By Special Guest: Dave Stone
Why do some of the sharpest leaders step up in the workplace but flake out when they walk into their home? Is it fatigue? Work overload? Or are they just out of their element?
With Father’s Day approaching, this blog is written from one dad to another. Moms, I encourage you to keep reading, too, because you’re our partner, and often our greatest supporter. Hopefully, the single parents who read this will also be encouraged and challenged.
Most of us tend to view leading as something that’s work-related—it’s something we do with and for our constituents, co-workers, or congregants. And if we’re lucky, we hope that our leadership will trickle down to our family lives at home. But we’ve got it backwards.
A little girl asked her mom, “Why does Daddy always bring work home?”
Her upbeat mom answered, “Oh, Daddy has so much work to do that he can’t get it all done at the office.”
And the child said, “Why don’t they just put him in a slower group?”
If only it were that easy. Work flows to the competent, which makes time of the essence.
Living for the Ladder
The more you achieve in leadership circles, the more Satan will encourage you to put family on the backburner. Don’t become consumed with climbing the ladder of success. Someday, you may find yourself at the top of the ladder—all alone. The joy of success comes when your loved ones are by your side supporting you.
Since leaders are pretty time conscious, let me suggest three crucial times when you can lead your family.
Mealtime: Guard it. Protect it. You may have to eat early or late—just make certain you do it together as often as possible. Harvard professor Dr. Catherine Snow followed 65 families over an eight-year period. She made this profound discovery: Dinnertime is of more value to child development than playtime, school time, and story time. At the table, you can affirm, teach, listen, reinforce, and laugh! Life lessons can be learned here. So put away your phone and look into your family’s eyes.
Travel Time: Like it or not, the inside of your SUV or car has become the modern day living room. As you shuttle your kids, you have quality training time. Jesus taught His disciples while He travelled. He always seized teachable moments.
Leading your family isn’t measured by how many different directions you go. Non-stop activity rarely breeds character. Use your travel time to point your children in the right direction.
You won’t always have them riding with you. Someday, they’ll be driving separately and it will be sooner than you think. Take advantage of your captive audience. (See Deuteronomy 6:4-9.)
Remember, you are raising them to release them. So use your travel time to prepare them for when you’re not there.
Bedtime: Sometimes, we, especially Dads, miss out on this pivotal time to lead our little ones. I’ve been guilty of leaving the tucking in and bedtime prayers to my wife—that’s a leadership cop out on my part.
You may spend your workday delegating duties, but please don’t here. This is an opportunity for each parent to affirm, console, encourage, or bless your kids just before they fall asleep.
My parents took turns. Often, one of them would pray by my bedside, “Oh, Lord, I can’t wait to see how you are going to use Dave.” So instead of falling asleep wondering if God could use me, I dreamed of how He was going to use me.
They were vision-casting for me as an elementary student. That’s leadership in the home.
Restructure Your Day—and Your Priorities
Centuries ago, the Hebrews actually viewed 6 p.m. when the work day ended as the technical beginning to the day. What if you were to change the way you view the home front—and you allowed your family to get the first fruits of your energy instead of the leftovers? Your children need to see, hear and sense that they are more important to you than your job.
Remember, in order to lead in the home you must actually be in the home.
Be honest—which one of these could use your leadership attention at home—mealtime, travel time, or bedtime?
Dave Stone is the Pastor at one of America’s largest churches, Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky. Dave is the author of the recently released Faithful Families book series. Learn more at pastordavestone.com or on Twitter @DaveStone920 and @TheFaithfulFam His latest in the series, How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World, has just been released by Thomas Nelson Publishers.
You can also find great articles from Dave at www.faithgateway.com.
In this third book from the Faithful Families series, How to Raise Selfless Kids in a Self-Centered World, Dave Stone continues to share his practical, conversational, and humorous approach to the challenges of building a strong spiritual foundation for the family. He equips parents with what they need to raise kids whose focus is not always on themselves. Some topics include: Becoming Others Focused, Service, Generosity, Forgiveness, and much more.
Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord is the first of three books in the Faithful Families series where Pastor Dave Stone applies a practical, conversational, and humorous approach to the challenge of building a strong spiritual foundation for the family. Topics include: Authenticity, Discipline, Modeling Godly Principles, Sharing the Load, and more.
Building Family Ties with Faith, Love, and Laughter is the second of three books in the Faithful Families series where Dave applies his practical, conversational, and humorous approach to the challenge of building strong spiritual ties to each other as a family. Topics include: Contentment, Security, Loyalty, Gratitude, Spontaneity, Communication, and more.
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