She is Hurting How to Help

May 9, 2013 By

You know her.

She is the one who wants more children, but can’t.

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Her child was diagnosed with something that may change his life forever.

She is the mom agonizing over how to train-up her child when her home feels like a war-zone.

She’s the woman whose mom abandoned her and she wants to do better, but is struggling to figure out how.

And you want to help her. You want to help carry her burdens and encourage her.

But it is hard. You don’t want to say the wrong thing – add fire to the pain inside.

How do you help the hurting mom?

  • Don’t assume you know how she feels. You don’t have her back story, you can’t know her exact pain. 
  • Do say, “I can’t imagine how you feel. Do you want to talk about it?”
  • Don’t assume she doesn’t want your help because she isn’t asking for it.
  • Do periodically let her know you are there and praying for her through a text, a Facebook message, a phone call, or even invite her to get together.
  • Don’t get offended if she doesn’t respond. Sometimes it is all she can do to make it through the day in front of her.
  • Do ask how you can pray for her. Or if she minds if you text her when you pray for her.
  • Don’t just quote a few scriptures to her and expect her to “get over it.” Wounds can take a very long time to heal.
  • Do be faithful to pray.
  • Don’t share her troubles unless she says it is ok. We can gossip in the name of asking for prayer.
  • Do ask God for the words to say at the right time. There are times God will call you to say difficult things. Bathe those times in prayer, ask God to reveal what is hidden in your heart in case you need to repent of something. Then speak the truth in love.

Are you this hurting mom? Will you let us know how we can pray for you?

Are you the one who wants to reach hurting moms? How can we pray for you?

by Angela Mackey

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The Joy of Baking/Cooking with Kids

April 27, 2013 By

I held her hand as her fingers clutched the stainless steel measuring cup filled with flour. The mixer whirred loudly as the cake batter the four of us were making began to take shape.

“Just be careful…” my voice trailed off as the beater bumped the measuring cup sending flour flying.

Flour Mess

Kids love to create and bake in the kitchen and as a mom I want them to learn how to cook and bake. However as a woman who has to clean the kitchen I don’t always want their “help.”

So what are some easy ways to enjoy baking and cooking with your kids?

  • Start small. Consider teaching your kids how to make mug cakes or brownies. One simple recipe for mug brownies is this: Mug Brown Recipe
  • Consider trying to make a fun lunch with the kids. Here is a homemade version of Easy Mac and Cheese. It is delicious and pretty easy and none of that artificial stuff that isn’t so great for little bodies. FYI I loved the taste of this too.
  • Here are some great recipes that kids can help cook and that use real food. If you click on the recipe for Giant Oatmeal Cookies, you will find some more wonderful tips about baking with your kids.
  • Do you have some older kids who are ready to do some cooking on their own? Check out these recipes kids can make on their own…

Now I’m hungry. What tips or recipes do you like to make with your kids? Share them in the comments.

by Angela Mackey

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Mothering in Grace and Truth

April 10, 2013 By

“You just don’t understand children!” she stomped her foot as tears wet her eyelashes.

My heart boiled hot and anger flashed, but no words flew out of my mouth. No angry tirades and somehow peace. . . Peace beyond me settled in my heart as my mind whirled.

Sometimes I get angry

Sometimes I get angry

What do I do with that Lord? I prayed and pondered as I turned and said with an edge in my tone, “You will put on those clothes by the time I get back or there will be consequences.”

As I left her to put on her church clothes a still small voice answered my prayer.

Grace and truth. Jesus grew in grace and truth. The words pressed my heart.

Do to others as you would have them do it you. My heart squeezed tighter.

I knew I didn’t always treat my kids how I wanted to be treated.

 If I don’t show them the right way to act when someone treats me wrong how can I expect them to act right? I wondered as gratitude for God’s goodness washed over me. It was God who kept me from lashing out in anger. Yet my anger was a cue – a cue that I needed to address something with my child.

And so it is that grace and truth cover our mothering. Grace not to lash out when our children deserve a good lashing, but truth to say that is not how you treat someone else.

Truth to say, “You need to ‘honor your mother and father,’ as God tells us to in His Word.”

Discipline in truth whatever the appropriate consequence may be.

Yet give them grace when the time is right to imitate the love of God and to win their hearts as well as their deeds.

And grace to say, “You are a child. You will make mistakes. I am here to train you so you learn from those mistakes and grow in grace and truth.”

 

How do you balance grace and truth as you mother? What works for you? What doesn’t work?

by Angela Mackey

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Great Easter Activities

March 27, 2013 By

Colorful eggs. Tons of fabulous candy. And a giant bunny.

A cross. Palm branches. And an empty tomb.

As a child holidays can be quite confusing. As a mom it can be difficult to know how to teach your children about Easter. Below are some ideas to help your kids understand what Easter is all about.

  • Resurrection rolls are a fun, tasty, educational, and relatively quick Easter breakfast recipe. My children love making them. One note to this recipe, I buy the large sized crescent rolls to keep the marshmallow inside the roll better.
  • Resurrection Cookies. This recipe begins the Saturday night before Easter. So plan ahead a bit. Buy any ingredients you need. I love how we leave these cookies in the oven overnight. They are tasty and a great object lesson about what Jesus did on the cross.
  • Resurrection Eggs. I love having objects to tell the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection. Here is a printable and directions for making your own resurrection eggs.
  • Easter movies. For much older children the movie The Passion of the Christ which is rated R gives a detailed and realistic view of Jesus on the cross. There are also other wonderful movies for younger children. My kids love Veggie Tales An Easter Carol. There is also the Jesus Film and The Jesus Movie (animated). Plus many similar movies that help teach our kids about Jesus.
  • Resurrection Gardens. I made one slightly different. I had no grass seed. So instead I bought floral foam and moss. It stays green all year. Here is the picture of the one I made with my kids. Resurrection Garden
  • The History Channel’s miniseries The Bible is another way to talk about Jesus and the Bible.
  • Role play the story of the passion or ask your older children to think about how Jesus felt and what the other people involved felt or did.
  • Read the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection from the gospels. Talk about the similarities and differences of each account.
  • Spend time singing praises to Jesus for what He did on the cross. Explain any words your children may not understand.

What traditions or activities do you do to celebrate Easter? Let us know.

by Angela Mackey

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How to Help Infertile Women

March 13, 2013 By

Infertility.

About one in six women are dealing with infertility. It is isolating, confusing, painful, and can rock the faith of its sufferer.

And those on the outside looking in, well they want to help, but don’t know how. Awkward silences and taboo topics strain relationships.

How do you mentor or be a friend to someone dealing with infertility?

  • Be there for them. One of the best things a friend said to me was, “I don’t understand what you are going through, but I am here for you.” And she was. She went to doctors appointments with me, prayed with me, and let me have bad days.
  • Be honest, but don’t avoid them. It is ok to say “I don’t know what to say.” However it is not ok to avoid all mention of their struggle or to avoid their friendship.
  • Be aware of what you are saying. It is ok to say, “Can I tell you about my kids?” Just don’t get hurt if she needs to say no at that point. Infertile women want to have relationships with people who have kids or are pregnant. They understand you want to tell them about your kids, but some days it may be too difficult for them. Give your friend the opportunity to hear about your kids or not.
  • Listen. Before I struggled with infertility I had all kinds of opinions about how I would handle infertility if I had to deal with it. If I had the chance I would have spewed that wonderful advice to any one else too. Unless you are asked directly please keep your opinions to yourself.
  • Pray for and with her. This is a dark difficult time for the woman dealing with infertility. So pray for her and if she is open to pray with her. Pray for God to give her wisdom, to open her womb, for peace in the struggle, and for God’s glory in the midst of the darkness.
  • Please do not say: “You just need to relax.” “Maybe if you adopt you will get pregnant. That happened to my cousin…” “Don’t worry so much.” “Maybe God is punishing you for past sin.” “Be happy with the kids you do have.” All these things are meant to encourage or help, but just don’t.

Mentoring or being a friend to someone dealing with infertility is not rocket science, but it does take grace on both sides. Also consider looking at Janet Thompson‘s book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have A Baby. This is a great resource for both those suffering with infertility and mentors/friends wanting to understand how to help them.

As a mentor what questions do you have about supporting women facing infertility?

As a woman dealing with infertility what do you want others to know?

by Angela Mackey

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Organizing for the Unorganized – Spring Cleaning Anyone?

March 2, 2013 By

“We did it.” I smiled giddy at my husband as I surveyed our newly cleaned and organized kitchen.

I couldn’t contain myself and so I posted pictures on Facebook. I even tagged some friends who know what my kitchen normally looks like so they could see my hard work.

543844_4805549730783_1357155936_n-1I didn’t believe this was possible – to see my island and not have piles of papers, books, toys, etc hiding in the guest room. But it was possible. I thought I didn’t really care. I mean I know I am not organizationally gifted and so why try? But let me tell you it feels fabulous. And it is still relatively free from clutter nearly a week later.

Some of you organizational ninja types are thinking that is so not difficult. I hope you leave comments to tell us your secrets because organization is like a foreign language to me. It looks beautiful, but it makes no sense.

So for you unorganized folks who really want to know my secrets for getting it clean and then keeping it that way for a whole *gasp* week, here are my tips.

  • Just do it. It looks like it will take a whole day to unearth your kitchen, office, play room? It probably won’t, but it is ok if it does. Just carve out some big chunks of times and be ready to say I can finish tomorrow if you don’t finish with the first chunk of time.
  • Don’t just shuttle papers/toys/etc to another part of your house. Decide where you want those papers/toys/etc to be. Choose a spot and make sure your family knows where their things belong.
  • Consider giving away or throwing away some things. Hoarding is the opposite of organizing. Take a deep breath and let go of some stuff. It really won’t hurt and once you get started you may even find cutting loose of some things makes you feel better.
  • Get the trash or stuff to give-away out of your house fast.
  • When papers, mail, toys, etc are found where they don’t belong get the owner of the items to put them where they belong. That may mean making yourself take care of somethings or asking your kids to pick up after themselves.

Now for you organizational ninjas or some of you who really need more structure to keep things organized. . . Have you heard of The Fly Lady? She has a wonderful system (that I adapt for myself) to help you get and stay organized. I am not an affiliate and I do not receive any compensation for mentioning her, but I appreciate her system. I think you may like it too.

So how do you stay organized at home? Please share your secrets…I need help and other do too.

by Angela Mackey – the organized wanna-be

 

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Rethinking Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2013 By

I have an issue with Valentine’s Day.

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As I grew up my parents gave my siblings and I candy and told us they loved us.

At school I got candy and those little cards that get thrown away almost as soon as you get home. I gave them too.

As I got older, I secretly wished a certain boy would send me a card that shared secret feelings. I hoped and wished, always to be disappointed. Even if I received a card from a certain boy that said something like “Be Mine” I could never be sure if he really wanted me or if he gave that same card to everyone.

Then middle school came around and high school. Every Valentine’s day I knew I didn’t have anyone “special,” but I wanted someone. So I quietly tried to squash the hope that rose in me each year, a hope that was repeatedly disappointed.

Valentine’s Day. Now as a married woman, I celebrate and enjoy Valentine’s Day. I have my true Valentine. The one who asked me for forever and offered his forever to me.

Still I look at my kids and groan. Valentine’s Day celebrated at school.  Inevitably someone ends up with hurt feelings. Little hearts filled with hope that another little heart will give them approval. I see it on Facebook statuses, like this one:

Copy this to your status and see what you get INBOXED!(:
GOLD : Be my valentine this year?
RED: I used to like you..
ORANGE: You will be mine
GREEN: I wanna date you!
BLUE: I love you
PURPLE: I wanna chill
PINK: I like you
YELLOW: Your sweet
WHITE: You’re funny
BROWN: You’re amazing
SILVER: You’re cute(:

Approval, love, acceptance…We all want it. We want to know others love us, like us, think we are good-looking. Yet we have all the acceptance we need in God. He loves us despite knowing all about us (Psalm 139) – not just the part we play or want others to see.

God knows you and loves you. God sent His Son to die for YOU!

So how do I teach my kids to “guard your heart” (Proverbs 4:23) when culture dictates we are place our hearts on the altar of Valentine’s Day to be filled by anyone? I am not perfect, but this is what I try to teach my kids.

  • I want them to know everyday, but especially the day the world celebrates love, that God loves them and that mommy and daddy love them. I want their hearts filled with God’s love and the love of their parents so they don’t need to offer their hearts to others until it is time. As Song of Solomon suggests (at least three times), “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
  • My goal is to use this day to teach my kids real love. The 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love that can only be lived out through the Holy Spirit working it out in us. I pray my husband and I live it out in front of our kids. I pray we pour Godly love into them. I seek to make this day about His kind of love, not our sinful messed up kind.
  • I also want to teach my children not to expect a dozen roses or some huge token of affection. It isn’t about how much it is about genuine love whether it be a dozen roses or a dozen poems.

In case you are wondering, yes my sweet husband will be giving me a token of his affection on Thursday as I will for him.

 

What do you think about Valentine’s Day? What are you teaching your kids, friends, family about love?

 This post is edited and reposted. For the original post click here.

by Angela Mackey

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Fun Indoor February Activities for Kids and Moms

February 1, 2013 By

It is February and for most of us it is still cold outside. What do we do to keep our kids from going crazy? Here are some fun February activities to keep your kids from suffering boredom.

 

Did you know February is Canned Food Month?

Host a canned food drive for your neighborhood, church, school, or just your family. Have your kids help you bring the cans to a food pantry.

 

February is Snack Food Month

            Are you still trying to keep your New Years resolution to eat healthier? Check out this yummy and healthy snack that is easy to make. Have your kids help you whip these up.

 

February is National Dental Health Month

Consider taking your kids to the dentist. Teach them about their teeth. Read to them The Tooth Book or check out these books about dental health.

 

February 1 National Dark Chocolate Day

Celebrate this day by making a chocolate fondue with your kids or just picking up your favorite dark chocolate bar at the grocery store.

 

February 2 Groundhog Day

You don’t have to believe the superstition to enjoy celebrating a day a rodent decides our forecast. Throw a Groundhog Day party. Ask your kids what they predict will happen to Phil the official groundhog. Will he see his shadow or not? Whoever wins gets to choose the menu or games you will play.

 

February 3 is the Super Bowl

Are you a little leery of letting your younger kids watch it live after that “wardrobe malfunction” during the halftime show? Consider setting the DVR and starting it thirty minutes or so late. Consider making paper footballs and creating your own football game to play during commercials or halftime.

 

February 4 National Homemade Soup Day and Thank a Mail-carrier Day

Trust me a homemade soup is so worth it and not as difficult as it sounds. Check out these easy recipes. Have your kids make a thank-you card and put together a bag of treats for your mail-carrier. Then leave the note and goodie bag in your mailbox.

 

February 5 World Nutella Day

            If you have yet to try the wonderful goodness of Nutella, February 5th is the perfect day. If you have tried Nutella may I suggest attempting some Nutella bites by my friend at Stop and Smell the Chocolates.

 

February 10 National “Have a Brownie” Day

My husband loves brownies and my kids love to help me make them. Or if you are in a pinch buy some brownies and decorate them with icing. Just have fun with your family.

 

February 13 Lent Begins

Does your family observe Lent? Perhaps you might want to learn more about the whys of Lent. Here are some resources for what you and your kids could do for the Lenten season.

 

February 14 Valentines Day

            Celebrate your spouse and your kids. Also consider having your kids make cards for those in nursing homes or homeless shelters. Maybe even contact your local children’s shelter and put together Valentines treats for the kids there.

 

February 18 President’s Day

Consider asking your children to write a thank you card to our president for his hard work. Regardless if we agree with his policies or not, we should teach our children to respect those in leadership. Maybe plan a trip to the library to check out a book about the presidents of our nation.

 

February 24 National Tortilla Chip Day

            Who doesn’t love the crispy goodness of a tortilla chip? Ok I am sure someone is allergic or someone just doesn’t like them, but in my house we LOVE tortilla chips. What better day to make some dips to go along with the crispy fried corn perfection called tortilla chips? Buy or make some salsa. Here are some fabulous dip recipes.

 

February 27 National Chocolate Cake Day

            Don’t have time to make a cake or even buy one? Consider making a quick, but simple and tasty mug cake. Here are a few recipes I have tried. By the way, it is always a good thing to add chocolate chips or rolos to the recipe. Magic Chocolate Mug Cake, 5-minute Chocolate Cake, 3 Minute Chocolate “Cup” Cake – I never have orange zest so I add vanilla instead.

 

I hope these ideas get your wheels turning and help you make some memories with your precious kids. Remember nothing turns out the way we expect so have fun and laugh at the mess.

by Angela Mackey

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Overcoming the Mess to Make Memories

January 19, 2013 By

My kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off in it. That isn’t too unusual for a cook like me who refuses to wear an apron and thus walks around with flour on her clothes. However this was different. There was flour everywhere – in my hair, in my kids’ hair, in the misty cloud that hung around the mixer.

Flour Mess

Cooking with kids is always an adventure. You never know exactly how things will turn out or if the measuring cup will get bumped by the rotating beater and flip flour in the air.

 

Here are a few tips to make cooking a fun learning experience for all.

 

  • Plan ahead. Make a recipe you know well or one you have read through completely. Before you start insure you have all the ingredients and tools at hand. This way you do not have to walk away to get an ingredient or tool and leave your child not supervised.
  • Expect something to go wrong. A spill may occur, and over zealous shake of salt may make your creation inedible. Be prepared for messes by having paper towels at hand. Ask your child to measure over a small prep bowl. This way your child still gets to measure but can’t get too much of the ingredient in the actual food.
  • Teach your child about the recipe. Perhaps your child can’t read yet, but it is important to tell your child about the recipe. Show them the directions, if your child can read, encourage him or her to decipher the recipe. Ask them if they understand the fractions. Show them your measuring tools.
  • Have a good attitude. Cooking is an important learning process for all involved. You learn math, chemistry, economics, and much more. Be encouraging. Have a good attitude. Be patient when your child gets impatient.
  • Remember to have fun. It can be stressful watching your children make a mess in your kitchen. Remember this time is a time to learn and make memories. Have your children help you clean up too and enjoy washing dishes and wiping counters together. The memories are worth the effort.

 

What have you done that helped you have fun in the kitchen with your kids? Do you have a favorite cookbook for kids? Will you share it in the comments?

By Angela Mackey

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A Lying Heart – A MOM and Kid Devotion

January 13, 2013 By

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

Heart is Deceitful

“Nobody likes me everybody hates me, I’m going to eat some worms,” I sang under my breath. The silly words hid the pain in my nine-year-old heart.

I felt like none of my friends liked me, my family didn’t even like me. . .

Why would anyone like you? You are plain, ordinary. There isn’t anything special about you. You are a failure, my heart whispered.

I didn’t know my heart would lie to me. The world told me to “follow my heart.” But my heart didn’t seem to care about the truth.

The truth that God always loves me, my family loves me, and even friends love me. God has a plan for my life. He uses my failures and successes for good.

My emotions hid the truth.

It took me almost twenty years to learn that making choices based on how I feel is not wise. My heart lies. Instead of following my heart, I need to follow the truth. God’s truth will not lead me on wrong paths.

His truth will lead you on right paths too.

  • Does your heart sometimes tell you lies? What lies does your heart tell you?
  • How can you make choices based on truth instead of your feelings?
  • Consider memorizing a Bible verse to tell you the truth about the lie your heart is telling you.

by Angela Mackey

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