When You Struggle With Infertility and Loss

May 18, 2012 By Heather Riggleman

A Post From My Blog Last Fall

*I was going in for a routine ultrasound, only to learn the unexpected, my baby had died during the week. No heartbeat.

“My prayer this morning as I waited for the doctor, was somehow, there would be a heartbeat. I requested she try again for my sake and sadly as I knew, there was none. Even though I didn’t hear one, I was comforted as I laid my heart in God’s hands.
    Fresh tears well up with each passing moment as I continue to grieve the loss of my child. I grieve the dreams that were attached so strongly to her. Each child has a purpose, no matter how long or brief they graced the earth with their presence. What took my breath away, was the realization of God’s hands in this process. Our lives are never perfect, normal, or calm though we would like them to be. If they were, what opportunity would we have to turn to God and ask Him hold our hearts in His hands. How could we be awestruck in how He works in our weaknesses? How would we know it was truly Him?
    During the time of absorbing the news and trying to make sense of it all, I was comforted by so many women who have walked this painful path before me. It’s a part of life, it was nothing I did, nor was it a punishment as some like to believe. Life itself happens, it’s not in our control. We can be humble and ask God to walk with us or reject His presence. I choose to allow Him to mend my heart. I choose to see the wisdom in this process and embrace what He has in store. I know that if I give Him the pieces, He will mend it far better than I could on my own.”

This excerpt was from a post on my blog last fall. We had unexpectedly become pregnant with our fourth baby. Because I was told at the age of 15 I would never have kids on my own, each of my babies were and are precious miracles. At 17, however after faithfully taking my birth control (prescribed for cysts and PCOS), I had gotten pregnant. Eight years later, after crying out to God, we finally got pregnant with our son. My doctor knew how much we wanted to complete our family, so after my son’s birth, we wasted no time starting fertility treatments. 22 months later our daughter was born.

Now that you’ve had a crash course history on my mothering journey, it will explains the elation of expecting our fourth. We lost Alex last September and after much prayer, we are going through the process of infertility treatments again. As a MOPS mom, I am surrounded by precious babes all week long during play dates, steering meetings, and of course MOPS meetings. And instead of being bitter, I rejoice. These sweet moms pass their babies into my arms to quench the screaming voice of wanting another. I rejoice because each life is so precious. I rejoice because I know my future is in God’s hands.

What NOT To Say:

Perhaps the hardest part about dealing with infertility and miscarriages are the comments from those who are insensitive, blond (I can freely use this, I am blond) and those who just don’t get it. When I miscarried Alex, I was told:

“It’s God’s way of telling you three is enough.”

“Focus on the blessings you have.”

“Don’t you think you’re being selfish by putting your family through the grief, it’s time to let it go.”

“God let you miscarry because you sinned in using birth control.”

“It was his way of telling you, you can’t afford another one.”

What To Say:

Instead, what I wanted and needed to hear: “I am sorry for your loss. I don’t understand what you’re going through but I’m here for you.”

Sometimes we don’t know what to say and that is OK. But the main focus we need to hear when we are grieving the loss is that it was a child. It was tragic and our lives are in God’s hands. Other ways you can help someone who is grieving the loss of a child is to bring meals, offer to run errands, and if they do have other children, offer to take them for a play date. The best is to offer your shoulder and pray with them.

Open Up Your Heart. Break The Silence

I wanted to share this post with you today because I know the heartache and aching sting to losing a baby, and feeling broken because my body doesn’t work like others. If you’re a mom struggling with infertility and miscarriages, I want to give you a HUGE hug and tell you that God is there in the midst of your heartache and pain. I also encourage you to reach out. Carrying the anger, hurt, and heartache in silence only builds a prison around your heart.

I call this picture "The Whole Family". I was still pregnant with Alex. And Tori was TIRED of the photo shoot!

Filed Under: During Pregnancy (Mom & Baby), Growth & Development, Heather Riggleman Tagged With: Faith, infertility, loss, miscarriage, struggles Leave a Comment

10 Ways to Win the Whining War

May 8, 2012 By themomin

It has a way of grating on your nerves. Whining can drive a momma up the proverbial wall. How do you stop a two year old from whining when it’s time for bed, when you take her favorite toy away or when she doesn’t get her way?

What do you do when your 5 year old whines about what you feed him for lunch, when you make him play outside or when you make him take a nap?

Somehow, whining is a universal language for children between 1 and 18… and if it’s not dealt with before they become adults, their spouses have the displeasure of dealing with their whining.

Since we all know there are no cookie cutter kids, we also know there are no cookie cutter answers. What works for one will not work for another. However, there are some things moms can do to help win the whining war!

Here are 10 ways to win the whining war:

1. Identify your child’s triggers. What initiates the whining? Begin the process of taking note of what it is that seems to trigger the whining. You may notice a pattern and be able to distinguish between legitimate fears and overdramatized frustrations.

2. Define whining. You’re children need to understand what whining is and why it’s not acceptable. I know you’ve probably figured it out already, but telling them to stop whining doesn’t really help. Be sure to explain to your children what whining is and why it won’t be allowed.

3. Don’t give in. When children whine they have to know you won’t let them have their way… not because of whatever it is they are whining about but BECAUSE THEY ARE WHINING. It you reward whining by giving in to whatever it is they are whining about, you reinforce to them that whining works and you will lose the whining war before the battle ever begins.

4. Establish realistic consequences. Sometimes it’s not enough to not give in because they are whining, other times there has to be comparable consequences. If you have to take away a toy or a privilege for a day to wage war with whiny behavior, then you might have to do that.

5. Re-adjust their focus. Children have a short attention span. Use that to your advantage as a parent. When the whining begins, it’s very important to deal with it, but after you have done so, divert your little one’s attention in a new direction.

6. Don’t have a meltdown moment in front of them. Whining has a way of wearing a mommy out. Don’t let them know that. For some reason, those sweet little bundles of joy have a way of knowing what buttons to push and how long to push them before they get their way. If they see you wearing down, they’ll think they can wear you out and you’ll give in. You’re the parent. Remember, you don’t have to get upset. You just have to parent them well.

7. Be consistent. Probably the most important aspect of parenting overall is to be a consistent parent. If you corrected them for whining about something yesterday, it can’t be okay today. If they had a toy taken away from them from whining last week, it has to be taken away if they refuse to quit whining today. Don’t allow yourself to be so tired you become a wishy-washy mom. Remember, consistency is key and wishy-washy moms never win the whining war.

8. Show the love even when they whine. Being frustrated with a whining child is normal, but children have a way of being like a sponge and absorbing whatever attitude you display. Correcting your children must always be done in love. If it’s not, it’s just an overflow of your frustration and anger and there’s nothing good that can come from that.

9. Explain and reward proper behavior. Let your children know what you expect and how it is best to deal with something. Explain different ways they can deal with being frustrated and reward them with they behave well. Children like to please their parents… so tell them how to do so by giving them a good understanding of various ways they can respond instead of whining.

10. Don’t be a whiner. Behavior is much more caught than taught. What you do in moderation, your children will do in excess. That includes whining. You may want to pay attention to your responses to be sure your child isn’t just mimicking you. If you don’t want your child to be a whiner, then don’t allow your own behavior to teach them how to be one.

Whining is such a difficult behavior to deal with. Many a mom has crumbled under the weight of a whining child. But if you deal with it now… deal with it consistently… deal with it wisely and deal with it in love, you will win the whining war and before you know it, your home will be a ‘whine-free zone’ and you will be a less stressed momma.

What do you do to win the whining war with your children?

By Stephanie Shott

Filed Under: Behavior, Childhood, MOM Stuff, Stephanie Shott, Toddler & Preschooler, Uncategorized Tagged With: how to stop whining, Parenting, parenting advice, Whining 5 Comments

Is it Autism?

May 4, 2012 By Tara Dovenbarger

“She does not like to be held or rocked at all. She won’t look at what I am pointing at, and never points at things herself. The softest touch sends her wailing, but being bitten by ants at the playground did not cause a stir. She still is not talking, but all my friends have had late talkers. She seems to look everywhere but in my eyes. So many things don’t seem right. Could this be autism?”

Autism. Just the sound of the word makes the strongest of moms weak in the knees.

So what is autism?

According to the Mayo Clinic and my own experience with my child with autistic like tendencies:

Autism is a disorder of brain development that causes developmental problems and appears in early childhood.
Each child with autism is unique and affected differently than others, but all have problems with communication and interacting with others.

There is no cure for autism.

What are some symptoms?

The symptoms usually show up between 2 and 3 years.
The child will fail to respond to his/her name. “My daughter at 8 years old will still not respond when I call her name. This makes it very difficult to find her inside or out. When I call out to her, I have to ask her, “Say Something!” And if I’m lucky, I will hear a faint noise from her and be able to then find her.”
Poor eye contact.
Does not like to be held or cuddled. “This is a real area of guilt as a mom. I tried for years to read to her and rock her like my other children. She would scream and claw her way out of my lap. It was very hard to bond and feel connected.”
Talking starts later than age two or loses ability to say previously acquired words. “My daughter is 8, and praise God, she just started putting 5 words together! For the first time she is able to tell me if she is not feeling well, what she wants to eat, and small bits about her day at school!”
Can’t start or keep conversation going.
Likes repetitive movements (hand-flapping, rocking back and forth) ”Our daughter loves to hold one leg, rock back and forth with humming/mumbling the same sounds over and over and over and over:)”
Children with autism look “normal”. ”Going out in public can be very hard. I cringe every time someone comes up and asks my daughter her age. When I respond for my child, the stranger gives me a queer look, as if to say, “Why don’t you let her answer the question?” If only it were that easy.”

freedigitalphotos.net

When should I see my doctor?

12 months- your child isn’t babbling or cooing, no pointing or waving gestures
16 months- not saying single words
24 months-not able to say two-word phrases
Any age-the loss of acquired language or social skills

Source: Mayo Clinic Staff, 2010, Autism. Retrieved April 16, 2012, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/autism, para. 1-11)

I think my child may have autism, now what?

Your doctor will evaluate your child and refer you to a specialist.
If your doctor isn’t listening to your concerns, contact your local school for an evaluation.

And finally, here are some excellent resources to help you or a friend today!

Speechless: Finding God’s Grace in My Son’s Autism by Sandra Peoples. This eBook on Amazon is a must read. It was so encouraging to me. The book takes you with the author as she discovers her son’s autism. In her book she also gives you 10 steps to take if you suspect your child has autism, and gives a great list of resources. http://peoplesonline.blogspot.com/2011/11/buy-speechless.html
“The Out-of-Sync Child” by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A.
www.autismspeaks.org
www.firstsigns.org

Finally, my prayer for you is that the Lord will comfort you. Isaiah 44:2, “Thus says the LORD who made you, and formed you from the womb who will help you, do not fear.” The LORD knew what he was doing when he made our children and will help us each step along the way! How has the Lord helped you or a friend on this journey? ❥Tara Dovenbarger

Filed Under: Growth & Development, Special Needs, Uncategorized Tagged With: autism, autism symptoms, developmental disability, special needs 4 Comments

Facing our Fears

April 25, 2012 By Julie Sanders

What’s a mom to do when her child who never minded being passed around a room of eager relatives freaks out at the sound of a flushing toilet? Are childhood anxieties real? The day my four year old screamed from the back of our mini-van in the Hobby Lobby parking lot, I hoped everyone around me believed childhood worries are real. Fears are not because of anything moms do wrong; childhood fears are part of being a child.

Instead of finding the quickest way to squelch a panic, a wise mom knows fears are not only normal, they are the evidence of a growing awareness of a child’s world. As the nervous system develops, along with the ability to manage sensory input, children wonder at their world. For example, once they develop an understanding of object permanence between 8 to 10 months of age, they want to know where their parent went if they leave their sight. Triggers arouse new questions and reactions for children as they move through new stages of growth: noises, strangers, darkness, doctors, masked characters. What’s a mom to do when a new fear trigger appears?

Fears present an opportunity to equip our children for life.

Whether clinging in panic to the rail of a crib or pleading in tears out the window, children who engage their fears are more likely to grow up to be confident adults. You don’t have to resort to trickery or sneaking out of rooms. Face those fears head on with your children! How we respond marks out the path for our children’s future; are you raising a paranoid child or a brave child? When fear grips your small one, use it to teach them:

4 Ways to Face Childhood Fears

Comfort – Let them know you love them and will be there for them. While you may be tempted to give in to a delirious demand, provide confident comfort that nurtures courage and peace in your growing child. Your comfort prepares them to understand that God is their loving Heavenly Father.

Experience – Instead of letting imagined fears dictate your boundaries, broaden your child’s experience base. They are less likely to fear what they understand. Play in the rain so they know how it feels. Listen to thunder and feel its rumble. Feel the tiny feet of a bug walking on your arm. Children follow bold parents into courageous territory.

Skills – Arm your child with skills to solve their problems and meet their needs. Independent skills prepare children to face the unexpected, knowing they are able to encounter and overcome their fears. Though they may cry for you to come turn on their light, teach them to sit up, lean over, and turn it on themselves. When the doctor asks for their name, resist the “mommy urge” to answer; let them learn to speak to the doctor themselves. Equip them to be brave.

Trust – Use crisis moments to teach children to discern the difference between what is true and false. Help them know they can talk to you about their concerns, but more importantly, help them know that they can talk to God. Mentor your child in learning to tell God their fears and ask for His help.

Everyone faces fear, but train children to say Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” Take it from a mom who has faced fears of her own and anguished over a fearful little one. Our children need more comfort than we can offer; they need the divine, lifelong guarantee of God’s presence.

Sirens will sound, doors will slam, strangers will speak, and darkness will come. Will your child be ready? Let’s be comforting moms who equip our kids with the experience, skills, and trust needed to navigate days in the nursery to the playground to the dorm room and beyond!

By Julie Sanders

Filed Under: Childhood, Growth & Development, Julie Sanders, Parenting, Toddler & Preschooler Tagged With: Faith, Fear, How do I parent, Motherhood, Prayer, Successful Parenting, Toddlers, trusting God 4 Comments

The Happiest She’s Been in 45 Years

April 23, 2012 By Cheri Gregory

a poem about mothers, daughters, and Alzheimer’s Disease

(to view as a video, click here.)

She was happy
once upon a time
long
long
ago.

Then,
all changed.

She birthed a baby girl.

She moved 3,000 miles
to an unknown land:

California,
where women wore white
after Labor Day.

And she tried.

Oh,
how hard
she tried
to make everything
just right
so I could be happy.

I didn’t care
about leveling off the measuring cup with the back of the knife
whether the salad fork went on the left or the right
if dinner was served precisely at 6:00 PM.

I just wanted her to be happy.

So I learned
the importance of measuring (and doing my math homework) perfectly.
where the salad fork always goes.
to be on time is to be late; to be early is to be on time.

I was
miserable
so that
she would be happy.

But
neither
she
nor
I
ever
were.

* * *

Now they comfort each other
saying,
“She’s the happiest she’s been in
45 years.”

But this is small comfort
for the baby girl
born
45 years
ago.

I know
her happiness
was left behind
in the move.

But I also know
she waited and prayed
for so long
for a daughter

a daughter
who failed
for 40 years to do
what Alzhiemers
has done
in less
than
5.

She is happy
once again,
now that
all is changed.

Her memories
of the past
45 years
are lost
and gone
forever.

She no longer knows
the name
she gave the daughter
she waited and prayed for
45 years
ago.

She is happy
now that she does not know
who I am

or how to follow her own recipes.
or where the salad fork goes
or that she should eat dinner tonight.

* * *

And so I move
far more than 3,000 miles away
to an unknown land:

Hope

where memories
and measuring cups
and forks
and dinner times
are left behind,

where
we can be
at peace
together,

where (at long last)
we can both be
the happiest we’ve been in
45 years.

Lessons God is teaching as He walks me through this new journey:

1) Don’t wait “until…” to be happy. Choose joy. Now.

2) Make memorable moments. Lots of them.

3) Nobody makes anyone happy. Or unhappy.

4) Expectations result in disappointment. Every time.

5) Letting go of expectations + holding on to hope = experiencing God’s peace.

“May the God of hope
fill you with all joy and peace
as you trust in Him,
so that you may overflow with hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13

By Cheri Gregory

Filed Under: Cheri Gregory, Childhood Tagged With: Parenting 5 Comments

Abide in Me

April 16, 2012 By Jodi Whisenhunt

When I am asked, “How many children do you have?” I don’t know how to respond. “Three,” I answer, while I finish the sentence in my head, “…here with me and one in Heaven.” I will never forget my daughter, Rachel Faith, even if the only life she experienced was in the womb. She is always with me. As beautiful as she was at birth and at death, those images are not what flutter through my mind. I imagine her dancing with her sister. I twirl her dark curls. I embrace her, though she’s not physically here. Rachel died at birth and age stopped counting, but to me she’s almost 10.

Rachel lived in me. Her heart beat loud and strong while she stayed with me. But she left my body, and our hearts no longer beat in harmony. She was here. Then she was gone. About a week before Rachel Faith was born, I felt a sharp pain on my lower left side. I feared its significance; I knew her birth was near. By this time, the trisomy 18 had been confirmed, and the grim outlook bore gravely down upon me. I fell to my knees and wept. Through tears, I whispered to Rachel, though she could not hear or understand, “Stay with me! Don’t come out! Don’t go!” As long as she was in me, her heart beat. In me, she was alive and strong, vital. Apart from me, her imperfect body could do nothing.

Jesus says in John 15:5 (NKJV), “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” The Greek meno (abide) means to stay in a given place, to continue, endure, or remain. Jesus tells us to stay in Him. In Him, we are alive and strong, vital. In Him, we bear much fruit. Apart from Him, we wither. Apart from Him, we perish. Now, my Rachel could not physically remain in me forever. Her departure from this world was an act of the Father pruning my husband’s and my branches. We faithfully allowed God to work His will in our lives out of obedience to Him. “By this My Father [was] glorified, that you bear much fruit” (John 15:8 NKJV).

Losing Rachel evoked desperate emotions. My thoughts echoed Job’s, “May the day of my birth perish…That day – may it turn to darkness…May darkness and deep shadow claim it once more; may a cloud settle over it; may blackness overwhelm its light. That night – may thick darkness seize it; may it not be included among the days of the year nor be entered in any of the months…for it did not shut the doors of the womb on me to hide trouble from my eyes” (Job 3:3-10 NIV). The pain was so intense; I felt it would be better never to have existed at all than to experience such heartbreak.

Though I lingered awhile in the darkness, I could not wallow forever in my misery. I emerged from the pit despair plunged me into, “And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 4:2-3, emphasis mine.) Rachel existed, but she did not live to “see the evil that is done under the sun.” I know she is truly happy, for to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

From time to time, I gaze my affection upon memories of Rachel. She was here so briefly, they are but few, so I hide those treasured trinkets away in my heart. Often in regard to writing, I tell people I know it’s a God thing when my writing goes a completely different direction than the one I had planned. The same is true in life. I had plans for Rachel. Big ones! But what God had planned for her was so much better. Better than both is he who has not yet been! All Rachel has ever known is Glory. I rejoice in God’s plan. Sure, I cry tears of sorrow from time to time, but I long for time without end when I join her in God’s presence and see what she has always seen.

Jesus wants us to produce fruit for Him. The type of fruit we produce by remaining in God’s love is what results from our example of faith, things such as reaching the lost, drawing His children closer to Him, and exemplifying His gentle mercies. We must continue in Him. We must remain attached to the vine in order to bear fruit. He tells us this 10 times from verses 4-10 of John 15!

If I abide in Christ, and He in me, I am vibrant. As Rachel was alive in me, I am alive in Jesus! Remain in Jesus, dear sisters. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11 NKJV).

By Jodi Whisenhunt

Filed Under: Blog, During Pregnancy, During Pregnancy (Mom & Baby), Growth & Development, Health, Safety & Nutrition, Jodi Whisenhunt, MOM Stuff, Newborn & Baby, Newborn & Baby, Parenting, Special Needs Tagged With: Abide in Christ, death of baby, death of infant, early infant death, encouragement, Faith, I am the vine, Jodi Whisenhunt, loss of a baby, loss of a child, loss of infant, Trisomy 18 20 Comments

I’m Pregnant – Now What?

April 12, 2012 By themomin

Whether pink lines, a plus sign or a doctor’s diagnosis is the way you discover you are pregnant, a multitude of thoughts and emotions are sure to follow. Some women are excited and receive the news with great anticipation. Others are afraid of what their future might hold and aren’t sure how they are going to deal with the days ahead.

Pregnancy is different for everyone and so are the circumstances associated with it. A thousand questions run through every expectant mom’s mind as she begins her journey down an unfamiliar road. Even if she’s had a baby before, each pregnancy is different and so each pregnancy comes with questions.

And although we realize there are a ton of questions, here are 10 things every pregnant woman should consider:

1. Choose a good doctor or midwife and go early in your pregnancy. While there are an array of variables that should be considered when choosing a healthcare provider (including what type of risk factors you might have, what type of birth you plan on having, where you plan on having your baby and what your insurance will and will not cover) it is important to research the health care providers you are considering and then interview at least two or three of them before you make a decision. Remember, you are hiring them to care for your health needs and your baby’s health needs throughout your pregnancy, so be sure you make the wisest, most informed choice possible. You will also want to go ahead and find the pediatrician you will want your baby to go to once he/she is born.

2. Your actions affect your baby. Many expectant mothers continue to function as if the little life within is unaffected by her actions. If she smokes while she is pregnant the baby is affected. If she drinks alcohol or does drugs while she is pregnant, the baby is affected. Pregnancy means that little life is dependent upon his/her mom for everything and everything she does affects her baby.

Here are a few facts about negative affects on a baby because of negative actions of his/her mother:

Smoking – decreases oxygen to the baby, increases carbon monoxide, baby’s heart has to work harder to get oxygen in his/her system, constricted blood vessels on mother’s side of placenta causing less oxygen, decreased blood supply, eye disorders and decreased nutrients resulting in low birth weight and slow growth. Not to mention the plethora of chemicals released into a baby’s system and the nicotine addiction that little one has before he/she is ever born.
Alcohol or Drugs – causes birth defects, fetal alcohol syndrome, miscarriage, still-birth, low birth weight, facial and physical defects, brain damage, learning disabilities, poor attention span, A.D.D., poor memory, muscle control problems, higher risk of sudden infant death syndrome, premature labor and withdrawals from the addiction he/she develops within the womb.

3. You and your baby need nutritious meals, vitamin supplements and moderate exercise so take care of yourself. As stated above, what you do affects your baby. Talk to your doctor first about what your physical limitations are and what your nutritional needs are, but when you are pregnant, moderate exercise can not only help the baby’s breathing movements and nervous system but it can also help you have an easier delivery and recovery. During pregnancy, a woman’s need for nutritious meals and vitamins also increases. Most doctors recommend a prenatal vitamin but expectant moms may also want to look into adding fish oil and omega 3 (found in salmon and tuna) and Folic acid (found in leafy green vegetables) into their diets as well as assuring that they have the recommended dose of Vitamin D.

As much as you crave junk food try your best to avoid it during your pregnancy and when you are nursing.

4. Relax and rest. Your body needs more rest and less stress during pregnancy. You may notice that you start nodding out around 2 – 3 p.m. – that’s normal. If you can, take a nap. If you can’t, try to get rest when your body ‘tells’ you that you need it. Also, studies have shown that severe emotional stress during the first months of a woman’s pregnancy can impair nuero-development. Stress happens, but try to avoid allowing yourself to stay stressed out.

5. Drink water and avoid caffeine. If you’re like me, this one is easier said than done… but it’s definitely not only doable, but needed. Your body needs plenty of water, so drink up. On the other hand, neither your body nor your baby need caffeine. Small amounts of caffeine (300 mg or less) do not seem to show any adverse affects however, caffeine is a stimulant and 500 mg or more causes increased heart rates, premature labor, heartburn and may even keep your baby from sleeping.

6. Bonding begins in the womb. It’s natural to see an expectant mom caressing her bulging belly. Bonding begins while your little one is still in the womb, so talk to your baby, sing to your baby and rub your belly. When your baby is born he/she will recognize your voice and know your love.

7. Teach your baby. Believe it or not, as babies develop in the womb they can hear you. They recognize and respond to sounds they repeatedly hear and some research has shown that babies who were read to while still in the womb were more proficient readers with better comprehension levels and a higher self-confidence. So read to that sweet little one. You may just be carrying the next Einstein.

8. Educate yourself. There’s a lot of information out there about how to take your new journey through pregnancy. My friend, Erin MacPherson wrote a book called The Christian Mama’s Guide to Having a Baby that can help you enjoy your pregnancy. And there are a ton of other books that can help you with understanding your pregnancy from a medical perspective as well as books that help you know what to expect.

9. Prepare yourself to become a mother and begin to look for a mentor (if you don’t already have one). It’s easy to get caught up in the wonder of the pregnancy and forget the responsibilities that lie ahead. But moms don’t just happen… especially good moms. I’m not sure why we think that just because we had a mom that we know how to be one. Learning to be a mother is vital to the lifetime that is before you so start preparing to be a mother while you’re pregnant.

This is also the perfect time to find a mentor who can walk with you through not only your pregnancy but through this new season of life as a mom. We weren’t meant to do life alone and women need each other. Now is the time to seek out that Titus 2 to mentor to help you become the best momma you can be.

10. Pray. There is no greater work than prayer… so pray daily for that little one you are carrying… pray daily for yourself… pray daily for your husband… pray daily for your other children (if you have any)… pray daily for your child’s friends and future spouse. Pray for wisdom, pray for protection and direction, pray for your child to have a tender heart that will come to know Jesus at a young age, pray for your child’s integrity, faith and righteousness. Pray. Pray. Pray.

If you are expecting, I know your heart is full and you mind is racing. There are a ton of things to think about before the baby comes. But as you face the coming days, I hope these 10 things will help you consider what a miracle that little life within is. Yes… that precious bundle of joy is a Divine design – carefully crafter by the Creator of the universe and He picked you to be that baby’s mama.

If you’re pregnant now or planning to be, what do you wish was included in the list?

If you’ve already had your baby take a few minutes and look at the list above. What would you add to that list? What do you wish you would have known when you were expecting?

By Stephanie Shott

Filed Under: During Pregnancy, During Pregnancy (Mom & Baby), MOM Stuff, Stephanie Shott, Uncategorized 6 Comments

Season of Growing

April 9, 2012 By Julie Sanders

A walk to my mailbox yesterday revealed a rose about to bloom. A clematis vine winds its way up the porch, hanging with purple blossoms. Even the fungus on the stump has gone from espresso cup to soup bowl size in a matter of days. If growth is the symphony of springtime, our children take center stage.

It’s time for mommies everywhere to set aside their ironing baskets, resist spring cleaning, and turn off technology in favor of embracing this season of growth with our children. Including these 7 essential ingredients in your spring will help you make the most of this season of growing.

7 Springtime Ingredients for Growing Children

G – God: Psalm 19:1-6 describes how nature tells who God is and what He’s like. As all of creation awakens at once, it’s the perfect time to help children turn their thoughts to the Maker of heaven and earth, see His nature in the wonders, and praise Him for being so creative. Don’t miss God in the glory of springtime!

R – Reading: Spring gives a mom a lot to work with in motivating children to read. Visit your local library for books about seeds, weather, earth worms, life cycles, baby animals, and new life. I personally love Dr. Seuss, “O Say Can You Seed.” Use the new season to feed your child’s mind.

O – Outdoors: Fresh air and breezes invite us to step outside. Don’t let allergies or bugs stop you! Put on play clothes and sneakers and get outside with sidewalk chalk, a ball, a kite, or a blanket. Unless it’s a rainy spring day, make it your goal to get outside each day. Take your meals, your lessons, your chores, and your special occasions outdoors.

W – Walking: Couch potatoes thrive in winter. Once the weather changes, take advantage of the chance to move and be active. Moms have to model motion for children to learn healthy habits. Instead of just “sending kids out to play,” get out with them. Walk with other moms and kids, meet new friends in your neighborhood or playground, or use it to catch up with your husband.

I – Inspiration: Like plants coming to life around us, creativity blossoms in springtime. No other season has such a wide palette of colors or variety of songs as its background. Let the array inspire you and your children to be artistic. Have a basket of paints, paper, craft materials, musical instruments, and miscellaneous items on hand for inspired moments.

N – Nurturing: Take a cue from the duck at the park and use the springtime to nurture your ducklings. It’s the ideal season to let children follow you and enjoy the shelter of your wings. All too soon, they’ll lose their downy feathers and take flight, so enjoy your brood in this season reserved for motherhood.

G – Gratitude: Find a sunny spot under new leaves, and soak in the sweetness of motherhood. Images will sneak in like mounds of laundry, stains on carpet, and late night feedings … block those out! Listen to the sounds of your children, take in every detail of their faces, watch with wonder at what they’ve learned. Be amazed and grateful that you are a mother.

So many times throughout the year, we let daily things cause us to miss the wonders of mothering our growing sprouts called children. This spring … enjoy.

Filed Under: Childhood, Julie Sanders, MOM Stuff, Newborn & Baby, Toddler & Preschooler Tagged With: Being a mom, Children, Homeschool, Parenting, Successful Parenting, Toddlers 5 Comments

When parenting means… having a gentle answer

March 23, 2012 By Genny Heikka

Some days, parenting is hard.

That was my exhausted thought as I drove my daughter home from swim team one night.

The whole day had been a battle.

I can’t even remember as I write this what the issues were, but it just seemed like everything was a challenge that day.

Maybe it was because we had a busy schedule and I was being impatient. Or maybe it was because she’s a pre-teen and she’s becoming more independent. Whatever the reason, I was frustrated. She was mad.

And it was one of those days.

There we were, driving along on the heels of an argument, and I was done.

I sighed.

She sighed.

I could almost hear her arms crossing in the back seat.

We were both quiet.

And in that silence, as we drove down the freeway, the sun setting in the distance, a thought came to me.

“You know what?” I said.

“What?” she answered, sulking.

“I just realized, even when we have our differences, you and I are still more the same than we are different.”

She didn’t say anything.

“And I think the fact that we disagree sometimes might be good.”

“Why?” Her voice softened.

(Was that the sound of her arms uncrossing?)

“Because I see your determination. You’ve got a strong will, and you can do a lot of great things with that in life.”

“Hmm,” was all she said.

We drove along, maybe another five minutes or so, and then…

“Mommy?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It took me by surprise.

I smiled in the darkness.

“I love you too.”

“Thank you for taking me to swim tonight.”

I got a lump in my throat.

“You’re welcome.”

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

Sometimes, as moms, it can be hard to give a gentle answer, especially when we’re in the middle of arguments with our kids. It can be hard to stay positive and calm. And it can be hard to find gentle words that encourage and build up, rather than tear down. And while there are definite times we need to be firm and resolute, there are also times when our kids’ acting out might really be a cry for attention,

a need to know they are cared about,

a deliberate test to see if they are still loved,

even when they act unlovable.

Especially during those times (like that day with my daughter in the car), a gentle answer may be all that is needed to turn things around.

What about you? How do you turn things around when parenting is hard? Here’s a prayer to help:

Dear Lord,

Please give me the wisdom to recognize the reasons behind my kids’ behaviors. Help me to see when they need extra love and attention. Help me to see when they need correction. Give me Your gentle words to say to them, words that will refresh, reset, and encourage even the most challenging situations. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to anger, and overflowing with Your amazing love.

–Amen.

by Genny Heikka

Filed Under: Behavior, Childhood, M.O.M. Devos, MOM Stuff, Teens 6 Comments

Packing a Young Person’s Heart

March 14, 2012 By Julie Sanders

Last Friday we took our daughter on a college visit. Serene lawns and still hallways echoed the time year: Spring Break. As we toured the campus, thoughts about our sweet girl’s future exploded in my mind like kernels in an air popper. I longed to see some students as evidence that when kids grow up they’re okay. But they were on Spring Break.

Inside the dorms, our guide was kind (bold? crazy?) enough to show us several rooms where it looked like the Rapture had taken place. Books, guitars, clothes, pizza pans, and shoes littered the floors and beds. There wasn’t a single suitcase or student in the dorms; they were gone. To where? Home? Daytona Beach? Mission trips?

Wherever their destination, the journey is one of growing independence and decision making. It’s a time of learning how the path we choose determines our destination. I doubt any of the young adults who ate the pizza from the dirty pan were thinking about that when they made their escape, but I’m a MOM. It’s what we do. They just went on “Spring Break.”

Last week we talked about Parenting Teens Through Spring Break. Since it’s a time of life full of discovery, danger, and a wisdom deficit, parents need to step up and get the conversation flowing with their teenagers!

How can we get young people ready for independent events, whether it’s a missions trip to Guatemala, camp this summer, or (God forbid!) a weekend in Vegas? What’s a mom to do? It’s not a new question. The Psalmist asked in Psalm 119:9. “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”

When it comes time to let our kids venture out on their own (getting US & them ready for the future!), we can still influence them. We can help kids keep their way of life pure and live it like God’s word instructs. It’s all about the packing.

Tips for Packing a Heart We make sure they have money, sunscreen, rules, and air in their tires, but how about more significant supplies?

Prayer – on your own and WITH them before they leave
Spiritual food – Give them a gift to feed their mind and heart. Jeff just gave our kids a copy of Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman. I love to give great missions stories like Peace Child by Don Richardson.
Fast – How badly do you long for your kids to guard their way? Fast intentionally about their need for wisdom and growth.
Music – Be sure they have spirit-filled music to listen to that will steer their thoughts. This makes a great trip gift.
Reminders – Be discreet, but don’t hesitate to send a text, tuck a note, or pack a little gift conveying “Praying for you” or some carefully chosen Biblical words of blessing.
Memorize – Challenge your student to memorize a verse in anticipation of time on their own. If your children are young, check out these tips from Do Not Depart about how to memorize with kids.

Tips for UNpacking a Heart When their time away is over, it’s easy to focus on the laundry, any money that’s left, and other “clean up” tasks. Take time to unpack their heart.

Listen – to their stories about what was fun, what excited them, what they discovered, and what inspired them. Resist the urge to correct, gasp, or reprimand here. Just listen.
Look – If they have pictures, sit down and look at their pictures. Let them share the details. Learn about your changing child by seeing events through their eyes.
Serve – That mountain of laundry won’t do itself. A wise mom lets her child learn the valuable journey piece of “cleaning up,” but she’ll reinforce the love bond if she helps.

“How can young people keep their way pure?” It’s a great question to ask when kids venture out on their own. Let’s help them pack their hearts for the journey.