How a Wiggles Movie Changed My Life
“Please, Mom? Pleeeease?”
My daughter pleaded as she climbed into her car seat. Since buying our first minivan, I’d come to appreciate all its amenities but one—the built-in DVD player. That thing was a source of constant battle. Every time we boarded the van, my children asked to watch a movie. And every time I replied, no. Because good parents don’t let their children watch television in the car.
My Perfect Parent Handbook has lots of rules like that.
Good parents don’t buy sugary cereal.
Good parents don’t let their children wear pajamas to the playground.
Good parents have a system for rotating toys.
Good parents tame cowlicks before Sunday school.
Sometimes, though, I get tired. Sometimes whining erodes my resistance. Sometimes I just want to see my daughters’ faces light up. So I rebel and do crazy things like toss a box of Cocoa Puffs in my shopping cart. But then guilt buzzes in both ears—good parents don’t do that.
You must be a bad mom.
Isn’t it sad? I’ve become a slave to my own rules.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery,” (Galatians 5:1).
When I found the Lord a decade ago, I embraced the simplicity of his gospel. God’s favor cannot be earned; it is freely given. Grace takes charge, so that the Christian life is not so much a series of do’s and don’ts, but rather a gift to unwrap and enjoy.
Parenting falls under the umbrella of the Christian life, right? Why, then, do I build superfluous rules around it, as though motherhood is exempt from God’s grace?
Wow. If any part of me is in most desperate need of grace, it’s my parenting skills.
“Mom, why can’t we watch a movie? Just this one time, please?” My daughter’s begging persisted and wore me down. It had been a long week. My husband was out of town, and our girls were full of energy I couldn’t match. I just needed a little break.
What the heck.
I flipped on the DVD player and let the video roll. Greg, Anthony, Murray and Jeff waved hello to my girls from the 10-inch suspended screen—yes, a Wiggles movie, Santa’s Rockin’, no less—on a sunny spring day! Imagine what my Perfect Parent Handbook says about that.
But then something amazing happened. My daughters settled into their cushions, tranquil. Whining and bickering ceased. There was no tension. Just smiles. Giggles. And singing. “This little baby is born again, been reborn in the hearts of men. Every Christmas, this child is born again. . . .”
My guilt was silent.
Unfamiliar peace washed over me.
God’s grace filled the van.
That day, I discovered my rules don’t make me a good parent. Perhaps, knowing when to bend them does. As I wheeled into our destination parking lot and my daughters hopped out of their seats happier than they’d been all morning, God spoke to my heart.
I never called you a bad mom.
Funny. Only the Lord could use a Wiggles video to teach me something lasting. Tomorrow, I just might take my girls on a picnic to the playground—in their pajamas, with Cocoa Puffs.
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How NOT to Be a Meddlesome Mom + Monday M.O.M. Link-Up!
Hi. My name is Cheri, and I’m a Meddlesome Mom.
I hate admitting this.
I spent my first eighteen years of motherhood looking down my nose at smother mothers and telling myself Thank goodness I’m not one of them!
Proverbs 2:11 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
Let’s just say that once my children headed off for college, that wisdom starting coming, all right!
I discovered, much to my chagrin, that they were both lacking dozens of basic life skills. I’d prided myself in being a supportive mom, one who took an active interest in her kids’ lives. Turns out that I’d been so involved that when I wasn’t around, they floundered.
And when your 20-year-old flounders without you, that’s a pretty big sign that you’ve been meddling, not helping.
I just finished blogging a month-long series on Rebekah, the biblical Queen of Meddling Moms. To help us remember the difference between meddling and helping, I compiled this free downloadable chart. I hope you’ll find it helpful (…but not meddlesome!)
(Can’t see image? Click here to download the Meddling vs. Helping Chart!)
Your Turn:
- What else would you add to the Meddling vs. Helping chart?
- How do you discern between meddling and helping?
- What consequences have you seen when a child has a Meddlesome Mom?
- What’s a recent situation in which you had to figure out quickly if you were helping or meddling?
Now it’s time to LINK UP & join the fun, meet new friends & make your message more available to others!
(Oh…and don’t forget to grab our button and share the love! 
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Going out on a limb
One of the biggest fears I have as a woman is not leaving the legacy God intended. I’m afraid of being the same person at 85 that I am at 31. This includes all aspects of my life, blogging, motherhood, character growth, and being a wife. Who doesn’t want to stand before God and not hear the words, “Well done.”? Who doesn’t want to became more like Jesus and less like a selfish 2-year-old? (Oh wait–maybe I’m the only 31 year old out there that has 2 year old moments?).
Just this week, I put myself out on a limb and asked for advice. It was a situation when a huge decision needed to be made. The kind of decision where I wasn’t sure if I needed to take the left fork or the right.
It was also the kind of decision where I would have to expose my heart, dumping out all the pieces. Reflecting fears and vulnerabilities. So I took a deep breath and jumped. I asked an another woman to mentor me in this decision and laid my heart bare. And what I found was this:
1. Mentors lead you on the smoothest path.
Choosing to ask another experienced woman for help doesn’t make you look foolish; instead it brings you wisdom, support, encouragement and grace. Having a mentor doesn’t mean she can solve the problem for you or tell you what to do. But her perspective brings your clarity to your mess. She can see different angles that you can’t. Often when you and I are facing situations, challenges or problems–it’s right under our nose. And when we invite another woman to view it, she has a bird’s eye view! And the best part, because she has probably “been there,” she lends her experiences to help avoid heartache.
2. She’s willing to ask you the hard questions.
We all have the “Tell me I look good, even though I gained 10 pounds friend,” and we all have the “I’m here when you need me friend,” and the “Let’s distract you from the issue friend,” yet the most valuable is the one who’s willing to pose the questions we don’t want to hear. No one likes to ask the hard questions, and we certainly don’t like dealing with it–but like I said before, I want to grow in my walk as a woman, so I NEED a woman who is willing to “go there” with me.
And after taking the risk to ask for help, I’ve found that I have amazing and encouraging support from her, pushing me to be my best while still loving me for ME.
3. She sees your potential.
We have blind spots and we are certainly aware of our flaws but having a mentor helps us see our potential when we can’t see in ourselves. Think of it this way, even the best athletes in the world have a coach. Bestselling authors have editors. And the best photographers have critics.
We need someone who can see outside our view, to help us consider our weaknesses and support our strengths.
4. You have a place to fit in.
One of the hardest aspects of being a mom is the different stages of motherhood and having to rely on me, myself and I, all day long. Often times, motherhood is overwhelming and we wonder if we are doing this mom thing right. Some times we feel isolated and alone. Having a mentor reassures us that are aren’t messing up our kids enough for therapy and makes us realize we aren’t alone.
Now back to that decision…I spent the evening firing off my thoughts, my questions, and my fears. And I walked away with a deeper conviction in the decision I made….
Feature photo: Freedigitalphoto.net
Playdough
Out of playdough? No problem! Here is an easy, fun recipe the kids can help with! Make sure to keep this one handy!
1-cup salt, 2-cups flour, 2-cups water,
1/4-cup vegetable oil, 1-tablespoon cream of tartar
Place ingredients in pan, add your favorite food coloring, stir over low heat until dough is not sticky, looks and feels like playdough. Enjoy playing with your kids!
Isaiah 64:8 But now, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the work of your hand.
Enjoy your weekend!
Tara Dovenbarger, come visit on facebook
Are You a YES Mom or a NO Mom? 6 Tips to Help You Find Out
When my sons were young, I caught myself doing it over and over again. Saying NO without really thinking about what they were asking.
NO just seemed to slip from my lips before I thought it through.
I knew I needed to listen, think and then respond, but I just kept saying NO.
I had become a NO Mom.
Giving a knee-jerk NO to whatever they asked for was definitely not on the “Good Mom” list and I knew it was time to carefully consider my comebacks to their questions.
It’s not that NO is always a bad thing. It’s definitely a necessary part of parenting well.
“NO, you can’t eat another candy bar.”
“NO, you can’t take the television apart so you can see how it works.” (That really was a question my son asked!)
“NO, you can’t stay over night at your friend’s house when his parents aren’t home.“
But some NO’s are definitely a NO-NO.
NO’s like…
“NO, Momma doesn’t have time.”
“NO, we can’t go out and play.”
“NO, you can’t help momma cook, I’m in a hurry.”
NO Mom meant Grumpy Mom, Stick-in-the-Mud Mom, Uninterested Mom, Uncaring Mom.
That’s not the kind of mom I wanted to be.
So I became one NO Mom who was bound to turn over a new leaf.
Things started to change around the Shott house and momma began to think before she spoke. For years, I was determined to parent with a purpose and to carefully consider what my kids were asking, so I could say what I meant, mean what I said, and have good reason for it.
But somewhere along the way the pendulum started swinging the opposite way. Perhaps it’s because the teen years have a way of changing everything. Or maybe because it was easier to say YES. But I caught myself saying YES far too often.
I had to rethink what I had learned oh-so-many years before and begin implementing some of those early parenting principles and decided that I was going to become a YES Mom who said NO when necessary.
Life is hard and parenting isn’t easy and a mother’s role is ever-evolving. Mommas can find themselves feeling weary, worn out and overwhelmed and YES may be easier to say than NO because there is no conflict – no battle – no consequences to follow up with…just YES.
But YES isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, YES also has the power to bring fun into the life of your family. Yes often means you’re engaged with your kids and involved in their lives.
“YES, Mommy will play with you!”
“YES, we can go to the beach!”
“YES, we can make a birdhouse together!”
Saying YES and NO prayerfully, carefully and wisely is the key to parenting on purpose.
So, how do you know if you’re a YES Mom or a No Mom?
1. You know you’re a NO Mom when you say NO before even thinking about what your child asked.
2. You know you’re a NO Mom when your children tell you that you never have any fun with them or never let them do anything.
3. You know you’re a NO Mom when you think you can make them become wise adults by just doing what you say.
4. You know you’re a YES Mom when you’re willing to play in the rain, make a tent in your living room and make Mickey Mouse pancakes with your kids.
5. You know you’re a YES Mom when you want your children to learn to not just do what you say, but think things through for themselves.
6. You know you’re a YES Mom when you’re willing to explain why you have to say NO so your children can understand that your purpose for saying NO is because you love them and is for their good.
Parenting can be very messy. There are no pat answers to every situation. But a momma can’t go wrong when she determines to be a YES Mom who says NO when it’s necessary and is willing to help her children understand why.
So, how about you? Are you a YES Mom or a NO Mom? Have you caught yourself saying NO without really considering why? Do you say YES too much because you don’t want to deal with the conflict of NO?
5 Ways Twins Can Change Your Life
Some people call me a superhero, doubly blessed. Others say I have my hands full, double trouble.
Hi, my name is Christen, and I’m a mother of twins.
Before I had children, I had heard rumors that motherhood was the most challenging and rewarding job on the face of the planet. I was the newlywed that thought I could handle the challenge of being a mom; that it couldn’t be that hard. I had illusions that the reward part of motherhood would be more often than the challenge and my children would be well behaved, athletic, musically-talented, smart, and successful from a very early age.
Now, I can imagine God and his chorus of angels laughing at my naivety. “Just you wait,” is what they were saying to each other.
Having twins has changed my life in so many ways. Here are just five ways twins can change your life:
1. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned so far from being a mother of multiples is expect the unexpected. I’m naturally a Type-A girl that likes for things to be done my way. I plan, I organize. It’s just part of my DNA. When life doesn’t go according to my plans, I usually freak out in a not so nice manner (it usually involves tears, chocolate, and a reality t.v. show…not always in that exact order). But, the twins have been God’s way of teaching me to trust in his plans, his times, his ways.
And, you know what? His plans might come as a surprise to me but he sure knows how to throw one amazing surprise party.
2. The best advice I have for any mother expecting twins is to embrace the journey. You will be different from your friends with singleton births. Your family will not always have answers to your questions. You pediatrician visits will take an extremely long time. The little old ladies at the grocery store will always ask you if they are twins. Your stroller will be bigger, you will go through more diapers, and if you have to use formula, you will cherish your $5 off coupons.
3. After my twins were home from the hospital, I wanted so desperately for life to be normal. But, I had to adapt to a new version of normal. It was really hard not to compare my children to others, especially since they were born premature. My twins were three months behind developmentally. They were still in newborn clothes at six months old and could barely crawl by the time they turned one. Their first year was so very challenging and God taught me humility; how the high expectations I set for my children before they were born were false forms of pride. Yet through the challenge of their developmentally-delayed first year, we reaped bountiful amounts of reward. Each day was truly a gift that we weren’t sure we would receive when they were born premature. Each milestone met was an abundant accomplishment; comparisons were discarded and expectations became less exaggerated. We found our normal and I was so happy it looked completely different from everyone else.
4. Another way twins have changed me for the better is I’ve realized that I need help. Bad. Before, I was much too prideful to admit that I couldn’t do this motherhood thing on my own. Asking for help has not only changed my perspective on pride, but it has also strengthened my relationship with Jesus, my husband, my family, and my friends. Daily, Jesus and my husband help me get through the day as a mom of twins. Without Jesus, I would have no peace. Without my husband, I would have no clean clothes (among other things ) This past year, we moved back to our hometown to raise our children closer to family. I have no shame in dropping the twins off at their grandparents house so I can run errands, write, or have a date with my husband. It’s fabulous. Before I had the girls, I was very private, even with my friends. It wasn’t that I was trying to be secretive, but I didn’t always like to talk about the tough stuff. Now, I’m much more vulnerable, authentic, and open in my friendships, online and in real life. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually a form of strength.
5. And, mothers of twins need some strength. Especially in the toddler years. Twin toddlers has caught me completely off-balance. One goes this way, while the other goes that way. I know now where the term double trouble comes from. Keeping up with twin toddlers has been the most challenging part of motherhood for me so far. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted after our days filled with tantrums, potty-training, and fierce independence. My house is always a wreck and food always gets stolen off my plate. Naps are {almost} a thing of the past and bedtime couldn’t come any sooner. I wonder daily how I’m going to make it raising twin toddlers.
But, then my twin toddlers say how much they love me. Or, they will twirl around in their princess dress exclaiming, “I’m so happy!” They aren’t my babies anymore but they still love to cuddle in the early and late hours of the day. Watching them run, use their manners, and hug each other is the reward during this challenging stage of life.
Twins are always a double blessing and sometimes double trouble. God gives some moms twins because he believes we are up for the challenge. Or, maybe its because we need a challenge. Whatever the reason may be for the challenge, I urge you to rest in the reward; the double portion of God’s grace.
Question: If you are a mother of twins, what has been your hardest challenge and what has brought you the most reward?
Till next time, let your light shine!
Blessings, christen
Moms are meant to graduate
I’m graduating this week. Sunday was a Baccalaureate service for our oldest child, and the week will wrap up with the commencement of her Class of 2013. While my long-ago-little girl takes exams and anticipates her diploma, I’m doing some evaluating of my own. I’ve been the b
est mom I could be, but I have not been a perfect mom. Is mommy guilt seeping in? A mom can’t help but ask herself if she did the right things, made too many mistakes, or gave her children a good example to follow.
Did my children see me?
- … read my Bible enough?
- … smile often?
- … hug their daddy?
- … ignore my phone while driving?
- … make dinner?
- … call my own mom?
- … drink 8 glasses of water a day?
- … be active instead of a couch potato?
- … make the bed most days?
- … read good books?
On this graduation week, I am keenly aware I was not meant to keep my children with me for a lifetime. I was supposed to graduate to a new season of mothering. And I will … whether or not I’m ready. Pulling out pictures of pre-school and braces and sleepovers (to decorate for our Open House) stirred up lots of joy and smiles and gratitude. How thankful I am for the daughter I see trying on her cap and gown in front of the mirror upstairs; she delights my heart. But from somewhere deep in my mom-heart, doubts and regrets arise, like wondering if I could’ve done extra credit before the semester was over. I laid a lot of “what if’s” and “wish I woulda’s” and “maybe I shoulda’s” on my myself.
And then I read Isaiah 53:6, “All we like sheep have gone astray;we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”
To a mom in any stage who wonders if she did well enough or even did enough, the perfect, heavenly Parent says, “I know you’ve been imperfect. You all have, and I knew you would. I never expected you to be a perfect mother. I have taken all of your parenting failures, moments of inadequacy, bad mommy-moments, and human habits, and I have laid that on top of my Son who took them away for you. Be free to celebrate the person I am making your child to be, because I am working in their life and in yours too. My Son the Lamb has carried off your blunders. Enjoy.”
Perfection is not a requirement for graduations from pre-school or high school or college … or seasons of motherhood. Let’s not let doubts or regrets rob us of the joy purchased for us by our heavenly Daddy who invites us to dance through our mothering journey with a free and confident heart.
GIVE AWAY ~ Adventures In Odyssey’s New Book
You know we love to bless you sweet moms with giveaways and to share great resources with you….and today we get the opportunity to do both!
Tyndale House has offered to provide 3 books for today’s giveaway and I want to share a little about the latest book in the Adventure In Odyssey’s series, Imagination Station, entitled, The Hunt for the Devil’s Dragon.
I’ve always loved the resources from Adventures in Odyssey and I especially appreciate the variety of character lessons intentionally threaded through the fabric of each book. Their new book is no different.
Character lessons: Honesty, Courage, Taking a stand no matter what, dealing with bullies, helping others and forgiveness
It’s set in the 1,300′s and cousins, Patrick and Beth are in Libya in an obscure village called Silene where sheep have been mysteriously disappearing from the family farms. Insisting that they are being eaten by some devilish dragon, the towns people decide to begin offering human sacrifices to appease it in hopes that it will go away.
When Beth stepped in to help a friend, the people decided she would be the next sacrifice. But a Roman Soldier who had recently become a Christian stepped in to save her. He also wanted to help save the town from the dragon, but discovered it was a saber-tooth tiger that had been killing the sheep. Not the dragon in the cave who was guarding her baby.
It is written well, with short chapters, lots of adventure and lots of lessons to learn and puzzles at the end.
*As a mom, the only thing I would add is that the age range says 6 – 9. This is a book I would read to my kids when they were 8 – 12 because of the concept of human sacrifices and devilish dragons. But it’s definitely a great addition to Adventures In Odyssey’s Imagination Station series!
Now it’s time to start entering for your chance to win one of the 3 giveaways!
ANSWER THIS QUESTION AS ONE OF THE WAYS TO ENTER TO WIN: DO YOU READ ADVENTURES IN ODYSSEY’S IMAGINATION STATION WITH YOUR KIDS? If so, which is your favorite?
A Letter to My Child
Dear child of mine who happens to be a teenager,
I know that you and I can get on each other’s nerves. But I want you to know that I love you and that God is showing me so much about Himself, and about myself, just by you being here. I am a better person having known you and I want you to know I am so thankful that God has put you in my life. I know that sometimes It doesn’t seem as though I am thankful. But I am. Please forgive me for not expressing that often enough.
Sometimes you can be hard to live with. You are moody. You are irritable. You question EVERYTHING. You don’t always want to listen. You think that the things I say are kind of stupid at times. You question God. You question and question…and challenge and challenge. You raise your voice. You say foolish things. You can be disrespectful. Yes. It can be hard some days.
People call this “normal teenage behavior” but I know what it really is…
The truth is….God has been showing me the truth about MYSELF. As I walk with you through these years I am seeing that I really am not that much different that you are. And because of that, I need to be much more grace filled and understanding of you.
I have failed at that on many days. Please forgive me.
Here’s what I see. I can be hard to live with as well. There are days when I am moody and irritable. I question things too. I question God. I ask why. I challenge Him in my own way. I don’t always want to listen. I can be very rebellious. It may not be in the same areas that you battle, or look the same way as it does in your life, but it’s there in my heart.
There are days I raise my voice. To you. To your father. I do it too.
I say foolish things too. I can be disrespectful. I can be impatient.
You see? You and I really are a lot alike. The sin you battle. The questions. The feeling of wanting independence…of wanting to do your own thing…of wanting to challenge…I am still facing the same battles.
I will face these battles until I die and so will you.
I am praying that God would remind me that it’s not always a bad thing for you to challenge or have questions! The fact that you have questions shows that you are GROWING, THINKING…and that God is at work in you, and I need to REJOICE IN THAT!
When I respond poorly to your questions it is usually motivated by fear or pride. Please forgive me. I want to do what I can to work WITH you. Walk WITH you. I am praying for God to help me understand you and show you grace. You are my child. We are a part of the body of Christ. Because of that I am called to live with you and help you… we are walking this road together.
We are so much alike. I am on your side. I am for you.
I pray that I can grow in these areas and set an example for you to follow as you make your own way in your walk with God. I pray that you will experience Him in a deeper way for yourself as He shows Himself to you. I look forward to the day when we can look back and see how we both have grown!
I Love you,
Your mom and fellow stumbling sister in Christ.
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Happy Mother’s Day ~ AND, We Are Introducing Our New Custom Made Jewelry Line, “Jewels Around Mom’s Heart”
Before I share with you some exciting news from The M.O.M. Initiative I wanted to let you know that…..
You are treasured, sweet moms and we are honored to do life with you! SO…THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all you do to mold the heart of the next generation! YOU are making a difference every day…even when no one else sees it and you feel like you’re ready to collapse under the weight of the mounds of laundry, piles of dishes and relentless tugs at your heart!
SO…for fun, I thought I’d share this super cute and funny video to add a little laughter to your day. I LOVE this video…well…except the throwing the baby doll part, but it’s still worth watching!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
NOW FOR OUR NEWS….
THE NEWS:
The M.O.M. Initiative is a ministry dedicated to taking Titus 2 to the streets and reaching the moms of this generations so we can reach the heart of the next generation. We are super excited to share with you that we are opening The M.O.M. Store with a beautiful line of custom made jewelry called, Jewels Around Mom’s Heart, and we will be adding other items in the future.
THE JEWELRY:
Because a mom is always a mom and her love for her kids is undaunted, we wanted to share something that would reflect the heart of a mother. No matter how old your children are, you’re still their mom and you will always love them like no one else. The custom designed and custom made line of jewelry has a signature MOM heart on every piece and you have the option to add birthstone color jewels for each child or the color(s) of your choice.
When you visit our store and click on the link, it will take you to Krafty Max’s website. We have contracted with a professional jeweler who creates quality jewelry that comes with a guarantee and she will handle all the orders as well as the shipping through her online store at Artfire Studios.
THE REASON:
The M.O.M. Initiative exists to help make the body of Christ intentionally missional about mentoring and to bridge the gap between a young mom’s need for a mentor and the church’s need for resources and support. Our desire from the beginning has to be a self-sustaining ministry and we are asking for your help.
The proceeds from all items sold in The M.O.M. Store will not only help us with ministry expenses, printing, outreaches, conferences and other areas of need, but a portion of all proceeds will go to help victims of sex trafficking as well as to help young moms in local shelters.
VISIT OUR STORE:
Our website has a page where you can find the MOM goodies from The M.O.M. Initiative . Click here to visit The M.O.M. Store.
SOME OF MY FAVORITE PIECES: (Oh…and I am SO NOT into jewelry, but I do love these!) 
THE BEAUTIFUL M.O.M. BEADED BRACELET!
Jewels Around Mom’s Heart Custom Line by Krafty Max Originals
This image © KraftyMax 2013
I’m sure it’s pretty obvious why this is my FAVE, but I wish you could see it in person! It’s absolutely beautiful and perfect for every mom! And notice the MOM heart at the end of the bracelet… Yeah…that’s where you add the jewels of your choice!
I also LOVE the CELL PHONE CHARM! My hubby and I have the same phone, so now I can tell them apart…AND my phone is cute now with its custom made Jewels Around Mom’s Heart!
AND…you can unclasp it from the cell phone pin and attach it to your child’s DIAPER BAG, or the zipper on your PURSE or BIBLE COVER. LOVE IT!
And I LOVE this custom made JEWELS AROUND MOM’S HEART NECKLACE!
I wore a similar one to church and got lots of compliments and lots of moms asking where they could get one! It also has the signature MOM HEART where you clasp it in the back and it dangles down the back of your neck. It really is pretty. Just sayin’!
So, that’s the exciting news for us at The M.O.M. Initiative! We know you ladies will be getting your jewelry somewhere…we hope you will help support The M.O.M. Initiative as well as helping us provide funds to help sex trafficking victims and young moms in local shelters by choosing to get your custom made MOM jewelry here.
