10 Ways to Win the Whining War

May 8, 2012 By

It has a way of grating on your nerves. Whining can drive a momma up the proverbial wall. How do you stop a two year old from whining when it’s time for bed, when you take her favorite toy away or when she doesn’t get her way?

What do you do when your 5 year old whines about what you feed him for lunch, when you make him play outside or when you make him take a nap?

Somehow, whining is a universal language for children between 1 and 18… and if it’s not dealt with before they become adults, their spouses have the displeasure of dealing with their whining.

Since we all know there are no cookie cutter kids, we also know there are no cookie cutter answers. What works for one will not work for another. However, there are some things moms can do to help win the whining war! :-)

Here are 10 ways to win the whining war:

1. Identify your child’s triggers. What initiates the whining? Begin the process of taking note of what it is that seems to trigger the whining. You may notice a pattern and be able to distinguish between legitimate fears and overdramatized frustrations.

2. Define whining. You’re children need to understand what whining is and why it’s not acceptable. I know you’ve probably figured it out already, but telling them to stop whining doesn’t really help. Be sure to explain to your children what whining is and why it won’t be allowed.

3. Don’t give in. When children whine they have to know you won’t let them have their way… not because of whatever it is they are whining about but BECAUSE THEY ARE WHINING. It you reward whining by giving in to whatever it is they are whining about, you reinforce to them that whining works and you will lose the whining war before the battle ever begins.

4. Establish realistic consequences. Sometimes it’s not enough to not give in because they are whining, other times there has to be comparable consequences. If you have to take away a toy or a privilege for a day to wage war with whiny behavior, then you might have to do that.

5. Re-adjust their focus. Children have a short attention span. Use that to your advantage as a parent. When the whining begins, it’s very important to deal with it, but after you have done so, divert your little one’s attention in a new direction.

6. Don’t have a meltdown moment in front of them. Whining has a way of wearing a mommy out. Don’t let them know that. For some reason, those sweet little bundles of joy have a way of knowing what buttons to push and how long to push them before they get their way. If they see you wearing down, they’ll think they can wear you out and you’ll give in. You’re the parent. Remember, you don’t have to get upset. You just have to parent them well.

7. Be consistent. Probably the most important aspect of parenting overall is to be a consistent parent. If you corrected them for whining about something yesterday, it can’t be okay today. If they had a toy taken away from them from whining last week, it has to be taken away if they refuse to quit whining today. Don’t allow yourself to be so tired you become a wishy-washy mom. Remember, consistency is key and wishy-washy moms never win the whining war.

8. Show the love even when they whine. Being frustrated with a whining child is normal, but children have a way of being like a sponge and absorbing whatever attitude you display. Correcting your children must always be done in love. If it’s not, it’s just an overflow of your frustration and anger and there’s nothing good that can come from that.

9. Explain and reward proper behavior. Let your children know what you expect and how it is best to deal with something. Explain different ways they can deal with being frustrated and reward them with they behave well. Children like to please their parents… so tell them how to do so by giving them a good understanding of various ways they can respond instead of whining.

10. Don’t be a whiner. Behavior is much more caught than taught. What you do in moderation, your children will do in excess. That includes whining. You may want to pay attention to your responses to be sure your child isn’t just mimicking you. If you don’t want your child to be a whiner, then don’t allow your own behavior to teach them how to be one.

Whining is such a difficult behavior to deal with. Many a mom has crumbled under the weight of a whining child. But if you deal with it now… deal with it consistently… deal with it wisely and deal with it in love, you will win the whining war and before you know it, your home will be a ‘whine-free zone’ and you will be a less stressed momma.

What do you do to win the whining war with your children? 

By Stephanie Shott

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Filed Under: Behavior, Childhood, MOM Stuff, Stephanie Shott, Toddler & Preschooler, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , 5 Comments

Complaint-Free: Who Me?

April 30, 2012 By

Complaint-Free: Who Me?

As I thumbed through a copy of A Complaint-Free World five years ago, I considered myself the most optimistic, positive, encouraging (and obviously humble) person I knew.

In fact, I joked to my husband that we needed to buy two (maybe three) dozen copies to give the long list of negative people in my life who drag me down with their never-ending complaints, criticism, and gossip.

Than I read a little farther. And the author had the nerve to suggest that of all the negative people in my life, I might be the worst of the worst!

That. Made. Me. Mad.

So I decided to take the author’s Complaint-Free challenge: 21 days with no complaining. Just to prove how wrong he was, I even ordered his silly little purple bracelet.

The instructions were simple:  I was to start each day with the bracelet on my left wrist. As soon as I caught myself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, I was to move the bracelet to the other wrist.

For accountability, I told my students what I was doing.

Big mistake.

Did my students ever warm up to the “challenge.” In the first class, my bracelet switched arms five times in just three minutes!

The shocker was that each time took me totally by surprise. I wasn’t even thinking critical thoughts, when suddenly, “Mrs. G? Is that complaining I hear?”

I soon discovered that my optimistic self-image resembled reality the way a chick flick resembles marriage: hardly at all.

 

Sound Familiar?

Maybe you’ve experienced some of the same warning signs I have. See if you identify with any of the following statements:

___ “My life would be much easier without the negative people who drag me down.

___ “I speak Sarcasm fluently.”

___ “When I see a type-o on a sign, I have to point it out to someone.”

___ “I’m surrounded by difficult people at work and/or at home.”

___ “It’s not really gossip; everything we say about her is true.”

___ “There’s an impossible person in my life who will never change.”

___ “I struggle with anxiety, fear, and/or depression.”

___ “Negative things people have said keep popping back into my mind.”

If two or more sound familiar, you’re invited to take The PURSE-onality Challenge!

 

What is The PURSE-onality Challenge?

Quite literally, it’s 31 days of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, May 1-31 (with a warm-up week starting April 22.)

I’ve tried the Complaint-Free challenge many times in the last five years. But just trying to stop old bad habits was never enough; I needed to start new ones to replace the old.

So for one month, we’ll be focusing on four positive habits: spotlighting Personality strengths, eliminating complaints, journaling gratitude, and memorizing scripture.

 

Take The PURSE-onality Challenge if…

…you feel convicted to change your thoughts and words.

…you’re at your wit’s end with a particular relationship.

…you desire more hope, joy, and peace in your life.

 

Check out our website to sign up!

You’ll also find three free audio messages:

Let’s Get PURSE-onal!

Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers

and

Healthy Marriages Major in History (NOT Math!) 

plus a free e-Book: Top 10 Priceless Gifts that Don’t Cost a Dime for Each PURSE-onality!

 

Enter to win a free copy of The PURSE-onality Challenge journal and a set of 31 laminated Bible verse cards!

Leave a comment telling what changes you’d most want to see in your life from taking The PURSE-onality Challenge!

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Filed Under: Character Counts, Cheri Gregory, Relationships, Uncategorized 2 Comments

Because They are Listening

April 30, 2012 By

“Jesus help me,” I whispered barely audible. My last nerve pulled tight.

My eyes flashed with anger. Hot words piled up in my mind begging to be released. “Jesus,” I breathed. “I can’t do this. Help me. Please help me.”

“Mommy, why are you saying help me?”

I didn’t even know she could hear me. “I am frustrated sweetheart and I don’t want to do or say anything in anger. So I asked Jesus to help me – do what is right and be a good mommy.”

“Oh,” she wrinkled her nose and ran off.

Our kids actually listen. When I have to ask the same child to pick up the same toy ten times I begin to wonder, but they do listen.

Our kids watch how we handle life. They see and hear us as we struggle with anger, fear, or frustration. They know when we blow it big time and when we hit a home run.

Because they are watching and listening we mamas need to:

1. Ask for forgiveness when we make a mistake

2. Ask Jesus for help when we are frustrated or mad.

3. Sing songs of praise when things are going well.

4. Be willing to explain our tears when we are sad.

5. Pray for wisdom when we don’t know what to do.

6. Ask for help when we are over our heads.

7. Use the Bible to answer questions or direct behavior (for our kids and ourselves).

Our blessings are watching and listening. Let us be examples worth following.

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Transform Discipline with Debriefing

April 20, 2012 By

I sighed and prayed as I walked to her bedroom. She wailed, fearful of her punishment. Earlier she spoke out of anger and frustration. Her disrespectful words hit their mark. Anger flashed in my eyes, my tone betrayed my wrath, but by God’s grace I did not yell – a sign of His fruit in my life.

I opened the door and encouraged her to calm down. She took heaving breaths as tears soaked her bed. When she quieted we talked. It was a humbling time for both of us. We admitted our faults and failures. Then talked about how we can do better next time.

I don’t know which parenting book I read that spoke of this kind of debriefing, but mamas let me tell you it is wonderfully painful. A debriefing is a time of discussion that occurs before and sometimes after a punishment. During this discussion you make sure your child knows what he or she did and you clearly state the punishment. Then after the punishment is over we talk again about why he or she received the punishment and how to avoid it in the future. Here is an example.

Bobby yelled and screamed when he was told to clean his room. Since he is out of control, his mom sends him to time out to settle down. If he can hear her over his tantrum his mom might say, “I am sending you to time out because you are yelling at mommy instead of cleaning your room.” Sometimes there is no way to have a conversation at this point, if that happens she just waits for Bobby to calm down.

Once Bobby calms, his mom says, “Bobby, throwing a fit when I ask you to do something is not honoring me. The Bible says, “Honor your father and mother…,” (Deuteronomy 5:16). I know it can be hard to obey and honor your mommy all the time, but you must have self-control. When you get angry what are some ways you can calm down?”

Bobby’s mom listens to him and then offers suggestions he can try next time he gets angry. She suggests Bobby asks Jesus for help, takes a deep breath, or talks about his feelings.

After Bobby and his mom discuss tools to help Bobby control his anger, Bobby’s mom discusses his punishment. “Your punishment for throwing a tantrum when I asked you to clean your room is ___________________________ (an age appropriate punishment).” Then Bobby’s mom follows through with the assigned punishment.

After Bobby’s punishment his mom may talk to him again. “You know Bobby I am sorry you had to {insert punishment} because you threw a fit. I hope you remember this punishment so you won’t throw a fit next time you get angry.”

The primary goal of a debriefing session is to make sure your child knows what he or she did wrong and clearly state the consequences of those actions. The secondary goal is to offer tools to help your child avoid the wrong behavior in the future. These debriefing times also give you a chance to calm down before administering the punishment.

It is helpful during these sessions to let your child know you understand their emotions. Perhaps tell a story about how you felt when your parents punished you. Share about times you lost your temper or even ask your child what you do when you lose your temper. You may be surprised how much they notice your whispered prayers, deep breaths, or loud voice.

Debriefing takes time. It is humbling and sometimes tiring, but it is worth it. Remember to enter each session with prayer for the right words to say and for your own self-control and patience. Debriefing transforms punishments into relationship building times. Some of the sweetest and deepest conversations I have with my children come from great debriefing times.

Remember moms, we will never be perfect at this mom thing and so we will never be perfect at debriefing. Sometimes those conversations are wonderful, other times they are painful and frustrating. Don’t give-up. It is worth the time invested.

By Angela Mackey

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Glorify the Giver (NOT the Gifted)

April 11, 2012 By

Intelligence

Blake was by far the most intelligent student I’ve ever taught.

His reading speed was dazzling. His memory was photographic. His grasp of concepts was both deep and divergent.

Not surprisingly, he scored 5s on all his AP exams and was a National Merit scholar with a near-perfect SAT score.

And yet, he was by far the most miserable student I’ve ever taught.

Everything annoyed him.

Everybody frustrated him.

All class assignments were deemed “stupid.”

Other students’ insights were “a waste of my time.”

I watched Blake seethe under the loathsome requirement of sitting through my detestable AP English Literature and Composition class for a full 50 minutes each day.

Every method I tried to reach him, interest him, woo him backfired, usually publicly. He had no problem expressing his caustic opinions aloud.

“This class kills my brain cells” is a tough way to start the day. My lame attempts at comebacks only confirmed his suspicions that I was of inferior mettle.

Oh, how I longed to pull out my SAT scores.  My letter from the National Merit organization, way back when we didn’t attend expensive study courses paid for by Mommy and Daddy.

 

Entitlement

I felt badly for his parents until it became clear that Mommy and Daddy were not just aware of Blake’s attitude of entitlement, but they’d been actively encouraging it his entire life.

Intelligence, they’d drilled into him, meant that he deserved special treatment.

He didn’t have to do menial labor; that was for “lesser folk.”

He didn’t have to clean up after himself; that was a waste of his talents.

He didn’t have to respect other people; they had to earn it by living up to his high standards.

They’d taught him that to “be honest” meant saying whatever crossed his mind, without a filter. Anyone who “couldn’t handle the truth” just wasn’t as exceptional as he and, thus, deserved to feel inferior.

As I said, Blake was the smartest–and the unhappiest–student I’ve ever taught.

 

Service

I only recall seeing him truly happy on one occasion.

I’d gone with our seniors to a local elementary school where they spent several hours tutoring second graders. Blake was assigned to help two little boys in math, and they immediately started trying to show off to him how much they knew.

“Oh no,” I thought, “here it comes! He’s going to show them how dumb they are and break their little hearts.”

But I was wrong.

Something about their unabashed hero-worship must have reached Blake’s heart, because for once, he played dumb.

He pretended not to know what 10+10 was, and his little buddies were elated to “teach” him.

During reading, he “needed help” with the most basic of words, and again two little second grade boys came to his rescue.

On the playground, they coached him on the finer points of four-square.

By the end of the day, an exhausted Blake hugged two tearful star-struck little boys goodbye and fell asleep on the bus, a smile of supreme satisfaction (boarding on actual joy!) on his face.

And that’s when I realized what “bright” students need more than anything else: opportunities to use their God-given gifts to serve others.

Blake’s parents had idolized and deified his intelligence to the point that he was accustomed to being treated like a god. The only way he knew to treat others was with contempt.

This is what happens when parents glorify a child’s gifts rather than the Giver of the gifts.

 

Gratitude

In “The Abuse of Overparenting,” Dr. Lisa Firestone says “when we give our kids too much power, we start to act like victims to our children instead of the teachers, caregivers, and role models we should be. Overindulging, over-rewarding, or babying our children actually serves as a sort of pressure for greatness and a set up for disappointment. The empty acts we mistake for nurturance are, at best, substitutes for real love and at worst acts of actual abuse. It’s no great coincidence that many of the children we see being spoiled and indulged also appear unhappy and dissatisfied.”

I’m grateful that my own parents took a very different approach. As far back as I can recall, I remember my father teaching me that my gifts were cause for gratitude. That with great privilege came great responsibility. That because of the gifts I’d been given, my life would be one of service to God and others.

Using my gifts to glorify the Giver, I’ve been blessed with a life full of gratitude. Peace. Happiness. And joy.

 

How do you talk with your child about his/her “gifts”? How do you deal with attitudes of entitlement?

 By Cheri Gregory

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When parenting means… having a gentle answer

March 23, 2012 By

Some days, parenting is hard.

That was my exhausted thought as I drove my daughter home from swim team one night.

The whole day had been a battle.

I can’t even remember as I write this what the issues were, but it just seemed like everything was a challenge that day.

Maybe it was because we had a busy schedule and I was being impatient. Or maybe it was because she’s a pre-teen and she’s becoming more independent. Whatever the reason, I was frustrated. She was mad.

And it was one of those days.

There we were, driving along on the heels of an argument, and I was done.

I sighed.

She sighed.

I could almost hear her arms crossing in the back seat.

We were both quiet.

And in that silence, as we drove down the freeway, the sun setting in the distance, a thought came to me.

“You know what?” I said.

“What?” she answered, sulking.

“I just realized, even when we have our differences, you and I are still more the same than we are different.”

She didn’t say anything.

“And I think the fact that we disagree sometimes might be good.”

“Why?” Her voice softened.

(Was that the sound of her arms uncrossing?)

“Because I see your determination. You’ve got a strong will, and you can do a lot of great things with that in life.”

“Hmm,” was all she said.

We drove along, maybe another five minutes or so, and then…

“Mommy?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It took me by surprise.

I smiled in the darkness.

“I love you too.”

“Thank you for taking me to swim tonight.”

I got a lump in my throat.

“You’re welcome.”

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

Sometimes, as moms, it can be hard to give a gentle answer, especially when we’re in the middle of arguments with our kids. It can be hard to stay positive and calm. And it can be hard to find gentle words that encourage and build up, rather than tear down. And while there are definite times we need to be firm and resolute, there are also times when our kids’ acting out might really be a cry for attention,

a need to know they are cared about,

a deliberate test to see if they are still loved,

even when they act unlovable.

Especially during those times (like that day with my daughter in the car), a gentle answer may be all that is needed to turn things around.

What about you? How do you turn things around when parenting is hard? Here’s a prayer to help:

Dear Lord,

Please give me the wisdom to recognize the reasons behind my kids’ behaviors. Help me to see when they need extra love and attention. Help me to see when they need correction. Give me Your gentle words to say to them, words that will refresh, reset, and encourage even the most challenging situations. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to anger, and overflowing with Your amazing love.

–Amen.

by Genny Heikka

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Packing a Young Person’s Heart

March 14, 2012 By

Last Friday we took our daughter on a college visit. Serene lawns and still hallways echoed the time  year:  Spring Break. As we toured the campus, thoughts about our sweet girl’s future exploded in my mind like kernels in an air popper. I longed to see some students as evidence that when kids grow up they’re okay. But they were on Spring Break.

Inside the dorms, our guide was kind (bold? crazy?) enough to show us several rooms where it looked like the Rapture had taken place. Books, guitars, clothes, pizza pans, and shoes littered the floors and beds. There wasn’t a single suitcase or student in the dorms; they were gone. To where? Home? Daytona Beach? Mission trips?

Wherever their destination, the journey is one of growing independence and decision making. It’s a time of learning how the path we choose determines our destination. I doubt any of the young adults who ate the pizza from the dirty pan were thinking about that when they made their escape, but I’m a MOM. It’s what we do. They just went on “Spring Break.”

Last week we talked about Parenting Teens Through Spring Break. Since it’s a time of life full of discovery, danger, and a wisdom deficit, parents need to step up and get the conversation flowing with their teenagers!

How can we get young people ready for independent events, whether it’s a missions trip to Guatemala, camp this summer, or (God forbid!) a weekend in Vegas? What’s a mom to do?  It’s not a new question. The Psalmist asked in Psalm 119:9.  “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”

When it comes time to let our kids venture out on their own (getting US & them ready for the future!), we can still influence them. We can help kids keep their way of life pure and live it like God’s word instructs. It’s all about the packing.

Tips for Packing a Heart    We make sure they have money, sunscreen, rules, and air in their tires, but how about more significant supplies?

  • Prayer – on your own and WITH them before they leave
  • Spiritual food – Give them a gift to feed their mind and heart. Jeff just gave our kids a copy of Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman. I love to give great missions stories like Peace Child by Don Richardson.
  • Fast – How badly do you long for your kids to guard their way? Fast intentionally about their need for wisdom and growth.
  • Music – Be sure they have spirit-filled music to listen to that will steer their thoughts. This makes a great trip gift.
  • Reminders – Be discreet, but don’t hesitate to send a text, tuck a note, or pack a little gift conveying “Praying for you” or some carefully chosen Biblical words of blessing.
  • Memorize – Challenge your student to memorize a verse in anticipation of time on their own. If your children are young, check out these tips from Do Not Depart about how to memorize with kids.

Tips for UNpacking a Heart    When their time away is over, it’s easy to focus on the laundry, any money that’s left, and other “clean up” tasks. Take time to unpack their heart.

  • Listen – to their stories about what was fun, what excited them, what they discovered, and what inspired them. Resist the urge to correct, gasp, or reprimand here. Just listen.
  • Look – If they have pictures, sit down and look at their pictures. Let them share the details. Learn about your changing child by seeing events through their eyes.
  • Serve – That mountain of laundry won’t do itself. A wise mom lets her child learn the valuable journey piece of “cleaning up,” but she’ll reinforce the love bond if she helps.

“How can young people keep their way pure?”  It’s a great question to ask when kids venture out on their own. Let’s help them pack their hearts for the journey.

By Julie Sanders

 

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The “Joy” of Parenting in the Friendly Skies

March 12, 2012 By

Oh no, I groan inwardly as I slide into my seat on the crowded Southwest Airlines plane. The only remaining isle seat is not just at the very back of the plane. It’s also next to a woman sitting next to her preschool son.

Her loud preschool son.

This is going to be the longest hour-and-twenty-minutes of my life, I gloomily predict.

I am wrong.

As time literally flies by, I am first amazed, then awed, and finally deeply moved by the vibrant relationship I witness beside me.

After we land, I wrack my brain for a way to tell this young mother what an amazing job she’s doing. The best I can think of is, “You’re a great mom!” which I keep to myself because it seems so cheesy. Not until I’m in the shuttle, heading to my car, does it hit me. I wish I’d said,

“Ma’am, I know you don’t know me, but on behalf of your son’s future teachers, I want to say, ‘Thank You!’ for what an amazing mother you are to him. He is so blessed to have you as his mom!”

Now I’ve spent plenty of time in airports and planes, but never before have I had such an urge to compliment a parent. Most of the time, in fact, it’s just the opposite. I sympathize but am ultimately annoyed by all the whining, demanding, and yelling (and their kids’ behavior is even worse!)

What impresses me so much about Patrick’s mom?

1. She listens to every word he says and reflects back his key concepts to demonstrate that she’s truly heard him.

“The red crabs, they hated me. But the blue crabs, they loved me!”

“So red crabs don’t like you but blue ones do.”

“Yeah.”

2. She doesn’t answer his (hundreds of!) questions immediately; rather, she encourages him to spend time thinking for himself.

“Patrick, you have to keep the tray table up. They just told us, and we have to follow the rule.”

“Why do we have to keep it up?”

“That’s a great question. Why do you think we need to keep it up?”

3. She predicts a positive outcome.

(Before the flight starts)  “I’m going to tell Daddy how cooperative and helpful you were on this flight.”

(As we land, to the woman in front of him) “My Mama is going to tell my Daddy how cooperative and helpful I was!”

What inspires me the most is how Patrick’s mom demonstrates such respect for her little guy (who, I am informed – at full volume – is a “big boy” who will turn five in July!) She so clearly enjoys him, evidenced by plenty of chuckles and outright laughter, in spite of her understandable fatigue.

How might a casual observer notice your respect for and enjoyment of your child?

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Shaping The Heart

February 29, 2012 By

Raising strong-willed children is like having an army of toddlers in your home. These iron-willed babes will test every boundary and challenge any directive given. Please tell me you know what I’m talking about, do you have a stubborn kiddo that you love so much but he/she makes you want to pull your hair out?  I’m hoping y’all can relate to the limit testing sessions my youngest has been devising since she entered the terrible three’s (Twos were a breeze mamas; it’s the threes we need to prepare for!)

She has decided that pottying everywhere other than the bathroom is way more fun, and no matter the direction I give her, she flat out refuses unless it’s her idea. The final straw was the stunt she pulled on Wednesday night for Rainbows class. She threw a fit because she didn’t want to sit at the table and color.

So I warned her, “Tori, if you continue your tantrum, I will take you home right now and you can go to bed, this is your last chance!”

 Tori replied with authority, “YES, take me home, I want to go to bed!” 

What parent can win when the child has figured out the logic of the game? Frustrated, I left her there screaming, while other parents gave me the, ‘Oh-you’re-that-kind-of-parent’ look.

This past Sunday my pastor opened my eyes to what I had forgotten about parenting. Because these past few months had been so trying, I had lost site of what really matters as a mother. I was focused on remedying the behavior, not shaping their hearts. If I wanted my children to trust and obey me, I need to be mold their hearts like God was molding mine. God doesn’t focus on our behaviors, He focuses on shaping our hearts.

In the midst of motherhood, appealing to our child’s hearts causes them to want to do the right thing and shapes their hearts for the future. Just as we place ourselves in God’s hands; He molds, grips, and shapes our hearts through every day trials. In the process, He appeals to our love for Him, and we want to do the absolute best we can (plus we aren’t big fans of learning a lesson over and over). Besides, who wants kids that only obey in my presence? I’d much rather be able to trust they can make good choices when I’m not around.

While I’ve been in the trenches of motherhood  for several years, I thought I knew what a good mother looked like. Instead, I came to the realization I was mothering out of fear. Fear of what others would think about my kids’ behaviors. Growing up, my mother did the best she could raising six kids on her own; she parented out of fear, concerned for our futures. But she never appealed to our hearts. I’m not blaming my mom for the choices I made,  nor is it an excuse, but I think that if I can mother the way God intended, my children will want to make the right choices.

The next time your child is challenging your authority, ask God to give you the wisdom to handle the escapade through His perspective. Ask Him to help you appeal to his/her heart. Give in to the moment and think of creative ways to handle the situation and consequences. There in the moment, God will provide the insight you need and fill your heart with joy as you seize the opportunity to shape their hearts, not just the behavior.

By Heather Riggleman

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Teamwork – Lessons from a Toddler

February 13, 2012 By

While learning to walk, Jonathon had clung happily to our fingers, leaning on us for support. We had held him safely between us.

Now that he could walk on his own, however, he wanted nothing to do with either parent. If I carried him, he squirmed to get “down.” Once on terra firma, he scurried away as fast as his wobbly legs would carry him.

Terrified for his safety, I dashed after him, clamping my hand around his chubby fist. Then I endured ear-splitting screams of protest as he tried to free himself from my restrictive vice grip. (Oh, and the disapproving glances and tut-tut head-shakes of passers-by who assumed I was needlessly harsh with my adorable toddler!)

Several weeks into this new routine, Jonathon tried a new tactic. We were walking through the market – me fighting to focus on my shopping list as my tiny son was fighting to get loose from me – when suddenly he stopped struggling.

Now, I normally have s.l.o.w. reflexes. I’ll drop a bottle of soda, think to myself, “When this hits my foot, it’s sure gonna hurt!” yet be unable to move my foot to avoid the pain and eventual bruise.

Yet on this particular day, my physical reaction miraculously occurred even as my brain registered, “He’s stopped struggling. Something is about to happen.”

I gripped Jonathon’s hand tighter and, with lightening speed, rotated my wrist a half turn, moving my hand away from him. Sure enough, with a strategic gleam in his eyes, Jonathon opened his mouth and chomped his rasor-sharp baby teeth…into his own pudgy hand.

Shock, confusion, and dismay replaced defiance on his face. Pain registered, and he began to cry. I comforted him, and then we walked on, hand-in-hand without resistance.

I felt grateful Jonathon had experienced the natural consequence of his biting. He had bitten, and he had experienced the pain.

And then I thought: Daniel.

Jonathon will try this on Daniel. I’ve got to tell him before Jonathon tries this on him!

That evening, before bed, I recounted the brief incident to my husband, concluding with the recommendation, “So if you feel him stop pulling to get away, don’t think; just rotate your hand away from him.”

The very next morning, Daniel took Jonathon on a quick errand. He returned with a meek toddler and a knowing wink. After settling Jonathon down for his nap, he told me,

“It happened just like you said! I was dragging him down the isle. He was fighting to get away from me the whole time, when suddenly he stopped. My brain was thinking All of these bananas are too ripe. Don’t they have any gree- when suddenly it switched to Rotate your wrist!

He chomped down SO hard! It took five minutes to stop his crying.

The whole time, what kept going through my mind was, If he had bit my hand, I wouldn’t have thought. I just would have slapped him across the face as hard as I could.”

Daniel paused, shook his head at the thought, and resumed.

“I’m really glad I was prepared.”

Jonathon turned out to be a two-bite baby. Natural consequences nipped what could have been a nightmarish habit in the bud.

I still shudder to think what could have happened if I’d not told Daniel about my near-biting incident with Jonathon.

What if Jonathon had bitten him? What if Daniel had slapped our toddler across the face? With whom would I have sided? How would that have impacted our less-than-five-year-old marriage? How would Daniel’s image of himself as a father been altered? How would Daniel’s relationship to his son been changed?

Daniel and I learned some important lessons about teamwork that day:

1) Keep each other “in the loop.”

2) Prevent situations that encourage “siding” with a child, against each other.

3) Refuse to play tug-of-war when there’s a child between us.

We also learned how vital it was for us to keep clinging together. To keep leaning on each other – and on the One who has always safely held us – for support.

By Cheri Gregory 

 

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