That afternoon changed everything. Our happy, church-going family was suddenly thrown into unimaginable pain. Like so many of my sweet sisters in Christ, this was the afternoon I stumbled upon porn on our computer, and the pornography ended up to be just the tip of the iceberg. It seemed each day brought new, unimaginable confessions from my husband.
I was plunged into pain so deep and heavy I could hardly breathe. The shock that this could have come from my husband, practiced in my own home, was incomprehensible. Where was God in this? Why didn’t He protect me? And what was I to do now?
The despair and shock quickly shifted into intense anger and hate towards my husband. I had every right to leave. I would no longer be the victim of his lies and deceit. I deserved better and would love any chance to get him back, to make him feel the depth of my pain.
My anger was also directed at God. Where in the world was He through all of this? Why didn’t my Heavenly Father protect me? He was no longer reliable, so I needed my own game plan now.
Through all of my emotional chaos, Christ kept calling me to come back and seek His unchanging truths in scripture. One of these truths popped out at me from the familiar verse in Proverbs, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The Lord reminded me that I was that child, a child that grew up being taught to live by God’s Word. I now had a choice to make. Would I choose to depart from it? What would happen to my children if I clung to my rights and did things my own way?
The words from Deuteronomy 30:19 quickly answered these questions for me, “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.”
Six years later, I am so grateful God gave me the strength to not depart from His word. It has been a long journey, but my God has been faithful and our marriage and children have been blessed just as He has promised.
❀Dear mom, have you been tempted to depend on your emotions rather than God’s Word? Are you clinging to the truths you have been taught in scripture?❀
By Tara Dovenbarger
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