Being a quiet person doesn’t always have the best benefits. The absence of sound coming out of my mouth means that there is sometimes a lot of chatter going on in my head.
I had to apologize to my oldest daughter for passing that ugly trait on!
She told me, “NOW I see where I get it from! I over-think situations and start to become worried or doubtful.”
Its sad to say that I’ve probably done her so much more damage than either one of us ever thought would happen!
There is a tendency to over-process EVERYTHING. The next thing that happens is tons of questions, or questioning. Those that are around us see the extreme and excess. Thankfully my husband has called me on it a couple times.
I retreat when I feel that I’ve said something that someone else may take the wrong way…even when it’s perfectly harmless.
Doubt creeps in too often.
Wrongly reading other’s actions and motives can be detrimental at times.
I wonder too often, “What did they mean by that statement?”. “Did they mean to use that punctuation mark?”. “Why is it taking them so long to answer back? Do I bother them too much?” “Do I ask too many questions?”. “He’s being too quiet. Is he upset with me? Is everything okay with us?”
I’ve even told my daughter these next two things. I try. I really do try to remember this for myself:
- Your perception is your reality, but is it the truth?
- Texting (email, IM, tweeting, facebook msg. [anything not involving voice or tone]) is for information; not communication. If you’re having an issue, pick up the phone or meet and talk it out.
I can’t tell you how many books I’m reading on dealing with emotions and approval addiction!
Okay…I can tell you exactly how many, and I’ll list them later.
Those are the roots of my over-thinking. Wanting to look my best for others (approval addiction) and letting my emotions rule me.
That mindset is born out of fear. Looks like they go hand in hand, huh?
This is the time to take our cue from God’s Word:
God has given us the ability to feel and think, but I’m sure that He didn’t mean for us to obsess over our thoughts; which oft times produce negative emotions.
Negative emotions lead us to say or do negative things that can have a lasting impact on our lives and those around us.
Some consequences that come from it can be reconciled, other things can seem to be beyond repair in our eyes.
This quote was just for me!
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So Long, Insecurity:You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore
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Living Beyond Your Feelings by Joyce Meyer
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Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer
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Personality Plus:How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself by Florence Littauer
Oh, Kela, this post was written just for me! I so suffer from this same thing. I over think everything and yes, create problems that are not there. Thanks for the list of books, I’ll have to invest in them when I make my next round of book purchases.
Thank you, Lena! God knows our hearts and minds and our makeup. He created us. When we become His child, He equips us with everything that we need to control our thoughts. I’m learning that He’s serious about us doing our part; you know…taking responsibility.
Those books are on rotation for me. lol
Approval addiction – pretty common in women. I fight this too. When I am self focused verses God focused my perception is totally off. Thanks for this thoughtful post!
Yes, it is pretty common in women. Thank YOU for the reminder to be God-focused!
God put this very thing on my heart this weekend! Since then I have stopped making excuses, and started doing what I should have been doing instead of procrastinating! Thank you for this column- I hope it helps a lot of others! This just confirmed things for me..lol!
Isn’t it awesome when God shows up continually with something that He wants to change in us. Glad that your heart is receptive to His leading!
Thanks for sharing your heart! I’m so thankful for you!
Thank you Tara!!
Kela, great message! I especially loved points 1 and 2 above. As one who used to be a HUGE PEOPLE PLEASER in my childhood into early adult years, I can relate to the whole APPROVAL ADDICTION. It was a long journey in God out of that mind-set. I still have to pray and refocus not to fall into it especially when unrealistic demands are being placed on me by people. I had to learn to say, No. I recommend the book by Joyce Meyer on approval addiction. Also, living beyond your feelings which is one of her new ones.
Love ya!
Thank you, Lisa! My perceptions sometimes get me in trouble because I allow a bad attitude to develop from it.
Love you!
We’ve all been there a time or two or three or four
Love ya girl!