Lead Your Family Like Jesus + Monday M.O.M. Link-Up

May 5, 2013 By

by Tricia Goyer

Three Ways You Are A Leader in Everyday Life … and how to be a better one

Family_In_FieldMany people are confused about the term “family leader.” As I’ve blogged about moms being leaders I’ve had both men and women pipe up, “But wait, the man’s supposed to be the leader in the home, right?” Yes, but women are leaders, too, in many ways you may not realize. 

1. You are a Leader in Your Role As Spouse.

Yes, friends, I believe in the “S” word … submission. I believe God has called men to be the spiritual head of the home, and the one to care for and provide for his wife and family and lead the family unit. I believe wives come under their headship in willing submission … yet women are leaders too.

Any time you strive to guide the thoughts, behavior or direction of another person we are a leader! Or as John Quincy Adams said, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

Go ahead, read that again. Mom, you are a leader! Wife, you are a leader! Your thoughts and attitudes guide your closest relationships. Family leadership can be as intimate as offering words of guidance and encouragement to a discouraged loved one, or it can be as directive as issuing specific instructions on how to drive the family car.

2. You are a Leader in Your Community.

A man or a woman’s position as a family leader also extends beyond the four walls of the home. Just think of your roles at your work, at your child’s school, and in your neighborhood. Influence can also be exhibited in your roles as church volunteers and community leaders. These are important roles in our every day life, especially since many couples today are often not well-connected with siblings and parents.

Many families are spread out, living far from extended family members. This causes many couples to create their own “family units” with like-minded friends. These are the people they vacation with and spend free time with. Seeking God in roles is important because it’s then couples realize they can be a positive influence in their church and community outside of their own home.

3. You are a Leader in Your Extended Family.

Sometimes this is the hardest place to be a leader. We can’t choose our relatives, and sometimes the relationships with parents, siblings, aunts, uncle and cousins can be the hardest. Often people are put into “roles” within their family. Yet in your actions and reactions you are showing leadership—whether you like it or not.

In each of these areas … you make an impact!

As a leader you …

  • Build enduring relationships within the home that can have far-reaching impact beyond the home • Set the basic direction of life values, character development and relational behavior
  • Involve seasons of personal sacrifice to promote the spiritual and physical well-being of others
  • Sustain love, loyalty, trust, mercy, forbearance, forgiveness, and sacrifice
  • Mature and grow
  • Foster values of love, compassion, trust, commitment, honesty, and grace within its members.

Think your role as a leader doesn’t matter? Think again. The #1 way you can be a better leader in each of these areas is to pray.

Today take a few minutes to pray for your role as a leader.

  • Pray for your leadership in your family.
  • Pray for your leadership in your church.
  • Pray for your leadership in your neighborhood.
  • Pray for your leadership at work and school.
  • Pray that God will show you how to lead.
  • Pray you will submit to His leadership in your life.

The impact we can have in the lives of people around us can’t be underestimated … and only prayer prepares us for the work ahead!

 

Your Turn!

How is Jesus your role model as a leader in your marriage, community, and extended family?

 

Lead Your Family Like Jesus

Lead-Your-Familysm-e1360603289982Does your family need a five-star general at the helm? A psychologist? A referee?

Ken Blanchard, best-selling co-author of The One Minute Manager and Lead Like Jesus, points to a better role model: the Son of God. Joined by veteran parents and authors Phil Hodges and Tricia Goyer, renowned business mentor Blanchard shows how every family member benefits when parents take the reins as servant-leaders.

Moms and dads will see themselves in a whole new light—as life-changers who get their example, strength, and joy from following Jesus at home. This user-friendly book’s practical principles and personal stories mark the path to a truly Christ-centered family, where integrity, love, grace, self-sacrifice, and forgiveness make all the difference.

The M.O.M. Initiative is giving away a copy of Lead Your Family Like Jesus! Enter via the Rafflecopter below:

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Interview with Ginny Yttrup, author of Invisible + Monday M.O.M. Link-Up!

April 21, 2013 By

Invisible-Quote

Five months after being discharged from the Eating Disorder Unit of the Brea Neuropsychological Hospital, where I’d spent six weeks of intensive treatment for anorexia and bulemia, I met my future husband.

We dated for two years, got married, and within three years were parents to Annemarie and Jonathon.

I loved my husband. And oh, how I loved my babies!

But I did not love myself.

And I had no idea how much this would cost my children.

Shame and vulnerability researcher, Brene Brown, says in her best-selling book Daring Greatly, “If we want our children to love and accept who they are, we have to love and accept who we are.”

I did not love or accept who I was, so I was unable to model this for my children. I bought into what Brown calls the “terrible myth…that once I had children, my journey ended and theirs began.”

My time in treatment had barely scratched the surface of my food addiction. But rather than continue working toward my own healing, I tried to close the door to that chapter of my life and pour myself into my family.

Twenty years later, my children continue to pay the high price of having a mother who sacrificed her need for wholeness “for the good of the family.”

Now I see that becoming a healthy mother–a woman who loved and accepted herself instead of punishing herself via food–would truly have been “for the good of the family.”

I’m not saying this to beat myself up. I’m simply offering my perspective to any mother who feels that dealing with her own struggles is somehow “selfish.” That she doesn’t deserve to. Or that it will disrupt her family too much. In my experience, the sooner the better.

But it’s never too late.

As I now do the work I wish I had done two decades ago, I cling to God’s promise in Joel 2:25a: “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten.”

010_0330tOne of the most healing books I’ve read all year is Ginny Yttrup’s Invisible. I am thrilled to introduce Ginny to you today and give away a copy of this profoundly moving book!

* * * * * * *

Cheri: What inspired your story (Invisible)?

Ginny: My own struggle with weight originally inspired the story. But as always happens, the theme was based on my life, but the story took on a life of its own as I wrote and it now has little to do with me. Although, the ongoing lesson that I am created in the image of God and embracing that knowledge for myself is straight from my own life. Like Twila, I have “Imago Dei” tattooed on my wrist as a permanent reminder of who I am.

 

Cheri: In what ways is God calling you out of hiding these days, calling you not to try and be “invisible,” calling you to live out the reality of Imago Dei in your life?

Ginny: Ah…living life “visible” is one of my greatest challenges. I’d much rather hide away. MUCH rather! Yet God… As I look back on my life, I realize now that God’s been calling me out of hiding my entire life. As an abused child—one who was sexually abused between the ages of 2 and 14, I never wanted to do anything but hide. I couldn’t tell the truth. I hated who I was. School was torture for me. I attended 5 different schools during my elementary years—so I was always the new girl and I was painfully shy. I hid behind that shyness and all that pain.

As a teenager, I hid behind alcohol and drugs.

These days, whenever I feel like hiding, I push myself out. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where I want to stay home—so I do—but instead, I’ve learned the difference between being an introvert who recharges by spending quiet time alone, and being asked to do something or go somewhere and letting fear keep me bound.

The two most personally challenging ways I’m visible these days is through marketing my books—that act of stewardship of the message God’s given me that so often feels like self-promotion. And through speaking to groups. The fact that I speak at events and retreats is simply one of God’s healing miracles in my life.

But it becomes easier and easier to live life in front of others when I take my eyes off myself—die to self—and instead focus on who God is and who He created me to be. I am created in His image! When I hide in shame—I hide Him too. I no longer want to do that. Instead, I pray He’ll shine through me—that His glory will be visible to those I encounter.

 

Cheri: You said in your letter to your readers that this book is not about weight issues or health issues—it’s about freedom. In moments of stress or pain, how do you choose to walk in freedom rather than in shame?

Ginny: I attempt to live in freedom by giving thanks in all circumstances. It seems we have an idealistic view of freedom… It sounds so good, doesn’t it? But freedom is often quite difficult and painful. Think of the Israelites freed from slavery—they had a painful road ahead of them. Were they free? Yes. Did it feel good? No. Or think about dieting… Which is freedom—eating as much chocolate cake as you want? Or disciplining yourself to have just one piece of chocolate cake, or one cookie, so you’re free to enjoy good health and a strong body? Personally, eating as much cake as I want feels like freedom. But it isn’t…

So by giving thanks in all circumstances I’m reminded in those painful times that my turmoil here is temporary. By focusing on God and His goodness, even when my circumstances are screaming the exact opposite, I’m able to live with an eternal view and look ahead to that day when freedom will feel like the freedom I’ve imagined. When I’ll trade this temporal life, filled with trials, for eternity spent in the presence of Jesus Christ.

I can’t wait!

* * * * * * *

invisibleMany thanks to Ginny for sharing with The M.O.M. Initiative today!  We are giving away a copy of Invisible this week, with tons of fun ways to enter!  Here are a couple of glowing reviews by women you may recognizes:

“Writers and readers alike have been signing the praises of Ginny Yttrup since her debut novel Words. Now I understand what all the excitement is about! Her writing is fresh, winsome, and deeply spiritual. Faith isn’t merely a thread woven through the story; faith is the fabric upon which Invisible is stitched with a loving hand. Healing and hope can be found among these pages–not only for each character, but for the reader as well. A fine effort from one of Christian fiction’s brightest new voices.”
Liz Curtis Higgs, New York Times best-selling author of Mine is the Night

“Ginny Yttrup is one of the new luminous writing stars on the Christian fiction horizon. Her words inspire my spirit and grip my consciousness like few others do. She received the Christy award for her debut novel Words. Publishers Weekly described her second book Lost and Found as inspirational and entertaining. I have the happy privilege of commending her third book Invisible as yet another inspiring and riveting story of a woman who learnes her dress size does not rule out romantic love. She cancook and eat but can she allow her heart to be fed as well? Her struggle with self-image and the ever-present inner voice of condemnation is a recognizable battle we all wage against the hurtful messages from our past. You will be encouraged, entertained and energized by the message of Invisible.”

Marilyn Meberg, counselor, speaker and writer with Women of Faith and author of Constantly Craving

 

 

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RENEWED: An Interview with Lucille Zimmerman + Monday M.O.M. Link-Up!

April 7, 2013 By

BookCover-1

Overwhelmed.

I’ve been speaking to women’s groups for more than two decades. And while fashions and American Idols and fad diets have changed over the years, this one thing has remained constant:

When I ask women what they struggle with, day in and day out, their #1 answer is “I feel so overwhelmed!”

So I fell in love with Lucille Zimmerman’s new book the moment I laid eyes on the cover.

Renewed.

Ahhhh…what an invitation!

I spent two weeks enjoying Lucille’s stories, Biblical insights, and practical wisdom as I savored (and stuck Post-It Notes all over!) a chapter a day.

Renewed now resides on the “grab often” bookshelf near my writing desk, as I know I’ll be quoting from and highly recommending it daily.

So I’m thrilled to welcome Lucille to The M.O.M. Initiative today!

Cheri: In Chapter 7, “Renewed Through Appreciating Beauty,” you advise “Don’t multitask–enjoy the one thing you are doing now.” How can we teach the value of focus to our children who seem to thrive on multitasking?

Lucille: I think a good way to do that is to take a mommy time-out. Mommy can turn off the phone, get off the computer, and take some quiet time to read or whatever it is that helps her relax. At the same time she can put the child in a quiet space with his or her own books.

Cheri: I’ve re-read Chapter 11, “Renewed Through Creating a Place for Grief”, several times and shared it with my college-aged daughter, as our family has experienced numerous losses recently. I’ve never learned to grieve, so I’ve felt helpless and inadequate watching her struggle. How can mothers help their children learn healthy ways of grieving?

Lucille: I’m so sorry you are both experiencing so many losses.

It seems common in America to hide or bury grief. If people grieve they do it behind closed doors. Many people are ashamed to shed a tear in public.

This creates an environment where people don’t know how to grieve. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we know that burying grief does not work. Grief waits. There’s a wonderful book, for children or adults, that helps normalize the grief process, and gives readers encouragement. It’s called Tear Soup. Here’s a short video clip about the book:

(Can’t view embedded video? Click on this link to view Tear Soup directly in YouTube!)

Cheri: In Chapter 14, “Renewed Through Generosity and Gratitude,” you give practical tips for adults. What advice do you have for mothers who would like to teach their children to be generous and grateful?

Lucille: People who are generous and grateful are also much happier. Studies prove the powerful and long lasting effects of writing a thank you note or even giving a $5 item.

Here are some of the ways I tried to model gratitude and generosity to my children:

  • Talk about what you are thankful for. (e.g. “Aren’t we lucky to have such a nice cozy house? Clean clothes? Yummy food?)
  • Model a giving heart by anonymously paying for a person’s coffee or meal. Or pay the toll for the car behind you.
  • Volunteer at food banks or deliver meals to the needy during the holidays.
  • Sponsor a child in a third world country through organizations like Compassion International and
  • Highlight the feeling a child gets when someone is generous to him or her. (“Wasn’t that nice how Elizabeth thought about you and gave you half of her cookie?”)
  • Have older children journal and younger children draw pictures of the people and things they are thankful for.

Cheri: Lucille, thank you so much for sharing with our moms and for sharing a message through your book that is both challenging and reassuring!

ReturnImage.aspx.jpegLucille Zimmerman is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Littleton, CO and an affiliate faculty professor at Colorado Christian University.

She is also the author of Renewed: Finding Your Inner Happy in an Overwhelmed World. Through practical ideas and relatable anecdotes, readers can better understand their strengths and their passions—and address some of the underlying struggles or hurts that make them want to keep busy or minister to others to the detriment of themselves.

Renewed can help nurture those areas of women’s lives to use them better for work, family, and service. It gives readers permission to examine where they spend their energy and time, and learn to set limits and listen to “that inner voice.”

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Mentor”ish”ing on the Trail + Monday M.O.M. Link-Up!

March 31, 2013 By

** TMI_Running_Image

by Erin MacPherson

I’m part of a run”ish”ing group with six of my girlfriends.

We call it run”ish”ing because if you’ve ever seen me run, you’d know that I certainly could not be labeled a runner.  Run”ish”er is a stretch.  But regardless, every Saturday morning we get up bright and early and meet at a local park to go run”ish”ing.  We even have shirts to remind us of our athletic prowess (or lack thereof).

Now, I know it sounds crazy (who gets up at 6 am to do something sporty?) but it’s become the part of my week that I most look forward to.  Not because of the huffing and puffing (although, on certain days there is a lot of that), but because of the conversation.

My run”ish”ing girls are my best mentor moms.

Not because they are famous authors or counselors or teachers, but because they are real.  They have kids who do crazy things like pull all of the dryer sheets out of the box and spread them into a giant car track around the house.  And they don’t judge me for choosing to avoid the 5 o’clock meltdown by making PB & J for dinner.  And they even understand that there are times when being a mom is the last thing I want to be.

There’s just something about long hours on the trail that leads to real conversation.

But there’s more.  Because beyond honest conversation, there’s an atmosphere in our early morning runs that gives us permission to mentor each other in a way that’s just as honest.  My run”ish”ing girls don’t hold back any punches.  Instead, they listen carefully to what I say and then they tell me what they think, even if it’s something I don’t want to hear.

It’s as if we can tell the truth with each other as long as we’re run”ish”ing.

So when I told my run”ish”ing girls that I was feeling crushed in my marriage, ready to run away and find something or someone better, they listened.  But they didn’t commiserate.  They didn’t tell me that I had every right to feel the way I did.  Or that my husband was the big, bad guy and I was the innocent victim.  Instead, they spoke the truth in love, if you will.  They mentor”ish”ed not with lectures or even their own expertise, but with prayerful conversation and loving friendship. They walked next to me, becoming part of the healing.  They became more than mentors.  They were my partners.

Now I’m not saying that everyone should join a run”ish”ing group—trust me, some mornings it’s not as fun as it sounds.  But I do think every woman should have a group of friends who are willing to mentor”ish” them.  Not women who tell them what they should do, but women who are willing to listen and then step and walk (or run”ish) with them on their journey.  And whether that means getting up at 6 am on a Saturday or heading out for coffee after your kids go to bed, it’s important to have good mom friends who are willing to talk beyond diapers and sleep training.  And are willing to give you a break when you just can’t make it up that next hill.

Erin MacPherson is an Austin, Texas mom of three who stays home with her kids by day, writes by nights and (occasionally) run”ish”es half marathons with her friends.  She is the author of “The Christian Mama’s Guide” series and blogs at www.christianmamasguide.com.

A Christian Mamas Guide

A Christian Mama’s Guide to the Grade School Years: Everything You Need to Know to Survive (and Love) Sending Your Kid Off into the Big Wide World

Oh, how we needed this book two decades ago when the “self-esteem movement” was brainwashing parents into raising generations of entitled kids! Erin’s Fifteen Factors are spot-on remedies for the spiritual immaturity and arrested social development I see daily in my high school students.

With hilarious transparency, keen insights, and practical faith, Erin coaches you to support and challenge your child without enabling or over-protecting. Chapter 14 alone — “Do This, Not That” — is worth the price of admission!

Cheri Gregory  (aka ”Mrs. G”, 20+ year classroom veteran and ”Mom” to two college kids!)

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You will also receive a FREE copy of Overwhelmed and as a ministry tool, please feel free to make as many copies as you need.

____________________________________________________________________________

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QbyUand4U: Movies and Videos + TMI Monday Link-Up!

January 28, 2013 By

Kids_Playing_Video_Games_Dark
Hey sweet moms…many of you have been asking questions and we want you to know WE HEAR YOU and WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

Every Monday we will be asking questions you are asking and WE ARE ASKING YOU TO JOIN THE CONVERSATION.

JOIN US every Monday for QbyUand4U (Questions by You and For You) and share your thoughts as we answer questions moms ask.

“When my son goes over to his friend’s house, they let him watch movies I don’t approve of and play video games I don’t like either. I love the parents but I’m how do I tell them that he is not allowed to watch certain shows or play certain games when he’s over there?”

Two weeks ago, we looked at some foundational questions each family needs to answer, ideally long before an issue like this crops up. And a number of TMI mentor moms, plus some guests, weighed in with their recommendations.

Today, let’s look at three stages of parental involvement in TV and movie exposure:

Stage 1: 

When our child’s maturity level is such that they are totally dependent on us for guidance, it’s our responsibility to get to know their friends’ parents. We must actively advocate for our child’s needs and our family’s values.

One of my child’s friends had a severe peanut allergy, and when her child was young, she left nothing to chance. She called and talked with us, reminded us regularly, and sent “uncontaminated” food for him to eat.

Likewise, when my children were too young to speak up for themselves, I talked with adults to let them know that our kids watched little TV and few movies and, thus, were easily over-stimulated by visual media exposure. We asked to always be consulted prior to TV and movie watching.

When one family member knowingly violated our expectations by showing a 10-hour TV “mini-series” start-to-finish, the consequence was that I did not trust them with my children again.

Stage 2:

  When our children’s maturity level is such that they are able to comprehend our family’s values, we need to be in natural, on-going dialogue about all aspects of media consumption. Rather than teaching a simplistic “good list” vs. “bad list” mentality, we want to equip our children with skills to make wise choices about the content of what they view and the time they invest in passive watching. Lori called this giving them “tools to go with the rules”!

Drive time can be wonderful role-playing time during which to discuss and practice hypothetical scenarios.  Providing our children with simple scripts and rehearsal time helps them develop life-long skills for self-advocacy.

My children wanted to know how to stand up for their beliefs without coming across as “preachy” or disrespectful. So we worked together to craft specific phrasing that they were each comfortable using.

During this stage, we were always available as back-up, whether by phone or car. Just as my father did for me, I told my children that they could call me any time and ask to be picked up from any situation, and I’d either show up or pay for a cab, no questions asked.

Stage 3:

  Ultimately, we want our children to own their values independent of us. We want to trust them to make wise (albeit difficult!) choices even in the midst of potentially awkward situations.

This, too, requires practice. And like all practice, it will involve “failure.”

Unfortunately, during this stage, I was too quick to react without listening. My daughter was so afraid of disappointing me, she tried to cover her mistakes rather than process and learn from them.

Keeping a safe, open dialogue about what’s not working is vital. The more our children can reflect on their progress at self-monitoring, the further they will mature.

 

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QbyUand4U: Movies and Videos + T.M.I. Monday Link-Up

January 13, 2013 By

Hey sweet moms…many of you have been asking questions and we want you to know WE HEAR YOU and WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

Every Monday we will be answering questions you are asking and WE ARE ASKING YOU TO JOIN THE CONVERSATION.

JOIN US every Monday for QbyUand4U (Questions by You and for You) and share your thoughts as we answer questions moms ask.

 

Kids_Playing_Video_Games_DarkQbyUand4U #1:


“When my son goes over to his friend’s house, they let him watch movies I don’t approve of and play video games I don’t like either.

I love the parents but I’m how do I tell them that he is not allowed to watch certain shows or play certain games when he’s over there?”

 

Like all good questions, this one brings up a whole host of other questions!

1)  What are our family’s core values?

2)  How do our family’s core values guide each of us in making wise choices about media consumption?

3)  What conversations have we had (should we have) about encountering media that does not match our family’s core values?

4)  What role-playing have we done (or could we do) to help our children practice standing up for their values while showing respect for others? What role-modeling have we done?

5)  How does our family determine whose house our children may visit without us?

6)  How do we (or can we) establish an ongoing dialogue with the parents of our children’s friends?

 

We’re going to tackle this QbyUand4U in two parts. Today, I’m sharing the collective wisdom of some of The M.O.M. Initiative Team as well as some guest contributors I’ve met through Proverbs 31 Ministries.

 

Julie Titus Sanders: Oh, not easy. Have been right there with ya! I’m not sure if we’ve taken the best path with this, but due to his age when we most faced this, we really walked Jacob through how to tackle it on his own. It has not been easy for him at times.

It’s really hard when it’s at a “youth group” event, but he finds himself having to take a stand. We’ve talked him through how to point to our family guidelines, how he wants/needs to honor his parents, and then to offer alternative activities/games/entertainment.

I don’t think his friend has always loved it or responded well. And I’m pretty sure the adults might’ve given us a few eye rolls, but Jacob has learned through it that we need to hold fast to our convictions in a gracious way and participate 100% whenever we can.

As he’s moved into more independence, we’re glad he’s had practice in how to face this issue himself, and now we pray for his discernment and boldness to go on from here.  (www.JulieSanders.org)

 

Wendy Blight I have walked this with both my kids. We had a rule that our kids had to call and ask if it was PG 13. Sometimes we said yes, but if we said no, they told the parents or friend that they were not allowed to watch the movie.

Responses have varied. One parent changed the movie, a great result! Another did not, so our daughter called back and we picked her up.

It did not take long to build the reputation of what our kids could watch. Generally we did not have the issue very often after the first time or two.

Of course, your kids have to be okay with speaking up. Mine were, thankfully. It never affected their friendships, which was great. And other parents came on board.

It sends a message about your family and your kids that is important. (wendyblight.com)

 

Stephanie Shott: Hmmm. It’s definitely not easy. There are so many dynamics, like Julie said, but when it’s just from one family to the next and not in an ‘”event” type of situation, it would be good to meet with the mom and just say, “We don’t allow Johnny to play violent (or whatever) video games (or movies).” (www.StephanieShott.com)

 

Julie Reuter Sunne: When my children were younger, it wasn’t as difficult. As they get older, the lines of what they can watch or play is blurring some. The lines are not so defined, and they need to learn how to make good choices apart from us. With my upper teen boys, I guide them more by discussing their choices, not necessarily forbidding them outright as much. (www.juliesunne.com)

 

Lori Appel Wildenberg: Our kids need the “tools to go with the rules”. I like what Julie said for the older kids–younger ones need mom and dad to gently step in and speak to the parents. I tended to say things like,”My daughter is pretty sensitive so we avoid scary or violent movies.(or we stick with g/pg ratings) Would you be able to avoid those when she is over?” Most parents will accommodate it they don’t feel as if they are being judged. (www.1corinthians13parenting.com) 

 

Holly Smith: We use these as opportunities to teach our kids “self-monitoring.” We challenge them to turn their eyes and walk out, or speak up and ask for another option that is within the limits we have taught them. (AMarthaHeart.com)

 

We’ll continue this discussion with some principles as specific action plans on Monday, January 28. Until then, we’d love to hear your answer to today’s QbyUand4U, as well as:

  • Any thoughts on the added challenge of handling this with extended family?
  • What if you’re seeing negative effects on your child from media exposure that is still within your family’s guidelines?
  • What scriptures have you specifically used with your children to help them stay true to the values you’ve taught them and not cave to the pressure to “not make waves” or “not seem judgmental”?

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Getting It Together + & The TMI Monday Link Up!

December 30, 2012 By

556491_407604185968728_1736217259_nKayse Pratt is a wife, mommy, and writer whose brand new eBook Getting It Together: Your Guide to Setting Up a Home Management System That Works releases on Monday, December 31.

I’m delighted to talk with Kayse about how we can set realistic home management goals for the new year–without getting overwhelmed!

How can we start the new year with reasonable get-myself-organized goals?

Kayse:  For me, having a system is key: a central place for all of my home management stuff! My goals themselves have to be organized: project lists, cleaning schedules, etc.

I think it’s important to start small, creating manageable goals that are actually attainable. Nothing’s more discouraging than setting huge lofty goals that you can’t possibly reach. Remember, every step toward organization makes a difference! Creating a simple cleaning schedule, having a central calendar for the family, finally creating that paperwork file you’ve been meaning to get to – each step is an important one!

Get-myself-organized goals can break the bank — How can we be frugal and still be well equipped with the right tools and systems?

Kayse:  Right now, I’m a stay-at-home-mom and my husband is in grad school full-time. We understand frugal! As far as organizational printables go, I’ve created most of my materials myself. For organizing gear, like tubs and boxes and files and systems, I really do love the dollar store! You’d be surprised at how many cute baskets and containers you can find there. A little spray paint or scrapbook paper, and they’re even cuter than full-price ones! Pinterest has some great ideas to make cheap things super cute.

Some get-myself-orgnaized goals discourage us by Day 3. How do we create goals that are sustainable?

Kayse: We’ve GOT to be real with ourselves. Creating small, realistic goals is so important. One load of laundry a day, sticking with meal planning for one week, trying to schedule one week’s worth of blog posts ahead of time – setting small goals and sticking with them is much more effective than the crazy dream goals we have. And when we set small goals we can stick with, we are then able to keep growing in our goals, knowing there are things we’ve already conquered!

What’s your top tip for trying to start the year more organized?

Kayse:  Start now! Set 2-3 small goals and stick with them this week! Next week, look at how you did and revamp it if you need to. Give yourself some grace and remember that perfect isn’t real.

What are some common mistakes we make when trying to “finally” get “all” organized?

Kayse:  Thinking that we can finally get it all organized. :) There’s always something else to do, am I right? I think what we’re going for is peaceful living – keeping a home that is both functional and welcoming, despite the daily messes that are impossible to avoid.

What are some little things in organization / home management that can make a BIG difference?

Kayse:  Many of us need good systems. That’s why my home management notebook works so well for me. I have everything in one place, and a system set up for each area. Blogging calendars, cleaning schedules, meal planning lists, info for the kids and babysitters, it’s all there. Simply having a notebook with all of my important information in one place is crucial for me, and such a huge help!

How do we teach our children basic organization skills and personal management skills…etc.?

GIT_3D_Paperback_FinalKayse:  I’ve been blessed with a toddler who is way cleaner than I am. She impresses me. :) But we’re still trying to impart good organizing habits to her. We work on picking up toys before naptime and bedtime, and teaching her that everything has a place.

She helps me fold simple laundry, and brushes her own teeth while I brush mine (I brush hers again afterwards, of course!). It’s important for our kiddos that we model the behavior we want them to imitate. This is always my biggest challenge, and greatest motivation!

You can connect with Kayse at her blog, on Facebook, on Twitter, or at her etsy shop, where she creates custom home management printables.

To check out Kayse’s new home management eBook, just click on the image above!

 

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Remembering What Went Right

December 26, 2012 By

Well_Done_Family_Thumbs_UpIt’s the day after.

All the built-up anticipation is spent.

We’ve got a whole 364 days ’til we do it all again.

And if you’re anything like me, you’re already making lists of what you’ll do better next year:

  • I won’t forget the _____.
  • I won’t burn the _____.
  • I won’t leave the _____ in the freezer.
  • I won’t say _____ to _____.
  • I’ll remember to buy a _____ for _____.
  • I’ll make sure _____ acts more (or less!) ______.

Stop.

Yes, reflection is a powerful part of change and growth.

But today, instead of reflecting (perhaps even obsessing) on what went wrong, remember what went right.

  • What was the best part of Christmas for you this year?  Why?
  • What one thing will you want to be sure to do again next year? Why?
  • What was one unexpected blessing?
  • What was one especially delicious dish?
  • What was one beautiful sound?
  • What caused a smile or laughter?

Tomorrow will be soon enough to make our “Things I’ll Do Better”  lists for next year.

Today, let’s enjoy remembering what went right!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17 

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Grow Your Gratitude: Happy Thanks-Living! & The M.O.M. Initiative Monday Link Up!

November 19, 2012 By

The Typical 2

I’ve always heard that there are two ways to focus on thankfulness:

  1. Keep track of what I’m thankful for (i.e. in a gratitude journal)
  2. Share my gratitude with those for whom I’m thankful (i.e. by writing a thank-you note)

 

A New (for Me) #3

But over the last month, I’ve discovered a new way — new for me, at least! — to focus on thankfulness.

I’ve been asking people this question throughout the day:

“What’s one thing you’re thankful for right now?”

And I marvel at the diversity, the depth, the humor, and the honesty of each answer.

Each time, I think, “Me, too!” or “Oh, yeah!” or “I’d forgotten!” or “That’s so true” or “That reminds me of ____!”

 

Others’ Gratitude Triggers My Thanks-Living

I’ve started writing down other people’s answers in my gratitude journal and then adding my response.

Here are a few examples with answers from adults:

  • Our son got a job today after looking forever!!!  (Me:  My daughter is applying to go to Italy for her final year of college!)
  • My good friend is visiting today. (Me: I spent some time Thursday morning with a good friend I don’t get to see much during the school year.)
  • Honestly, my morning coffee. (Me:  Honestly, my morning coffee.)
  • God’s mercy. (Me: ditto…plus patience and promises!)
  • My new friend. (Me: An acquaintance that is turning into a dear friend.)
  • My son not needing a third shot for his ear infection.  (Me: My husband staying healthy despite stress, lack of sleep, and a nasty bug making the rounds!)

And if you want to have some “serious fun,” ask kids!

  • My 13 year old son is grateful that he got a new release video game for 10% off. (Me: My new Coldwater Creek skirt that I could not possibly justify buying at full-price three months ago but that I was more than happy to buy at 40% off the 40% off!  LOVE wearing it…!)
  • My 4 year old in PreK said he was thankful for Mommy’s car. (Me:  That my car made it to San Jose despite a bad tire; that roadside service came in 25 minutes when I found said tire flat as a pancake.)
  • My 14 year old said, “Everything, Mom. Every breath!”  (Me:  The reminder to be thankful for every breath!)
  • Evan, age 7: “Legos” (Me: Fond memories of the Lego years and the American Girl doll years.)

FREE Grow Your Gratitude Journal Starter

Want more?  Download your FREE “Grow Your Gratitude” journal starter, with 7 pages of thanks-living trigger answers from adults and kids to get you going!

Then develop the habit of asking people throughout the day, every day:  ”What’s one thing you’re thankful for right now?”

Have a Happy Thanks-Living…Thursday and every day!


I’d LOVE your input on the cover and title of my upcoming eBook based on May’s The PURSE-onality Challenge!  If you take this short survey, the final question invites you to leave your e-mail address so I can send you a FREE copy of the eBook when it’s done!

 

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Raising Kids to be Independent Adults: How to LET. THEM. GO. & The M.O.M. Initiative Monday Link Up!

November 11, 2012 By

with Karen Ehman

My friend Sheila Wray Gregoire asked a great question last week: “When Does Childhood End?”  I agree with her premise that one of my duties, as a mom, is to help my kids find their route to independence, maturity, and purpose.

So it’s been hard to admit that I was a “smother mother” when my daughter was in high school. I ran interference with my daughter’s teachers so often, she did not learn how to advocate for herself.

She didn’t know how to ask, “When can I come make up the quiz I missed yesterday?” or “Why did I get 25/50 on this essay?” or “What can I do to improve my grade in this class?”

My well-meaning “help” (read: meddling) resulted in unintended developmental delays. My daughter’s freshman year was a tailspin of ditched classes, failed tests, social media overload, anxiety attacks, and depression.

And she’s not unique. I read daily on Facebook of the pain and confusion that blind-side many of my former students their first year of college, when they are expected to behave as adults but lack the skills and practice to do so.

Karen Ehman on “Turning Over the Reins”

Today, I’m thrilled that Karen Ehman, Director of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaking team and featured speaker for Hearts at Home conferences for moms, is here to share her strategies for preventing such unnecessary challenges!

When They’re Little

Cheri:  Many of our readers aren’t even thinking about sending their babies and toddlers off to college. They’re just trying to get a decent night’s sleep! Should they even be worrying about letting them go this early?

Karen:  Absolutely!  In the toddler years, it’s important to allow your kids to get the feel for making choices. Offer them options that don’t really matter, like the clothes they wear or style of their hair. (Yes, you’ll survive it when they pair stripes with plaids!)

When They’re in Elementary School

Cheri:  In your new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith, you emphasize setting boundaries during the elementary years. Does this just mean spelling out the family rules?

Karen:  No, it goes way beyond “laying down the law.” It’s vital to also explain the consequences and tell them why. When possible, use a story, a video clip, or a real-life tale to show them, not just tell them.

When They’re in Middle School

Cheri:  You recommend involving our children in setting boundaries and consequences in middle school. Why?

Karen:  First, they’ll feel a sense of ownership and will be less likely to balk at the consequences, since they helped invent them. Second, you’re inviting your children to discover how society works, on a microcosmic level. The real world has laws and rules; bad behavior has consequences.

When They’re in High School

Cheri:  I can attest to the wisdom of your advice for parenting high schoolers. Instead of treating them “like young adults, not babies” I stepped in and rescued mine far too often. I thought I was “helping.” I now see that I needed to walk alongside them through the normal pain of growth.

Karen: This is so hard! When your fist is almost unclenched and your baby birds are test-driving their frail, underdeveloped wings, it will tear your heart right in two, and it will toy with your emotions daily. But you have to fight the urge to step in and overcontrol.

And don’t beat yourself up for their bad choices. They aren’t your fault. Yes, equip them as best you can, but don’t glean your identity from their decisions. It’s God’s job to be their God and your job to be their mom.

When They’re in College

Cheri:  You’re so right in saying that where others may see our college-aged child as “a young, independent man taking his place in society..but you may still see a little boy.”  My son was born prematurely, and even though he stands six feet tall and sports an impressive beard, I still see a little blue bundle in an incubator when I think about him!

Karen:  It’s hard, but necessary, to remember that while your adult children will always be your children, they are now also full-fledged adults. You may want to intervene when you see your children making choices that will lead to heartache or trouble. However, sometimes you need to keep quiet and let them take a path that might temporarily sting but, in the end, will steer them in the direction of spiritual maturity and success in life.

Fight the urge to step in and intervene when God is trying to teach your adult children a life lesson. Back off. Hit your knees, not the phone.  Know your role as a praying parent, not a meddling mother.

Always: To God

Cheri:  You emphasize that during all stages, we are pointing our children to our faith. What might this look like?

Karen:  Make applying biblical principles around your house as natural as breathing.

  • Show your children — by your attitudes and actions — that God is your plumb line for living life and that you long for every decision you make to glorify Him.
  • Knit Scripture into your conversations, not as a weapon, but as a way of showing your children that God is right and good and knows what He’s doing.
  • Steer, cheer, and encourage instead of control.
  • And don’t forget to ask for forgiveness when you blow it.
Many thanks to Karen for sharing her time-tested strategies for “Turning Over the Reins” slowly and intentionally so that our children are ready to go when the time comes!

Karen’s new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith releases tomorrow! A Participant’s Guide and 6-week study DVD are also available.

You can read an excerpt from LET. IT. GO. and sign up for the 5-day From Chaos to Calm: The LET. IT. GO. Christmas Challenge (I just got my 5th e-mail today and have LOVED the whole series!)

AND, you can enter to win a copy of LET. IT. GO!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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