QbyUand4U: Movies and Videos + TMI Monday Link-Up!

January 28, 2013 By

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Hey sweet moms…many of you have been asking questions and we want you to know WE HEAR YOU and WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

Every Monday we will be asking questions you are asking and WE ARE ASKING YOU TO JOIN THE CONVERSATION.

JOIN US every Monday for QbyUand4U (Questions by You and For You) and share your thoughts as we answer questions moms ask.

“When my son goes over to his friend’s house, they let him watch movies I don’t approve of and play video games I don’t like either. I love the parents but I’m how do I tell them that he is not allowed to watch certain shows or play certain games when he’s over there?”

Two weeks ago, we looked at some foundational questions each family needs to answer, ideally long before an issue like this crops up. And a number of TMI mentor moms, plus some guests, weighed in with their recommendations.

Today, let’s look at three stages of parental involvement in TV and movie exposure:

Stage 1: 

When our child’s maturity level is such that they are totally dependent on us for guidance, it’s our responsibility to get to know their friends’ parents. We must actively advocate for our child’s needs and our family’s values.

One of my child’s friends had a severe peanut allergy, and when her child was young, she left nothing to chance. She called and talked with us, reminded us regularly, and sent “uncontaminated” food for him to eat.

Likewise, when my children were too young to speak up for themselves, I talked with adults to let them know that our kids watched little TV and few movies and, thus, were easily over-stimulated by visual media exposure. We asked to always be consulted prior to TV and movie watching.

When one family member knowingly violated our expectations by showing a 10-hour TV “mini-series” start-to-finish, the consequence was that I did not trust them with my children again.

Stage 2:

  When our children’s maturity level is such that they are able to comprehend our family’s values, we need to be in natural, on-going dialogue about all aspects of media consumption. Rather than teaching a simplistic “good list” vs. “bad list” mentality, we want to equip our children with skills to make wise choices about the content of what they view and the time they invest in passive watching. Lori called this giving them “tools to go with the rules”!

Drive time can be wonderful role-playing time during which to discuss and practice hypothetical scenarios.  Providing our children with simple scripts and rehearsal time helps them develop life-long skills for self-advocacy.

My children wanted to know how to stand up for their beliefs without coming across as “preachy” or disrespectful. So we worked together to craft specific phrasing that they were each comfortable using.

During this stage, we were always available as back-up, whether by phone or car. Just as my father did for me, I told my children that they could call me any time and ask to be picked up from any situation, and I’d either show up or pay for a cab, no questions asked.

Stage 3:

  Ultimately, we want our children to own their values independent of us. We want to trust them to make wise (albeit difficult!) choices even in the midst of potentially awkward situations.

This, too, requires practice. And like all practice, it will involve “failure.”

Unfortunately, during this stage, I was too quick to react without listening. My daughter was so afraid of disappointing me, she tried to cover her mistakes rather than process and learn from them.

Keeping a safe, open dialogue about what’s not working is vital. The more our children can reflect on their progress at self-monitoring, the further they will mature.

 

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Giving Thanks A Challenge & The M.O.M. Initiative Monday Link Up!

November 4, 2012 By

“. . . give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

My heart felt raw and prickly – as if somehow the circumstances of my life had ripped a layer of skin off my soul and left a raw pulsating mass. It wasn’t one big event, but the bumps and hard knocks of a multitude of tiny things that resulted in one irritated mass in the center of my chest.

My refrigerator was on the blink, coursework weighed heavy, and my house was a disaster. I sat in front of my computer typing away frantically trying to finish something.

You are not doing anything well. My thoughts wandered adding acid to my already irritated heart. Why do you think God has called you to write or speak or anything? How could He use you?

In the midst of the crazy mundane and the big terrible of life God calls us to do something contrary to our very nature. He tells us to “give thanks.” We try to get around it. We don’t actually give thanks for the mundane, no just “in” the mundane. After all God would never call us to thank Him for dirty toilets, right?

Yet perhaps that is just what He means. Ann Voskamp says it in her book One Thousand Gifts, “I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep.”

There is beauty in the refrigerator hanging on for life. Beeping as it attempts to restart and keep its contents cold. It teaches me that starting over and over again is ok. It is when I do not try that I truly fail. Perhaps there is even something to be thankful for in the midst of deadlines and coursework. I find deeper understanding of God the One who bends low to be in relationship with me. If I think long enough it knocks me to my knees.

Perhaps all this raw pulsating mess is because I failed to give thanks in all circumstances. Ann also says, “Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren’t satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other.” My heart is raw because I am tripping over my hunger for something more or something other than what God has given me.

I somehow think I deserve a refrigerator that doesn’t break or coursework that I can breeze through. I ache that sometimes it is difficult to get it all done and yet I want more or something different. I realize this doesn’t make sense, but it is true. I want more or something else. I am not satisfied with what God has given me and so I do not thank Him.

Ann goes on to say, “And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me.” There it is. Giving thanks in the microscopic or even in the gargantuan makes a place for God to grow in us. When God is growing in me I can hear Him speak. He says, “I am here. I have plans for you. I will work all things for good. I love you. I am able.”

This does not mean my heart stops aching, growth often means stretching and growing pains. It does, however, mean that I am growing closer to God and I can find joy and give thanks in all circumstances. After all, this is God’s will for us in Christ Jesus.

So I dare you to start a list of things you are thankful for right now. Perhaps even post on Facebook a list of things you are thankful for each day during the month of November. Maybe this will begin a habit for us all and we will live thankful and joyful lives and teach our kids to do the same.

By: Angela Mackey

 So, now it’s time to LINK UP & join the fun, meet new friends & make your message more available to others!

(Oh…and please be sure to grab our Link Up button on the sidebar! :-) )



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Part 3: Kids & Cell Phones – the WHAT and WHERE

September 24, 2012 By

         Subscribe today for your FREE copy of…

FACING YOUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.

 

eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHAT and WHERE

 

Part 1: Kids & Cell Phones – the WHY

Part 2: Kids & Cell Phones – the WHEN and HOW

 

Part 3:  Kids & Cell Phones – the WHAT and WHERE

Several years ago, during a Faculty-Student Home Worship, I realized that our ten student advisees were not particularly engaged in the discussion my husband was leading. At first, I thought perhaps they were a bit shy, as it was early in the school year and we were all starting to get to know each other. But I found out later where their attention had been: texting their friends who were at other faculty homes to compare food, dessert, and activities.

Daniel and I had spent a full afternoon preparing our home, making a home-cooked meal, and planning worship. Instead of enjoying a time of connection and fellowship, many students squandered the evening complaining to each other. What a waste of time and potential!

 

How Rude!

In Talk to the Hand, Lynne Truss claims that we have become a rude society, with technology trumping basic civility. Complete strangers bellow entire hands-free conversations for everyone within earshot to hear. Customers halt checkout lines by texting rather than completing their transactions. People snap photos and post them to social media sites without ever asking permission to (a) take the photo or (b) make it public.

As moms, it’s up to us to help our children understand that cell phone use is a privilege that comes with many important responsibilities. (They’re certainly not going to learn it by osmosis!)

 

Some WHAT and WHERE Shared Wisdom:

  • When my daughter was in middle and part of high school, I set up parental controls so that the phone turned OFF at bedtime. She hated that! But kids lose sleep because friends will text all night. I also set up parental controls so that she couldn’t text during church.
  • Another idea that worked (sometimes) was a rule that said the phone had to be on the kitchen counter overnight. That saves the cost of parental controls. The problem with that one is that I became the “counter police” and conflict evolved when she ignored or forgot that rule. That’s why the automated parental controls were nice; it took me out of the conflict equation.
  • Another ongoing rule: no texting/phone play at dinner or restaurants. You’d think this would be understood but I still get arguments about this. “Mom, I’m 17, when are you going to let up on the restaurant rule.” I didn’t think of this answer at the time, but plan to put it into action: “If I’m buying dinner, I’m paying for the privilege of your attention. If you’re buying, then enjoy your texting.”
  • If I had it all to do over again: I’d drill and drill and drill this concept: people in the room take priority over people on the phone, every time.

 Leslie J. Rowe

 

  • The phone will be charged over night in my room starting at 9 PM. They don’t need access to texting/calling/etc. after that time.
  • Their first phone will not be a data phone. Allowing kids to have unlimited access to the internet, pictures, etc is not wise. I would want to make sure my children were being responsible with other media first and then have specific ground rules and/or filters on their phones.
  •  By the age of 17 I would allow a data phone so his or her first taste of freedom will be while I am still available to monitor it.
  • Absolutely no phones at the table. No calls or texting while we have dinner.

Angela Mackey (www.RethinkingMyThinking.com)

 

  • Our daughter can’t use the phone anywhere in the house except upstairs where it charges in an open space.  With permission she can take it babysitting, when hanging out with friends, etc.
  • She is not generally allowed to talk to or text with boys.  We don’t allow gossip or conversations with kids we haven’t met.  We regularly check her phone logs to monitor her conversations.
  •  Also, if she gets an attitude or places the use of her phone above chores, responsibilities, or starts to be disrespectful to us or her brother, the phone gets take away.

Erin Bishop (TheWhateverGirls.com)

 

We didn’t allow a photo package until a certain age, and we have a NO PHONES IN THE BEDROOM rule. That’s key for us, especially because other kids don’t. And we never have phones at the table or out when we host friends.

Julie Titus Sanders (Come Have a Peace)

 

  • When they are younger, only give it to them under specific conditions. Like if they are going off with friends and you want to be sure they can reach you and you can reach them.
  • Require them to answer your calls, or if they are in class or where they can’t speak then they should text you back and call you ASAP. If they don’t then it should be taken away.
  • No texting and driving. Provide preventative measures that will give them the options to talk text instead of text message.
  • No phones at the table. No answering phone calls or texting when talking to a real live person (unless it’s the parent who is calling.)
  • If calling time or texting goes over usage limits then they have to work off the amount it cost extra. If they do it again, then they can lose phone privileges.
  • On a positive note: Look for ways to use the phone for good. Ask them to find one verse to text their friends in a group text every day. Encourage them that communication is not just a chatting experience; it’s an opportunity to be a gift, to encourage others, to speak life in to the lives of others. Ask them to call a sick friend, a person who is often ignored in school. Have them call their grandparents or other family members.

Stephanie Shott (www.StephanieShott.com)

In this short video, some of my students discuss limitations to and inappropriate uses of texting and social media:

After the ill-fated Faculty-Student Home Worship, Daniel and I decided to ask students in advance to keep all technology silent and out of sight when they come to our house. They’ve been completely respectful of our “Gregory Family Rule.” And when all cell phones are stowed, everyone has a wonderful time.

We’ve barely scratching the surface!  I’d love to continue the conversation and hear your thoughts, ideas, answers, reactions, and further questions in the comments!

by Cheri Gregory

We’re linked up with The Better Mom today:

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHY

August 27, 2012 By

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FACING YOUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.

 

eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Kids and Cell Phones – the WHY

I couldn’t wait to see Annemarie’s face as she opened her final 8th grade graduation gift. The video camera was rolling and my husband was strategically positioned to catch close up photos.

“You have to guess what it is before you can open it!” I said, handing Annemarie a simple gift bag. When the bag began ringing and vibrating, she almost dropped it in surprise.

Shock and comprehension registered simultaneously as she shouted, “No WAY!”, dug into the bag, and pulled out her very own cell phone.

Daniel and I practically broke our arms patting ourselves on the back for the rest of the day for having pulled off such an excellent surprise.

But in the weeks, months, and years to follow, we congratulated ourselves less and less and found ourselves saying, “No WAY!” far more often than we could have possibly imagined.

The First Bill

I said far more than “No WAY!” when the first cell phone bill arrived with $102.97 worth of text message charges. Although I’d told the store manager that I was giving the phone to a 14-year-old, he had not recommended or even discussed texting plans with me. “All my friends told me texting was free!” Annemarie sobbed when I confronted her. I couldn’t blame her; I’d given her the phone without reading any of the “fine print” myself, let alone going through it with her.

A Quiet Car

I began noticing that when I drove Annemarie and her friends, the car was deathly silent…except for the tappity-tap of their cell phone keys. I missed all the talking and laughter that I was used to and finally asked her, “Why are you so busy texting when you’ve got friends in the car with you?”  Her reply was another “No WAY!” moment: “Oh, we’re texting each other stuff we don’t want you to hear.”

Multi-Tasking Mania

But the biggest “No WAY!” was the role that texting played in incessant multi-tasking. I once watched in disbelief as Annemarie and a friend sat knees-to-knees on our living room couch, “talking” to each other while simultaneously texting other people. At one point, one of them said, “Hang on; let me finish this. I want to really listen to what you’re saying.”  I wasn’t sure whether I was more amused or appalled!  But they were totally nonplaused; this was their “normal.”

Kids and Cell Phones

In the next few eBabies + iTeens + YouToo blog posts, we’re going to look at five specific questions:

  • WHY we’re providing a cell phone to a child
  • WHEN we provide a cell phone to a child
  • HOW we give a cell phone to a child and orient them to its use
  • WHAT conditions and responsibilities we lay out for a child’s use of a cell phone
  • WHERE we allow (and don’t allow) cell phone use

This week, we’ll kick off our discussion of “WHY?” with some shared wisdom:

Our children will be able to own a cell phone when 1) they can purchase it themselves and 2) they can pay the monthly bill.   If the need for an emergency phone is THAT pressing, purchase one of those “limited access” phones. No need for the “latest and greatest” in the phone.   Kela Fountain Nellums (www.KelaNellums.com)

We provided our daughter with a cell phone in 4th grade because both my husband and I worked and she would let herself in the house after school and was alone until 5:00 PM when someone got home.  The phone was for emergencies and she would call me when she got home.  Erin Bishop (TheWhateverGirls.com)

We got a “kids phone” for our daughter when we had a nasty incident at school. She was left at school and tried to reach us on the office phone. Finally, the secretary said, “I’m going home. Call one more time, and then stand outside the building.” NOT GOOD for so many reasons. She used that last call to call our friends, who called me, and I raced over to get her. We realized then that there are times in today’s world where our kids may need a way to contact us and not have it; the older they get, the more they’re away from us and need a way to contact us.  Julie Titus Sanders (www.juliesanders.org)

As for me, if I could do it all over again, I would not give a cell phone as a gift. My “WHY?” was simplistic and irresponsible: I wanted to give Annemarie something special but had little money to spend. I wanted to “wow” her so badly, I was thrilled when I happened by the cell phone kiosk and discovered I could get one for free. I had no idea what I was really handing over to her in that little gift bag.

We’ve barely scratching the surface!  I’d love to continue the conversation and hear your thoughts, ideas, answers, reactions, and further questions in the comments!

by Cheri Gregory

Today we’re linked up with The Better Mom: 

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Celebrating Besties & Day 8 Giveaways!

August 15, 2012 By

Today’s Great Giveaways!

Unshakeable Faith By: Kathy Howard

Jesus called this ordinary man for an extraordinary purpose. Simon the fisherman would become Peter the Rock. This outspoken Galilean would lead Christ’s church, stand strong in the face of persecution, and even refuse to waver when faced with death.
Unshakable Faith is an eight-session Bible study that explores the life and teachings of the Apostle Peter. Participants will be eye witnesses to Peter’s spiritual growth as God strengthens and matures his fragile faith. They will discover eight key “faith traits” God developed in Peter as he followed Christ and learned from Him.

The Man You Always Wanted Is the One You Already Have By: Paula Friedrichsen

Transform your marriage with the realization that the man you always wanted is the one you already have. Striking biblical insights, combined with Paula Friedrichsen’s candid revelations about the inappropriate relationship that nearly destroyed her marriage, will help you see that no man compares to the one you have.

Blue Like Pay Dough By: Tricia Glover

In the squash and squeeze of a mommy’s day, could God be shaping something beautiful? In this spiritual memoir, Goyer invites women to discover the extraordinary in the ordinary! Learn to see God’s hand lovingly at work in every aspect of your life—from laundry-folding to the umpteenth reading of Goodnight Moon.

 

 HOW TO ENTER: SUBSCRIBE TO WEBSITE, COMMENT ON BLOG, SHARE FB POSTS, TWEET, RETWEET & COMMENT ON BLOG (NEW SUBSCRIBERS WILL RECEIVE OUR NEW BOOK, “FACING OUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.”)

Celebrating Besties

 

best friends

My daughter, Chloe, was born a very girly girl. Blonde hair, blue eyes, porcelain skin. I have never had to teach her how to be feminine—the love for all things pink and sparkly is innate. As a preschooler, Chloe donned a different princess costume every day, complete with tiara, slippers, and cape. When she outgrew them, she transitioned into play cosmetics and developed a lip gloss obsession (I think she has about 30!). She spends her spare time viewing YouTube hair and makeup tutorials or fashioning duct tape accessories. Her nails are always colorful and her ears adorned with bling. And she is only eight.

Yesterday was Chloe’s best friend’s birthday, and the two little fashionistas spent the day celebrating their friendship in a particularly girly girl way—with a birthday/spa day/tea party! My daughter planned the day for an entire week, counting down the days and adding must-do’s to her checklist. When she went to bed the night before, she said she couldn’t wait to hurry up and wake up again!

The first thing Chloe did when she got up Tuesday morning was frost and sprinkle the cupcakes. She then hung the birthday banner and set up other decorations, arranged the gifts, and readied the spa. Then she had to wait. And wait. And wait. “I just can’t wait for Hannah to see this!” I heard her say. “What do you think Hannah’s going to say?” she asked me more than once. “Can we spray glitter in our hair? Can we spray it on over the fingernail polish too? Do we have stuff to make bath foamers? Should we have cupcakes before we do the spa? I want Hannah to feel special. Can we make lip gloss?”

Those two girls spent the entire day doting on each other, blessing each other with their love, their generosity, their devotion, and oh yeah, their sparkle! They certainly did not “withhold kindness from a friend [or] forsake the fear of the Almighty” (Job 6:14), but rather, they proved that “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). They have truly found what the Lord has established in a best friend relationship.

Jesus calls us His friends too: “Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Daily He showers us with His blessings, His love, His generosity (known as grace and mercy), His devotion. “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13, NKJV). Because of Jesus’ sacrifice for us, we sparkle white as snow—not with makeup and bling, but with the hope of salvation found only in Christ Jesus.

My daughter prepared a special place and a special day for her best friend. When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior—as our best friend—a peace that transcends all understanding guards our hearts in the knowledge that He will never leave us, will always dote on us, and has prepared a special place for us by his side for all eternity.

Jodi Whisenhunt’s MAGICAL MOUSE SCHOOLHOUSE: Learn While You Play at Walt Disney World Resort is now available in print and can be purchased at CreateSpace and Amazon. (Kindle version also available!) Come, think outside the textbook and stretch the walls of your home classroom with Walt Disney entertainment!

 

We’re linked up with WomenLivingWell today:

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: See Mommy Text & Day 6 Giveaways

August 12, 2012 By

 Today’s Great Giveaways!

3 CD Set, Let’s Get PURSE-onal!, Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers, and Raising a Reader By: Cheri Gregory

In these 3 power-packed CDs, Cheri not only helps moms be better moms by understanding themselves but she also shares the primary goal and two major needs of each Personality type so moms can understand and relate to their children better. She also presents 2 parenting DOs and 2 parenting DON’Ts for each one personality type. And in Raising a Reader, Cheri helps moms develop a love for reading in their children.

Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On By: Stormie Omartian

“Learning to walk with God is a journey. The questions and directions in this prayer and study guide will help you to examine your walk with God and do what is necessary to strengthen, deepen, and enhance it. As you walk in faith through difficult times, this prayerful workbook will help you see how faithfully God’s light attends each step and moment of your life.” ~ Stormie Omartian

And Then I Had Kids (Audio Book – CD) By: Susan Alexander Yates

Enjoy these years, they go by fast,” says the older moms to the younger ones. Ludicrous advice! You’d give anything just to live through them. Blending humor and wisdom, Yates-mother of five- offers frazzled moms tips for maintaining a postive self-image, nurturing their marriage, disciplining effectively and shaping a creative Christian home.

 HOW TO ENTER: SUBSCRIBE TO WEBSITE, COMMENT ON BLOG, SHARE FB POSTS, TWEET, RETWEET & COMMENT ON BLOG (NEW SUBSCRIBERS WILL RECEIVE OUR NEW BOOK, FACING OUR FEARS – 31 STORIES FROM M.O.M.)

 

eBabies + iTeens + YouToo:  See Mommy Text

 

My original plan for this blog post was to tackle the topic of kids and cell phones head-on. Expose the issues. Wrestle with some rules.

But as I got input from other moms, I realized that before talking about kids and texting, we we need ask some key questions about moms and cell phones!

So I’m going to share a personal story, raise a bunch of questions, offer a few practical answers from some wonderful women, and invite you to continue this conversation in the comments!

 

True Confession: My Missing Phone Panic

A couple of years ago, my college-aged daughter and I were headed to San Francisco for a mom-and-daughter day. We got half an hour away from home before I realized the awful truth:

I’d left my cell phone at home.

How would I ever get to San Francisco?  Check my e-mail? Find Ghirardelli Square?  Communicate with Daniel? Get back home safely?

I’m ashamed to admit it now, but at the time, it seemed perfectly rational to shed a few tears.

“Mom,” Annemarie assured me, “we can find a mall with an Apple store and go use MapQuest.”

Fortunately, I moved my purse and found my cell phone right where I’d put it, safely charging in the console.

Flooded with the sweet relief of reunion, I felt a twinge of embarrassment at my panic.

Was I really that attached to my cell phone? To technology in general?

Why hadn’t I thought of stopping at a local gas station and (hello!) buying a map?

 

Questions to Ask the Mom in the Mirror

The purpose of the eBabies + iTeens + YouToo series is to raise questions that adults need to be asking about kids and technology. This week’s questions center on our own relationships with our cell phones.

  • How often do I reach for my cell phone when my children are with me?  Why?
  • Am I using my cell phone for a definite purpose each time I reach for it or “just checking” for something new?
  • When & where have I chosen not to text: while eating? at the park? in the checkout line? in the car? while playing games? while reading with the kids?
  • What limits do my children see me setting with my cell use? What conversations am I having with them about my personal choices?
  • What reactions do my children witness to my texting? happiness? upset? laughter? anger? frustration?
  • How do I help them understand that my reactions are not “about them”? How do I keep my reactions from spilling over into my interactions with them?
  • How much do I text when I’m with people face-to-face? Why?

Some Shared Wisdom

“The examples we give [our children] will either validate what we say or give them an excuse not to obey.” Stephanie Shott 

“My kids are little (6, 4, and 2), but I do my best to not have my phone around while playing with them, meals or when we are homeschooling. I also want to set a good example now about not texting or using the phone while driving. I don’t want them to get conditioned seeing me do it and think that it is okay.”  Heather Metzger Ablondi

“I tell [my 13-year-old] not to text anything emotional – only informational. Because texts (and even emails) do not support authentic communication of our emotions and can often be misinterpreted.”  Kelli Williams Wommack

“One of my friend’s make their kids keep their phone and waller or purse in the trunk while they drive. Since texting and talking on the phone both are distractions she asks them to put the phone in the trunk to prevent the temptation.” Angela Mackey

“I try to keep my phone either in my purse or connected via bluetooth to my car. That way I can control everything via voice….It helps to have some hard and fast rules. We have a ‘no phones’ at the dinner table or in the bedroom rule. We also have a ‘don’t be texting/on your phone when you’re with REAL people’ rule. We’ve had teen friends over who spend time texting OTHER people than those they’re with.” Julie Titus Sanders

 

Dealing With “Awkward”

Several years ago, I invited a bunch of my senior girls over to my house, fed them pizza, and asked them questions about teens and technology. Here’s a very telling clip about how they use their cell phones as barriers in face-to-face interactions:

(Can’t see video? Click here to view via YouTube!)

Might we as moms be using our cell phones this way, intentionally or accidentally?  If so, what are we modeling for our children?

We’ve barely scratching the surface!  I’d love to continue the conversation and hear your thoughts, ideas, answers, reactions, and further questions in the comments!

 

We “Linked Up” over at The Better Mom today:

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eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: Questions About Kids and Technology

July 30, 2012 By

I first heard the term “Generation M” while reading the 2006 Time magazine article “The Multitasking Generation.”

The explosion in technology, I soon discovered, brought with it dozens–even hundreds!–of new questions I needed to be asking as a parent.

It’s easy to mistake kids’ technological sophistication for maturity.  Parents and teachers often back way off because they feel like kids are so far ahead of them. But kids have no idea the kind of firepower they’re playing around with. Adult guidance and wisdom are not obsolete. Kids need us now more than ever.

As part of an ongoing series called “eBabies + iTeens + YouToo,” I’ll be raising key questions regarding kids and technology that we need to be asking, exploring, and answering for our families. Think of it as the 411 and the 911 for adults playing catch-up with Generation M.

Here’s a sample of the kinds of questions we’ll be tackling in the weeks to come:

Some Questions I Wish I’d Known to Ask

  • How did our 2 1/2 -year-old figure out Reader Rabbit 5x faster than her father & I did?
  • What questions should we have asked and what guidelines should we have set before we put computers in our kids’ bedrooms?
  • How did our daughter manage to have her own MySpace account for two years before I knew about it?
  • How many other parents across America get stuck with unexpected cell phone charges? (In our case, it was $100+ because our daughter’s friends told her, “Don’t worry! Texting is FREE!” back when it wasn’t!)
  • What should I do when kids are taking photos of my son with their cell phones, without his permission?
  • When we had Japanese exchange students stay with us for Christmas, what should we have said / done about their laptop computers and Internet access?
  • Should I be interested in and/or concerned about what’s on the iPod my daughter borrowed from her friend…considering that the friend is a male 4 years older than she is?
  • When my friend’s 10-year-old lost her purse containing over $750 worth of technology, whose fault was it? What was an appropriate response? What were appropriate consequences?
  • When my daughter launders a jacket she’s borrowed from a friend and discovers the $200 iPod in an inner pocket after the spin cycle is complete, who pays for the replacement?
  • How did my daughter’s phone get a $9.95 monthly subscription service even though I told the cell phone rep, “No surprises. I want NO SURPRISES!” ($80+ by the time I caught it — SURPRISE!)

Some Questions I Am Still Asking

  • When I invite my students over for brunch, should I let them text throughout the meal or should I ask them to put their phones away?
  • Why do kids text each other about tonight’s homework and wait 2 hours for a reply rather than calling and saying, “So, what’s tonight’s homework?”
  • Since when have “to,” “too,” and “two” all been replaced by “2″?
  • Is all the time they spend tweeting and tumbling and texting real communication? Or is it a waste of time?
  • When I tell my students about the “good old days,” when “Cut and Paste” meant that I cut up the rough draftS of  papers and pasted them back together as part of the expected multiple revision process, why do they roll their eyes (and go back to texting under their desks)?
  • How will today’s kids, whose lives are largely virtual, form honest f-2-f bonds when they’ve grown up online, perfecting the art of ‘identity management’?

Your Turn!

  • What questions regarding kids and technology have you asked and answered for your family?
  • What questions are you wrestling with?

By: Cheri Gregory

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Filed Under: Behavior, Character Counts, Cheri Gregory, Childhood, Manners, Responsibilities, Teens, Toddler & Preschooler Tagged With: , , , , , , 6 Comments

4 Solid Tips For Your Summer Road Trips

May 29, 2012 By

I couldn’t wait as a teen for summer to be here. Oh the freedom, the road trips, the memories. Flash forward to present day, I still love spur of the moment road trips but cringe slightly at the thought of being locked in my suburban with my three kids. If you dread it too, and are looking for ways to maximize peace and fun; and minimize the potential of world war III–I’m your girl. We have family in four different states and I speak often, in which case my family sometimes travels along. 

Your Summer Road Trippin’ Fun Tips

Photo Credit

Set A Goal & Stick It To The Dashboard

1. As a family, sit down and talk about how God wants us to respect each other and each other’s things.

2. Find a scripture verse that relates to the character you want to build, we focus on having compassion, thus the golden rule. Treat others how you want to be treated.

3. Whether you are running errands or traveling out of town, try beginning the practice of saying a quick prayer as you pull out of your driveway. It reminds them and you, God is with you and sees all we do.

Plan Ahead

1. Pack each child a set of clothes, favorite toys, (I save McDonald’s toys or scout the dollar bins at Target) and snacks that won’t melt like Granola bars.

2. Each pack is placed in the back of your vehicle for those spur of the moment trips.

3. Grab a portable DVD Player and keep an eye out for your favorite movies for the kids.

Character Counts

1. In order to make those trips more fun, begin practicing character lessons now. One a ring, place notecards for each child with their name on them. Then assign stickers and a reward for each short trip or errand you have to run. If your child listens, add 3 stickers, if he disobeys, he doesn’t earn them.

2. If your child is too hold for stickers, use Hassle Time. When my kids are bickering or driving me nuts with singing Jesus Loves Me over and over and over, then tell them you will start their Hassle Time. They can then serve the time before going off to play or do a chore when they get home. (This idea came from Danny Silk’s, Loving Your Kids On Purpose).

No Expectations

1. As my family size began to grow, so did my ability to stress and be anxious about my kids’ behaviors anywhere in public. A mentor taught me one of the most important lessons in motherhood: Go with no expectations. She went on to say, “Someone is going to cry, two of them will fight, someone will spill milk, another will pee their pants. It’s a part of growing up. You can be a good mama by embracing it.” She didn’t mean that I shouldn’t discipline, but I should let go of the expectations I have in my mind. When a mess happens, put on a smile and talk to them about why it happened. It’s life.

 

 

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Glorify the Giver (NOT the Gifted)

April 11, 2012 By

Intelligence

Blake was by far the most intelligent student I’ve ever taught.

His reading speed was dazzling. His memory was photographic. His grasp of concepts was both deep and divergent.

Not surprisingly, he scored 5s on all his AP exams and was a National Merit scholar with a near-perfect SAT score.

And yet, he was by far the most miserable student I’ve ever taught.

Everything annoyed him.

Everybody frustrated him.

All class assignments were deemed “stupid.”

Other students’ insights were “a waste of my time.”

I watched Blake seethe under the loathsome requirement of sitting through my detestable AP English Literature and Composition class for a full 50 minutes each day.

Every method I tried to reach him, interest him, woo him backfired, usually publicly. He had no problem expressing his caustic opinions aloud.

“This class kills my brain cells” is a tough way to start the day. My lame attempts at comebacks only confirmed his suspicions that I was of inferior mettle.

Oh, how I longed to pull out my SAT scores.  My letter from the National Merit organization, way back when we didn’t attend expensive study courses paid for by Mommy and Daddy.

 

Entitlement

I felt badly for his parents until it became clear that Mommy and Daddy were not just aware of Blake’s attitude of entitlement, but they’d been actively encouraging it his entire life.

Intelligence, they’d drilled into him, meant that he deserved special treatment.

He didn’t have to do menial labor; that was for “lesser folk.”

He didn’t have to clean up after himself; that was a waste of his talents.

He didn’t have to respect other people; they had to earn it by living up to his high standards.

They’d taught him that to “be honest” meant saying whatever crossed his mind, without a filter. Anyone who “couldn’t handle the truth” just wasn’t as exceptional as he and, thus, deserved to feel inferior.

As I said, Blake was the smartest–and the unhappiest–student I’ve ever taught.

 

Service

I only recall seeing him truly happy on one occasion.

I’d gone with our seniors to a local elementary school where they spent several hours tutoring second graders. Blake was assigned to help two little boys in math, and they immediately started trying to show off to him how much they knew.

“Oh no,” I thought, “here it comes! He’s going to show them how dumb they are and break their little hearts.”

But I was wrong.

Something about their unabashed hero-worship must have reached Blake’s heart, because for once, he played dumb.

He pretended not to know what 10+10 was, and his little buddies were elated to “teach” him.

During reading, he “needed help” with the most basic of words, and again two little second grade boys came to his rescue.

On the playground, they coached him on the finer points of four-square.

By the end of the day, an exhausted Blake hugged two tearful star-struck little boys goodbye and fell asleep on the bus, a smile of supreme satisfaction (boarding on actual joy!) on his face.

And that’s when I realized what “bright” students need more than anything else: opportunities to use their God-given gifts to serve others.

Blake’s parents had idolized and deified his intelligence to the point that he was accustomed to being treated like a god. The only way he knew to treat others was with contempt.

This is what happens when parents glorify a child’s gifts rather than the Giver of the gifts.

 

Gratitude

In “The Abuse of Overparenting,” Dr. Lisa Firestone says “when we give our kids too much power, we start to act like victims to our children instead of the teachers, caregivers, and role models we should be. Overindulging, over-rewarding, or babying our children actually serves as a sort of pressure for greatness and a set up for disappointment. The empty acts we mistake for nurturance are, at best, substitutes for real love and at worst acts of actual abuse. It’s no great coincidence that many of the children we see being spoiled and indulged also appear unhappy and dissatisfied.”

I’m grateful that my own parents took a very different approach. As far back as I can recall, I remember my father teaching me that my gifts were cause for gratitude. That with great privilege came great responsibility. That because of the gifts I’d been given, my life would be one of service to God and others.

Using my gifts to glorify the Giver, I’ve been blessed with a life full of gratitude. Peace. Happiness. And joy.

 

How do you talk with your child about his/her “gifts”? How do you deal with attitudes of entitlement?

 By Cheri Gregory

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Say You’re Sorry

December 29, 2011 By

Recently I watched my daughter-in-law teaching her little girl to say, “I’m sorry!”  It was a heart-wrenching but beautiful thing. She’s only 2, but in many cases, she is already well aware of what is right and wrong.

She understands that saying mean things, talking back to her parents or adults, taking toys away from her friends and lying are all bad behaviors.

The Bible teaches us that we are all born with a conscience (Romans 2:14-15) and so we naturally know some things are just wrong. Understanding the scope and gravity of other behaviors and attitudes comes with time.

That’s why teaching our children to say “I’m sorry” at a young age is so important – even when they aren’t really sorry for what they’ve done. Saying “I’m sorry” not only strengthens their consciences, but also prevents our children from searing them. It may seem so simple, but appologies are important and learning to say “I’m sorry” can build our children’s character in a variety of different ways.

So, let’s look at the benefits of teaching our children to say, “I’m sorry!” even when they don’t feel sorry.

  • It teaches them to be humble.  “He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way.” Psalm 25:9
  • It teaches them to care about and respect other people. “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Phil 2:3-4
  • It teaches them to do the right thing even when they don’t feel it. “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” James 4:17
  • It teaches them right from wrong. “The godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong.” Psalm 37:40
  • It teaches them accountability for actions. “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” Romans 14:12
  • It teaches them to have integrity. “He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.” Proverbs 2:7
  • It helps them understand a small part of repentence. “I preached that they should repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.” Acts 26:20
  • It teaches them to love others more than they love themselves. “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:35
  • It teaches them to strive to be peacemakers. “Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.” Romans 14:19

Saying “I’m sorry” isn’t easy, but when we teach our children to say they are sorry even if they don’t mean it, we are teaching them much more than a three word remedy to a bad situation.

So the next time you see your child doing something and you say, “Say you’re sorry!” please know that making them follow through with it even if they don’t mean a word of it is developing character beyond what you could possibly imagine.

Do you struggle with teaching your children to say, “I’m sorry!”? How do you get them to follow through with “I’m sorry!” even when they don’t mean it?

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