It’s a lie. Not every child rebels when they hit that magical age of 13.
But some do. In fact, statistics tell us that the majority of kids rebel in one way or another. There are so many physical, emotional, hormonal and social changes that take place during those very crucial years that there are bound to be times when they balk at the boundaries their parents place on them.
But resistance doesn’t have to become rebellion.
Parents have the opportunities to sow seeds in their children’s heart, and to cultivate an environment that fosters faith, integrity, responsibility, morals and wisdom, rather than fertilize the ground of their children’s souls with reasons to rebel.
There’s no doubt about it, rebellious kids break their momma’s heart!
I know if you’re reading this, it’s the deepest desire that your children grow up to be men and women of God who will love the Lord, who will walk with God, who will love their spouses and their children well, and who are men and women of integrity.
BUT, if you don’t care how they turn out, here are 5 ways to assure that they will rebel…
- Overprotect their privacy ~ I remember hearing a woman share that her child’s room was his own territory. She never went in there and she allowed him to bring anyone he wanted in there – and do whatever he wanted – because it was his room and she trusted him. I couldn’t believe my ears. Unless they are paying the mortgage, that is YOUR room and YOUR house. So, if you want your kids to rebel, be sure to give them the notion that you will never look in their room or through their stuff because you ‘respect their privacy. Don’t worry. They can only hide things like condoms, alcohol, pornography, sexting messages on their phone, drugs or more in your house. And you may just find something stashed in their rooms that could land you in jail, so stand strong when the battle of the wills rages because they need you to be strong. Their futures depend on it.
- Don’t be present even when you’re present ~ Don’t pay any attention to your kids. Spend more time on Facebook than you do with your kids. When you are all home in the evening, don’t talk about what is going on in their lives and act as though they aren’t even there because you have so much to do. Ignore them. Let TV, video games, their smart phones, or the computer dominate their time because you’re too busy to give them the attention they so deeply need. Don’t worry. You don’t have to pay attention to them. But I guarantee you that whoever shows them some attention will be the one who gets their attention. Oh, and when texting and Facebook or Pinterest become your obsession and you are completely distracted and disengaged, don’t be surprised if they are too disengaged to engage in conversation with you when you become fearful of the choices they are making.
- Don’t communicate with them or value their circumstances, emotions or opinions ~ Don’t worry, they have LOTS of friends who are willing to listen and to speak into their lives. You don’t really need to know what’s on their hearts because they share that with their friends. When they are struggling with what to believe, how to stand strong, someone who is bullying them, they won’t come to you because you don’t give them the time or the freedom to talk about what they are going through. Don’t communicate with them. You don’t really have to because someone else will. Never let them know where you stand so you don’t have to worry about uncomfortable conversations. Make them feel like their emotions aren’t real and that they are inferior teenagers who will one day grow up and get over it. That may be true, but you minimize where they are now and make them feel small and insignificant.
- Don’t set boundaries or structure ~ Nevermind that children don’t have the capacity to reason well because they brains aren’t fully developed until they are 25 so they struggle with making wise choices based on cause and effect…actions and consequences. Don’t worry that they actually thrive with both boundaries and structure and studies have proven that those who grow up with both are more successful and influential. Just let them come home when they want. Watch what they want. Read what they want and hang out with who they want. Then you won’t have to worry about them bucking you and making life tough in your household. And by the time they leave your home, they’ll be completely out of control.
- Be a hypocrite ~ Let them see you say one thing and do another. Tell them to lie to the person at the door and tell them you’re not home. Be sure to talk badly about the pastor, the message her just delivered, and the way so-and-so dressed before you drive out of the church parking lot. Go to church and sing, “Oh How I Love Jesus” and live like you don’t even know Him. Gossip about your friends behind their backs and then be nice to them when they are with you. Tell your kids not to drink or do drugs while you tell them you’re headed to a friend’s house for a few drinks or to smoke a joint. Cuss like crazy and then tell them they aren’t allowed to. Tell them to forgive and to not be angry or bitter, yet live with unforgiveness and bitterness in your own life. Don’t worry, when they see you aren’t who you say you are…or who you expect them to be, they won’t value much of anything you say…much less anything you say you believe.
Parents have the opportunity to speak life into the lives of their children. To be a profound influence that propels them to become more than they ever thought they could and helped them see themselves as just as fearfully and wonderfully made person that they are.
But parents can also hurt a child’s heart and set them up for rebellion by they way they choose to parent randomly instead of intentionally.
How about you? Do you think children are bound to rebel? What would you add to the list?
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REGISTER NOW for the
2014 M.O.M. Conference ~ BETTER TOGETHER
July 31st – August 2nd
Jacksonville, Florida at Trinity Baptist Church
Registration Information, Location, List of Breakout Sessions, Descriptions of Workshops, Conference Speaking Team, Better Together Conference Flyer, Better Together Bulletin Insert (Full Color), Better Together Bulletin Insert (Black & White), Better Together Conference Cards (Postcard Size)
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