Is being a good mom the same as being a good wife?
From the time a child enters into a family, they can’t help but try to take over and secure their spot at the center of our world. At first, they seem so innocent and helpless, but their power to dominate slumbers like a morning nap under a mobile with a nursery rhyme. It may be years before a mom realizes that her precious children can unseat her husband’s unique place in her heart.
If we aren’t careful, children can take the place of our mate. They are a gift to a marriage union, an investment we pour into together and a joy we share as man and wife. Can our love for them become a dangerous thing?
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Gen. 2:24-25).
4 Do’s of being a good wife AND mom
- DO you hold fast to the right person? (Your husband, not your children)
- DO you live as one flesh with the right person?
- DO you know the right person?
- DO you respect the right person?
It’s hard to be a good mom without being a good wife. In most cases, it’s not possible. Before a woman is a mom, God plans for her to be a wife. As a wife, she’s called to hold fast (cleave) to her man, become and then live like one flesh with him, know him intimately more than anyone else, and give her respect to him above all others.
A good mom gives her children a right view of the father and, ultimately, of The Father. She raises her child with the goal of seeing her young ones grow to responsible adulthood, to leave and live independently. The Heavenly Father plans for a day when children will leave their parents, and the husband and wife will go on as one. Moms who set out to pass on a biblical view of marriage and mothering will strive to hold fast to her mate, to nurture their oneness, to know and be known intimately, and to grow in respect as the years pass.
Our little ones would love to consume the hours in our day, the energy in our bodies, and every inch of our hearts. They have such power. Let’s set out to be good wives first, and then we’ll be better moms.
by Julie Sanders at Come Have a Peace
Check out 10 Tips for How to Keep Kids From Becoming Your Mate
Love this! Such a needed, daily reminder!
So glad, Tara. Our husbands will appreciate it.
What great reminders Julie! It’s so easy to get caught up in mommy-hood that we forget to be a good wife. LOVE THIS!
Thanks Steph. In our passion for our kids and our good desire to be awesome moms … we can find ourselves with a backseat marriage.
Great reminders… The first year after my daughter was born it was extremely easy to get caught up in her needs instead of ours as husband and wife. Now we make a concise decisions to safe guard our relationships. I love the 4 Dos!
It can happen so easily, because children are so amazingly wonderful. Your daughter is blessed that you tuned in to the challenges of being a wife first and then mom. Keep on making those great decisions. We really are putting our kids “first” when we put our husband “first!”
Excellent point, Julie, It’s so easy to become child-centered and squeeze our husbands right out of the picture. It was especially hard when my children were young and required a lot of physical touch. By the end of the day and I had tucked the last one in bed, the last thing I wanted to do was be touched again! One practice that helped us stay focused on our relationship was “couch time,” just 10 minutes when my husband first arrived home. We trained the kids that “couch time” was uninterruptable unless the house was burning down or someone was bleeding (a lot). Couch time was an amazing way to reconnect after a busy day apart.
I”m visiting today from Be Not Weary, and glad I did.
“Couch time” is such a wonderful practice, and I’m sure it’s born lots of fruit in your home and will continue to. I know what you mean about touching, and that’s especially hard when a mom has “little clingers” or is nursing. So important for us not to let our man be squeezed out! Thanks for sharing.
Oh I could not agree with you more. As a quadriplegic wife and mom, I know even more the value of a noble, loving husband. Mike and I have been married for 24 years even though I broke my neck and ended up paralyzed in a wheelchair. Our son is now a senior in high school and facing everything that that brings and it can make Mike and me not be on the same page sometimes. Two things that continue to help: 1) praying together at night in bed 2) when he walks in the door in the evening from work we make a point to kiss each other on the lips before anything else. Although we had a new puppy who was intercepting for few days, we’re now back on our “kiss connection”.
Thanks so much for sharing that simple, but POWERFUL habit you and your husband practice. It makes a statement to you, to your husband, to your son, and even to that puppy!
I have a senior in high school this year, too, and I’m right with you with “everything” that brings. It’s a new season for us to nurture our #1 earthly relationship.