If you were to ask me, “What’s one of the most important lessons I can teach my children?” I’d have to answer: Choices have consequences.
While visiting Washington D.C. last week I was reminded of many choices our founding fathers made hundreds of years ago–including the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Each decision they made had consequences we as a nation still feel reverberating today.
I’d probably receive little debate from a parent who understands this lesson well. But, as a mom, we are nurturers at heart. We are known for wanting our child to experience only joy and feel as little pain as possible. We guide our sons and daughters towards the path with the most light and the least thorns. We give tender hugs and cushion the falls any of our children make…sometimes to a fault.
When my four were much younger I reminded them, “Don’t come near the stove when I’m cooking, you could get burned.” Not understanding the pain of a burn they’d dance closer and closer to the open flame and boiling pot. Over and over I’d warn them, “Get back, I don’t want you to get burned.”
My husband would say, “For goodness sake, Joanne, stop warning them. If they get burned they’ll learn.”
There’s much truth to this lesson no matter how old our children are and it’s one I still struggle with. The Bible is clear about our choices having consequences. King David and Bathsheba are a good example. When King David sends Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, to the front lines of battle and to his death, Psalm 51 expresses the heart of a regretful King David and full of pain at the wrong choice he made.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
While David seeks and receives forgiveness from God, we see there are still future consequences. When King David desires to build a temple for the Lord -God explains why he is not a candidate for the job.
“But the word of the LORD came to me, saying, ‘You have shed much blood and have waged great wars. You shall not build a house to my name, because you have shed so much blood before me on the earth.” 1 Chronicles 22:8
While poor choices bring unwanted consequences there is also the lesson of good choices begetting good consequences. When our children make a selfless choice, we make sure to notice. We want to remind them God blesses those who make a choice that honors Him even when it’s hard.
These lessons start young. Sharing a toy with a playmate is a choice. The consequence is the child becomes the beneficiary of a playmate’s joy and gratefulness. Acknowledging these choices is very important. While travelling the metro in Washington D.C. recently, I watched my thirteen year old son offer his seat to a woman. I overheard as she thanked him. I smiled and thought if this woman only knew how many hours my son had been walking she would have been even more amazed at the gesture. I knew -and encouraged his choice later.
As our children have grown up, the reminder of choices and consequences has been a golden lesson. With each decision they’ve learned to make on their own, I pray they understand God can use each choice as a sculpting tool to mold and shape them into the people He wants them to be.
We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.—Kevin Levine
Allow your child to make choices and let them experience the consequences attached to their decision. The second part is fundamental. When you allow your child to make a choice but then protect them from the outcome you raise a dictator, instead. Never allow them to make a choice unless you allow them to feel the consequence that follows.
With each passing year, our protective arm must take our hand off their shoulder and make way for the Lord’s hand of guidance in their life. They will only learn to lean on Him if we stop protecting them from every outcome that may cause discomfort. This is how they learn to lean on God instead of us.
My advice to you precious mom? Don’t steal your child’s testimony. Allow consequences to be felt—both good and bad ones. Only then will they grow up to learn the greatest lesson of all—to lean on the Lord instead of their mom.
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Time is ticking and BETTER TOGETHER will be here before you know it!
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So…
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This will be a weekend you won’t forget and we don’t want finances to be an issue! HURRY AND REGISTER TODAY FOR BETTER TOGETHER
July 31st – August 2nd
Jacksonville, Florida at Trinity Baptist Church
Registration Information, Location, List of Breakout Sessions, Descriptions of Workshops, Conference Speaking Team, Better Together Conference Flyer, Better Together Bulletin Insert (Full Color), Better Together Bulletin Insert (Black & White), Better Together Conference Cards (Postcard Size)
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