Things our kids should (and shouldn’t) hear us say…

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Words are powerful.  

Especially our words as moms.

They can lift our kids up, or they can tear them down.

They can give them the courage to make mistakes (or admit mistakes), or they can fill them with fear and uncertainty.

They can help our kids believe in themselves, or they can cause them to doubt the very person they were created to be.

I’m sure we all remember things our own mom said to us when we were younger that encouraged us in some way and made a big difference. Or things that still sting when we recall them.

And I’m sure we’ve all said something to our own kids that we’ve regretted at one time or another.

Words.

They heal.

They scar.

They change lives.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” -Proverbs 18:21

Today, as a reminder of the power of our words, let’s consider some things our kids might need to hear us say today. Nothing earth-shattering, and not rocket science – just everyday things that can make a difference. (Because, often, it’s those everyday words that do make a difference.) 

Let’s gather together and be reminded (myself included) to breathe hope and encouragement into our kids through the words we say… 

Some things our kids might need to hear us say today:

1.  It’s okay. I’ve made mistakes too.

2.  I don’t know the answer, but we can look into that together.

3.  You can do it.  

4. Your greatest strength isn’t in what you look like or what you do; it is in who you are.

5. No mistake you make, no rule you break, and nothing you do or don’t do could change my love for you. I’m your mom and I’ll always love you.

6. Do the thing that makes your heart sing.

7. I’m sorry.

8. Your greatest success may come out of your biggest trial.

9. No matter what happens in life, you are never alone. God is with you. He pursues you and He loves you, no matter what.

10. I believe in you.

In the same way positive and encouraging words can impact our kids, negative words can too. In fact, as a friend once told me, the impact of hurtful words can even be more significant. 

“I read somewhere that for every one negative thing our kids hear, it takes five positive things to wipe it away. Makes me think before I say something,” she said.

We’ve all had those moments where we’ve lost our patience and said something to our kids that we’ve later regretted. No mom is perfect. But some words can scar the very hearts of our children…
 
Here are five things our kids should never hear us say:
 
1. “Shame on you.”
 
2. “I’m disappointed in you.”
 
3. “What’s your problem?”
 
4. “How could you do something like that?”
 
5. “Your sister (or brother or friend) doesn’t act like that; why do you?”
 
The next time you’re frustrated with your kids, pause and consider these tips:
 
-Pray! You don’t have to parent alone. God hears your prayers. Sometimes he’s just waiting for us to ask for help.
 
-Be thankful for your kids and the people that they are, right now. Don’t shame them, no matter how frustrated you get. (When you do that, it tells them there’s something wrong with them, not with their behavior.) Focus on correcting the behavior, while still loving and praising the person that they are.
 
-Instead of yelling, lower your voice. Believe it or not, it can often has a more powerful effect. Make eye contact with your kids and speak slowly and clearly. This not only allows you to make sure they’re listening, it sets an example for self control.
 
-Make sure your kids know your expectations. Talk to them ahead of time about listening to you the first time. (If they know you’re going to give them several chances before they get a consequence, chances are, they’ll take their time.)
   
-And, last, remember to show grace. As hard as parenting can be, there is in credible joy in the journey. While it is essential and good to teach and discipline your kids, remember the grace Jesus has given you … and show that grace to your children too, through your actions, and your words.

QUESTION: WHAT ARE SOME OTHER THINGS WE COULD SAY TO OUR CHILDREN TO ENCOURAGE THEIR HEARTS? WHAT ARE SOME OTHER THINGS WE SHOULD NEVER SAY TO THEM? 

by Genny Heikka

Stephanie Shott
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