My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:19 NIV
Sometimes it is better for everyone involved if you just bite your tongue. Oh, I know, it’s not easy to do and believe me, this is something that I struggle with as a mom, wife…and well, as a person, but hear me on this- there is strength in not saying everything that comes to your mind.
If I’m being honest with you, this is a tough one for me. I have always struggled with my mouth and for most of my life (before Christ) I said anything and everything that I thought, and it didn’t matter who I ran over with my words. It wasn’t until God grabbed hold of my heart in my early twenties that my life started to change and the verse above, James 1:19, was actually the very first verse I memorized.
It’s been a long, hard and sometimes painful journey for me and along the way God has really done a major work in my heart about my mouth. Each day I continue to learn how to use my words…and sometimes, how not to use them.
As a mom your words have the power to build up (Eph 4:29) your kids, husband and those around you, or they can tear them down. Yes, there are many seasons on this mom journey where you have to speak, teach and lead your kids every step of the way. There are also seasons as they get older where you have to learn to bite your tongue and let them figure things out on their own.
A few months ago in a post I wrote called “Hold On Loosely, Don’t Give Up Hope,” I started talking directly to moms of teenagers and adult children. In it, I talked about this shift in parenting where you start to let go and let them make a few mistakes.
It’s a hard season of transition — for you and for them. They are seeking their independence and you still have things you want/need to teach them, but guess what, if they are in their late teens then chances are they aren’t always hearing everything you say.
Yes, you can have an amazingly incredible and deep relationship with your teen or adult child, of course, that’s what we all hope for, but you will have to pick and choose what critiques, opinions and things you say about their choices. Take it from a mama who has messed this up pretty much at every turn, it’s painful and it’s hard, so it’s time to bite your tongue…even if it bleeds.
I know, I know — we’ve been there, done that and have a ton of insight that could help our teen; but unless they ask for our input we are probably just wasting our words, or worse yet, putting a giant strain on the relationship.
So, what’s a mama to do? Just sit by and wait?
Well, yes…and no.
Yes, wait until they ask for our insight or opinion, and no, we never, as a moms, just sit by — do we? We get on our knees and pray. Pray for them: insight, clarity, wisdom, discernment and an open door to talk with them about it.
Trust me mama friends, this is not passive or weak. This is strategic and smart. It’s not easy at all. It actually goes against everything your natural body wants to do in those moments. You want to tell them everything that comes to your mind…but sometimes it really is better to just bite your tongue.
Give them space.
Pray for them.
Wait for an open door.
You are not alone on this journey sweet mama. Take it one step at a time and give it over to God. If you’re struggling with this, then start by going straight to God’s Word and seek out ways to guard your mouth and strengthen your relationship.
PS – Moms of littles – this doesn’t leave you out of the equation, you can adapt it for your kids too, whatever age/stage your child is in now start to let them make some decisions (based on their age) and be ok with what they come up with. No, their clothes/shoes might not match, or they wear winter clothes in the middle of summer, but allowing your child to start making some decisions now will open the door as they get older for the two of you to be able to talk about things easier.
PPS – Want more verses on how to work on your mouth? Just click in BibleGateway.com and you’ll find 538 verses about it.
Here’s an instagram sized reminder just for you! 🙂
Photo Credit: © Vladans | Dreamstime.com – Silence Photo
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