Today, I invited my good friend and fellow author and speaker and lover of all things tea related, Penelope Carlevato, to share with us some tips on teaching our children and grandchildren manners and etiquette–not something we hear much about today. I gave my grandchildren Penelope’s book First Class Etiquette and it was quite enlightening for them.
Born in England, Penelope was raised in an English home on the plains of South Dakota. Her English mother loved to have friends and family in for tea. Penelope grew up with an apron tied around her waist and continued the tradition of hospitality learned at her mother’s feet. Etiquette always played a part when serving tea. She and her husband reside in Colorado and are the proud parents of 3 and the grandparents of 11. (Whenever the grandchildren are around, there will always be a tea party!)
Tips for Teaching Kids Manners
by Penelope Carlevato
“Merit, even of the highest, without a corresponding good manner, is like a flower without perfume or a tree without leaves.”—M. E. W. Sherwood in her book Etiquette, The American Code of Manners
In 1884, Etiquette, The American Code of Manners was written to encourage children how to take their place in the world. The book consisted of 31 chapters of detailed instructions for all areas of society where good manners are needed. Of course many of those chapters seem a little outdated today, but the general context of the book still applies. All children need a positive influence in their lives, not only to build a healthy self-esteem, but also to have guidelines of interacting with other children and adults.
While writing my children’s etiquette book, First-Class Etiquette, whenever I was dining in a restaurant, I kept an eye out for children with good manners. Unfortunately, this was not usually the case, and it saddened me. Fred Astaire, the famous American dancer and actor, made the comment, “The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” So, as parents and grandparents, we are the obvious role models for good manners.
The best place to start with manners and etiquette is at home during family mealtime. As a nation, we are in the car a great deal of the time and a whole generation now think it is normal to consume fast-food meals in the car or in front of a television. I encourage you to sit together as a family around the kitchen or dining room table for meals and do this as often as possible. *Studies have proven that having a habit of shared family meals not only improves nutrition, but also improves academic performance. Other benefits of family dining are increasing your child’s interpersonal skills, and greatly decreasing the risk of eating disorders and drug and alcohol use.
Using polite words, encouraging good table manners, and being kind to one another will form the foundation for positive growth in your child. While there are hundreds of books and instructional aids to use in your home, the following are the basics to help your child have positive social etiquette, both at home and in public. Practice at home and give positive reinforcement when your child responds in a positive way. If correction is needed, don’t wait to let him or her know their action was inappropriate. Make sure you are sensitive to your child, speak to them privately so as not to embarrass them.
10 Top Table Manner Rules
- Wash your hands before coming to the table.
- Whether using a paper or cloth napkin, place on your lap before beginning the meal.
- Don’t start eating until all family members are seated and grace has been said.
- Ask for food to be passed, don’t reach across the table to grab what you want.
- Say “please” and “thank you” when someone has passed the food to you.
- Chew with your mouth closed, and don’t talk with food in your mouth.
- Keep elbows and other body parts off the table.
- Keep your bottom to the seat of your chair and feet on the floor.
- Asked to be excused if you need to leave the table.
- Always thank the person who made the meal – Mom included!
10 Top Manners of Etiquette
- Always say “Please” and “Thank you” when someone does something nice for you.
- Don’t interrupt. If you need to get someone’s attention, the polite way is to say, “Excuse me.”
- Always knock on closed doors before you enter.
- Don’t make fun of someone because they are different from you or gang up on someone.
- Always say, “Excuse me” if you do something insensitive, like bump into them, or cut into a conversation.
- Cover your mouth if you sneeze or cough, and never pick your nose in public.
- When meeting a new person, look them in the eye, and extend your hand, smile and say, “Hello, my name is Mary. It is nice to meet you.”
- Use your inside voice while in the house or a building.
- Take turns when playing a game, or entering a room.
- Listen to your Mom or Dad and do what they say.
Teach your child the Golden Rule – Matthew 7:12 ESV
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Good manners are essentially behaving in such a way that others will feel comfortable. As Christian parents and grandparents, our conduct should pave the way for our children. The very same principles of child rearing that we received from our parents to help shape us into the people we are today, needs to extend to our children. In this electronic and technical world in which our children live, there is always the need for loving and encouraging instruction of politeness and social graces. Manners are all about respect and virtue for self and others. Remember to be a good role model as our children look to us for their example.
*University of Minnesota School of Public Health; Eisenberg, 2004
Penelope is former founder/owner of a large retail tea business. She is the author of Tea on the Titanic, First Class Etiquette, and The Art of Afternoon Tea. She has taught classes on every aspect of tea, and etiquette and manners classes to children and adults She is a frequent speaker for MOPS, and many business, social and church-related events. She is a contributing author to numerous books and magazines, co-hosts a cooking show, writes a cooking column and hosts Tea Tours to England. Her books are available at her web site: PenelopesTeaTime.com and she can be reached at PenelopesTeaTime@gmail.com.
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