As she sat in my office with tears puddling up in her eyes, she looked at me and said, “We just started taking each other for granted and growing apart.”
It’s a story I’ve lived out in my own marriage and a story I’ve heard far too many times.
Marriage is beautiful, but being married can be hard. You may think that marriage you look up to never has any real issues, but every marriage has its ups and downs. Every marriage goes through a variety of seasons, good, bad, and somewhere in between.
Happily ever after doesn’t just happen. A couple has to work for it.
It would be great if both the husband and the wife were on the same page and both worked on making their marriage a reflection of Christ and the church. YES… Oh yes! That would be beautiful!
But we can only do what we can do.
When women come to me about struggles in their marriage, the foundational advice is almost always the same…
“You can’t change your husband, you can only change yourself. He has to answer to God for himself and you have to answer to God for you. You do what God’s Word says regardless of what he does and you’ll never have any regrets.”
So, today sweet friend, woman-to-woman, I want to share with you 7 things wives really need to know but might not want to hear.
1. Pray for your man and your marriage even when you don’t want to stay in it
If you don’t pray for your man, who will. And if you don’t pray for your marriage, no one else will. Even when you don’t like your husband, love him enough to pray for him.
2. Take care of yourself
True fact: The majority of women and men get in shape after they are divorced because they are once again looking for a spouse.
What we need to do is love our spouse enough to take care of ourselves. If you got dressed up and wore makeup before you got married, then be willing to put a bit of makeup on throughout the week. Maybe not every day, but why would you get made up to go out and not sometimes get made up to stay in with your man. Try to stay attractive for your spouse. That’s part of loving them well. And why would you put on make up for your job and not for your man? Funny how we will work harder to get a job than to keep our man.
This may not be something you want to hear, but yesterday was my 29th anniversary… and woman-to-woman, it’s something wives need to hear.
3. Take care of your man
My momma always told me that if you treat your husband like a king, he will treat you like a queen… and that if you don’t take care of your man, someone else will.
Remember when you dated and you doted over him? You did those extra little things to let him know you loved him and that you were thinking about him… kissed in the rain… always held his hand… cooked his favorite foods… sent something special to his job… maybe even went to his house and did the laundry? Do you still? Do you make sure his lunch is packed for work, that he has clean clothes, that he has a hot meal when he comes home from work?
Take care of your man.
4. Make sex a priority in your marriage
This is really part of not only taking care of your man but taking care of yourself and your marriage as well. Sex is an important part of marriage, an important part of uniting as one, an important part of sharing something so uniquely yours. Make sex a priority in your marriage.
5. Take care of your home
It’s one of your callings… to manage your home. In a day when we’re told that sticky floors and dirty houses equal good moms, we forget that those are things that happen in a normal home, but not the way our homes should always be. You see, I’m afraid we are giving ourselves and excuse to have haphazard homes and children aren’t learning the disciplines of taking care of themselves and their things. Moms can’t teach their daughters how to be managers of their homes when moms aren’t managing their own homes. Women have the opportunity to make their homes a haven… a place their husbands want to come home to and their children want to bring their friends. Take care of your home. If you don’t, who will?
6. Keep dating your man
This isn’t about having a date night but it’s more about having that dating mentality. You know…the one you had the you were dating and you’d go wherever he wanted to go just so you can be with him? You laughed at his jokes and were drawn to his quirks? After you say, “I do” is not the time to decide you don’t like football and you can’t stand it when he watches it – or that you don’t like watching Nascar or whatever it is he liked before you said, “I do.” Keep dating your man!
7. Don’t be domineering
I’ve heard it said that if women will lead, men will let them. But once women start leading, men begin to resent them. But women tend to get things done and it’s hard to pull back our own reigns when it’s so easy to take charge. Learn to submit to him as unto the Lord. Part of being your husband’s wife is the desire to see him step into the man God created him to be. Help your man lead, don’t lead for him. Encourage him, don’t nag him. When a woman is domineering, it puts hurdles in a marriage and makes it hard for her husband to get over it and eventually he just quits trying.
It may not be what you want to hear, but sweet sister, we need to be reminded of how to guard our marriages, how to work at keeping them fresh, how to show our hubby how much we love him, and how to honor God whether things are going good or things are difficult.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
- Ch…ch…ch…CHANGES Are Coming in 2017 for TMI - December 27, 2016
- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
