My children, husband and I were eager to share our lives with another brother or sister during my third pregnancy. Then without warning, our eagerness turned to devastation. Our twenty-week sonogram showed that my unborn son had Trisomy 18. We were told by all the professionals that the best thing we could do would be to terminate our pregnancy.
That is when the pressure to abort began. The doctor visits and phone calls to my home were constantly persuading me to end my pregnancy. Well meaning family members also assured me to listen to the doctors. The pressure was astounding.
This is when it dawned on me how easily it would be for someone, who may not have all the comforts I had, to trust their doctor and abort their baby.
If there is such a thrust for a mom who has it all, what must it be like for a single, young, desperate mom?
It is for these special moms that I write this post.
First, let me tell you how sorry I am if you were pressured into aborting your child. The Bible assures us in Romans that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Our Savior knows the world we live in, and came to set us free. Go to Him, seek forgiveness, start living again.
Second, the grief of losing a child to a miscarriage, abortion, or stillborn child can be very confusing. The grief you feel is real, but society may not acknowledge it. The world told me repeatedly that my unborn child didn’t have any worth, so when my stillborn son did come, I felt ashamed and confused at the overwhelming grief I felt. The world told me I didn’t have a right to grieve as a mom who “really knew” her child.
No matter what the experts of our world try to tell us, God’s unchanging truth is what we must cling to. His word tells us in 1 Corinthians 15:44b that, “If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.” My son had a two-pound nine-ounce body with lots of black hair and long, perfect feet, and now has a spiritual body that I will meet in heaven someday. We are separated from our child, and will grieve, but will be reunited with them in heaven. This we can be excited for!
Lastly, here are some safe places to help you heal:
My favorite source that helped me: “I’ll Hold You in Heaven”, by Jack Hayford. This is geared towards loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion or SIDS.
“Experiencing Grief” by H. Norman Wright is a must read.
Healing Hearts Ministries International www.healinghearts.org/ is a safe place to go when grieving an abortion.
“Forbidden Grief:” The Unspoken Pain of Abortion”, by Theresa Burke, PhD with David Reardon, PhD.
My own personal journey on our blog: www.isaacalmon.blogspot.com
Our prayer for you is that you will be able to work through your grief. We would love to hear your story!
“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” Ps. 30:5
no words, just prayers….for all who experience this grief that never ends, but finds peace in his arms
Thanks for bringing your wisdom Rebecca. In Christ alone will we find His perfect peace.
Thanks for being so open and offering hope. We lost our third child to a miscarriage. The grief is so very real and God’s peace is so profound.
Thanks, Jim. Loss has to be especially hard for all the loving fathers. I am sorry for your huge loss, eager for our family reunion someday! I’m so thankful our God has conquered death, and through Christ and His blood we have life! Miss you guys! Give the fam a hug:)!
Thank you for sharing your story. Beautiful testimony to God’s faithful presence.
Thank you, Kathy! He is our hope!
Thankyou so much for sharing. If you change gestation to 26 wks and change diagnosis to turner syndrome then this is my story!!!!! We lost our baby girl in 2005 and trusted God when medical professials urged us to abort. I was warned over and over that my heart and life were at risk and that I had over a 50% chance of going into heart failure during the pregnancy. We prayed that God would save my life and either perform a miracle by saving our baby girl or if it was his will he would take her home before I had complications. Within days of turning it over to the Lord he took our baby girl into his arms. We grieved with heavy hearts at our loss but rejoiced in the Lord knowing she was safe in his arms. God has used this to build relationships with the nurses, doctors and many others. We have been able to share God’s love with so many because of this trajedy in our lives. We have grown in Christ so much. Each year on her birthday we put flowers on the table in her honor eat cake and remember her. Tara I am so glad you shared here and I think of you so often as well as all others who have lost a baby to stillbirth, miscarriage, sids etc.
Linda
Thanks, Linda!
I’m so thankful for your story! Sheree used your story so many times to encourage me through my dark days. Your sweet baby girl helped me in so many ways. Your life is such a testimony! Thanks for your post on here to help others facing the same things,
Tara
i’m so. very. sorry. you went through that. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard and confusing and sad and angry and every other emotion you must be feeling. I’m so thankful you had the support you needed to not abort and I’m also thankful for you sharing this message of hope online to other pressured women. It’s an important message not told enough. I had a friend who was pressured to abort at week 18, 20 & 30. Her baby was born without hearing in one ear and is now a very healthy 7 year old! It’s a terrible disservice on behalf of Dr.’s and nurses. I think they should be ashamed of themselves for that type of counsel and pressure. anyway, love and blessings to you!
Thank you Grace! What an encouraging story about your friend! Thanks for posting this and giving others courage under pressure!