How Parents Support (and Sabotage) Student Success (Part III)

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As parents, we want to help our children succeed in school.

In my twenty-two years as a classroom teacher (twenty-one as a parent), I’ve seen parent strategies that pay big dividends.

I’ve also seen well-intentioned efforts that actually cost the kids.

Today is Part 3 of a series in which we explore one support strategy and one form of sabotage.

(Here are links to Part 1 and Part 2.)

 

Support #3: Help Your Child Develop Organizational and Planning Systems

One day, I came home from 4th grade in tears.

I’d been assigned a “research report” on the Yokut Indians, and I had no clue how to do it.

My mother used this report as an opportunity to teach me some much-needed organizational and planning skills. Here’s what she did:

1.  She made sure I understood the assignment by having me explain it to her. I pulled out the assignment handout and read it aloud to her.  She then read the handout aloud to me and had me hand-write a checklist based on the information.

2. As we talked, we realized that we both had questions not answered by the handout. I wrote them down on a separate piece of paper, leaving room for the answers. The next day, I set an appointment with the teacher and, when the time came, asked her my questions, writing down her answers in the space I’d left.

3. She bought me a large wipe-off calendar and colored wipe-off pens. Using the checklist, I set “due dates” for each step of the project. Since I’d need to do my research in the library (the Internet hadn’t yet been invented!), we scheduled several days when she would drop me off for an hour at a time.

4. My mother gave me a small plastic storage tote in which I stored everything related to the research project: the original handout, my list of questions (with answers), xerox copies of important materials I’d read at the library, 3×5 cards, etc.. She also gave me a stack of large envelopes in which to store my note cards. She encouraged me to divide my cards into categories as I did my reading and note-taking; I then labeled each envelope with the category name.

5. She suggested that I finish my research project a week before it was due so that I could ask the teacher to look it over and let me know anything that needed to be changed. I’ll never forget the look of amazement on my teacher’s face when I handed her my binder, telling her it was still a first draft. Now, of course, I recognize her joy at being able to give me input while I could use it (rather than a poor grade when it was too late to make changes!)

Each of these steps has become a life skill for which I am grateful.

As an adult, I know how to clarify an assignment immediately and ask questions before starting; how to break a large project down into “baby steps”, create a checklist, and use a calendar to track my progress; how to develop a quick organizational system for keeping the components of a project together; how to finish early enough to seek input and give added polish.

 

Sabotage #3:  Rescue Your Child from Hard Work

Notice what my mother did not do?

  • She did not call the teacher to ask the questions herself.
  • She did not write the checklist for me.
  • She did not create the calendar or fill in the due dates for me.
  • She did not do my research for me–she actually introduced me to the reference librarian and left me to do the work on my own!
  • She did not label my envelopes for me or even tell me what categories to put on them.
  • And she certainly did not write any portion of my report for me.

In other words, my mother did not do for me what I could do for myself.

Which means that she did not rob me of the sense of satisfaction I felt when I received a well-earned A on my research project.

She did not teach me to try to get out of hard work by whining, begging, crying, procrastinating, feigning ignorance, faking illness, or any of the other strategies I’ve seen students use – often “successfully”, I’m sad to say – to get their parents to “rescue” them.

“Rescue” from what?

From what was once considered a character-builder, but now seems to be considered a fate worse than death: sustained hard work.

Encourage. Support. But don’t rescue your kids from meaningful hard work.

 (Note: I’m not talking about waste-of-time worksheets…that’s a whole ‘nother blog post! I’m talking about well-crafted, worth-while project-based learning on a topic for which the student has a passion.)

How have you helped your child develop organizational and planning systems that work for him/her?

How have you avoided rescuing your child from “hard work”?

Stephanie Shott
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