I couldn’t believe I wasn’t the only one willing to admit that I have this problem and would like to hug those of you who came forward via emails, comments, and facebook to tell me you have some of the same tendencies. So now that we know we would much rather focus on being a Proverbs 14 woman, let’s list a few ways we can combat our anger. Print this out and stick it on the fridge if you need to! I did.
5 Simple Steps to De-Fuse Your Inner Angry Mommy
1. Start Each Day with God. Create in me a clean heart O God, renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10, NLT.
I know it sounds simple, but it is SO not. It’s about surrendering your agenda, your to-do list, your home, your body, and your thoughts to God. I begin each day groggy eyed as I head downstairs with to meet my maker. I’ve actually had visions of Him standing at the bottom of the stairs with my coffee, waiting for me to ascend to chat with Him about the day I’m going to have. Try not to be rigid as I give you my example. My prayer time is set up in a journal as follows.
- Thankfuls
- Confessions (usually includes outbursts of anger from the day before, or the nasty thoughts about women Ive come into contact that look cuter and more put together than myself.)
- Intercede: Pray for specifics of each family member and friends, pastors, etc.
- Worldly issues that bug me.
- Personal prayers that I utter to no one!
- Wait on God to answer or soak in His presence.
When I’ve finished my prayer time, I read the bible. We, as women, are more intimately connected with our spirits, so if we starve our spirits, other people will notice and not in a good way. Does irritability, agitation, and not being calm ring a bell? Remember Gog’s word is living and active!
2. Move. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Face it ladies, we were made to make babies, we pack on the pounds as if the next great famine is coming. Because of how we were created, we need to exercise. There I said it, e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e. Exercises releases natural endorphins, and helps our body get rid of impurities, plus studies do show that it does increase our mood. For me, it gives me focus, clarity, and calmness after I’ve done my dreaded run on the treadmill or Jillian Michael’s DVDs (I currently have a love hate relationship with that woman. Love how she gets my body in shape, hate the workout).
3. Let it Go. (Review all of Psalm 130).
Our sins were nailed to the cross a couple thousand years ago. Every thought, angry word and action has been removed from us. So why then do we hold onto the biting words from our husbands, or stay irritated at our kids? Create a loving environment. When your child messes up, help him right the wrong, forgive and immediately let it go.
This teaches your children to not hold grudges as well as forgiveness. Many of us Mama’s have anger because of some past hurt. LET IT GO. It doesn’t mean God won’t hold that person responsible, it means that the hurt no longer has power over you. Much of our anxiety, pent up frustration has to do with what is still lurking in the corners of your heart. Take it to God.
4. Is It Worth It? Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9 -
My kids are growing up. That means more fights, more attention and more arguments. There is chaos, screams, loud noises, messy rooms, crumbs in places I didn’t think I would ever find them, immaturity, and so much more going on in my home, twenty four hours a day and here is my confession…it irritates the living daylights out of me. My friends call some of my erratic cleaning issues as visual chaos syndrome, I hate messes and then God blessed me with three kids.
My point is this, is it worth getting angry over? Is it worth stomping my feet and shooting dirty glances at my five year old who spilled juice everywhere because he was gurgling it and balancing the cup with his fingers?
Is it worth getting angry or frustrated when my three year old wants to wear princess shoes while we run her brother to preschool in the snow?
Is it worth getting frustrated that my husband decides to stay up late watching movies and wakes me even though I have to be up by 5 a.m. (Yes, Jesus is downstairs waiting for me that early in the morning and no–I don’t set an alarm clock for it either).
Is it worth getting frustrated when I have to battle my oldest into wearing jeans for church (she has aspergers and hates the feel of jeans, eventually I will buy her clothes she likes).
Sit back, take a deep breath in the moment and consciously decide if getting angry is worth it. Will the outcome matter? Is the anger going to build up the situation or tear your family down in it?
5. Recognize the Cycles. “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1.
Face it ladies, we have cycles and not just the one we all dread every month. Open your eyes to the way your children act throughout the week, what causes it, how do they react and how to you react? Then take steps to change or minimize the issues that cause you stress.
I’ve recently become aware of days when my body is worn out during a certain time of the month. When my body feels this way, my attitude and perspective are depressive. I tend to lash out at anything that breathes. Keep in mind, whatever the issue, it too will pass; like teething, potty training, tight financial crunch, broken down car, etc. It will pass. We want to have this perspective so we can use wise words around our families.
Eliminate the stress of your schedule. I used to keep a very rigid schedule for cleaning. I’ve learned that laundry isn’t as important as playing on the floor with my kids. Who cares about the counter tops, save it for company!
Hopefully these simple tips will help you regain the ground you’ve lost to anger and frustration. The work of raising strong, healthy, Godly children is so much more important than the issues that cause us anger. Recognize what triggers your frustration and ask God to walk with you to defuse it. Ask Him to open the eyes of your heart in order that you may build up your family with your words and actions. Don’t forget to leave a comment or two. Our transparency helps others feel that they are not alone in working on this issue. It gives us all the confidence to move forward!
WOW!!!!! You may not know it but I think that was for me this morning. I have 7 kids (6girls) and my husband is a trucker. I’ve become that angry mom. Thank you so very much for this. I will implement all 5 steps immediatley.
Very nice blog post!
OMW! You have just described me. Feeling so irritated with my teenager lately. I am printing this out putting it into action. I don’t want my son to look back at our time and remember that his mom was impatient and snippy. Thanks so much for these truths.
Thanks ladies, when I posted something like this last fall on my personal site, I was amazed to find that many moms could relate and they were willing to say they struggled with it too. It’s a struggle we all face, because our enemy knows if he can make Mama unhappy, it creates the perfect environment to cause dissension and chaos. I pray this post really, truly, blesses each of you~!
Thanks you so much for these wonderful suggestions and for being brave enough to admit your struggles! This is one thing I have such a tough time with as a mom. I guess just remember my mom being eternally patient and I have so much guilt for not being that way. I’ve been trying to be more patient with my 2 boys. They are 2 and 4 and I’ve noticed that if I take a few extra minutes and don’t constantly try to multi task etc it makes a big difference. I love them to pieces and have been so ashamed of the way I have yelled at them in the past but its also so comforting to know I’m not alone and I so much appreciate your honesty. God bless!!
Heather ~ I love how personal and practical this post is! Most moms struggle with anger even if it’s only limited to those hormonal meltdown moments. I think every mom can relate in some way or another and I know every mom can benefit from this post!
Thank you so much for being open and transparent. I am SO the yeller….indeed, that’s how I was raised. However, I know with the Lord’s help, I can do better. Thank you for these tips/reminders. God bless!
Heather – thank you for the way you are always so real. I think “is it worth it?” resonates the most with me right now. My daughter just turned 13 this week and I am realizing that many of our squabbles (and my anger) just really isn’t worth it. So much of the time I am learning that if I am able to stay calm and not “freak out,” the situation stays calm, and so does my daughter. Thank you for these awesome reminders!
Your words are wise but I struggle with finding a balance with the last point. I too try to remind myself that a pile of washing/ironing is not as important as playing with my daughter. That works fine until I/my husband/my daughter have no clean clothes to wear or there are no clean pots to cook with or dishes to eat off. When it’s six pm, my daughter is tired and hungry, my husband is tired and hungry, depressed and needing rest and attention and I have not even started cooking tea because I have been spending ‘quality time’ with my daughter. I know it is just a matter of balance but it seems so hard to get right – or to get right without getting stressed all over again.
Gabby,
That’s a whole new post. Finding balance is tough, especially during what I call the ‘sun downing’ hour with my kids. From 5:30 to 6:30, sometimes 7:30, everyone is growling at each other, tired, unhappy that nothing is finished. I’ve learned that it’s important to communicate with my husband about his expectations of ‘clean’ and raising a family. To help avoid the craziness, I plan my meals ahead of time, posted on a chalkboard for all to see, which helps immensely during those evening hours. Hopefully that helps, but I SO understand how you feel. I don’t walk in your shoes but I struggle with the same. It takes the whole family looking to Jesus in those evening hours.