to become the person you want your child to become. Practice reconciliation, open communication, and serving each other.
  • Listen, really listen to your kids. Give them eye-time. Don’t uh-huh their concerns, but strive to ask great questions to draw them out. Be willing to share your own struggles with your kids.
  • Plan meal times together.
  • Have an unplug day—no phones, TV, gaming systems, and return to old fashioned board games, taking walks outside, and reading together.
  • Resist DVDs in the minivan. Try books on tape instead—a wonderful way to engage your child’s mind. Discuss the book afterward.
  • Welcome others into your home. Be the house all the kids want to congregate in.

Two: If You Can’t Beat ‘em, Join ‘em

Our kids will see movies; they will watch TV shows. Instead of always pushing against that, sit down next to your child and watch shows and movies together. Then use the time afterwards to discuss these questions:

  • What is the worldview of this movie?
  • What kind of person is the main character? Is she someone you want to be like?
  • What lies does this movie perpetuate?
  • What does this show say about materialism?
  • What part of this movie showed God’s love?

Strategically engaging alongside our kids in the very thing we’re leery of does two things: It shows our kids we are willing to sacrifice our own desires to spend time with them. And it helps prepare them to better discern the movies and media they watch.

Three: Explore Different Ways to Celebrate Sabbath

Taking time away from the crazy rush-rush of a media saturated world is a counter-cultural move your family can take. Choose a day or afternoon for rest. Limit media that day. Choose to engage in artistic, creative endeavors together:

  • If a child loves music, encourage him to write a song or create an unusual soundtrack.
  • Supply kids with all sorts of visual arts tools: paint, brushes, magazines, pens, glue, and let them create. If you need focus, think of five families or friends who need to be encouraged, then create cards for each one.
  • Let your kids have free reign of the video camera. Encourage them to make a movie. Then watch it together as a family, complete with popcorn.
  • Pull out that karaoke machine.
  • Read together.
  • Do a puzzle or play board games.

Four: Go Outside

We are a disconnected culture, defining ourselves by the great indoors and cyberworlds. To combat that in your family, dare to open the front door and walk on out. Take strolls with your kids. Find a local park or wilderness preserve to poke around in. Hike together. Feed the ducks. Launch rockets. Play Frisbee. Kick the ball around. Ride bikes. Pick up garbage along the road. Skateboard. Make going outside as much of a habit as going outside.

Five: Focus Outward

Computers and movies and TV and phones focus us inward. Instead, seek to find ways to focus your family outward toward the needs of the world. Sponsor a child in a third world country. Go on a mission trip as a family and take a year together to plan it. Find a cause to support—like digging wells in Africa or alleviating AIDS. Volunteer at a nursing home. Muddying our feet and hands in the real needs of the world gives kids a greater picture of the world and pulls them away from the artificial, often narcissistic world they live in.

It is possible to re-engage your disengaged child. It takes effort, creativity and pluck, but it can be done. The reward? A rejuvenated, connected relationship with your child that no gadget can compare to.

Mary DeMuth is the author of 12 books, including You Can Raise Courageous and Confident Kids, 150 Quick Questions to Get Your Kids Talking, and Building the Christian Family You Never Had. She speaks around the country and the world about the family and living uncaged. She lives with her husband and three kids in Texas. Find out more at marydemuth.com.
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Passing on Prayer

January 8, 2012 By

How do we go from bedtime prayers to personal prayer with our children? Giving kids a head start in talking to God is a mother’s goal. In our own prayers we hope our little ones will learn to turn to their Heavenly Father on their own. A mom with a heart for personal prayer can pass it on to her children.

Since we know our children need to live healthy lives, we teach them to eat and exercise. Since we know they need to study and work, we teach them to read and write. Since we know they need to care for themselves, we teach them to tie their shoes. Since we know life brings waves of challenges, we need to teach our little ones how to call out to God. We can show our children that prayer is personal, spontaneous, and effective.

All children experience fears, including darkness, strangers, or separation. These are opportunities to show children prayer is a personal way to answer fear. By using scripture to answer uncertainty, children learn that, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” (Psalm 56:3). 

Making it personal:

Take sequential pictures of your child with a frightened face, a thoughtful expression, a bowed head, and a smiling peaceful face. Use pictures to make a wordless book together. This is your text book to read together, training your child to trust God and pray when they experience fear. Show them that trusting God brings comfort.

Instead of making prayer a discipline reserved for adults and special buildings, help children learn prayer is for any time or place. Prayer can be spontaneous. Life with little ones provides endless opportunities to stop and “Pray now” about events of your days:  a hurt friend at play group, a decision at a toy store, a passing ambulance, a lost kitten. Model spontaneous prayer in response to circumstances, then guide your child to stop and “Pray now.”  Show them that at the very moment of need, you can talk to God and ask for His help. Your example will train them to be comfortable with immediate prayer.

Making it spontaneous:

Find a park bench to sit down, pull into a parking lot, or pause in a grocery aisle to pray when prompted. Show your child God is always ready to hear you call. After your child is comfortable with impromptu prayer, ask if they would pray. Hold their hand as a physical reinforcement.

You can show your children prayer is effective by training yourself to point out and give credit to God’s answers to prayers. Don’t let opportunities pass when God meets a need, gives wisdom, or provides comfort. Rejoice with your child and be specific about God hearing and answering. Your praise will reinforce your child’s confidence in the effectiveness of prayer.

Showing it’s effective:

Draw a picture together of answers to prayer you experienced together. Call Daddy or a relative to share the praise. Stop and give thanks to God for hearing and answering. Get a “recipe style” book, so you can draw pictures on 3×5 cards and slip them in as your little one sees answers. You will have a praise book personal to your family.

Before I started elementary school, my newly believing mother taught me to pray. Months later I was caught in an Atlantic rip current. My fearful mother watched from shore, as rescuers risked their lives for mine, but I was not alone. I was calling out to God with my own voice and from my own heart, because I knew He would hear the prayers of little ones like me. Many waves will wash over our children as they grow, but we can give them the gift of knowing prayer is personal, spontaneous, and effective. They must learn to turn all on their own. A mother can equip her children for whatever they’ll face when she passes on personal prayer.

What are you doing to pass on prayer to your children?

By: Julie Sanders 

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5 Ways to Help Kids Set & Fulfill Goals

January 5, 2012 By

As we enter a new year we find ourselves reflecting on where we’ve been and looking forward to where we hope to go. We make plans, develop lists and chart a course for the coming year. But what about our kids?

Do you help your children set goals and then help them fulfill them?

I remember when I was teaching my son to read more proficiently and I gave him his first real book. It was My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George. It wasn’t really a big book, but to my 7 year old son it looked ginormous! He kept saying, “How am I going to read that whole thing?!”

I looked at him and smiled and said, “One page at a time.” That’s how we live our lives. We turn one page at a time – we live one day at a time.

We fulfill our goals the same way. But how can we help our children set goals and fulfill them? What types of goals should they have?

Here are 5 ways to help your kids set and fulfill their goals:

  • Help them look back and see some areas of need. Does their room stay a mess? Do they struggle with patience, unkind words or bad attitudes? Do they start things they don’t finish, do things half-heartedly or not do what they should? Do they eat too much, talk too much or whine too much? Do they pray daily, read God’s Word (or if they aren’t old enough to read, do you read it to them everyday?) Do they serve others? Do they struggle with sharing, telling the truth or controlling their temper? As you help them look back you are also helping them think about their behavior and habits over the past year in a variety of different areas.
  • Help them set ‘doable, a page-at-a-time’ type of goals. Like adults, they will quickly fall under the weight of a goal much bigger than themselves. Help them make small goals and every time they fulfill that goal, help them set another one until the ultimate goal is met. If it’s a specific amount of books to read or chapters in the Bible, set daily goals. When they see they can accomplish that, set weekly goals…then monthly. Soon they will see they can accomplish their goals when they stick to them. If it’s a bad attitude or unkind words and their goal is to eliminate them from their behavior, start by setting a daily goal of maintaining a good attitude and refraining from unkind words. Then stretch that timeframe to three days, then a week. If it’s an incessantly messy room, do the same. Let them see that every day they are victorious, they are successfully fulfilling their goals.
  • Teach them failure is never final. We all fail. Every one of us has been on a diet and then somehow found ourselves in a closet with a handful of Oreos in one and and a half gallon of ice cream in the other. We’ve all failed. Your children need to understand that even if they fail, they can start over and take positive steps toward their goal one day at a time. Failure teaches us what it means to persevere. It teaches us how to have mercy on others when they fail. It reminds us that failure is just another opportunity to start over.
  • Let them know you are supporting them without doing it for them. Teaching our children to set goals and fulfill them is kind of like teaching them to ride a bike. We run with them, holding onto them all the way until we see they can do it on their own and then we let go. They may fall, but when they do, we help them get back up on the bike, we run with them again and then we watch them soar! The goal isn’t to run beside them the whole time. The goal is to teach them to do it on their own and then stand back and watch them soar!
  • Celebrate their victories. Children need to know you’re proud of them, but more than that, they need to learn what it’s like to be proud of themselves. I don’t mean ‘proud’ as in ‘arrogant’ – but that feeling of accomplishment that comes with knowing they set their heart on doing something. They worked hard. Maybe even sacrificed. But they did it! Hearing that sweet little voice saying, “Look Mommy! I did it!” will not only make your heart melt, but it will strengthen theirs.

Perhaps you need  to help your children set spiritual goals (like reading 1 chapter a day, memorizing 1 verse a week or journaling their way through the Word).

Or you might feel you need to help them set organizational goals (like getting assignments done on time, keeping their room clean or being on time).

You may even want to help them set behavioral goals (like refraining from lying or saying unkind words, or dealing with self control or an ill temper).

Or maybe you need to help them set physical goals (like exercise 30 minutes a day, make wise food choices, restrict their sugar intake or brush their teeth twice a day).

Setting and fulfilling goals is as important for children as it is for adults. Remember, if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time…and so will you’re children.

What goals have you helped your children make this year? How do you help them fulfill their goals?



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